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My moms b.f said something RUDE

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
My moms b.f and I dont see eye to eye anyways, but he has really topped if off NOW! Well first of all, he was MAD that my mom babysat for DH and I all night Saturday night(our anniversary remember). That irritated the heck outta him I guess. Then I find out he tells my mom that us kids need to get over my dads death basically and quit using that as an excuse for on the holidays and stuff. What happened was my mom was going to go to church with my sister, but they decided not to because they would have "celebrated" fathers day and it would of been too hard on them. So he pops off with that RUDE comment........ I hope I dont see him anytime soon.
post #2 of 21
I would just ignore it, it really isn't worth your time and energy.
post #3 of 21
Did he say that to your Mom??? I can't imagine NOT saying something back to him?! If you don't your a better person than I am. The death of your father is a tragic loss, one that will never be forgotten, ever. If he didn't know that going into a relationship with your Mom, maybe she should politely enlighten him. He was the father of her children, and your entire family will miss him forever.... maybe that is too much for him to handle. Either way, comments like that are insensative and unacceptable. Just MO....
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGirl
Did he say that to your Mom??? I can't imagine NOT saying something back to him?! If you don't your a better person than I am. The death of your father is a tragic loss, one that will never be forgotten, ever. If he didn't know that going into a relationship with your Mom, maybe she should politely enlighten him. He was the father of her children, and your entire family will miss him forever.... maybe that is too much for him to handle. Either way, comments like that are insensative and unacceptable. Just MO....
YES-he said that to my mom, and my mom told my sister, and she didnt tell me, because she knows I dont like him and would go off!! I thought it was very insensative and rude! Grieving last for a long time, not just something you can get over in 2 yrs, espically since it was my FATHER!
post #5 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirtle
I would just ignore it, it really isn't worth your time and energy.
Im sorry, but those words were kinda rude^^^^this is my FATHER we are talking about, not just some "friend" or something, and it is worth the time and energy to me, espically since it was said out of no compassion or anything. In case you didnt know(and him as well) greiving takes time and not just 2 yrs!!
post #6 of 21
Did you mother say something back to him? That is the more important question. The comment was made to your mother, not you or your sister, so it is up to her to put him in her place. It is her relationship and she has to decide if she is going to tolerate that type of behavior or not. Personally, I don't think it was smart of your mother to repeat it, unless she is agreeing with him She had to have realized it would cause hurt feelings all around.
post #7 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks
Im sorry, but those words were kinda rude^^^^this is my FATHER we are talking about, not just some "friend" or something, and it is worth the time and energy to me, espically since it was said out of no compassion or anything. In case you didnt know(and him as well) greiving takes time and not just 2 yrs!!
I didn't say your father wasn't worth the time and energy. I said your mother's husband isn't worth the time and energy you have put into being mad at him. Who cares what he thinks about the way you grieve? When you react to him and let him get to you like this he wins. You validate his thoughts and feelings and give them power by your reaction. Try to take a step back before reacting to things and look at the outside picture. You seem to have a lot going on in your life and you let everything get to you. It isn't healthy and you are going to end up with an ulcer.
post #8 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
Did you mother say something back to him? That is the more important question. The comment was made to your mother, not you or your sister, so it is up to her to put him in her place. It is her relationship and she has to decide if she is going to tolerate that type of behavior or not. Personally, I don't think it was smart of your mother to repeat it, unless she is agreeing with him She had to have realized it would cause hurt feelings all around.
I honestly dont know what she said in return, if I know her, she probly did put him in his place! And I guess she told my sister because it really bothered her and needed to tell someone, and like I said, if she told me I would have went off, because she knows how I feel about him.
post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirtle
I didn't say your father wasn't worth the time and energy. I said your mother's husband isn't worth the time and energy you have put into being mad at him. Who cares what he thinks about the way you grieve? When you react to him and let him get to you like this he wins. You validate his thoughts and feelings and give them power by your reaction. Try to take a step back before reacting to things and look at the outside picture. You seem to have a lot going on in your life and you let everything get to you. It isn't healthy and you are going to end up with an ulcer.
Ok-sorry, maybe I misunderstood your post. I havent spoken to my mom or her b.f about any of this, because it probly wouldnt do me any good, I just know how bad this bothered me and my sister.....and it was very uncalled for him to react like that.
post #10 of 21
What a jerk!! What is wrong with him? Who would say that to someone who lost a loved one? What an idiot! I would have gone off too.
post #11 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom
What a jerk!! What is wrong with him? Who would say that to someone who lost a loved one? What an idiot! I would have gone off too.
He is one of the biggest jerks around! I mean he treats my mom good, but he just says whatever the heck he wants to say and doesnt care! I mean, this is not the first time hes been rude about something!
post #12 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks
He is one of the biggest jerks around! I mean he treats my mom good, but he just says whatever the heck he wants to say and doesnt care! I mean, this is not the first time hes been rude about something!

Well no offense, but if he can say something like that to her, than I don't know how good he treats her.
post #13 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks
Ok-sorry, maybe I misunderstood your post. I havent spoken to my mom or her b.f about any of this, because it probly wouldnt do me any good, I just know how bad this bothered me and my sister.....and it was very uncalled for him to react like that.
I am just trying to say that maybe you should ignore it. Getting all worked up doesn't do anything but make YOU upset. It is really your mom's place to handle this however she see fit, since the comment was made to her.... You mentioned that this isn't the first time he has been rude, do you really expect anything less out of him?
post #14 of 21
I can't imagine losing a father. I haven't even gotten over losing my cat, and that was two years ago........

People grieve differently. He is insensitive as heck.
post #15 of 21
Whoa, it seems like youre busting every brain cell you have left with these whole things going on in your life!
As for your mothers Bf, just ignore him. It sounds like he doesnt have any kids for him self this is why he is behaving this way.
I would just cut contact off with him, let your mother know how you feel about him and that is it.
Dont make a big war with him though, because this way he might be able to drag your mother away from you. Which sounds like what he is aiming for
post #16 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
Whoa, it seems like youre busting every brain cell you have left with these whole things going on in your life!
As for your mothers Bf, just ignore him. It sounds like he doesnt have any kids for him self this is why he is behaving this way.
I would just cut contact off with him, let your mother know how you feel about him and that is it.
Dont make a big war with him though, because this way he might be able to drag your mother away from you. Which sounds like what he is aiming for
Nah, he actually has kids But hes never lost anyone close to him....and I dont see him on a daily basis(thank god) he lives in another town, and works nights. Im not letting it get to me, but it *did* bother me that he would even SAY that!!
post #17 of 21
He sounds immature and insecure about the love your mom has for him. He sounds very jealous. I think that he needs to know that you guys will always miss and love your father, especially on days that are dedicated to fathers and it hasn't been that long.

I think maybe he needs to know that he is loved and appreciated but he will never be able to replace your father or make you forget him because they are two separate people.

I hope you feel better about this soon dear.
post #18 of 21
You mom should not have repeated what he said to your sister. This is something between your mom and her BF and it's her place to deal with it not yours.
post #19 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
You mom should not have repeated what he said to your sister. This is something between your mom and her BF and it's her place to deal with it not yours.
I'm sorry that you had this repeated to you. It was an insensitive comment. I agree with the comment above. Your Mom should have kept this to herself.
post #20 of 21
Yikes, what a jerk. You have every right to be mad...and I don't think we ever "get over" losing someone...

*Hugs* Like someone stated above, he's not worth getting mad over because he's obviously a jerk. That's just too bad you have to deal with him.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal211
Yikes, what a jerk. You have every right to be mad...and I don't think we ever "get over" losing someone...

*Hugs* Like someone stated above, he's not worth getting mad over because he's obviously a jerk. That's just too bad you have to deal with him.
Thank you hun Yes I hate the thought of him and my mom even being together.
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