Attention Happily Married people...

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Wow, thanks for all your insights!

How did you all know that this was the right man for you?

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With us, we started dating, and we were very non-chalant about it. It wasn't like "ooh, we're a couple" it was more like "no we're not BF & GF, we're just kinda seeing what happens". Then it went from spending the weekends there, to not going home. My dad was asking if he should forward my mail. And we just ended up doing everything together... and not really wanting to be apart. We never officially moved in together... slowly more & more of his closet space got taken up by my shoes & clothes... and the next thing we knew we were browsing at rings, and he was saying things like "when we get engaged..."

It was different...it was never like a lightbulb went off or anything. We just kinda evolved....

I have been married now for 17 years. This is going to sound cheesy but we are high school sweethearts. We met in math class when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore (thank god he failed the first time). From the first day we met we have been best friends.

We talk every day and we have a trust that would be very hard to break. He knows he has a good thing with me because I do everything and I do not bug him to do much. Now we have three kids (13, 9 and 3).

We have been through a lot over the years but I think trusting each other and communicating with each other keeps us together.

With Jerry and I, it's truly like the old cheesy saying of "kindred spirits". I didn't meet him until I was 36, so I truly didn't think that soulmates/true love existed. That's not to say we don't have our differences and that he doesn't get on my nerves, because beleive me, he does, but he and I had both been through crappy relationships before and truly came to appreciate what we have in eachother.................

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

What are your general thoughts on a successful marriage.

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I've only been married for 3 months but I think the one thing I'm learning is to let the little thing go. So what if he doesn't put the dishes in the dishwasher... at least he's learned to soak them in the sink. So what if I find his empty soda cans all over the house... or his clothes on the floor instead of in the laundry basket. He does a lot for me and I don't realize or appreciate it until he mentions it to me.

Marriage itself wasn't hard to get used to because we lived together beforehand. And how did I know he was the right one? Well time will tell if he is (I hope!)... but for some reason I'd start referring to him as my husband in my head before we even got engaged. I found that reassuring... that my subconscious thought we ought to be together, if that makes sense...

I never thought I would get married. I was happy by myself (even when in a relationship I enjoyed my "alone time"). I just wanted some cats and to live in a hippie commune with some of best girlfriends (we were going to buy an old abandoned school and rennovate the classrooms into living spaces!) I had it all planned out.
But then I met my fiancé and we just fit so well together that at some point it just made sense to stay together forever. We've been living together for about 2.5 to 3 years now. Personally, I don't see the point in getting married as I feel like we already are (we live together, share everything and we both have rings that we've been wearing for 1.5 years, what more do you want?) but it makes the parents and relatives happy, so we're doing it.
I've also found that being with him makes life easier. I have this other person who I can rely on to help with daily life. Just like he can rely on me. I don't think I'd ever thought of marriage that way until I decided to get married!
But I certainly don't think that "it's just a matter of meeting the right person". I think there are people who are fine not being married or even better off. I have a good friend who's 38 or 39 and he does date but never keeps a girlfriend. He's just too picky and set in his ways about how he lives to really live with anyone successfully. And I think that's fine by him.

I will say though, part of why I never thought I would get married before was because I was too picky and unwilling to compromise. If I was unhappy in a relationship, I thought the other person better figure out how to make me happy fast! I finally realized that chances are, if I'm unhappy, the other person probably is as well and it's most likely NOT their fault, but rather something we need to talk about and work out. (or sadly, I'm probably just hungry and need to eat! I get sooo grumpy when I'm hungry!)

~Julia

I knew my hubby and I were right for each other because he treated me different than ANYONE ever has. That includes family.

He treated me with dignity and respect, love and kindness. He always listened, was always patient and kind. He's put up with alot from me, various breakdowns, ect....and has always stood by my side no matter what.

And that was before we were married, it has only continued on since we've gotten married.

He could have walked away at any moment while we were dating like all the others....but he didn't. He took on me and my daughter.

I could see love in his eyes the moment I met him. Not to mention that a older woman at the food court in the mall the first day we met said we made a cute couple even though we had only just met.

He promised me when we started dating that he would fix every piece of my broken heart no matter how tiny until it was whole again. And he has done a good job, though some trials along the way from other people have chipped a few pieces, he never fails to get out his love superglue and fix it.

I really never thought I'd get married, either. I've been married for 3 years, but we've been together for 15 (living together for 14). He proposed to me after 10 years, but it took him 6 months to talk me into it. Now that we've done it, I'm so glad we did. I didn't honestly think marriage would make that much of a difference, since we had been living together for so long, but it really did. It's a lot better.

Out of DH's 7 bros and sis when have the shortest marriage at a bit over 20 1/2 yrs!!! Its scary that sometimes we are thinking the exact same thing at the same time!!! Yes its a pain when he controls the remote TV, can't find the laundry hamper or empty the dishwasher but I have my faults too!!
We have shared hobbies but lots of time he is puttering around in his "workshop" and I'm in one of the gardens. I like spending $$ he likes saving $$$.
It all works out in the end. His parents were married over 50 yrs before they died, mine are at 51 yrs.
I think when you have a good pattern to follow its more easy.

Your spouse can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

This is my 2nd marriage and my husband's first. We have been through ALOT and come out shining in the end. It will be 3 years August 28th!

Like some other people have said..my husband (Jason) and I are best friends. We both have a lot of other friends, but he is my best friend and visa versa. There are a lot of things that can make a marriage successful...it all depends on the two people. Everyone is different and what works well for you might be different for me.

Our marriage is successful, because we tell eachother everything!! We communicate very well, and we are not afraid to express our feelings. We have also been through alot with eachother. He was there for me when my mother got sick and passed away. He actually moved into my house with me and my family to help with things, b/c my mom was sick and my dad had to work long shifts. I was only 18 when he moved in and we have been living together ever since (I am now 22).

I think its a good idea to live with eachother before you get married. We moved into our own apartment when I was 19 and we learned a lot about the other person. Even though we are still considered newlyweds (almost 2 years married), we feel like we have been married for a long time. We didn't have all the struggles that most newly married couples had.

It basically comes down to communication and loving the other person unconditionally.

Being married is great. I've been married since August, 1st. We were together more than three years before that. I knew I was in love with him a little less than a year after we started dating. We started talking marriage about a year and a half into it.

I think what makes us successful is that we dealt with a lot before we got married and faced some pretty serious issues. We were able to face them together, when a lot of other people fall apart. I'm not talking about cheating here, but things like death, illness, and family issues. We communicate. Sometimes we do fight, but we don't call each other names and we never get mean. We both had pretty realistic expectations of what it meant to be married and talked about the big and little issues before we got married (kids, religion, what would happen if one of us died, whose job would take priority, etc). We compromise on a lot. We share values and most political and moral views (but not all). We are both Christian, although I wasn't when we first started dating. We are different denominations, but again we discussed this prior to marriage and have already discussed the religion issue when it comes to having kids. I get to know new things about him every day, but I've never had to ask myself, "who am I married to and why?" like a lot of others I know have asked. Divorce isn't an option with either of us and we never went into this thinking it was (another problem I've seen with friends who have ended up divorced- divorce was always seen as a last resort option, not as something they'd never let happen).

It is possible to have a great relationship, despite previous experiences and family experiences, etc. You just have to want it and do everything you can to make it grow and keep it together.

We refer to ourselves as "happily unmarried," and have been so for nearly 22 years. We decided right off that we were not having children, but if we had we would have gotten maried.
We were friends for several years before we were a couple, and though I knew I had feelings for him, it did not strike me as what kind of feelings I had until he left and joined the Navy. I really missed him, but the first time I saw him when he came home for a visit after boot camp, I saw him in a whole new light. He was all grown up, and boot camp had really done him good. He was 16 and I was 20 when we met. Not a huge difference now, but it was then.
We have had our ups and down like everyone else, but I figure as long as i am still happy to see him every morning when I wake up, life is good.

I don't think we are a typical couple by any means but..yes, we are happily married. We celebrate 11 years in the Fall.

I knew how I wanted to be treated, how I wanted to feel, what was most important to me (sharing the same values - honesty is crucial for me for one), what a marriage would mean to me (a committment for life).

I waited a long time to meet my husband, made a lot of mistakes along the way, learned a lot, and took some time off to get myself straight on who I was and what I wanted.

My love has grown deeper year after year.

It is a story I've told here, parts of it, but without getting into it, it really took the hand of God to have brought the two of us together - from age difference, to living thousands of miles apart, different careers..the one shared interest that helped us meet - cats (well, add computers as well).

I can honestly say I can't imagine life without him. We finish each others sentences, or I will say what he's just about to, before he's gotten the words out (which leads to him telling me to "get out of his head" ).

My husband has shown me what unconditional love is like in action, which is an extraordinary thing to experience. The marriage and relationship has been the most incredible blessing of my life. He is a most exceptional human being, and I trust him with my life. He is truly my best friend.

The most important piece of advice anyone ever gave me, came from a cherished friend, who told me to make the marriage the most important relationship, ahead of any other, including parental or other family relationships. It was a good piece of advice.

I love him dearly, he is my best friend. He is not perfect and neither am I. I think a lot of people expect their mates to be perfect in the beginning and set themselves up for disappointment down the road. We also make it a point to talk when one of us is upset with the other. He is laid back and all relaxed, I am a worrier. We compliment each other though. He is always looking out for my needs which makes me want to look out for his. We also spend time apart which gives us something to talk about. We make it a point to have romance as well. We also put our relationship before any other, meaning parents, friends.