help! This is a serious topic

beckiboo

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Originally Posted by kittyprincess

As for him calling my man sexy and all of that stuff, we went to home depot yesterday (yes I have gay friends) and I had a gay guy that works there, i introduced the two and later on that night I asked my lil bro what he thought of him and he said that he was cute and that he was his type, I wasnt expecting that, lol. I dont know if he was being honest or if he was being sarcastic.
I personally think he IS telling you by giving you these little hints. Maybe you could say something like, "I was thrown a little off track by you saying my gay friend was your type yesterday. But I wanted to let you know, whatever your type is, I'll support you."

And talk out your sad feelings about this issue with your bf or gay friend (if you are close). Leave the fact that you are still adjusting to the idea of your brother being gay out of conversations with Cody until you two have discussed it some more. If he were an adult, I would say be more honest with him, but if he truly is a 15 y/o gay guy, his self esteem about the issue may be a little fragile. And don't let him know you have been discussing it with other people like your Mom. He will bring it up to her when he feels ready.

Hope things settle down for you and Cody after you find time to talk things out!
 

jlutgendorf

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I agree about talking to other friends and family members about any sadness you feel if your brother is indeed gay. If he is, it's not his responsiblity to educate anyone about what being gay is all about. He's also probably not old enough or secure enough to do a very good job of yet anyway.

You mentioned that your brother lives in GA. If he's anywhere near atlanta, pm me and I can give you the names of some really great gay youth organizations here (if he is, indeed, gay) that are really wonderful and supportive and all about educating gay youth how to take pride in who they are while staying safe in our scary world.

~Julia
 
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kittyprincess

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Man let me tell you guys something, I have been dropping little hints about me not caring if people are gay and that they dont bother me, well yesterday I think he had a bad day and He called his gma and told her that he hated it here, i then called her to talk to her and see what was going on and I found out a lot of things, as for me questioning the fact if he is gay or not his gma said that she had caught him lookin at gay porn and all of that stuff and his father had said some mean things to him about the possibility of him being gay. well he said that he hated it here and wanted to go home. It broke my heart. bc of the fact we havent seen each other in so long that I want him here gay or not so I can get to know him and stuff but we showed him a nice night and he had a better night. Now once again here I am asking myself what to do. I think tonight I am going to sit him down and be like yo if ur gay its cool and let him know that I love him no matter what. shoot everytime I try to post back he waked up, like he knows,
anyway i will post again later. thanks once again for the support!!!!!!!
 

lookingglass

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Having a sister tell you that she doesn't mind that other people are gay, and telling her that you are gay are totally different worlds. I wouldn't bring it up with him unless he tells you he is gay. Just keep putting it out their that you are open and accepting of anything that he can throw at you. Tell him things like "I love you no matter what", and " I love you for who you are."
 

crystal211

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Originally Posted by gardenandcats

This is a touchy subject.At 15 he himself is probaby unsure of his own sexuality.His behavior as you have described does tend to probably make you and others think that maybe he is . I'm sure if he is its much harder on him at this age then it is for you to accept.For any family this is hard to accept.If he is then thats what he was meant to be. Just enjoy your time together and love him.
I myself wouldn't bring this subject up with him.If he does himself then be open and caring with him. That you accept him and love him.Let him know it doesn't matter to you what his preference is.
I agree completely. Well said.
 
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kittyprincess

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im goin to post pics today in a diff place so just dont make any gay comments bc he will see em thanks all and by the way we have been gettin a long good, and my bf talked to him about the situation and he opend up a lil to him
my bf is going to tell him to tell me or talk to me today bc we will be goin to the mall and stuff. once again thank you everyone for the support!!!!!!!
 

butterflydream

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I think that support comes naturally on this site, lots of good folks on here (that I've noticed thus far)...which is why I keep coming back.
 

luckygirl

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First of all, being a teenager and discussing any kind of sexual feelings is uncomfortable. And he is only 15. And he was abused. There is probably so much hurt, and pain, and embarassment that he is harboring... and because he is 15 he doesn't know how to deal with all of it. And just because he may have feelings for boys at this age, does not define him as gay or straight... he is still a child that is learning about himself. I'm sure he has so much that he is unsure about and so many insecurities right now, without being forced to sit down and discuss his sexuality with a sister that is still "trying to get to know him" as you said you were. At 15 I didn't know which college I wanted to go to, I certainly wasn't emotionally able to make decisions about "coming out". Sexuality is something that most people experiment with, you never know what may have happened to him as a child. I just think it's very unfair that this kind of pressure be put onto him. It seemed that he was having a great time visiting until you started dropping hints, and then he called his gramom and wanted to go home. I would back off of him, give him his space. Just be with your brother, spend quality time with him... and that's it. If he is gay, I'm sure in time he will tell you. But it's in HIS time, not in your time. It's when HE'S ready.


PS... just a thought, but has he ever been in counseling? If his family is talking about him behind his back, and he gets wind of it, that could be very hard to handle... along with the previous abuse, and the things you mentioned about his father??? I would definately think counseling could at least help him sort out his feelings.... just a thought.
 

shengmei

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At the age of 15 I didn't eve know if I was straight or a lesbian. It wasn't until I met my hubby at the age of 19 that I realized "Yap. I am as un-gay as they come.
"

I think making a decision about sexuality at the age of 15 is a bit premature.
 

zissou'smom

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If you'd asked me what I was when I was 15 I would have had no idea. Now that I'm 21 I'm comfortable with how I feel, which is mostly straight. But some people do know from a very early age if they are gay. Then again, alot of 15 year olds get very confused and think they are and later realize they were just healthily curious and then grow up to be totally straight. Especially girls, with so much value placed on girls kissing at parties and whatever. Anyway, I wouldn't label him just yet until he either does it himself (and then remember it could change any day now) or he's grown up.
 

butterflydream

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Like everyone else said and I think i said but my memory is shot....sexual confusion at that age....very common. Me I wouldn't have even dared, see about that age and through highschool I had kids spreading rumors about me that I was a lesbian (just cause that was the cruelest thing they could have said) I was even beat up for it.

Plus my home life left nothing to be desired...so I ended up struggling and am still struggling with my self identity.

He'll be okay with a great sister like you who has his back!!!
 

prncss89

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How are things going? Did he talk to you? Did you ever post the pics? If so I missed them somewhere. I hope all is going well!
 

aphrodeia

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I've just come across this thread, and I wanted to say how pleased and proud I am to see that you're so open and loving toward your brother! It's a special thing to have that kind of relationship with a sibling. Good on you.
I hope everything is going well for all of you.
 
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kittyprincess

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Morning everyone!!!
I do have to say that things are going great between my lil brother and I!!!!!!!!
The other night my bf went to his friends house who happend to be gay and he was talking to him and found out that gay pride ia going to be in the city this weekend.... Well the other night we were in walmart at like midnight and my bf and brother were off talkin (my bf is a very good talker and he has helped the situation very much
) well my bf said to my bro that if we go to the city this weekend that gay pride was going to be there and if he still wanted to go we can, my bro said he still wanted to go. well my lil bro came and found me and said do you know whats going to be in the city this weekend and i already knew so i said yea i think gay pride is going to be there and he said up and I said hey bro i gotta something to tell you and he goes oohhh this isnt going to be one of those mushy talks again so i was like never mind and he grabbed my arm and said no tell me so I said you know if you like boys its ok i will still love you, and i wont judge you and i support you and he looked at me and smiled and said ok and then he saw some rainbow bracelets and said can we get these for this weekend!!! So i know he is gay and he knows that my bf and I are ok with it and accept it, and since then things have been going great!!! he leaves on wednesday and i hope that day takes for ever to get here because I dont want him to leave........ well everyone i will still keep you posted i will let you know how the city goes and i will post more pics!!!! thanks for the support yall
 
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kittyprincess

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Originally Posted by prncss89

How are things going? Did he talk to you? Did you ever post the pics? If so I missed them somewhere. I hope all is going well!
click on my screen name here on the site and click on view post by me scroll down and its in pictures pictures its on the last page there are a few i am going to post more right now!!
 

catsknowme

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I am so happy reading the update! My best friend is gay, and didn't come out till he was 35. And when he did, both his dad & his brother (both cops) called me to ask if maybe we (my friend & me) could try being a "real couple". But his family finally accepted it. I think that his mom was initially upset only because she didn't want her son to endure the harrassment & difficulties that our culture places on those outside the mainstream.
Have fun at the Gay Pride in NYC!!
 

butterflydream

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I agree with everyone, you should be very happy with yourself about how you are handling the situation. Most people aren't understanding of those who have different sexual orrientations than what is typically considered the 'norm'. Bravo to you.
 
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kittyprincess

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Update: here are some pics of the gay pride we had a great time:
 
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