TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › How would you feel?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

How would you feel?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I am going to TRY and make this as short as possible. I have a very good friend, we will call *Tina*, and her and I have been friends for over 10 yrs. We have been through ALOT together! She has two boys ages 4 and 6 and a s/o that well they are divorced but live together, if that makes sense,lol. Anyways-we all hang out together and stuff(cook out, go out, etc etc) Last summer they were always out at our place, hanging out, letting kids play, yadda yadda. But it seems like here lately they NEVER come over! I mean every time we cook out, its always at their place, and I guess maybe my feelings are a bit hurt?! I always ask her to come out during the day, while her s/o is working, and she always has some excuse! I know 1/2 of it may be because her kids are extremely misbehaved and maybe she doenst want them out here, I dunno....I just am feeling frustrated with it all I guess and just wondered what everyone else thinks. TIA!! Monica
post #2 of 21
I dunno - maybe she feels like it's her turn since they were at your place so often last year? Or maybe she's just dealing with some personal stuff and feels more comfortable entertaining you at her home this year.

I wouldn't look too much into it. After all, it isn't like she's stopped inviting you over, right?
post #3 of 21
Hmmm
But you still meet up? so its not a friendship issue?
Could she be trying to repay your kindress for hosting them last year?
could you suggest you take it in turns?
After 10 years why not just ask her whats up?
Hope its sorted soon. that friendship sounds too good to mess up.
post #4 of 21
Maybe your litter boxes are too stinky
post #5 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom
Maybe your litter boxes are too stinky
HAHA!! Nah, dont think thats the issue
post #6 of 21
I bet its the fact that her kids are out of control. My girls are very well behaved, but sometimes it is just too hard to get them ready, load them up in the car, unload them at destination, etc.
post #7 of 21
I would say it might be the kids too, or that she's just returning the favor.

If it really bothers you though, I would ask her about it. Besides, after being friends for 10 years, I'm sure she'll be completely honest and up front with you

Good luck!
post #8 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley
I would say it might be the kids too, or that she's just returning the favor.

If it really bothers you though, I would ask her about it. Besides, after being friends for 10 years, I'm sure she'll be completely honest and up front with you

Good luck!
I have said stuff to her and her s/o many times and they just kinda laugh it off and say "whatever" or something! I dunno....I think it is mainly because of her kids probly, but during the day I tell her she can come see me(her kids are in school) and she still never stops by.
post #9 of 21
Maybe she's tired of having to always pack everyone up to come to you...why don't you go to her?

Anyway, without a serious sit-down, heart-to-heart talk with her (not just off handed comments), you're just guessing. None of us know her, or you really, so it's all speculation here anyway. It's been ten years of friendship, instead of feeling hurt over a perceived slight, talk to her.
post #10 of 21
Well if you have been friends that long, maybe you could just ask her is everything ok, I wouldn't have a problem if my good friend ask me that. Sometimes people are not going to say there's a problem unless there promted. Its not like being nosey your her friend and something seems to not be right...
post #11 of 21
I know with my son, because he can be a handful sometimes and he's so high energy, that I find it hard to take him with me to other people's houses.

My reasons:

1. He is well behaved and knows what is expected of him under my roof because it is my rules and he knows he can not get away with misbehavior.

2.My friends houses may not be as child proof as I need them to be for my son to be safe

etc.

I think you should just have a heart to heart with her and not sorta tip toe around it. People can't change behavior unless they know what they are doing is hurting or affecting you.

I wish you luck and hope you guys stay great friends for another million years!
post #12 of 21
That's a tough one!!! I would ask her why she doesn't come over to your house too. Perhaps its due to her children???
DH has 7 brothers and sisters and they rarely come over to out house. Partly because of distance-the closest is about 30 minutes away, the others a hour or more away. We go there lots but not the reverse. It would be nice to entertain at home. Maybe you could set a specific date for them to come over??
post #13 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by clixpix
Maybe she's tired of having to always pack everyone up to come to you...why don't you go to her?

Anyway, without a serious sit-down, heart-to-heart talk with her (not just off handed comments), you're just guessing. None of us know her, or you really, so it's all speculation here anyway. It's been ten years of friendship, instead of feeling hurt over a perceived slight, talk to her.
We have some friends that have small children, so we always go there. They still haven't seen our new house. We realize how much easier it is for us to go there, and are quite understanding about it. It doesn't bother us in the least. When the time is right, they will come here. I often bring the meal with me because it is easier than her having to cook a meal for a group with two young ones. That's what friendship is all about, understanding each others needs and adapting to them.


I have another friend who will not bring her son here because he is in the terrible two's stage and will try to destroy the place.

As Kelly said, if it is bothering you that much, ask.
post #14 of 21
Have you given any thought to the possibility she could be going through a very tough time right now? Things might be complicated with ex husband living back in the house and with the kids acting out. She might be trying hard to keep things together and just feels more comfortable in her home until they settle down a bit. As her friend, you might want to sit down and have a talk with her and see if there is anything you can help her out with.

It's hard for us to say because we don't know her, but after 10 years of friendship I think you have a right to have this discussion with her
post #15 of 21
I'd definately ask her... after 10 yrs, you could probably just come out with it nicely.... "hey, you haven't been to my house in a really long time, I know it's tough with the kids, do you think we could spend some time over here?" and go from there. With my best friend, if she doesn't call me during the day while I'm at work, I think somethings wrong, and I'm like "uhhhh, what's the deal, I'm feeling neglected... I know you have a toddler & all, but I need your friendship too! and make a joke about it to keep the mood light. Good luck, a good friend is hard to come by, don't let it go over something that could be nothing!
post #16 of 21
Thread Starter 
I have joked about it to her and also its not like she has to pack a diaper bag or anything when they come out. My daughter is much younger than her kids and I still manage to take her to their place.....and her s/o has been living back with her for over a year, so its not a BIG adjustment or anything to the boys. I just get tired of inviting them out and they always have some excuse, thats what gets to me. Maybe I am over reacting? Guess if I talk to her again today, I will bring it up again.
post #17 of 21
See, it's really hard for us to give advice when we don't know what's going on. You just mentioned they had behavior problems, so all we can do is speculate. I think it's best you talk to her...Maybe just quit inviting them out, or everytime they invite you to their house make an excuse and then invite them to yours a day or 2 later
post #18 of 21
I would actually feel a bit relieved. Entertaining is a lot of work!!!
post #19 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks
I have joked about it to her and also its not like she has to pack a diaper bag or anything when they come out. My daughter is much younger than her kids and I still manage to take her to their place.....and her s/o has been living back with her for over a year, so its not a BIG adjustment or anything to the boys. I just get tired of inviting them out and they always have some excuse, thats what gets to me. Maybe I am over reacting? Guess if I talk to her again today, I will bring it up again.
Joking about it with her is not having an actual conversation with her about your concerns. You're making a lot of assumptions that it would be easier for her to come and see you. Maybe there is something going on in her life that you are unaware of. Maybe not. Sometimes friendships wane, and perhaps that is the case. Again, all speculation. Your choices are limited, but simple. You either talk to her, put up with it & quit letting it bother you, or end the friendship. Continuing to let it eat at you serves nobody in the end.
post #20 of 21
If her kids are half as bad as my demon spawn I can't blame her

I don't like taking my boys to Wal-mart together... Separately they're fine, but together........OMG!
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256
If her kids are half as bad as my demon spawn I can't blame her

I don't like taking my boys to Wal-mart together... Separately they're fine, but together........OMG!
LOL-that totally sounds like her kids!! They are great when apart, but OMG when they are together-look out!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › How would you feel?