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trouble with keeping everyone happy... especially me!

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
I'm getting married at the end of July, and we're in the final stages of planning our wedding. The invitations just went out, I'm looking into booking a limo and getting the final details ironed out. A few days ago, my dad called me to tell me that he'd found mistakes in the invitation he'd just received. He didn't call to say "hi Sweetie, how are you?" He didn't call to compliment us on the fact that the invitations were tri-fold, in 3 languages, had maps and directions and an RSVP included, as well as a return envelope with stamp included. He called to complain about spelling. I was so upset after talking to him that I burst into tears. Another big issue is my fiance's grandmother. She is a very traditional, stubborn person and doesn't seem to understand that this is (a) not HER wedding and (b) not a completely Chinese wedding (my fiance is Chinese, I'm not) and that (c) we have things under control. She calls daily to offer "advice" and make sure that things are acceptable by her standards. I don't feel like I'm getting the wedding I wanted. Of course, I'm willing to compromise, but I sometimes resent the fact that everyone else seems to think they know better and should take over... where's OUR voice in this thing?!? (maybe we should have just eloped?...)

I need someone to tell me that things will work out... I need to hear it... PLEASE someone tell me it's all worth the stress!! I even joined a gym to get back into shape and destress...(maybe we should have just eloped?...)
post #2 of 15
It will all work out in the end. These will become the stories that you will laugh at. Let's face it, how much mileage can you get from the flowers were nice?

First of all, Great job on the "invitations were tri-fold, in 3 languages, had maps and directions and an RSVP included, as well as a return envelope with stamp included." - I did just simple invitations.

Keep concentrating on what you can do and remember the true purpose of the day. It is the day that you make a commitment to the person you love and will share the rest of your life. The others are only secondary. Some Grandma's are never happy so do what is best for you. Always treat her with respect but you are allowed to disagree with her.

There is a lot of stress right now. You can't make everyone happy. Just try for you and your fiance.

Congratulations and good luck.
post #3 of 15
I'm sure you're doing GREAT by the sounds of things by the sounds of things.

People are weird too. I know I would've been the opposite. Sent out perfectly spelled invitations, but then forgot the map, address, and anything else i wanted to go with it (the stamp for the reply back card).

I think a lot of mothers/older women try and stick their noses in YOUR wedding because 1) Either they didn't get the wedding of their dreams and try to play it through you or 2) They're trying in their own way to make sure you get what you want and not getting scammed or whatnot.

Good luck and buy a cheap stuffed animal that you can beat every so often.
PS - it is YOUR wedding...the decisions should be between you and your fiance and if anyone else is helping pay for the costs.
post #4 of 15
We've been married for almost 4 years now...and it seems like only yesterday I was wishing death on my mother in law, wait..that was yesterday! Owell, it was 4 years ago too. I was terrified of her behavior in front of my family, hated her input, and was worried she was gonna show up in a white sequined dress like a hooker from 1982. I'm really not joking... This is just how weddings go. Maybe your dad was trying to help you by letting you know immediately about the incorrection and because your so frazzled by said "outlaws" (formerly know as inlaws) it seems he is being harsh. And after all this planning I hate to tell you that the day of your wedding will be over in a flash! It goes by so fast. Try to be patient with everyone...and when dealing with inlaws remember to say we.... we decided, we chose, we wanted...this way it doesn't single you out...your including their perfect precious baby that chose the horrible color they don't like!

Good Luck & Congratulations!!!
post #5 of 15
JHust remember this is YOUR wedding day. No matter what they say you and the efiance get the final say in what you want. This is your wedding day not theirs!!! I am sure you are diong a wonderful job. keep it up! Use the punching bag at the gym and if you have a pic of you soon to be gramma in law bring it along and tape it to the bag!
post #6 of 15
I want to also add-this is YOUR DAY!!! It goes by so fast.
So what if my future FIL didn't were a tux I survived. They baby crying-it was one of my oldest friends baby.
The small stuff now won't seem so important one your wedding day!!
My only advice-make sure you go to the bathroom before the wedding ceremony!!
post #7 of 15
It will go well, don't worry! I am saying this knowing that you will worry, but really, it can't be that horrible. You are about to finalize the fact that you are going to spend the rest of your life with an amazing man. The wedding day is just one day out of the rest of your lives, you will get through it and you will have a wonderful marriage
post #8 of 15
From what I have heard, this is how all weddings are to plan. Fret not, all will be well!
post #9 of 15
I am a Chinese, so it wouldn't be prejudiced for me to say that a Chinese wedding is an elaborate, elaborate event and a pain in the behind as well as a potential bankruptcy trap.

My parents had five daughters, so they told me to elope. My husband's family also had five children. Neither of our families could possibly afford any of our weddings. I eloped a month ago and now I am so happy I didn't have a formal wedding. If we invited a relative then we would anger all the other relatives I don't invite, so we didn't invite any extended family from either side.
post #10 of 15
It sounds sometimes as though the fanciest is not always the best!
post #11 of 15
I just want to say please have what you want... It is your wedding if they dont like it let them know it is you and hubbys not there...

Make yourself happy and hubby soon to be also
post #12 of 15
Yes, above all else, be sure to get only what you(plural) want, not what relatives want.
post #13 of 15
Oh speaking of saving money, all of Target's bridal stuff just went 75% off.

I got wed with some of their stuff a month ago. The quality is not great but it is reasonabe.

In my opinion most of the bridal stuff nowadays is poorly made anyway, since it is only going to be used for one day. Target has some excellent bridal napkins, paper dishes, disposable utencils, and paper cups for 25 cents a pack.
post #14 of 15
Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel on the "everyone wants the wedding they think it will be" count.

Hang in there and stay firm. Like everyone else said, it is your day. I don't know if it gets better (it hasn't for me yet and my planning is barely started) but I'll sure be sending vibes your way that it does!
post #15 of 15
Tth20, you are doing a great job! People on this website helped me a lot when I was getting married - just last month. Don't worry. They were right. Everything came out fine. You're already compromising. Just smile sweetly and let them know that you appreciate all of their wonderful ideas, but you've already decided how you wanted that...

I had a hard time accepting help. I did most everything myself, but the people who genuinely wanted to help (and not run the show) were wonderful. So, remember to delegate!

I wanted to elope, but got talked into a wedding. It was small and simple and I'm glad we did it that way.

Remember, no matter what happens, you still get the same guy!
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