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Cousins getting married :confused: - Page 3

post #61 of 90
6/16/06 at 10:47pm
humm, i don't think i'd marry a cousin.
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post #62 of 90
6/17/06 at 4:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese



Now I pray they do find happiness together and that their child is born healthy with no problems and that they decide not to have anymore children. She has two (one from two different cousins) and hopefully she will realize the danger she's putting her children in.
So she will have 3 kids from 3 different cousins? I'd hate to be at THOSE family reunions!!!

In general, I don't think second cousins marrying is a problem, but when the family continues to marry within the family, that does not seem healthy. I know the geneticists state otherwise. But my dh's family has Hirshsprungs disease. They never knew it until he and his siblings were born. 3 of 5 kids had severe intestinal problems, leading to one dying prior to 1 year old. Two others required multiple surgeries. Any inbreeding would amplify such a disease.

I do have a dear friend who married a first cousin, and their Mom's are identical twins. I think that is creepy, but I can tell you his daughter looks JUST LIKE HIM! And thankfully she is healthy.
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post #63 of 90
6/17/06 at 5:07pm
If their moms are identical twins isn't it the genetic equivalent of marrying your sibling or half-sibling at least? Even if they do see themselves as cousins?

That is... just... um...
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post #64 of 90
6/17/06 at 5:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
If their moms are identical twins isn't it the genetic equivalent of marrying your sibling or half-sibling at least? Even if they do see themselves as cousins?

That is... just... um...
Yeah.
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post #65 of 90
6/17/06 at 9:45pm
According to my Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, 20% of married couples are first cousins.
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post #66 of 90
6/17/06 at 11:46pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
So she will have 3 kids from 3 different cousins? I'd hate to be at THOSE family reunions!!!


(She will have 2 kids from 2 different cousins thankfully not 3....sorry for being confusing.)

Me too. DH was joking with Kelly (groom) about his upcoming child and Kyle said to him that his kids not going to know whether or not to call him dad or cousin.

I think that was sorta mean but they both laughed.
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post #67 of 90
6/18/06 at 4:28pm
How did the first one turn out?
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post #68 of 90
6/18/06 at 7:07pm
My mom is really interested in genes, and they did a lot research on her family. (Which is French Canadian BTW) Well we found out that my grandparents are 4 th cousins once removed. And they are also related a bunch of other different ways! Everyone has come out healthy to my knowledge, but it does seem that there are some pretty strong family traits.. like big round heads, shortness, and it seems that bad hips also run in the family...
I guess my dad's greatgrandmother also married a 1st cousin.. Even had the same last name??? This side is Jewish.. I'm glad my parents are NOT related.
I think that it is something to be avoided, but I also think the parents should invest in genetic counseling before they have kids, which apparently has NOT been done. I have also heard that among the Amish they have had a lot genetic problems due to inbreeding, but that is also b/c their is a very limited population for them to marry..
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post #69 of 90
6/18/06 at 8:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese

(She will have 2 kids from 2 different cousins thankfully not 3....sorry for being confusing.)

Me too. DH was joking with Kelly (groom) about his upcoming child and Kyle said to him that his kids not going to know whether or not to call him dad or cousin.

I think that was sorta mean but they both laughed.
My friend's wife had several kids when they married. So they already knew him as their cousin before he became their stepdad. The child they had together called him by his name + daddy. Like saying Kelly-Daddy. I'm guessing because all the older kids kept calling him by his name!!!

The older kids accepted him. In fact, when my friend and his wife divorced, her kids stayed with him, rather than leaving with their Mom. (She had problems.)
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post #70 of 90
6/18/06 at 10:58pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei
How did the first one turn out?

I'll have to ask. I've never met him and they've never said anything about him. I do know that they live with her parents for extra help though but I'm not sure why.

My mom thinks I'm rude for not going but I said I would just put a damper on the whole thing and that is what would be rude
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post #71 of 90
6/19/06 at 11:12am
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
I'll have to ask. I've never met him and they've never said anything about him. I do know that they live with her parents for extra help though but I'm not sure why.
I guess in this case, no news is good news.
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post #72 of 90
6/19/06 at 5:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
If their moms are identical twins isn't it the genetic equivalent of marrying your sibling or half-sibling at least? Even if they do see themselves as cousins?

That is... just... um...
Ah, yeah, what's the word- Gross? Eeeeewwwwwww? Barf-inducing?
Seriously, that made my stomach churn. That's way too closely related!!!!
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post #73 of 90
6/19/06 at 8:08pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pushylady
Ah, yeah, what's the word- Gross? Eeeeewwwwwww? Barf-inducing?
Seriously, that made my stomach churn. That's way too closely related!!!!

I agree.
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post #74 of 90
6/20/06 at 6:31pm
Yeah, I agree. But I do love him, as we have been friends forever. Luckily, I was living in another state when the wedding and marriage happened, so never had to see them together! And when I see him now (which isn't as often as I should see him!), he never talks about her much, except as his daughter's Mom. His ex-wife is actually deceased now, so I hope she finally found some peace.

The idea of first cousin's marrying is bad, especially if the parents are identical twins!

P.S. Sorry about the thread hi-jack! I know your Mom says it is rude not to go to the wedding. Rude is going to the wedding and gossiping about the "odd couple". Much better to talk it out with your dh, vent some steam here at TCS anonymously, and skip the wedding!
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post #75 of 90
6/20/06 at 7:12pm
Thread Starter 
lol, this was no hi-jack. At least it is on the topic. I even hi-jack my own threads...see sexual education in schools.

I am definately not going. If they want to know why, I'll be honest, but polite and respectful. Talking about it helped me work out some of the issues I have with this. I am a cousinsgettingmarriedphobe.
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post #76 of 90
6/21/06 at 11:16am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo

P.S. Sorry about the thread hi-jack! I know your Mom says it is rude not to go to the wedding. Rude is going to the wedding and gossiping about the "odd couple". Much better to talk it out with your dh, vent some steam here at TCS anonymously, and skip the wedding!

I agree.

Can one really hijack his/her own threads? I thought if you start a personal thread, you kinda "own" it. LOL.
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post #77 of 90
6/21/06 at 11:27am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei
I agree.

Can one really hijack his/her own threads? I thought if you start a personal thread, you kinda "own" it. LOL.

Hmmm well in the other thread, we've gone from sexual education in school, to pregnant teens, to not wanting kids, to how schools deal with pregnant teens and parent's roles for what their kids do. I don't care as long as the the convo keeps going.

Back to this thread....I was thinking about why it bothers me that cousins get married. I mean if they were cousins who weren't blood related , I wouldn'
t care at all, so is that a double standard????
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post #78 of 90
6/21/06 at 11:44am
I think maybe that is a little double-standard. I mean, I might have very little faith in human nature, but lately it seems that you can't really trust pedigrees because people had become so unfaithful.
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post #79 of 90
6/21/06 at 2:10pm
I dont see anything wrong with it, Depending on how you were raised, where you are from and your culture, you will see it differently.

Alot of cultures prefer to stay in the family but theres alot of non family marriages as well. There is no sibling stuff or anything like that. Its usually 2nd cousins but as long as its in the family.

My family deosnt do it, but in the past generations it has been done. Like I said, its not gross, just depends where you are from.

Just like in some cultures they "fatten" women before marriage, while here in america we are striving to be thing. IMAGINE THAT! fattening the bride. tee-hee. It's just culture. and if the gentetic mumbo jumbo were a problem, half of pakistan and india would be deformed,or seriously ill but thats not the case. They are smart about what they do IMO. If they see that they need genes from a different pool, then they get it.
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post #80 of 90
6/21/06 at 6:03pm
One of my population professors' student was a student from Pakistan. According to him, his family had been inbred for the last 1500 years. He can only marry inside his family because he is supposedly the decendent of Muhammed.

Judging from the lack of genetic problems in his family, my population professor believed that there had been some "infidelity" in the family. LOL.

Apparently it only takes one "infidelity" every hundred years or so for the effects of the inbreeding to go away.

ETA: Humans are not like animals. You can cage animals and inbreed them again and again. You can't do so with humans. If they fall in love with someone whom they are not supposed to they will still strive to procreate with the people they are not supposed to procreate with. Human pedigrees are notoriously unreliable.
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post #81 of 90
6/21/06 at 6:34pm
I don't care about the genetics really at all.

It's wrong to marry a family member, blood relative or not. It's one of those things that is ingrained in human nature as being wrong, like murder and stealing. It's just.... wrong. I know there are all sorts of times when it's "okay" like so many people used to marry their relatives, so many people still do, it's genetically okay, etc. I mean, if having a child with your father doesn't guarantee that the baby will have genetic abnormalities does that make it okay? No. Family is family, and romance is romance. They don't mix.

It's one of my biggest fears to find out that someone I've dated is a relative even though the chances are one in a billion.

Am I the only one who feels that way?
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post #82 of 90
6/21/06 at 7:32pm
I don't know. When I was about 10 or so, I thought my cousin Sean was the best! He was funny and cute and we had the best time playing "tigers" together (we would have to defend our turf against the evil cheetahs! kids...)! I totally had a little girl crush on him. Now of course, he's gay and I'm engaged to someone I'm pretty sure I'm not related to. But in the grand scheme of things, he's a great guy. Better I have a crush on him rather some deadbeat I'm not related to.

I don't know, I think about my fiancé, and if I were suddenly to learn he was my long lost cousin, it would be weird at first (I mean, how could we not know!), but I sure wouldn't love him less. But I do realize that the cousins in questions grew up knowing they were family. I don't know, at the second cousin level, hey, if it makes you happy, I don't think I can judge.

~Julia
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post #83 of 90
6/21/06 at 8:11pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
I don't care about the genetics really at all.

It's wrong to marry a family member, blood relative or not. It's one of those things that is ingrained in human nature as being wrong, like murder and stealing. It's just.... wrong. I know there are all sorts of times when it's "okay" like so many people used to marry their relatives, so many people still do, it's genetically okay, etc. I mean, if having a child with your father doesn't guarantee that the baby will have genetic abnormalities does that make it okay? No. Family is family, and romance is romance. They don't mix.

It's one of my biggest fears to find out that someone I've dated is a relative even though the chances are one in a billion.

Am I the only one who feels that way?
Absolutely not. That is why I am not going to the wedding. I mean, I try not to judge others for something I wouldn't do, but this crosses my line and I am truely struggling with it.
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post #84 of 90
6/22/06 at 2:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei
One of my population professors' student was a student from Pakistan. According to him, his family had been inbred for the last 1500 years. He can only marry inside his family because he is supposedly the decendent of Muhammed.
you shouldnt bring religion into this. Like I said its cultural. We are americans and we were brought up in a copmpletely different way, thats all there is to it. I am muslim and it offended me that you insinuated that its for religious reasons, it's not and people shouldnt claim that its for being a follower of so and so, because it's strictly a culture thing. Religiously it is allowed, but its not something you MUST do. I happen to be an outsider and so are both of my sister in laws.

Anyway, people are going to have different opinions about this SIMPLY because you are not from those places. Since my family came here from mexico a looooooooooooooong time a go, they went from "yes it is ok to EEWWWWWWW thats you COUSIN!" Because they have lived here for decades now. I know that people in England do it, Mexicans (from mrexico) do it.
The funny thing is that it was common here in the US a few decades ago. But you know times change, and what used to be cool or ok might not longer be.
IMO- If you have a problem with it, then dont do it. No need to critisize others who do it though.
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post #85 of 90
6/22/06 at 3:03pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeilaLuv
you shouldnt bring religion into this.
I apologize. It had nothing to do with religion. It was the tradition of a tribe.

Although I thought the whole promise of the Da Vinci Code was there was a line of decendents from Jesus. This tribe believed the same, except they believed they are decendents from Muhammed.

I think if I believe that I was a decendent of a perfect being, then I would marry my cousin also......... Keep the bloodline pure, you know?
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post #86 of 90
6/22/06 at 5:20pm
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post #87 of 90
6/25/06 at 10:12am
I'm kind of a live and let live sort of person, so I figure that what consenting adults do is their business, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. Of course, in this case, it seems like the children are the ones who could (potentially) suffer.

(I yield to the biology experts on just how likely it really is that any offspring from this union would have genetic issues.)

If it really bothers you, don't go. Come up with a polite excuse if you want, it might help smooth things over. ^^;;
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post #88 of 90
6/29/06 at 7:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
Marry your relative to avoid the in-law situation?? You've got to be kidding me. Apparently I am part of the 20% that has yet to fail. I feel any inlaw issues have made us stronger in our bond with each other.
lol, I laughed at that, too...I really don't think marrying your family members will help with in-laws.

And I agree with you -- I have in-law issues (well, future in-laws) and it just helps strengthen us.
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post #89 of 90
6/29/06 at 7:58pm
As far as I am concerned it would make an inlaw problem worse as you could split up a whole family with a little marital dispute that you as a couple could sort out quickly.

One of my cousins is dating his second cousin and my whole family still considers that a really uncomfortable situation, although they feel a little better about it now that they have said that she can't have children as it doesn't involve endangering the health of possible offspring

I personally don't think that many people have a 'pure bloodline' to protect so that argument should stay in the fiction of the da vinci code and royal families!
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post #90 of 90
6/29/06 at 8:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by icklemiss21
I personally don't think that many people have a 'pure bloodline' to protect so that argument should stay in the fiction of the da vinci code and royal families!
I was not being serious about that......I apologize.
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