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To go or Not to Go?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Just out of curiousity,

Do you guys go to weddings of people that you don't know that well? Or do you just send a gift and regrets?

Just curious what everyone's opinion is this.
post #2 of 16
Free food !!!

It is uplifting to the soul to see people celebrate. There has been too much stress in my life.

If they invite you, then they must think you know them enough
post #3 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei
Free food !!!

It is uplifting to the soul to see people celebrate. There has been too much stress in my life.

If they invite you, then they must think you know them enough
Especially the free food
post #4 of 16
Another reason to party.
post #5 of 16
Why send a gift and miss out on the food?!!
post #6 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pushylady
Why send a gift and miss out on the food?!!
That's true...and all you guys said is true (why pass up free food?)

However, I just feel its a principle thing. I.e. One guy I work with is getting married next month. We don't hang out or talk much at work, but I think I just got invited because other people from work are going.
I know its a silly immature thought. another part of me is that all they (not just the guy I work with, but others in the past) think of is getting enough people invited so that they're sure to get the presents.

I guess its just me...I look at weddings to be those that you're close to. Oh well...
post #7 of 16
If you don't feel comfortable going then don't go. You are not obligated to send a gift or bring a gift at all.
post #8 of 16
If I have the time and money for a gift then I would probably go....but I really haven't been in that situation b/c all the weddings I have been to have been family and friends
post #9 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
If you don't feel comfortable going then don't go. You are not obligated to send a gift or bring a gift at all.
I second that. Just because you're invited doesn't mean you have to go, nor should you feel like you have to give a gift--good manners dictate that people should only invite those to their wedding that they actually want at their wedding. Despite what some people think, a wedding should not be seen as primarily a way to refurnish your home. If he is inviting you just to get a gift, that doesn't mean you need to let yourself be extorted. And if he is inviting you just because he feels like he has to, because he is inviting others from the office, then you not going is a win-win situation for you both--he doesn't have to pay for your plate, and you don't have to show up at a social occasion you really could care less about.

BTW, I have to say that I don't think I've ever been invited to the wedding of "just an acquaintance."
post #10 of 16
I'm a big fan of free food, but I don't feel right going to the wedding receptions of those people I don't know well. I sometimes attend the ceremony, but otherwise send my best wishes and a gift.
post #11 of 16
If I didn't know them well, I would decline and not send a gift. What really burns my butt is when folks invite you to all the showers and stags but not to the wedding. They want your gifts but you aren't important enough to be at their wedding.
post #12 of 16
Do what you feel is right. I personally am not a "wedding" person unless they are close. You have no obligation to do a thing. Free food is nice but if you are in an atmoshpere where you are not comfortable, personally I would pass.
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
If I didn't know them well, I would decline and not send a gift. What really burns my butt is when folks invite you to all the showers and stags but not to the wedding. They want your gifts but you aren't important enough to be at their wedding.
I second that! My husband ALWAYS gets invited to the batchelor parties... but we don't always get an invite to the wedding. And his 1 "friend" was actually like "you think you can chip in $50?" he's SO lucky there were no sharp objects laying close! So tacky!

But weddings are so much fun, and I've only been invited to weddings of people I know. I don't think most people invite others just to get alot of gifts now-a-days. Cause the price per head is at least $50 (with open bar), and not everyone will give you $50 for a gift. Our wedding was $20,000 (my dad helped) and we only got back $5000. That certainly wasn't why we invited anyone, we knew alot of our family/friends didn't have alot of $...we just wanted them to share in our day.
post #14 of 16
Thread Starter 
Speaking of showers and such, that is one thing that burns me. OK I have a some male acquantences, but lately some of these acquaintence that I know to be getting married I'm not that great of friends with or even really know the bride. I feel so uncomfortable when I get invited to the shower of these people. I've only been to showers where its family and close friends...never almost complete strangers (especialy if its held at someones house that you never even heard before)!!

Anyhoo, back to the question. I always will send a gift though...even if its only $20-25. I figure if they were kind enough to invite me and I don't want to go because i don't feel comfortable, at least a small gift.
LuckyGirl - you do make a good point though. Like I just said if I did decide to go to this wedding I would only spend about $25 for the present, since I don't know them that well. Good friends I'm willing to spend about $50-60 on for their wedding. I guess I would feel a little guilty if they paid more for the cost of me sitting there drinking and eating then the cost of their napkin holders...
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom
I guess I would feel a little guilty if they paid more for the cost of me sitting there drinking and eating then the cost of their napkin holders...
I hear you on this one, but I hate that we feel compelled to look at weddings this way. I know conventional wisdom says that your gift should at least cover the cost of your plate, but when DH and I were planning our wedding last year, our philosophy was, "If we have to rely on the guests to pay for the wedding, then we're spending too much." I'm not sure why we feel this way about weddings--a wedding is essentially a big party, and when you go to a party, you don't expect to have to reimburse the host for the cost of inviting you. Perhaps it is because weddings have become so expensive.
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat
Perhaps it is because weddings have become so expensive.
I think you're right on that one.
If I ever get out of IT, I plan on getting into the wedding business!!
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