Worried about pregnant neighbor

Alright. This is hard for me talk about because it's been irking me for quite some time. But she's almost about to have this child, and something has to be done, and I dont know what to do. Hopefully some of you can help me figure it out.

Or shall I be even worried about it?

My neighbor that lives behind me, is pregnant. I work with her too. She does not take care of herself or her home. She's due in July, and has no room for a baby. I've been in her house, and it smells horrid. There is junk all over the floors, and the litter box (she has two cats, and that's a WHOLE other story!) does not appear to ever be changed. You can smell her house from outside her door.

She smells very bad too. It's very hard to work with her because if you get within a foot of her, you actually get sick. She's been in trouble for not "properly grooming" herself at work too. They are always behind on rent. They do not have a car, or any baby items yet. It's almost 90 degrees outside, and they dont even have a fan. Thier phone has been disconnected a few times. She drinks Mountain Dew like it's water. Which is no good for baby. She pops tylenol like candy for headaches.

I couldnt imagine bringing a child into this home. I am so scared about it. She cant take care of herself, or her cats. How in THE WORLD is she going to take care of this baby?! I took her to our local state health insurance place so that she could get some help with money for Dr's Appts, and having this child. She's 7 months along, and has only been to the doctors three times.

She's always calling me for rides, and money, and asking if she can have all of my old baby stuff. She's asked if she can have an A/C of ours.

I just dont know what to do. I cant even take her anywhere now, because when she's in my car, I actually have to roll down all windows because of the smell. It's terrible.

I KNOW for a fact, I will be the one waking up in the middle of the night because she needs a ride to the hospital because she's in labor. I'm prepared for that one though.

So, Do you think I should call SOMEONE with authority to go check out her house and her living styles before she has this child? I wouldnt want her to know I did that though. But really, somethings gotta be done.

Sorry so long, I just gotta get this off of me for a minute, and let someone else try & figure it out.
Thanks guys...Love you all!

That is too bad. I think something needs to be done-ASAP! I would feel the same way. Theres no way she can care for a baby, if she cant even take care of herself or her cats. Is she married? Does she have other kids? I mean surely SRS can help her, or something?! I would be calling SRS to find out, someone needs to "inspect" that house. I feel sorry for her and that poor baby that shes going to bring into that environment. Please keep us posted on what happens-and good luck.

Wow, what a tricky situation.

I don't think that sounds like the ideal environment for a baby, but is it really anyone elses business what's going on in her home? (no offense at all to you)

I just don't know if you called childrens aid if they would do anything about it. Like would they just take her baby? That would be heartbreaking for her. Unless they had a program to help her somehow to get her home in the right shape to bring a baby into?

I don't know, it's all very tricky. Good luck with it and let us know how it turns out.

Originally Posted by catloverin_ks

Is she married? Does she have other kids? I mean surely SRS can help her, or something?!

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She's not married, but has her boyfriend who is also the baby's father living there. She has no other kids. She's just turned 18. Dropped out of highschool a few months ago.

I don't think that sounds like the ideal environment for a baby, but is it really anyone elses business what's going on in her home? (no offense at all to you)

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That's kind of why I've been staying out of it. I just dont think it's my business, but she makes it mine. Calling me all the time for help and such. So Im pretty much in it already. But I dont want to be. I just wish I was able to not know them at all, so I didnt have to worry about it.

Unless they had a program to help her somehow to get her home in the right shape to bring a baby into?

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That's what Im looking for. Just someone with the know-how and authority to tell her "hey, this house and YOU need some work before this baby is born"
But I also dont want her to think I did that.

She is a very nice girl. And would probably make a great mom if her living situation wasnt so horrid. Im not sure if they take showers. They dont ever wash thier clothes. She's told me that. And if they do, it's in the sink with no detergent.

I would call social services or something. I see too many moms to be not treating their bodies the right way for a baby. My co workers, who are always pregnant at on point or another, always eat candy, smoke cigarettes and drink soda all day. I never see them eat anything healthy and it irritates me so much!!!
I think it is your business. It would be different if she were not pregnant, but there's a helpless baby involved and so that makes it ok to intervene. She doesn't have to know you were the one who called. It's really the best thing for the baby. Good luck!

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

I would call social services or something. I see too many moms to be not treating their bodies the right way for a baby. My co workers, who are always pregnant at on point or another, always eat candy, smoke cigarettes and drink soda all day. I never see them eat anything healthy and it irritates me so much!!!
I think it is your business. It would be different if she were not pregnant, but there's a helpless baby involved and so that makes it ok to intervene. She doesn't have to know you were the one who called. It's really the best thing for the baby. Good luck!

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So, would social servies be able to keep me ananymous? *sp??*
I just wouldnt want her to know I did that. Because when she got in trouble at work for not grooming herself, She was pretty upset. But still didnt do anything about it. I know customers that wont even come into the place when she's working. I once asked her if she needed soap, out of curiosity and concern, and she said nope, she doesnt.

There is another girl I know that has been on her about her house, (the other girl is more brave than me), but the pregnant girl is very defensive, and started flipping out about how this other girl is trying to take her baby away from her. Which she's not, she's just genuinly concerned. As am I.

I would have to agree. That poor baby would not survive.

I am pretty sure social services would be able to keep you anonymous.

Originally Posted by rachelh1018

I would have to agree. That poor baby would not survive.

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I would NEVER ever let it get that bad. I know right after she has this child, I am going to be on her more than ever.

You know..With no car, who's going to run and get formula when she runs out at midnight? What about doctor appts? Who's going to take them? And when she runs out of diapers...What in the WORLD!! I know it's going to be me. Her mom lives about an hour away, so she helps out when she comes down to visit, but that's not all that often.

A car is in order for them. A VERY INTENSE cleaning service needs to go to thier house. Someone needs to tell them to shower, and clean this child too. With that smell of the litter box, Im sure that's horrible for baby too. It's just crazy.

Have you tried talking to her about your concerns??

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The manager at work has talked to her several times about it. But with no effect. I have said a couple things generally telling her that babies need an entirely different environment then what she's got going on. But still, no effect. She just wont realize it untill this little boy, oh yes, it's a boy by the way, is born.

But even then, will she realize then? With all the junk on the floor, this little boy might put everything in his mouth. Sheesh..I remember when I had my baby, I was cleaning ALL THE TIME! And I dont think she will.

call CPS now!

I'm not sure social services can do anything now...they may have to wait until the baby is born. But I would call them anyhow. Let them know your concerns. They can certainly keep it annonymous!

Also, their first step will be to try to keep the Mom and baby together. However, if she is under DCFS (Dept of Children and Family Services), I think they will require her to take the baby for the wellness checks. They will probably also do home visits, and check that she has diapers, and formula.

Remember, no one is that stinky unless there is some kind of mental illness going on. Getting someone involved with the clout to be able to tell her, do this or else, is what is needed.

And just tell her, the next time she asks for a ride...she needs to take a shower first. I work with the mentally ill, and as hard as it is for them to motivate themselves to stay clean, if you tell them they can't come to the office unless they shower, they will do it. It isn't being mean, it is being realistic. If the people in charge of her at work would require her to shower daily, or send her home without pay, she would probably start showering more. If she says "you're picking on me", just say, "no I'm not, but you aren't getting in my car unless you get a full shower, and wear clean clothes".

She also sounds like she is willing to take advantage of you...so do set limits with her. And get a tarp for your car seat for when she goes into labor...if her water breaks in your car you will have a mess on your hands!

Wow! Great tips! Thank you so much. The tarp is an awesome Idea. Sheesh, I never even thought of that.

I think I might look around for some number that I can call and be un-known, to just kind of let them know what's going on. I think I'd feel better knowing that someone else has control of the situation.

I know that here social services would be the people to talk to they would be able to make sure she was in a decent home, had some money to get ready for the baby and generally help her out. However I don't really know much about the system over with you so I can't really be sure.

Do you spend a lot of time with this girl? She is very young and sounds like she had NO training on how to make it in the world on her own. I bet she didn't have a very good upbringing. She sounds like she needs someone to take her under their wing and teach her a few things. It is going to be a lot of work though!
That being said, would it be possible for you to set aside a day to spend with her. Plan it ahead of time and tell you that you would like to take her shopping, to thrift stores and such, to look for baby necessities. Go and do those things, encourage her to purchase things that she needs. Then when you get back help her get her house cleaned up. It doesn't sound like fun at all, but I bet she doesn't even know how to do it! Maybe once her house is in order she will be motivated to keep it that way. As far as hygiene goes, could you perhaps invite her over one night and order a pizza, and do "girlie" things like paint your nails, wash your hair, etc..... This might be a subtle way to encourage her to take care of herself.
If things continue this way after the baby is born, then authorities might need to be called in. You can remain anonymous. At the very least I bet they would assign her a caseworker who would check in on her from time to time. Maybe they would send her to parenting classes, which would be good for her.
I feel for you because you have gotten yourself into a tough situation here. It sounds like this girl is coming to reply on you for certain things. The very best you can do at this point is to try and help show her what she needs to do.... Then if it gets to the point where you feel you are being taken advantage of, especially with the car situation, you can take a stand against it without feeling like you could have done more.

I would call child services and the SPCA to check on those cats too!

Yes, call social services, I'm pretty sure (like 99.999999% sure) They can keep the report anonymous for you.

It's sad that given the discription of the situation you have given that the child will probably be taken away as soon as the baby is born. HOWEVER, a social worker will be out teaching them that baths are OK, etc.
During B's unemployment, he had interviewed for a job where he would have to do something like that (he turned it down because basically he didn't want to babysit adults like this example).
Anyhoo, Social Services have programs that work with adults that basically teach them the "proper" living conditions...such as not using the bath tub to store dirty dishes once the sink gets full (etc).

If they can change their habits usually within a year and keep a consistent record, then the child will be returned to them.

I would call Child Protective Services NOW. They have programs that can help with her parenting skills and it canb e done anon.I believe one of them is Healthy Start. They will help her manage having a job, a child, and a house. It's not easy balancing all three and I am almost 30 years old. I was 18 when I had my holdest son but I also was taught better. I think it does mean she didn't have a very well upbringing.
If I were you, I would wait until late at night and possibly leave a note on her door saying something along the lines of " I think to benefit the health and safety of your child and yourself, you should clean your house, take a shower and have better hygiene. If you need help doing this, please call child protective services for child rearing classes or someone else will."

Try that..

I'm not sure about her income but she could even now qualify for the WIC program. I would think that a Public Health Nurse could be assisting her now too.
What a difficult position for you. You want to help but how much???
She might not be aware of what aid is available for her and the baby. I'm wondering if she is even seeing a doctor at this point!!
Good luck.

I know it is a tough situation, you definitely have my sympathies! I have had to work with cps before when I worked in the schools for awhile. I don't know if it is much different with pregnancies, but I know that (here in tx anyways) cps is inundated with so many cases, that they will not do much until there has been an established history of improper living conditions, care, etc. The case files unfortunately have to get pretty thick on a child before severe action is taken. They will most likely not take her child away, especially if she is not addicted to drugs or alcohol. It is much easier for them to train her to be a more proper mother first. I would definitely call now, asap, to get a history of reports established so if severe action is needed once she has the child, a history and concern is already there, and things can be handled swiftly. You have gotten some great suggestions here from some others. You are an awesome woman for helping her to the best of your ability, but I agree, don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of.