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Dear Dogs and Cats

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline
attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are as good as kids or even better because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't use your computer
11. Are willing to watch anything on TV
12. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
post #2 of 5
and???? I was giggling a lot. Kitters is really into the whole bathroom door deal. If she had thumbs it would be opened everytime!
post #3 of 5
Wow, you hit the nail on the head That was hilarious, thanks for that!!
post #4 of 5
That is hilarious, although Zissou does use my computer. The keyboard, apparently, is both an excellent dancefloor/treadmill and a comfy place for a nap. Also, the cursor is a cat toy. I did not know this when I bought my laptop, but she was quick to correct me.

So funny!
post #5 of 5

That is so funny!!!! My cat thinks the whole house is a race track, up over the couch under the bed up over the bed back into the living room at 90mph! Very true! And I have to tell you, when hubby's friends wanna get on my good side they start gushing about how brilliant and adorable my kitty is....works like a charm, all of a sudden I'm volunteering to make them dinner!!!
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