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How to cope...

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
I lost my baby earlier this past week. Sylvestor was my baby boy, my first cat that I could call my own. I found him as a stray and it took month's for him to trust me. Once he did, he never let go. He has was my constant companion for 4 years, and he's gone. I can't help but feel guilty for it. He was an outside cat for a long time, and I couldn't break him of it, so I would only let him out at night.. less traffic around and such. I was constantly in fear of him being hit by a car, but I never imagined he would go the way he did. He was bit by a snake Wednesday morning I am guessing. I looked for hours and hours, and I couldn't find him, and he wasn't coming when I called. He always came. When he didn't, I knew something was wrong. I knew something was wrong the moment I woke up. Around 3pm, my neighbor called saying my cat was in his backyard by the creek... and he was gone. I ran over there and got him. I'm pretty sure he was poisoned. No sign of trauma or anything like a dog or something. I just... it hurts so bad you guy's. I can't even explain it. I cried and cried for days, and I still do. When I take a nap in the afternoons, he was always right there spooning me, and he's not there anymore. When I would come home, he was always at the door to greet me, and he's not there. After Lil' Bit passed, it hurt, but I never imagined Syl's passing would hurt as much as it does. I have NO idea how to cope with this. I can almost feel myself slipping away because he's no longer with me, and the guilt hurts the most. I suppose it will pass, and my only comfort comes in the fact that he is somewhere now that nothing can hurt him. I just wish I had more time with him. Seriously, how do you cope with something like this. A freaking snake ... of all the thing's in the world a snake. My neighbor did find a snake, and we are pretty sure that was the one that got him. Why does this have to hurt so bad. I miss him so much it hurts. RIP my sweet baby boy. I love you so much, and there will never be a cat that can compare to you. You trusted me, and I failed you, and I'm so sorry, but play happily and free over the bridge my love. I will see you again soon. Keep Bit company, and show him the ropes.
post #2 of 20
Oh I am so sorry , lots of hugs and warm {{{{{vibes}}}}} please dont blame yourself, you have been a loving mom and sometimes things like this happen. He´s over the bridge with lots of pals and he would´nt want you to grieve so bad.
post #3 of 20
The poor baby I'm so sorry because this must be hurting you so much

I can only say to take one day at a time, because like losing a human you never get over it, you learn to accept whats happend, but as long as you still remember Sylvestor he's still alive in your heart
post #4 of 20
Sorry to read of your loss. It is so hard with ouside cats...I lost one of mine to FeLv a few months ago which I believe he must have contracted from being outside. I felt and still feel so guilty - but don't beat yourself up. Indulge your grief and remember Sylvestor with happy memories. It will get better with time.

Bless you Sylvestor - have fun playing with all those great kitties who have also crossed the bridge. You were very much loved and will sorely be missed.
post #5 of 20
I am so very sorry for your loss! I can feel the love you have for Sylvester, and the pain you are feeling.

When you say you have no idea how to deal with the pain, and that you can almost feel yourself slipping makes me think that you need to face the pain, and feel the hurt. Like when you get a severe burn, or break your hurts so bad you almost think you can't handle it, but then when you just let yourself feel the pain, you realize that it isn't going to "kill" you. Just like losing Syl won't finish you...take deep breaths, and let the pain sink in. It can be very different with different losses. It is ok that losing Sylvester hurts much more acutely than with Lil' Bit.

Take a hot shower, let the tears flow, let the warm water wash over you. Then sit in the yard that Sylvester loved, and look around at the beauty and wildness that he loved. Begin to believe that so long as your love for him remains in your heart, a part of Sylvester is with you.

Condolences on this great loss! May time ease your pain. And you are so right, that Sylvester is happy and free over the bridge!
post #6 of 20
I can feel the pain in your words, and my heart goes out to you...but please please don't blame yourself! Once cats are used to being outdoors, it is so very difficult to keep them inside. He probably would have been miserable being kept indoors, and you would have felt guilty about depriving him of the outdoors he so loved, right?

You took Sylvestor in and gave him a wonderful home and even more important, lots and lots of love. You made him happy! And he loved you dearly, he would not want you blaming yourself for anything!!

I know this is breaking your heart and I wish I had some special words to take away the pain. But just remember, the depth of your grief only matches the greatness of the love that you and your Sylvestor shared.

What happened to him was NOT your fault. It was just a tragic accident.

I too have lost much-loved furbabies and true, the pain never really goes away. But you know you are healing when you are able to remember your sweet baby with smiles and memories of the wonderful hours you spent together. And I promise, you will reach that point--maybe not very soon, but you will reach it. And then you can think of your sweet boy and smile at all the good and happy memories.

And never forget that Sylvestor is now over the Rainbow Bridge, where he will be forever happy and healthy and safe...and watching over you with love.

RIP, sweet Sylvestor.
post #7 of 20
Condolences on your loss of Sylvester. It does seem like no time is ever the right time for good-bye. I kept my first JC as an inside only cat, and he got cancer & had to be put down in his prime - and I felt guilt for all the times that he wanted to go outside with the working cats, but I wouldn't let him.I guess we just have to do the best that we can in caring for them. Our cats are indeed our hearts' treasures. I hope that you find comfort & solace soon. Susan
post #8 of 20
Here's an article that says that many people consider losing a beloved pet worse than losing a job or being in a car accident. See, we're not the only ones who feel this way...
post #9 of 20
Sweetie, I know just how you're feeling. Every so often we form an incredible bond with one of our cats, not that we love the others any less, of course. It's just that sometimes one tugs at your heart more than the others. I lost Bob in Feb. & Belle in Nov., and while I loved Bob dearly, Belle is the one I still cry over. It just shows what a strong bond you & Sylvester had. I hope you find another bond like that someday, but for now, you need to mourn. You've lost something very special & have every right to feel bad. It's normal. I do hope you can feel better soon; it will get easier as time goes by.
(((((big hugs)))))) coming your way.
post #10 of 20
I cry with you now. It's sounds as if you're experiencing a similar pattern of emotions that I've had in coping with my little boy Caleb's leaving us. Please, may I share a suggestion given to me when I was having an extremely difficult time after the loss. Set aside 30 minutes a day to purely devote to Sylvester thinking only happy, cheerful thoughts, silly things he did that made you laugh, his favorite naptime spot, holding him and feeling his soft fur. Talk to a trusted friend, come here and tell us all about his wonderful life, or, and I have found this quite helpful, write it down. Perhaps you'd want to start a journal from the very moment you met each other. If a negative or sad thought comes to mind, just let it slide right through, replacing it with a beautiful image. It's so helpful just to be able to talk about your little boy to someone who relates to your pain. We know Sylvester is your baby, your best friend. My heart truly goes out to you. If you feel like talking, please contact me any time by clicking on my user name and sending me a private message.
post #11 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the replies everyone. I think the worse part of everything, and my mom is right, I haven't had the chance to mourn. The day after his passing I started a new job, and I have been so engulfed in that, I hardly have time to think.

I remember when I first met him. He wouldn't come near me, but I was caring for his sister, well, I believe she was his sister. She was a very sweet, sometimes timid, adorable little calico that appeared from nowhere. We've always had cat's around here, and me being me, if I saw a cat, I was immediately drawn to him/her, offering food, water, shelter, anything. She trusted me, and a few weeks after she started to appear, Sylvestor came along. I would sit outside with them, talking to her, and trying to get him to trust me, but he was always so wary. Eventually, a week or 2 went by where I didn't see either of them, and she came around, and I saw she was pregnant. I was younger then, I didn't realize that I should have cared for her better. She hung around a few days, and disappeared again. This time, she was gone a long while. I would catch glimpses of her, with Sylvestor tagging behind, but she started acting very feral like the closer to the end of her pregnancy she got. I would leave food for her and Sylvestor, and I hoped for the best.

One day I was outside helping my dad do something, I don't remember, and I looked up and saw Sylvestor on the other side of the driveway. I called to him, and he meowed... he never meowed before. He never really showed any interest in me until this point. He kept wanting to... walk past me, and I stepped away to let him pass, but he instead went under one of the cars, meowed, and wouldn't come out. I got down to look under the car, and there was his sister... near death, and no longer pregnant. I tried to feed her, give her water, she wouldn't eat, couldn't hold her head up. I got my dad, and we grabbed a large laundry basket, filled it with blanket's and such, and I picked her up and layed her in it. Within hours she was gone, and Sylvestor never left her side. It was weird watching the bond between the 2 of them over the past months, and it was so hard when she passed. I paniced and look everywhere for the babies I could think of, but I never could find them. Only thing I was able to offer her was passing in dignity, and comfort.

My dad helped me bury her, and Sylvestor just stood and watched the whole time, never coming close to us. We laid her to rest and from that moment on, Sylvestor never left my side. I remember about an hour after that, I gave him a bowl of food, and he actually came up and rubbed all over my legs. I bent over to pet him, and he let me. He was a completely different cat. He never left. If I was inside, he was outside in the rocking chair. If I walked to the mailbox, he followed. If I went to walk the dogs, he walked with me. Never once minded the dogs, always stayed out of the road. Eventually, I brought him in... well, he let himself in. I opened the door and he just pranced inside like he owned the place, followed me to my room, and the rest is history.

He slept with me all the time if he wasn't outside. I would sit here at the computer like I am now, and he would be curled up in my lap, just sound asleep, not a care in the world. If I went to work and came home, he was right there at the door, tail wagging almost, meowing, waiting to be petted.
He was a very routine cat. By 10pm, he wanted his can of wet food, and after that, he wanted outside. By the time I woke up between 9-11, he was on the front porch, in his rocking chair, napping away in the sun.

I miss him so much. I think this has helped a bit. I hate he went the way he did, but he was so loved and so cared for. He taught me so many things, compassion, patience, love... just, goodness it hurts.

This is my baby, the love of my life, in his favorite spot in the entire world

He was so spoiled rotten. He even has that look like "I know, she's mine". I miss him. I'm hoping this helps me to mourn and heal a bit. It hurts, it still hurts, and I'm expecting it to hurt for awhile. Thanks to everyone who takes a moment to read this. He truly was a very special, and a very loved cat that I would have given the world too, and gave everything to every moment I could. I was absolutely blessed that he chose me to care for him, and love him.
post #12 of 20
What an amazing little man your Sylvester was! I cried reading your post--you two had such a bond! It truly will hurt less as time goes on, but I think you're right---it sounds as if your life has been so busy you truly haven't had a chance to grieve the way you need to. I hope you're able to put most of the pain behind you & remember all the special times you & Sylvester shared.
post #13 of 20
Your relationship with Sylvester touches my heart. He's so beautiful and clearly loves his Mommy so very much. I'm so truly sorry you are suffering this painful loss.
post #14 of 20
Oh, I am so sorry, too, and I am crying with you.
I pray that you will be alright.
post #15 of 20
Do you have other cats now? Are the ones in the siggy yours?
Please send me a PM if you need to talk.
I have NO family other than my kitties, so they are my world.
post #16 of 20
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by batgirl2good
Do you have other cats now? Are the ones in the siggy yours?
Please send me a PM if you need to talk.
I have NO family other than my kitties, so they are my world.
Well, Sylvestor was mine. He didn't like anyone else in the house. Taboo is my sister's. JR,Suki, and Layla are the household pet's, they belong to everyone, except Layla is very much a daddy's girl. RJ, also know as Lil'Bit passed away a month and a day before Sylvestor. He was 8 months old and had a congential digestive problem. Noone could figure out what to do, so we did what we could, but lost the fight in the end. Him and Sylvestor both are better, being somewhere with no more pain and nothing can hurt them.
post #17 of 20
allikat I can honestly say I too know how you feel. Exactly how you feel. My Tiggero was an outside cat when we found. He was nearly ten months old when we took him in. At first he didn't want to go out. He was too happy in his new surroundings and his new home, but after a while the newness and comfort of inside the house only wore off. I too was afraid of a car hitting him or mean children and such but you just couldn't stop my baby when he wanted out. He was my glue because you could find him were I was. I had more than one cat but I felt like he was "mine". He was the one that "loved" me and was with me. I came home from school, I am married with kids but going full time to teach Elementary Ed, and the family was very quiet. My husband sat me down and told me that they had found my Tiggero under a bush. Just like your baby, no marks, no signs of a traffic accident, just gone. I felt the cold run through my body and it felt so hard to breath. I felt like something had been ripped through my heart without being detached properly first. I just couldn't believe that he was gone. Every day I would get up and feel like I wanted to go look for him or something. I just wanted to pet him and see his little face. My husband and sons burried him and wouldn't let me see him because they said I wouldn't have been able to handle it and they were probably right.

Even still as the days went past I thought about him constantly, missed him, cried for him, and longed for him. My advice to you is to always remember that it was a relationship. Losses in ANY relationship in any magnitude have to be morned. Morn properly. Admit openly how you feel about the loss of your dear baby. Look at pictures. After a while the sorrow will ease and you will begin to look at those pictures in love with happy memories. It has been a few months for me, not long, but everytime I look at someones cat on thecatsite that looks like my baby I smile and think, "that was my Tigger". It will hurt sometimes but I'm a witness that after a while happy thoughts of peace and joy will set in. Just don't forget to morn because sometimes we forget relationships with our animals, pets, furry babies are still relationships. R.I.P to all of our furry children who are no longer here. May your human parents recive peace while you frolic on the other side of heaven.
post #18 of 20
Bless his little cotton socks, i've just going through all the threads for updates and found Sylvestors picture up

He's so sweet bless him
post #19 of 20
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Bless his little cotton socks, i've just going through all the threads for updates and found Sylvestors picture up

He's so sweet bless him
I just saw this... and I'm crying. I miss him, I still miss him, and I hate it. I still cry sometimes. Even know, I'll look at Boots, and I'll see him, which I guess is to be expected, but it still hurts. I wish it would stop hurting, and be replaced with happy thoughts. I have them, but not nearly as much as I need to. *sigh* RIP sweetie.
post #20 of 20
I still mourn Tucson, and like Sylvester, he was the love of my life. We were insperable. The night I lost him, it felt as if the whole world died with him.You just have to remember those happy, beautiful thoughts and try to smile through your grief and remember that one day you will see him again, because he will be waiting for you.
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