Things to ponder in your spare moments:
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In the 60â€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Life is sexually transmitted
What are male ladybugs called?
If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?
What do they call their good plates in China?
If money doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why are you IN a movie, but youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? Theyâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
When your photo is taken for your driverâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s in your butt?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
------------------------
My thanks to Jessica on another board for compiling these and giving permission for their use.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In the 60â€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Life is sexually transmitted
What are male ladybugs called?
If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?
What do they call their good plates in China?
If money doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why are you IN a movie, but youâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? Theyâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
When your photo is taken for your driverâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s in your butt?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
------------------------
My thanks to Jessica on another board for compiling these and giving permission for their use.
