I really need advise....

ok this is kinda a long story. My bf and I have been dating for about 2 years now. and I love him... I know I do. The problem is that I can't stand him anymore. He has never once told me I was beautiful (even if he doesn't think it I would like to hear it once in a while) he doesn't tell me he loves me unless I say it to him. I clean this whole apartment and clean up after and take care of our new kittens. I have told him before that I need something more and if he doesn't do something soon I am going to! And things change for a week... then he is back to his old self. All he ever does it play on his computer and ignore me. I can sit right here next to him and say his name over and over again and he won't even look at me. I catch him looking at porn all the time which really doesn't bother me except that I AM RIGHT HERE! if he wants to see a naked girl all he has to do is ask. I really don't feel like he loves me. all he cares about is himself and he is a pig.... I just want out. I don't know if I should do it. he pays the rent.....(half) I wouldn't have these kittens if it wasn't for him. but I am sooo unhappy..,. I deserve more. am I being selfish? Sometimes I think I have to message him just to get his attention.... I'm tired of being his mother....

selfish??? heck no. its not selfish to expect basic respect and love from someone who's supposed to be your boyfriend. the way he's treating you isn't acceptable. he's taking you for granted. he doesnt care, cos hey-you've put up with it so far, so why should he change?

you deserve better. you deserve someone who will tell you you're beautiful, and who wants sex with YOU, not with faceless porn girls on the net.

ps-when you leave, take the kittens with you. he doesn't sound like a fit kitty dad.

Originally Posted by arcadian girl

selfish??? heck no. its not selfish to expect basic respect and love from someone who's supposed to be your boyfriend. the way he's treating you isn't acceptable. he's taking you for granted. he doesnt care, cos hey-you've put up with it so far, so why should he change?

you deserve better. you deserve someone who will tell you you're beautiful, and who wants sex with YOU, not with faceless porn girls on the net.

ps-when you leave, take the kittens with you. he doesn't sound like a fit kitty dad.

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I totally agree...

Besides... you want someone who tells you they love you and that you are beautiful because they believe it and they WANT to tell you that... not because you told them you need them to.

You are definitely better off moving out and moving on. Even if it is harder on you right now, you'll thank yourself later.

Best of Luck to you!

Porn is not a good thing to look at.

Perhaps you can at least convince him to look at slightly more innocent stuff like hentai. Porn is morally dehumanizing.

Ugh, how terrible. You don't deserve that. I used to be in a relationship similar to that and I got out...and it was the best thing I could have done.

*Hugs* We can't tell you what to do but I don't see any reason why you should have to put up with that.

My mother always told me "You don't want anyone who doesn't want you"


I LIVE by that!

Other than the lack of verbalization, are there any other symptoms that the relationship is not going well?

My hubby gets really, really silent if money troubles are in his brain. Perhaps you can probe him and see what is he thinking when he is not responding to you.

no he really doesn't hear me... I could actually tell him something and he really blocks me out... as for the cats they are mine.... I told my sister if I have to I will fight him for custity in court for his cat. becuase I paid the vet bills I pay for kittie litter and food and I clean the litter and I bought them 100s of dollars in toys. they are my cats he just plays with them once in a while.

Time to go isn't it.
2 years is so new in a relationship. my hubby does not treat me like that after 13..

A lot of judges are more sympathetic to the women in cat custody disputes.

Oh, and here are my reasons for why porn is bad for the relationship. It could be why he doesn't talk to you:

http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intim...g/a0000133.cfm

http://www.marriagemissions.com/sexual/pornography.php

We don't have sex unless I start it..... and really I am getting sick of that... I would rather do it myself... HAHA!! You know I don't know if there are other signs but I know that I have no feeling anymore. actually I find myself ready to yell at him for little things, just to release all the anger inside me. I know I shouldn't bottle it up but he is very hard to talk to.... he is very.............Differnt....you would have to meet him. he need help and I am really tempted to call his dad and say you need to take him to a Phsyciatrist.... but I don't want to get that far into it... he has hit rock bottom and he is taking me down with him. he is 27 has a dead end job and could be so much more... but he doesn't care... if he could get away with it he wouldn't work. he is very lazy..... I just don't know you would really have to meet him to understand.

You know, yelling at Ariel is VERY, VERY good for my relationship.

If you wanna yell, then yell. Bottling up anger is the first step to the end.

Have you talked to him about seeing a therapist? I know you said its difficult to talk to him, but some how the lines of communication has to open up.

I would just sit down with him, tell him you love him, but you're very concerned about him. Say how you feel towards the relationship, and don't put everything on him, who knows, there could be reasons that he's not up to snuff.
Maybe suggest couples counseling, to show that you still want this relationship to continue.

Otherwise, if he's not interested in helping and giving 50% to the relationship then it's time to move on.

( I personally don't think that pornography is necessarily bad or that it, alone, destroys relationships. Like anything else, it depends on how it is used and why. But I guess that's for the IMO section. )

However, in your case, I do think it is a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship. From the sound of it, I don't think that the man really loves you or even respects you and I think you deserve much better!
It's up to you really to figure out what you want... but anytime you need people to talk to or you need to vent you feelings, we're right here ready to listen.

Please be careful in selecting a therapist:

http://www.smartmarriages.com/hazardous.html

I agree with the poster who said DO NOT SETTLE. You're not married, you're not even engaged. As hard as it is to realise it now, you're very fortunate to have realised these things before the relationship becomes more permanent.

You can try counselling, if he has any interest in changing his behavior - if he's even capable of seeing that his behavior is poor. Some men refuse to accept responsibility, however, and considering how you dote on him, I wonder if he 'gets it' at all. Upon reading your first post, the only thing I could think is GET OUT, and go far, far away. There's someone out there who's perfect for you. You don't need to settle for this.

Good luck, dear.

Nicely put, aphrodeia!

Not selfish. I have a friend who went through the same thing. She tried and tried but he never came around. They are now getting divorced. I also went through the same thing, and I'm also divorced. Do something about it now, or you will regret it later.

Hunny, time to step out and away from this relationship and look for a man that will treat you with the kindness, dignity and respect that you so terribly deserve, that every woman deserves...whatever reason he is sticking around for, it must not be worth a whole lot to him for him to be not making an effort to make you feel cared for....dating/marriage, engagement doesnt matter.

You want something to last it takes two...not just one, to make it work.

Get it all out hun....and then move on and find your real prince charming.