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Sexual Education in schools. - Page 3

post #61 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
I want kids someday and always have but I don't see why anybody thinks they have to have them! I know alot of people think they don't and then they do have them and are glad, but wouldn't you be a pretty terrible parent to keep your child and regret it at the same time? More and more people don't want kids, and I'd say, better for them and better for everyone. Not because people who don't want kids would abuse them, since usually those people want children, either. Zero population growth is the sign of a stable, healthy, well-off society. For instance, Germany actually has to encourage people to have children with pr campaigns and tax breaks. Whereas if you look at the countries we call "third world" you will find extremely uneven population, with huge birth numbers and huge populations of children... and not even close to enough parents to take care of them!

My life won't be complete until I have a family, but that's because I want one. Whatever it is that anyone wants to make their life complete, I hope they get it, and it certainly doesn't have to be children!
I did not mean to say all people who don't want children and then have them will become abusive, but I do think that this may be a factor in some child abuse cases, as I know many many social workers and that's my backup plan incase I don't like teaching.

You also have to consider that in 3rd world countries there is a higher death rate among births. I think that is the difference between Germany and place in Africa.
post #62 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
I did not mean to say all people who don't want children and then have them will become abusive, but I do think that this may be a factor in some child abuse cases, as I know many many social workers and that's my backup plan incase I don't like teaching.
Its too simplistic to say that child abuse could be the result of simply "not wanting" kids but having them anyway..

Child abuse is more prevalent in a home without adequate supports, with a history of familial abuse, and with substance abusers.
However, its often that people that come from these backgrounds think the opposite..That having a baby will solve everything, make them feel complete and make them feel loved and wanted. You don't know how many times I have heard this sentiment from young girls going through an unplanned pregnancy. The cycle of abuse may and likely will continue though if the initial external issues aren't dealt with...
post #63 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
Its too simplistic to say that child abuse could be the result of simply "not wanting" kids but having them anyway..

Child abuse is more prevalent in a home without adequate supports, with a history of familial abuse, and with substance abusers.
However, its often that people that come from these backgrounds think the opposite..That having a baby will solve everything, make them feel complete and make them feel loved and wanted. You don't know how many times I have heard this sentiment from young girls going through an unplanned pregnancy. The cycle of abuse may and likely will continue though if the initial external issues aren't dealt with...

I did not say that this would be the only factor, but one of many and I know many people who have had this attribute and had their children removed from their custody. It was not the only reason, but resentment and hatred are powerful things that may drive a person to do things they wouldn't normally do. It is a sad fact.
post #64 of 84
The sad thing is these girls are children themselves too, really. When we were teenagers, we all "knew" what we wanted and what was best.
You throw adult things like having children in there and yes, you are going to see every powerful emotion at every end of the spectrum...from resentment to anger to love to jealousy to desperation....
This is why I would love to see a self esteem class mandatory in high school as well as a sex ed. class. There are more competents to 'growing up' than just the act....
post #65 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
The sad thing is these girls are children themselves too, really. When we were teenagers, we all "knew" what we wanted and what was best.
You throw adult things like having children in there and yes, you are going to see every powerful emotion at every end of the spectrum...from resentment to anger to love to jealousy to desperation....
This is why I would love to see a self esteem class mandatory in high school as well as a sex ed. class. There are more competents to 'growing up' than just the act....

I agree with that. You also validated another point of mine is that at certain ages we all think we know what we want but it may not always be true or stay true for forever, that's all.

I know having my son at 16 was a good thing in my life. I know I am a more capable mother than some people who are in their 20's or 30's that have kids. I mean a first time mom is a first time mom regardless of age and there are no handbooks for raising children. Granted that when you are older you may have a more stable situation, but that's not to say that raising a child when you are young it is wrong or impossible.
post #66 of 84
I certainly agree there. I was 19 and on BC when I found out I was pregnant...
I was set to terminate the pregnancy as I didn't ever have a desire to have children. I like to travel and not be "bound" to obligation, was frivolous and had the same idea of "I don't want to bring a child into this"....

Then I was told I was too far along to terminate. This caused me to rethink my entire position and my life really. I could go across the border or I could change my mind and take responsibility for the child (not that I think terminating a pregnancy isn't taking responsibility..I am ALL for choice)...
In the end, it has worked out. I had to grow up much faster and in a different way than my friends...but I was no less irresponsible upon becoming a mother than a 30 year old is...However, due to greater financial stability and fragility of life, I certainly wouldn't recommend young pregnancy as a plan..

Now, I know for certain that I have one (now 13) and I don't want anymore.
This is a certainty in my mind but I still haven't had my tubes tied or anything. I know that I can't be 100% sure of anything that may be 10 years down the road....That's me though.

Now I just feel guilty that she is an 'onlie' and doesn't have siblings...But then I remember that life isn't perfect and that there are benefits to every situation
post #67 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
I certainly agree there. I was 19 and on BC when I found out I was pregnant...
I was set to terminate the pregnancy as I didn't ever have a desire to have children. I like to travel and not be "bound" to obligation, was frivolous and had the same idea of "I don't want to bring a child into this"....

Then I was told I was too far along to terminate. This caused me to rethink my entire position and my life really. I could go across the border or I could change my mind and take responsibility for the child (not that I think terminating a pregnancy isn't taking responsibility..I am ALL for choice)...
In the end, it has worked out. I had to grow up much faster and in a different way than my friends...but I was no less irresponsible upon becoming a mother than a 30 year old is...However, due to greater financial stability and fragility of life, I certainly wouldn't recommend young pregnancy as a plan..

Now, I know for certain that I have one (now 13) and I don't want anymore.
This is a certainty in my mind but I still haven't had my tubes tied or anything. I know that I can't be 100% sure of anything that may be 10 years down the road....That's me though.

Now I just feel guilty that she is an 'onlie' and doesn't have siblings...But then I remember that life isn't perfect and that there are benefits to every situation

Wow, that had to be sorta tough to hear you were too far along! I believe that things happen for a reason though .

I agree that for many young people it would be best to postpone an unintentional pregnancy until they have an education and a stable job for theirs and their child's sake but it doesn't always happen like that and I'm glad my school offered parenting classes (which I took) and an in school daycare for infants and for toddlers. These were instramental in my finishing highschool with honors and getting into a direct entry education program at my university so that I will be able to provide more than everything my son needs (as I am able to provide his necessities already).

I too feel that my son will be his only child (my son calls Gracie,Mittens and Yen little sisters) and feel some pangs of guilt for not having more children althought I am young and have plenty of time to do so. I may foster children in the future though.
post #68 of 84
Not to hijack the thread but this may be of interest to you being from Sask...
When I went back to get the one high school course I needed to graduate, my high school principal told me they didn't want to encourage me to go there as I would set a bad "example" for the rest of the students...
This definitely hurt at that tender age in that place of vulnerability.
Now, I think the EGO of that man! He would rather cap a potential education in someone who needs it most than risk the image of his school..
(I ended up going to another school across the city)...

So, I am glad to hear that for those young people that do want to keep their children like yourself, there are places they can go to further themselves...

Glad to hear that you may foster one day! Good luck to you!
post #69 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
Not to hijack the thread but this may be of interest to you being from Sask...
When I went back to get the one high school course I needed to graduate, my high school principal told me they didn't want to encourage me to go there as I would set a bad "example" for the rest of the students...
This definitely hurt at that tender age in that place of vulnerability.
Now, I think the EGO of that man! He would rather cap a potential education in someone who needs it most than risk the image of his school..
(I ended up going to another school across the city)...

So, I am glad to hear that for those young people that do want to keep their children like yourself, there are places they can go to further themselves...

Glad to hear that you may foster one day! Good luck to you!

Omg


That would absolutely outrage me (and does). It's so weird. I was the last person many people thought would get pregnant as a teenager but never once was I made to feel ashamed. Not by my school, not by my parents and I refuse to be ashamed of being a teenparent.

Boy I'd like to have just 5 mins with that *%))*%)($(&$ . Man, now I'm fired up....I gotta take a minute!
post #70 of 84
My school was extremely worried about it's reputation too (there are three professional football players from my high school-- and it's public. among other things). Girls who were pregnant were allowed to go to school until they felt like they couldn't keep going, and then arrangements were made to help finish the semester. If you had a baby, there was a special school sort of thing in the evenings for students who had young kids (childcare provided) or who were in rehab or who were at risk of failing out.

I guess my school realized that a 99.5% graduation rate and a 98% college attendance rate look "better" for your school than kicking out the pregnant girls!
post #71 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
Omg


That would absolutely outrage me (and does). It's so weird. I was the last person many people thought would get pregnant as a teenager but never once was I made to feel ashamed. Not by my school, not by my parents and I refuse to be ashamed of being a teenparent.

Boy I'd like to have just 5 mins with that *%))*%)($(&$ . Man, now I'm fired up....I gotta take a minute!
Oh, I know. I know...At the time, I felt weak and outnumbered and very sad about it. When I was accepted to Uni. after graduating, I wrote a card to the school that did allow me to go and thanked them for the opportunity when X school did not....That helped to ease my anger a bit.
But hey, if you still want 5 minutes, I'll pm you his name.
Kidding...!
post #72 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
my high school principal told me they didn't want to encourage me to go there as I would set a bad "example" for the rest of the students...
What irks me is that they hold up the young woman as an example of bad behavior because she unfortunately bears the visible result of it. They only punish her. I don't think I've heard of cases where boys are discouraged from attending any school because they got a girl pregnant.

It has been a long time since I had any sex education (which was minimal at best). When they do teach sensible, safe sex, are they teaching boys responsibility?
post #73 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katachtig
What irks me is that they hold up the young woman as an example of bad behavior because she unfortunately bears the visible result of it. They only punish her. I don't think I've heard of cases where boys are discouraged from attending any school because they got a girl pregnant.

It has been a long time since I had any sex education (which was minimal at best). When they do teach sensible, safe sex, are they teaching boys responsibility?

I agree completely. Boys can just walk away or claim that they never did anything while the girls take all the blame/shame or whatever.

I am sooooo glad I went to a school that didn't treat people like mistakes. My school has two daycares in the school and so do a few other highschools in the city. I think my school system is getting to be more progressive and open minded than other places but it could still use some work.

ex. If you have a child in the school daycare you are required to take a parenting class. Out of my whole class (30 some) only 1 was male. Now I know if there are 30 some babies and 30 some young women there then there should be way more than 1 guy in the class.

I feel soooo sorry for girls who attend schools who treat them like dirt. I hope many find a place like I had.
post #74 of 84
Well in my house growing up, it was never talked about. The only time we talked about it was after growth and developement class in 5th grade.
Just my mom and I. SHe just reviewed the info with me, told me that I could officially get pregnant and just wait till I get married.

My mom led by example. She was married in white and so were most of her sisters (one eloped). By married in white I mean a virgin duh!

Even if it wasnt true, I may never know. The family ephasized on this so much, that you just had to do it. Im very happy and proud of myself. My husband is my one and only. I did grow up here, I even had a couple of friends with kids, one had twins.............but really that (IMO) bcause they didnt have any communicatin with their parents. They bearly spoke to each other. ALl they had was the internet, school and friends.


I on the other hand, had both my parents, NO internet and I had curfews for the phone, and was only allowed to go out witjh friends w/ a chaparone (until I was 16) So it has everything to do with parents.

Kids wont always be perfect, but if you have good communication, theyu wont want to disappoint you.
post #75 of 84
Thread Starter 
I definately agree that parents play a HUGE role in their child's life and their views on sexuality. I plan to do alot of the things you mentioned your parents do. I think the biggest part is to be truely involved and engaged in your childs life and I think that makes a world of difference.

It's so weird because my family talks openly about sex, I got sex education, but I made a choice, despite everything anyone ever told me, and I purposely got pregnant at the age of 15. I can tell you now, that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made because I have my beautiful, wonderful son, Telaryn and he's the light of my world.

I too can say that I was married in white, but not for being a virgin but becasue I chose to be. I can also say that my DH has been my one and only.

I guess sometimes I feel that people who have sex before they're married are judged as being easy or that they just sleep around and especially younger woman who get pregnant get judged all the time. I know I was there and I still am.
post #76 of 84
I must say I find it a tad disappointing that out of all of the replies I made to this thread, the only post anyone bothered to even acknowledge reading was the one where I said I didn't want children. Were there truly no opinions at all on anything else I said?
post #77 of 84
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CommonOddity042
I must say I find it a tad disappointing that out of all of the replies I made to this thread, the only post anyone bothered to even acknowledge reading was the one where I said I didn't want children. Were there truly no opinions at all on anything else I said?

There was only one other post that you made here that wasn't about not wanting children.

I also find that people don't read the entire thread and just jump in on the end, so maybe that is why. I went back and re-read all your posts and I will respond to the one about children having sleep overs and blaming the parents.


I agree that parents need to become more strict and follow through with rules. I find many parents today to be lazy and sorry to say it, but just plain stupid imo. I know wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too many parents who think (or participate in) parting and doing "recreational drugs" is ok. I'm sick of these mentalities. We need to crack down on some of this stuff and actually be responsible and have an actual interest in our children's lives.

*end of rant*
post #78 of 84
I was never allowed to spend the night anywhere, because my dad didnt trust other parents' parenting, or what kind of people they really are. U know?? When I was little I thought my dad was too strict and dint let me do alot of the things "other kids did"

But now I m very greatful, because without their involvement in my life, Im sure I would have messed up somewhere.
They both actually sat down with me to do homework, they made it fun. He'd sit there and play with clay with me, they tought me how to be responsible with my pets. I was busy collecting cans to recycle to pay for my cats food while other kids were over at their friend's house or playing vido games. During the summer they would send me off to mexico with my grandma, so I could learn to do the traditional things in my culture.

I never got "allowance" or had money in my pocket. Not because we didnt have money, but because my parents had to always approve of what a brought home, so I didnt shop on my own.

but anyway, I can go on and on. I agree with bothof you.
post #79 of 84
Thread Starter 
My mom used to be a lot sticter than she is now. I was a really well behave kid and great in school. I used to think she was strict. Even when I was 14 years old, I was not allowed to go the park on my own and good messages about drinking and drugs. I can proudly say that I've never even wanted to try drugs and I can count on my hands how many drinks I've had in the last year.

I am an exellent person, open minded, great mother, caring citizen and I stand up for others and myself and what I believe in and I have my parents to thank for a lot of who I am.
post #80 of 84
I'm confused about why people think sex is bad behavior? Is it? I know most people would prefer that 14-yr-olds didn't have children (I know, I know, but most teen moms I've talked to wish they could have waited and had the same kid a few years later, they don't regret the child at all but perhaps the timing?) but if you give access to kids about how to do it right if you choose to do it and also how to be okay with not doing it, then how is it objectionable?

Maybe I'm in a very small minority, but I don't see anything wrong with sex if both people are mature enough to handle it. I knew all about it and I waited until I wasn't a minor. My parents taught me that sex is a beautiful, healthy part of life when it is between two people who are in love. Regardless of if they plan to stay together for life or have children. Actually, they sat me down once and gave me "the talk" because they were worried that I thought sex was icky or something bad. An idea which came from abstinence-only education. Don't get me wrong, they in no way condoned it when I was in high school, didn't buy me rubbers or anything and I certainly was never allowed to have a boy in my room, supervised or not, and not in the house alone. Actually my boyfriend at the time and I spent a weekend at my parents place, and we live together and he had to sleep on the couch where my dad could keep an eye on him. Maybe a double standard?

I think most people will find as they grow up that they are glad that their parents were as strict as they were, and some are sorry theirs weren't stricter...
post #81 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
I
Maybe I'm in a very small minority, but I don't see anything wrong with sex if both people are mature enough to handle it. I knew all about it and I waited until I wasn't a minor.
I guess the reason why I see it as an issue is that most teenagers aren't responsible enough to understand the consequences. They are in the moment, not thinking of a baby or a STD in a few months. Having a baby in one's teens often means raising the child without the father (few teenage boys stick around long), and not having the resources to raise the child adequately. After the last carful of kids killed themselves, I'm not sure many should even have a driver's license let alone a child.

I also found this article interesting that many teenage girls feel pressured to have sex. They are not making a decision based on what they want but what someone else wants.

I really agree with what wookie130 said:

Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie130
only because the children did not have the skills, self-esteem, or voice to say "no," or because they didn't understand that what was happening wasn't a natural part of growing up.

Puberty, reproduction, sex, birth control, personal respect, boundaries, and choices, need to openly discussed with every child.
After reading that article, I think that a lot of girls could benefit from some of this being taught. "Just say no" makes sex forbidden and scary. Safe sex teaching alone doesn't give teen-agers the ability to set boundaries and respect themselves.
post #82 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by katachtig


After reading that article, I think that a lot of girls could benefit from some of this being taught. "Just say no" makes sex forbidden and scary. Safe sex teaching alone doesn't give teen-agers the ability to set boundaries and respect themselves.

Absolutely! I was a very promiscuous teen (not now!) and although I never got into any "trouble", I used sex as a filler in my emotional life to make me feel good about being me. I got a thrill from breaking up relationships, stealing other men, and generally being a real vamp - and that was a nice word. When I saw how much pain I was causing other women, I eventually stopped, but it took awhile. It is not something I am proud of and have never really put it into words until right here, right now. It's a very shameful thing to have that in your past as some sort of feather or delusion of grandeur when it really was very sick.

Had I had a better sex-education in my teens that revolved around self-esteem and achievement outside of personal gratification for the thrill of being "wanted", I would have had a very different life, I daresay.

I am all for sex-ed in school because the alternative is the internet and the culture of celebrity porn that is just really disgusting to our young people who see it - believe what they see - and have no clue as they become adults.
post #83 of 84
i definately think there should be comprehensive sex ed in schools, because not all kids are getting it at home. my mother never talked about sex to me - not a word. i didn't find out what a period was until i went to the bathroom one day (i was 11), and saw blood. i freaked out, i thought i was dying. i started crying, i came out and she asked what was wrong and i told her "there's blood down there" and her exact words were "oh..i've been waiting for this to happen". um..what? she then explained about periods (leaving out anything about actual sex, of course). if i ever have kids i'm not putting my little girl through that. when she's of age to get a period she will know what to expect.

this culture is so wierd about sex. we're obsessed with it, at the same time we're repulsed by it. yet violence is perfectly acceptable. a man chopping up a womans breast in a movie will get an R rating. however, a man kissing a womans breast will get an x rating. does that make any sense at all?

sorry, i'm getting off topic. anyway, we need sex ed in schools, and it needs to be thorough, and not biased in one way or another. it's fine to talk about abstinence, but you also have to take into consideration that some teens are going to have sex. bearing that in mind, i think it makes sense to teach them how to be safe when doing so.

it also bothers me that many adults seem to think that for a teen to desire sex, there must be something wrong with them - ie low self esteen, or they were abused, or they're seeking attention. why is it so hard to believe that a teenager might want to have sex for the same reasons adults do - to show affection and love for someone, because it feels good...? i think we'll make great strides in curbing teen pregancy when we start to admit that just because a 17 year old wants to make love with her boyfriend doesn't mean she's damaged or messed up in the head. most people i know lost their virginity before 18. it's happening, and it's going to continue to happen, because it's human nature. kids grow up-they turn into teenagers and they want to live and experience things that adults do. so why not teach them how to be safe about it? and not only that, teach them how to be responsible human beings. that it's wrong to sleep with someone who's married or has a bf/gf. (i'm talking about teaching this to girls AND boys). that its wrong to tell a girl you love her just so you can sleep with her. that its wrong to sleep with a boy just to get him to like you. (and it wont work, he either likes you or he wont. if he doesnt, and you sleep with him, he's just going to look down on you, not like you more). teach teens that its good to wait to have sex - wait until you're in love, until you're 18, but that if you choose not to do that, you need to be responsible. you need to use birth control (and birth control is everyone's repsonsibility, not just the girl's). teach girls that just because a boy has sex with you, it doesnt mean he loves you.

young boys are expected to have sexual feelings. its a joke "boys with raging hormones". but we want to think of our teenage girls as little angels with no sexual feelings. this does them a tremendous disservice. if we never speak to them frankly about sex, and let them know that it's ok to think about such things-if we keep treating them as babies who are innocent (when they aren't. females enjoy sex just like males do), then how in the world do we expect them to know how to protect themselves if for example, theyre online and a sexual predator tries to engage them in conversation?

picture this - a 16 year old girl, who fantasizes about having a bf, wonders what sex is like, ect, but she can't talk about it with anyone. she's too embarassed to talk about it with her parents-because THEYRE too embarassed to talk about it with HER! they'd rather just think of her as a ten year old, all innocent. she has no outlet to talk about these things. so she's online and she meets a man. what does this man tell her? well he talks to her about sex, he talks to her as an equal. his motives are evil-but she doesnt know that. all she knows is here is someone she can talk to about sex, when she cant talk about it with anyone else. you can guess what happens next.

we dont arm our daughters with any way to protect themselves, and it really makes me angry. we think of them as these innocent helpless little females-and then we wonder why they fulfill that prophecy and end up victimized by sexual predators. we need to let them know that they are strong, that they can say no, that its ok to have sexual feelings, having them doesn't mean you need to act on them.

i could go on and on...its an issue that means a lot to me. if i ever have kids, i want them to grow up strong, safe, informed human beings, who know how to take care of themselves, and how to act ethically and responsibly when it comes to sex. i plan to teach them that, but for the millions of kids who's parents dont tell them anything cos theyre "too embarassed to talk about it", sex ed in school is critical.
post #84 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
I agree that sex ed should also cover safe sex. I mean realistically kids are going to explore. Their hormones are out of control and they are going to get curious. So we might as well give them the tools to do it safely. That is just MO!!
That, and warn them of the consequences of unsafe sex - pregnancy, STDs, etc. When we were in high school we got to hear of all of the symptoms of different STDs...not pretty. When my fiancé was in training, they have a sex ed class looped in and they showed them pictures of STDs...that would shock the heck out of them into never having sex.

I think that if you only preach one thing, they'll rebel. It's natural, kids at that age want to do what they're told not to. So if you can equip them with enough information, they can make informed choices. Growing up out school had wonderful sex education courses, and I didn't have sex - not because I didn't want to, but because I knew of what could happen...and I knew I wasn't mature enough to deal with things like that on my own, so I waited until I felt I was ready. I'm sorry all kids don't think this way...but my point is that the information I received had an impact on me and made me think...it could do the same for these kids.
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