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Actual answering machine messages.

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the
World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.
(they pay people to work there???)

>>1. My wife & I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name & number we'll get back
to you as soon as we're finished.

>>2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

>>3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents,
please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

>>4. Hi. Now you say something.

>>5. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep

>>6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

>>7. (From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave
"sexy" message I call sooner!

>>8. Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll
stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

>>9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need
siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

>>10. This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

>>11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

>>12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

>>13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

>>14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
post #2 of 12
:laughing: Those were so funny!!! I'm going to pass them on to my hubby at work- he loves leaving crazy messages on our answering service.

Currently it features his voice sounding as though hes actually answering the phone : "Hello? I'm sorry, could you speak up, I can't hear you...hello? *pause* Ha! Gotcha! - leave a message" :LOL: Hes such a loon
post #3 of 12
A friend of mine had this on his machine for a while:

(In a scared little voice)Hi, my name is Billy, and I live in Chris' answering machine. It's very dark and I'm scared. Will you leave a message so the light will come on? Thank you.
post #4 of 12
Those are really cute! I wish mine was that original! :laughing: :laughing:
post #5 of 12
Russ, my late husband, recorded a gunshot on ours, followed by, "You missed me." He had a weird sense of humor.
post #6 of 12
The simplest one is my favorite

4. Hi. Now you say something.

I don't know why but I think it's just hysterical :laughing:
post #7 of 12
#8 was the best........
post #8 of 12
The public tv station here used to do a fundraiser where you'd call a special phone number and you would automatically donate money to the station--the donation would be tacked onto your local phone bill. I was living in a house with a couple of other people, and we had a message that said, "Thank you for calling [number]. Your $50 donation will is appreciated. The donation will show up on your next phone bill."

We hardly got any hang ups that month. Especially the wrong numbers--they'd beg us to call back so they could find out how to get it taken off their bills.
post #9 of 12
:LOL: Those were great! I love #3.
post #10 of 12
post #11 of 12
Those are great! :laughing:
post #12 of 12
Those are great!! :laughing:
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