Worried about pregnant neighbor

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. I don't know if this is true or not, but I have been told that a strong smell like cat-pee can be a sign of a meth-cooking operation.
Catfriend

Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

Here's another suggestion...
Buy her an inexpensive bath set with bubble bath, bath poof, lotion... things like that... and tell her you thought she might be a little stressed out over being an expectant mom and she might want to relax with a bubble bath.

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Did that today actually. Havent given it her yet, but also thought it would be a great idea.

You people have showerd me with such help Once Again!! I just love it.

anyhow, I found out 2 awesome/great things today. She just bought a car!! YAY! That's a big relief for me for starters. Although niether of them has a lisence, that can be arranged fast enough.

Also, there is a baby shower being thrown for her by her mom comming up. YAY! So hopefully she's got enough family to arrange for her to have the proper baby items. I'm going to talk to her mom tomarrow at my other job (I work with her mom at my other job), and see what everyones getting her, and what I can do to help. So that's also a sign that I'm not the only one trying to help her.

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. I don't know if this is true or not, but I have been told that a strong smell like cat-pee can be a sign of a meth-cooking operation.
Catfriend

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There is none of that happening there. I am sure of it. They are what they like to themselves "straight-edge". They dont do any kind of that thing. So no worries about that. It's just a smelly house is all.

Does her husband help at all? Would he be willing to change? Sounds like No so far...huh?

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Her Fiance (no formal ring or anything, but that's what she calls him) is actually pretty responsible. He's taken so many extra hours at his job to get extra money, and he's very nice to her. There is definatly love over there. Which is also a good thing. I just dont think anyones ever taught them to clean much of anything.

How are you going to feel when the baby comes?

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I havent figured that one out yet. Im not sure how to feel. I just know that I'll be over there alot more than I am now, and making sure this baby's health is in excellent condition. I un-packed some of my old being pregnant books, and how to handle the first year books to give her along with the bath stuff.

You said they are not fixed, that probably means they are spraying urine everywhere which is going to be very unhealthy for the baby. Have you looked into low-cost or free neutering for her?

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I have looked into that. They are both females. And she's VERY CAREFUL about letting them outside. She keeps a close eye on that.

What state are the cats in as well?, because if she can't look after herself and her baby?!

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Well the cats just seem to be skinny...but they are from a farm, and I think that's how they are. Just long and linky. I havent seen any other problems other than the litter box being a problem with the kitties.

Any updates yet? Have you called anyone? I think you are doing the right thing for this unborn baby.

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The most I have done about that is looking up phone numbers for the right person to call to not make such a big deal about it, but get the point across that I think someone should do home visits. I found the number I am looking for, Im just kind of waiting for the right time. I think after I go over and give her the things I want to give her, Im going to check out the rest of the place, and make sure it's alright. I've got about 43 hours of work the next 3 days, (scheduling problems), so Im going to save my figuring all that out for next week. It all shall be fine untill then.
I will keep you posted about it all next week.

THANKS so much for all the excellent advice. You guys are the bestest!

Are there any updates on the situation?? For some reason today this thread popped into my mind...I followed it, but didn't have any advice that someone else hadn't already given, but I wondered if anything ever came of it yet?

Originally Posted by maddensmom

Are there any updates on the situation?? For some reason today this thread popped into my mind...I followed it, but didn't have any advice that someone else hadn't already given, but I wondered if anything ever came of it yet?

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Yeah, I've been kinda curious myself.

wow. I totally missed this like twice now.

Forgive me.

Well I have been talking to her mother mostly about the situation, and have brought it up to her (the neighbor) about it as well.

They have scince been engaged. Ring and all.

The gift set with the bath stuff is still in my possession. Im just to chicken yet to give it to her. But I will. I think I'm going to have to buy her laundry detergent. I seen them hanging clothes off of thier balcony...and found out they still wash everything in the sink with regular soap.

I've been to her house, it's cleaner. Because I talked to her mom about it. And her mom stepped in on that situation. Not ALOT cleaner, but definatley better. Not very much stuff on the floor, and the smell was lessened. The smell was still there..But not as bad. So hopefully they are working on that.

Her mother also has been driving her to the doctors, on time, as sheduled! They dont have thier car yet. That's supposed to happen soon.

AND her mom and step-dad and brother and sister are going to move down here to be closer to her when the baby comes. THIS IS A BIG BIG PLUS!!
This means that yes, somebody else, somebody good, is going to be there for this girl when times are rough with a little one.
She's getting bigger. Next month she's due.

I'll let you know more tomarrow. Sorry about the no updates. I didnt see this thread for a while, and kinda forgot to post. Thanks for being interested. It helps me remind myself of this girl, and want to do more than I am. Because Im mostly just talking to her mom about everything, and she's doing what she can. But I could do more myself.

Ok
How about you go round and offer to help get the house ready for the baby.
You could say did she know babies need extra special cleaning to be done in preperation.
Is there such a thing as a child care/ housewife type course social services might run to help young mums? a young mums club?
Oh its a worry isn't it.
next time she is upset over a must wash comment at work I would say well why don't you have a good bath and get clean?

ah sounds like you did the right thing.
Good on you!
hopefully the baby will have a better start in life down to you

Well last night, I called her and offered to take her to some goodwills, and salvation army's around us. And she declined. She sounded like I was intruding, and didnt thank me or anything for offering.

She told me that she's fine, and that her fiance's mom is sending 300 dollars for baby stuff. I told her that 300 bucks is not enough, and that she's going to need more things for the baby before it's born, and that's where goodwill stores come in. (Scince the baby-shower was cancelled. Her mom can't afford it right now, untill after the baby is born.)

I dont know what she thinks. But I was upset how she acted towards me over the phone. But when they come over here and ask me for 10 dollars like every other day, she doesnt act that way. Go figure.

Some people (like me) just genetically don't have a very good sense of smell. It is not really her fault for smelling bad. She might not even notice.

Also, the Americans are the only people in the world to have a designated room for each new baby. I don't think just because she doesn't have a nursery that she is incapable of bearing her child.

I am very glad of the steps you had taken to help her. I am pretty sure everything would work out alright at the end

Originally Posted by shengmei

Some people (like me) just genetically don't have a very good sense of smell. It is not really her fault for smelling bad. She might not even notice.

Also, the Americans are the only people in the world to have a designated room for each new baby. I don't think just because she doesn't have a nursery that she is incapable of bearing her child.

I am very glad of the steps you had taken to help her. I am pretty sure everything would work out alright at the end

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If she doesnt smell it, her finace or her roomate can.

I am NO WAY saying that she's incapable of bearing a child just because she doesnt have a room for the baby. That's only a very small piece of it. We had a room for our baby, but she still stayed in our room for like 6 months anyways.

I also think in the end it will all work out. Hopefully. And when the her due date gets closer, I think I will be making sure of that.

I am just a little surprised when someone said that the baby would not survive. I really think calling Social Services is a bit of the overkill. There is nothing they can really legally do besides the removal of the child altogether.

People grow up in worse conditions in Third World countries. They grow up to be fine individuals. I think the foster care system is inherently flawed because the environment changes all the time, and it should only be used as the last resort.

Today I talked to her Fiance.

He cleaned the house. He is getting ready for baby. No baby items yet, no money to get any. And i mean seriously NO MONEY. They are late on rent, already have a large amount of doctor bills, and her mom buys the food for them.

I got to see the ultrasound pictures. She's due in 4 weeks. Doc says the baby is small for what he should be. Says she needs to eat more good foods. Which I bet is a problem. She doesnt eat very healthy at all.

And her fiance says she needs to get more into this, because she's not doing things right. Like going to much needed WIC appointents. (You guys know what WIC is right?) Or worrying about how little time they have left to get ready. She is very nervous about something going terribly wrong while in labor. He says scared to death.

So I talked to him about going to thrift stores and rummages for baby items. But again, he brought up the no money thing again. Darn it...I forgot!

That's about all we talked about.
Just wanted to get that off my chest. I was like keeping the whole conversation in my head untill I posted it. lol. Now I can breath easilier.
Sort of an *update* kind of thing.

Thanks for the update. It is so hard to help those who won't help themselves. It sounds like you're doing everything you can.

I know what WIC is I hope someone helps her keep her appointments! It will pay for good healthy food for her and formula and baby foods for the baby once he is born! As for having no money for baby stuff maybe if you had time ( I know it is a lot to do ) call a local church and ask if they know someone to help. At our church their was a couple who hit hard times right before their babys birth and the church gave them everything needed for the first year. Including food for the parents and clothes for them as well. It is just a idea. I hope everything turns out well!

Would it matter if they dont attend church, or ever have? I think that's a great idea, and I'd sure be willing to talk to a church about it, but I wouldnt want it to be a wierd thing if they wont because they are not religious.
Some churches around here are sticklers about that sort of thing. Long story.

Anyways, I like that Idea. I was also thinking about calling one of these thrift stores around here ran by a church, and asking them to help out. I know these 2 will not do that by themselves. It's getting to late now.

Wow! I'm glad to hear that the father is taking an active role and is concerned about the baby and the mother.

I hope she does keep those WIC appointments...they will help her out a lot especially in food. The friend that I had that used the WIC coupons basically were given specific foods they could buy with the money (i.e. a certain brand of baby formula, certain foods she can buy) then there is some sort of nutrition going into her.

Also, maybe trying running an advertisement to adopt a family at one of the local church. I know this was Christmas time, but I remember one place I worked at would adopt a family, guaranteeing that they got something for the family for Christmas. See if any of the churches or a local org does this sort of thing.

I just wanted to say "Keep up the good work!" Whether you feel like it or not, you are such a help to them. She may feel slighted by your 'intrusions' at times, but I do think they are necessary until she wakes up to the realizations of having a brand new baby added to her life.

As for them not being religious it shouldn't matter. I know the families that were helped here wern't. Most churches or people in them realize its more about helping the family then if they attend church.

Social workers can and do all kinds of stuff. Taking children away is ALWAYS a last resort. Calling them is a great idea, because for some people it is a wake-up call that they need to take responisbility for their children, and some people really do need alot of help. Some people really just don't quite get it, as this girl sort of sounds like she doesn't quite get it, and she can be helped. She wouldn't knowingly abuse her kid, she just might not understand what "neglect" is- of herself or her kid.

You are doing a great job of keeping it balanced, lilleah. That is such great news that they got engaged and her family is moving down here!

Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

Social workers can and do all kinds of stuff. Taking children away is ALWAYS a last resort. Calling them is a great idea, because for some people it is a wake-up call that they need to take responisbility for their children, and some people really do need alot of help. Some people really just don't quite get it, as this girl sort of sounds like she doesn't quite get it, and she can be helped. She wouldn't knowingly abuse her kid, she just might not understand what "neglect" is- of herself or her kid.

You are doing a great job of keeping it balanced, lilleah. That is such great news that they got engaged and her family is moving down here!

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This is true. They have access to resources specifically for them and no one else. Food banks, thrift stores who will give them EVERYTHING they need if they have a voucher from CPS. I was a temp in a CPS office and I can't tell you how many people were calling in to get thier voucher.
They can also give her parenting classes. and "Healthy Start". Which is a program that has nurses come in the home for a year and help them manage life with a new baby. It might not be a bad idea to call them.