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Cheaters part 1 and 2!!

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
After being with my fiance for 4 years, engaged 6 months, he finished it!! He is in the British army, and its been hard at times being away from him. Then out of the blue, "its over...............".
After years of supporting him, putting a roof over his head, and all the usual stuff, this is how he repays me. By leaving me for another woman.
Sorry for being so down but everyone says," you will meet someone who will love you etc etc", but i feel that im 26 and I might not meet that someone special, and have a family. Friends didnt like him, so they are not supportive, but you need friends at times like this.
Life is a B**ch.
post #2 of 42
Thread Starter 
I forgot to mention, he ran off with another woman!!
post #3 of 42
Oh no, I really don't even know what to say. I am so sorry. At least you know hes a jerk now before you married him...And 26 is YOUNG, don't worry of course you'll find a real man someday. Keep your chin up sweety, these things happen for a reason.
post #4 of 42
I know you don't want to hear this, but you will meet your Mr. Right if it's meant to be, and it usually is......be glad you got rid of the jerk now.........been there, done that!
post #5 of 42
Thread Starter 
Thank you for your kind words, I think friends forget that even though they didnt like him, i still loved him, and it hurts like hell. I hope someday what you say is true. Take care xx
post #6 of 42
I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world. I'd just like to send you a big hug we are all here to listen.
post #7 of 42
If you find the right man you could be married in 6 months. Don't worry. There is a long life ahead of you.

Have you told your parents what happened? I hope you guys didn't spend money in preparation for the wedding.....that would really suck.
post #8 of 42
Actually you did mention it. I am so sorry for what happened.

It could be much worse. He could have run away with another woman after you spent $50,000 on a wedding!!!
post #9 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by misspremier007
I forgot to mention, he ran off with another woman!!
Quote:
After being with my fiance for 4 years, engaged 6 months, he finished it!! He is in the British army, and its been hard at times being away from him. Then out of the blue, "its over...............".
After years of supporting him, putting a roof over his head, and all the usual stuff, this is how he repays me. By leaving me for another woman.
Sorry for being so down but everyone says," you will meet someone who will love you etc etc", but i feel that im 26 and I might not meet that someone special, and have a family. Friends didnt like him, so they are not supportive, but you need friends at times like this.
Life is a B**ch.
Sorry hun, had to do it.
But I really am sorry that this all happened to you. You will find the right guy. Sometimes it takes a while. Good luck
post #10 of 42
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your kind words of support, this is my first evening on here, and the people who have sent me a thread have cheered me up, thank you. I know its his loss, but the pain inside is so immense.
post #11 of 42
I am so sorry. I have had that happen too (but it was a fairly "friendly" breakup).

Still, I know it hurts. I have spent so much time feeling like such a fool for loving and supporting someone who didn't deserve it. But after a while, I have supported him for much longer than I should have (even helped him get together with the other woman) but I don't really regret it anymore... yes, I was a fool, but I decided I'd rather be a fool to love too much than be bitter and untrusting. Even if I do sometime get upset about being cast aside, I KNOW now that I deserve better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's normal for you to be really upset right now, of course. But even if you're upset, don't be mad at yourself for loving him. There's nothing wrong about loving someone... he's the one who did something wrong by not appreciating your love.
Some day, when you meet the right person, he will appreciate how lucky he is to be with such a loving person and treat you right.
post #12 of 42
Hon sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince. The pain of abandonment will ease with time...hopefully she will treat him like crap *g* Be careful what you wish for though...i hoped my husband would marry the *Harridan from HELL* he did...she made my kids lives miserable. And she wasnt even the one he was sneakin to see.
post #13 of 42
I am sorry that this happened to you. It's not fair when things like this happen...but 26 is still young and believe me you are going to find love when you least expect it......just know that you are the better person!
post #14 of 42
What a pig!!! I had a boyfriend who did that same thing to me. Chin up, It's better to know now then in 10 years.
post #15 of 42
A lot of us have been where you are now and it hurts a lot so nothing we can say will make the hurt stop but, believe that it will stop hurting and you will look back and realize how very lucky you are that he showed his true colours now instead of after you were married with children maybe, blended finances, etc., etc.

I didn't meet my husband until I was 30. I was divorced for 8 years from a man who was very controlling but I learned a lot from him so have no regrets. It was very tough being on my own and getting a divorce but this wonderful man I met at 30 is the love of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. We've had our ups and downs but after almost 30 years together, I really haven't much to complain about.

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of this relationship. Time will heal your heart and prepare it for a man worthy of you.

The fact that your friends didn't like him might be saying more than you think. Perhaps they saw things in him that you overlooked in your blinded by love state of mind.

I had a friend once whose husband was a real louse. He tried to hit on me at a party they attended at my house. I never told her because I know at the time she would not have believed me (or at least not wanted to believe me) and our friendship would have been in danger. I figured that somewhere down the road she would need her friends if she stayed with this horrible man and indeed she did. She found out after marriage and 2 children (one of whom is Downs Syndome) that he was the worst kind of louse - he left her while she was in the hospital having her second baby. We are friends to this day - 40 years later.
post #16 of 42
I'm sorry to hear this but like others have said, better now then later. Especially if you DID have children by him!
Trust me, I know!
post #17 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of this relationship. Time will heal your heart and prepare it for a man worthy of you.
I totally agree. I went through a divorce, and the pain of him dumping me was immense. I thought I would continue to love him forever, and always feel part of that pain. But eventually I realized he was not the person I thought he was, and I loved the idea of a happy marriage and a good husband. The years of his lack of respect for me, and failure to be kind to me, or show me any affection were very difficult. Within 24 hours of meeting my current husband, I felt more loved than I was in my first marriage.

Condolences on your loss, the death of the idea of a happy marriage. The pain will pass, and in time you will realize he was not worthy of your time.
post #18 of 42
Aww hun! Many hugs for you!! Sorry you are going through such a rough time...but it will get better, even though it doesnt seem like it right now. One of my ex's(my sons dad) screwed around on me so many times, I cant even count! I was young and stupid, and "in love".....but I have learned much from that relationship. And now I am happier than ever, and it took me over 5 yrs to finally meet Mr right. Promise ya sweetie, it will happen!!
post #19 of 42
I have been there too! I got divorced at 26, and didn't meet the father of my daughter till I was 28. We stayed together for 17 years after that. So don't worry, there are lots of nice people out there waiting to meet someone like you. Give yourslef time to heal, vent, rage, then think about what you want to do and how best to meet people, through friends, shared interests etc. But the worst thing to do is to rush into another relationship because you are afraid to be alone.
post #20 of 42
This happened to me actually not long ago,
this time last year i just got engaged it only lasted not even two months,
he started chatting on the internet to this woman from another country and all of a sudden she was coming to visit him! he left me for a week, wanted to sleep with me when she went back to where she came from and just wanted to keep me on the leash like a dog!
I moved back to my parents, then i moved back in with him, he then went to Her country and came back to germany with a golden diamond ring on his finger, i went mad!
I was so hurt, when he left me for that woman, I was drinking for a week non stop, i couldnt eat, i couldnt even get up to feed my cats or go to the toilet.
After a few days of only drinking and taking any pain killers there was in the house and not eating i woke up to my self i saw how i was harming my self, i got my mum to come and look after me.
She couldnt soothe my pain away, but she helped me alot.
That was in September, by the end of December i felt something was lifeted off my chest and i started to look at different things, even other men!
I then started dating again. I just let these guys take me out for dinner or to a movie or for a walk. Havent found mr right though, but i know he is somewhere!
I look back now and although it wasnt long ago, its now been 6 months and ive been really happy with out him!

Your ex will realise what he has lost sooner or later, and will crawl back to you.. thats what mine is doing.
post #21 of 42
I am so sorry.
Thats must be so hard and sad and painful.
Its what we all dread.
My heart goes out to you.
Look after yourself. Love yourself. treat yourself and give yourself time to grieve.
post #22 of 42
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. A girl I work with is going through a similar thing and she is gradually thinking about how to rebuild her life and live as one person again, instead of half of 2.
You will get there, it takes time and hard work but you will be fine in the end. You were lucky you were not married to him and there are no children involved.
post #23 of 42
I feel your pain. That is a really sucky situation. But I would think that your friends would be the bigger person and try to be there for you, whether they liked him or not.... maybe try to reach out to whom ever you are closest too, explain that you were wrong, and you really need a shoulder to cry on. When I was younger, and broken hearted because I had just lost what I though was the best thing that ever happened to me, my mom always said "sweetie, you have to kiss a TON of frogs, before you find your prince" so true.... and I do believe that everything happens for a reason, whether it hurts or not!
post #24 of 42
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how bad you're hurting now, and that it feels like nothing will ever be right again. But, hard as it is to believe, it'll be even better.

I was engaged to a guy I had been with for over 3 years when I found out he was cheating on me. Apparently, I was the only one who hadn't known that for years. I thought I'd never find someone like him again.

And I was right. I found someone SO much better. I ended up meeting my husband...a guy who's trustworthy and faithful and makes me feel great about myself. I actually thank God for my experience with my former fiancee now. As hard as it was to go through at the time, if it hadn't happened, I'd never have met Pat. I'm not a terribly religious person, but I really, truly believe that when God closes a door He opens a window.
post #25 of 42
I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but if he would cheat on you in the first place ehe wasn't worth your time. I know it really hurts to be cheated on, been there done that, but trust me Mr.Right will come to you when the time is right!!
post #26 of 42
misspremier.. I'm going through the 26 yr old thing too. At 24 it was no biggie but passing 25 was scary! I'm worried that I'll never get married and even if I do I'll certainly have no children because it'll take me at LEAST a year or two to find a man, then at least a year of dating before a proposal, and then at least a year of engagement for the wedding.. So we're looking at an absolute minimum of 4-5 years, making me over 30, and that's considering that I don't date a LOSER or the relationship works out or whatever, I mean I've had a string of awful relationships in my past so I don't see why it would stop now. I wanted to have a family by 26 but no it's just me and my cat, and I'm learning to accept that slowly, although I still get depressed. I can't stand kids though so I don't know what I'm depressed about. I have had one officially failed engagement at 22 and an engagement going down the tubes currently, and I'm thinking I might as well give up.. But, probably not
post #27 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by annabelle33
at least a year of engagement for the wedding..
I was personally engaged exactly one year before the wedding, but I have never heard this rule before. I personally think it is not necessary. I think if you are engaged to the right person, you can be married ASAP.

Why do you have to get engaged for a year before the wedding? When we were planning the wedding (2 months before the wedding) every single day we spent $...............It seemed like every single day we found out something we needed to buy that we had never heard of before.
post #28 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei
I was personally engaged exactly one year before the wedding, but I have never heard this rule before. I personally think it is not necessary. I think if you are engaged to the right person, you can be married ASAP.

Why do you have to get engaged for a year before the wedding? When we were planning the wedding (2 months before the wedding) every single day we spent $...............It seemed like every single day we found out something we needed to buy that we had never heard of before.
I think a year is usually the "generic' period of time to plan a wedding, it took me and my mom a little over a year to plan mine, my ex and I were engaged a little over a year and a half, also what's the point of being engaged if its only for a short period of time? may as well just straight get married if the engagment is going to be so short.

And to Misspremier, i echo what everyone else has said, much better to find out now than later after children and finances are involved what a louse he is... 26 is still young, many women are starting families later and later in life so don't worry, you'll find someone who will respect and cherish you
post #29 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277
what's the point of being engaged if its only for a short period of time? may as well just straight get married if the engagment is going to be so short.
I must have a different point of view because I am Asian, so please bear with me.

What is the meaning of engagement in the U.S.? I thought engagement is the intention to be married as soon as financially possible. What do you do during engagement beside planning the wedding?

For the longest time hubby was worried about not being able to afford a wedding because we both have hundreds of relatives. Our wedding was supposed to be in November 2008. One day we just went "the heck with that". We got married soon after.
post #30 of 42
We had a 2 year engagement. Planning a wedding is a big job. And most of the places in Philly book fast and far in advance. You need at least a year to reserve any kind of place for a reception, even churches book more than a year in advance. We paid for our own wedding, and it ran between $20-$25 thousand dollars. (yikes, I know) So it took us that long to save up. Also, you are planning your new life together, so alot of people look to buy a house, or at least get into an apt for after the wedding, if they aren't already living together....
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