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Age gap....

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
My son will be 4 this coming January and I am struggling with whether or not I want more kids and when.

I loved being pregnant (even with the morning sickness) and I love my son very much. I can't have kids right now because I am too obese to have more. IT would just be wrong, but I am setting a goal for myself to get healthy and loose the weight I need to in 3 years time (for my grad).

By that time my son will be 6 1/2. That is such a huge age gap. My sisters and I were best friends and we were no more than 2 years apart each.

I don't know, maybe I should just foster children or adopt ( I heard it's a lot of money).

What do you all think??????
post #2 of 25
My brother and I are seven years apart and we have always had a great relationship (as much as brother and sister can anyway ) I think that you should have kids when you feel ready and healthy enough to do so. My brothers are only two years apart and their bond is no stronger than mine and the oldest one. Do what feels right in your heart!
post #3 of 25
I am the eldest of four, and my younger brother is 12 years younger than me. I didn't really know him as a child - I was away at University by the time he was 8, but as adults he and I are closer and more alike in temperament than our other siblings. My sister is 6 years younger than me, and my other brother 2 years younger, and although we all get on well, I have never really been close to them, apart from obvious companionship and playing as children. But that phase doesn't last long and it is a lottery as to what and who you like as adults. I am closer to my SIL than to any of them, because I have known her since she was 14! My daughter, who is an only child, is close to one of her cousins. So I would say go ahead when you feel ready.
post #4 of 25
Thread Starter 
I would love another child right now, but the whole situation is the wrong situation to bring a baby into.

I just feel guilty because my son has no access to children his own age except through daycare, as he is an only child and only grandchild and probably will be for a long time. I try to compensate (sp??) with animals but I still feel like he's missing out.

Anyone know anything about adoption????
post #5 of 25
I don't think age matters - I have 2 younger brothers, one is 4 years younger than me and the other is 8 years younger than me - I actually get along best with my 14 year old brother, we talk all the time and he comes to visit me constantly.

I don't know anything about adoption - sorry! I'm sure if you look around on the internet you should be able to find something!

Good luck to you in your decision!
post #6 of 25
I think it would probably be easier on you, as a mother to wait till your 1st was in Kindergarten. It's easier because at 6 your son can get up and dress himself.... you just lay their clothes out for each day, they can go to the bathroom themselves, put on their own shoes.... things you will have to do for the baby, and will be busy with diapers, bottles etc. You'll also have some special alone time with your new baby while your "big boy" is at school. Best of luck with your decision!
post #7 of 25
My brother is 10 years younger than me so I wouldn't worry about the age difference either. I know you will make the right decision!
post #8 of 25
My mom's friend has a daughter that's my age (17) and now she has two twins that are just a little over a year old. I thought that was a little strange, but I don't think 6 1/2 years is such a big deal.
post #9 of 25
Our neighbor is 24 and she has a little brother who will be 3 in October. My husband is an only child, and, when he was 7, he parents asked if he wanted a little brother or sister. He said no, and his mom got her tubes tied. I know you can't leave the decision completely up to a child, but maybe ask his opinion--when he is old enough to express it.
post #10 of 25
Yep, I agree, age doesn't matter. They will still love eachother and be close. My brother and sister are 7 years apart, and she helped raise him and was very helpful.

It could totally work!
post #11 of 25
I think how well siblings get along has more to do with how well they're raised rather than on the age gap. I'm from a family of 5 and we all fought like cats & dogs growing up. You sound like a caring, responsible mom, and any more children you have/adopt would be lucky to join your family.
As for adoption, I think it's a wonderful thing and I applaud anyone who takes that route. I have several friends you are having difficulty getting pregnant. Whenever the subject of adoption is raised however, they're all really negative about it. It's as if they think it's some kind admission of failure. I've never understood this, and it makes me so sad to think they're giving up the chance to be good, decent parents to a child who needs them.
post #12 of 25
Thread Starter 
Yea that is kind of the reason I wouldn't want another biological child. There are already soooo many children out there who need a loving home and are waiting. I would probably like to adopt a child from Africa or a Native child from my own county.

MY mom was adopted and I would like to do the same for another child. If adoption is out of my price range, I am definately thinking about foster care. My mom's adopted parents were foster parents (that's how they found my mom) and they always had a lot of kids on the farm and mom said it's tough to see the kids go once they've been there for a while, but I think it's definately worth it.
post #13 of 25
All I can say is follow your heart, adopted or biological, the love with be there if you give it and show it, the difference in age doesn't matter it's how the kids are raised and shown love that truly matters....and makes a difference.

You are right, there are many children that don't have loving homes and I think that it takes someone with a far bigger heart to give their home to another child and raise them with the same love and compassion they would their own biological children. Bravo for you for considering the idea.

It's funny cause hubby and I were having a conversation last night and truly, blood doesn't matter in regards to family or is what you give to others, show to others and share with others.....biology doesn't matter.

I know that whatever your decision it will be the right one either way.

Good luck.
post #14 of 25
As kids, I got a long a lot better with my younger sister (5 1/2 years difference) than my sister just a year younger than me, so I don't think age matters.

Adoption can be a lot cheaper if you don't necessarily want an infant but are willing to take a toddler or older child
post #15 of 25
I am the middle child My sister is older than me by 4 yrs and my brother is younger than me by about 2 yrs. My son is 12 and then I have a 2 y/o daughter, so if that tells ya anything~LOL. They are 10 yrs apart, but they are so good together(most the time,lol)
post #16 of 25
One of my brothers is 9 years older than me and we get along fine.
post #17 of 25
I have a 6 year age gap between both my sisters (I'm the middle child). We all get along fine and I think it is easier when we're going through the tougher times in life (like teenagehood... my little sis is 16 now )

Like others have said though, age doesn't really make that much of a difference!
post #18 of 25
I can't speak for myself as my only sibling is my twin sister. My husband have 7 brothers and sisters -he is the youngest and his oldest brother is I think 13-15 yrs older. His next oldest brother is 12 yrs older and we do stuff with them all the time. Of course he didn't know them very well when growing up but has made up for it once he reached college age.
Its your decision don't feel pressured!!
post #19 of 25
I don't think the age gap is a problem at all. Heck, have three kids, one adopted and two birth children!

I did find this website when googling adoption in Canada:
post #20 of 25
I'm 37, my eldest brother is 56, next is 54, my sister would have been 45 this year.
We were all very close, my sister was my best friend.
post #21 of 25
My older sister and I are 11 years apart and we really close when I was younger and are still close now
post #22 of 25
My kids are 23, 17, 10, and 6. The oldest is living out of state, and I wouldn't say she is "friends" with the 6 y/o, but they certainly love her. When she visited last, she was like a grandma-type, spoiling the little kids rotten!

I think adoption or fostering is a great idea, if you have the strength to do it. I never thought I could, and now that I have fostered kittens I am sure I couldn't foster kids! LOL!

I went to church with a family that fostered many children, and ended up adopting several. One boy that they got when he was very tiny, and the adoption wasn't finalized until he was almost 3 years old. I could not live knowing "my" child could be returned to the birth parents who did not even know the baby. (And I am certain that within about an hour of holding the baby, it would be "mine".)

Of course, as a teenager I babysat for a family for a week while the parents went on vacation, and I cried on the way home because I knew I would miss the 2 year old! I do know several people who successfully fostered kids, and others who successfully adopted kids. It really is a great thing to do...just far far beyond my capabilities!
post #23 of 25
I have several friends who have siblings who are 8+ years younger, and they have really fantastic relationships. There is too much of an age difference for there to be any real rivalry, so they really grow up as the best of friends. It's all the good things about being siblings but few of the negatives. I think the 1-4 year spread sets you up for the most rivalry in the long run.
post #24 of 25
I agree that age doesn't really matter. I'm 26, my brothers are 18 and 12. I'm sorry that I'm missing out on so much of my youngest brother's life, but at the same time, we have our own lives to lead. He has his, and I have mine. My middle brother and I are good friends, after many years of ugly rivalry.

There's really no ideal, because every child is going to be different. Follow your heart on this one.
post #25 of 25
There's a great book called "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman that talks about the dynamics of the order of kids in a family and the effects of age gaps on that dynamic. You could probably find it at your library and it is out in paperback.
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