I guess that's that

I went to my lawyer's office yesterday and signed my divorce papers.

My ex has been very difficult to handle the last few days, calling repeatedly to bother me about makin changes (I hate redial), practically harassing my lawyer threatening to start a custody battle, all that kind of thing. He came over and started going through my kitchen, sorting my mail, picking up my phone and hitting redial to see who I was talking to. Very invasive. He's been paranoid that the lawyer and I are changing things in the document (we didn't) or that I was saying things about him (and of course I told my lawyer what my life was like). I seriously considered a restraining order. I wondered at one point if I needed to call a women's shelter, just for a few days. But there was no physical violence just kind of strange passive aggressive kind of harassment.

so I have signed the papers. And I made myself scarce. because I just couldn't deal with it. He must have called 3 or 4 times while I was at the lawyer's office. He was sure it was taking me a long time because we were plotting against him, not because it takes forever to read 50 pages of legal document (custody issues took up most of it).

I went shopping last night. I spent a whopping $12 at Half Price Books (got 5 books, good deal) but it felt terribly frivolous.

I don't know. I feel mostly sad. I thought I would feel a kind of relief, that ir was over and now life would settle down, but instead it's more like, I don't know what it's like. It's just a thing that happened and I hope to turn him back into a stranger again soon. If I didn't have my daughter, I probably would have done that already. He thinks we are all going to be friends and it just doesn't work like that. Not for me anyway.

Just seems like there should more to the end of a marriage than signing some papers. Some kind of ceremony. Maybe a dicorce shower like a wedding shower, all the things you'll need for your new life.

So.

You know Allison, women do have divorce showers, parties or heck any kind of celebration. You do need some type of closure like a ceremony of sorts, and you're right, signing papers just doesn't do the job.

I think it's normal to feel sad, you just ended a chapter of your life and it's like you are starting a whole new book before you finished the other one. I think the book analogy popped in my head from you buying books and don't feel frivalous for doing that, you need to do things for yourself.

Hang in there, you'll find what you need to do. By the way, how's the job going?

It was a nightmare tracking down my ex-husband to get those papers signed. It took so long (over 2 years) He had just jumped on his Harley with my best friend and the two of them took off to "discover" each other....yuck! Anyway, my friends threw me a "Thank God You Are Divorced Party" at a local restaurant. They had gifts for me, coffee cup that said "Thank God I am Single" a book on dating lol all kinds of goofy things. I believe I was on my fourth Margarita when my best friend Jeri presented me with a gift wrapped in one single sheet of the Singles Register, a newspaper of personal ads that is distributed nationwide. She told me not to tear the paper when I opened the gift, and I noticed that there were 4 ads that were highlighted on there. I read the ads and asked her what gives and her and my girlfriends started giggling and told me that they were going to issue a "Dare." They were going to dare me to choose one of those ads to answer! I had never even entertained such a notion, but I was pretty drunk and accepted the challenge. The ad I chose was one Mike had placed! We ended up writing for 4 years and we just now celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. When we got together to talk, his friends had also dared him, to PLACE the ad! LOL He got over 300 letters and chose 3 women to write to, I was one of the three.

Anyway, this is just what happened to me, and I resisted the idea of being involved with another man for a long time. So much was against us, age difference, distance, he in Alaska me in Southern California......but as they say, the rest is history.

I hope your friends throw you and heck of a party! Make it an Independence Day theme! It gets better, honest, it really does. I would change my locks if I were you, and my phone number. But that is what I would do.Take care will you? We are here for you......

We're in the same boat, Allison. Its been two weeks, since my divorce was final. No party but Bill and I had a wonderful evening. As for your ex's harassment, get an order. Don't let him into your house. From what you've posted, in the past, you seem to be better off without him. I know, now, that I'm better off without Numbnuts. Bill is the sweetest, kindest and most gentle man. I'm, still not totally over the ex but I'm getting better. Hugs.

Allison, Your ex sounds like my ex-son-in-law. I think he's having second thoughts. My son-in-law also went through the garbage, went over to the house frequently, listened to every message on the answering machine, and threatened to try to take the children. At the same time, he was coming to see me. I have never seen a man so distraught. He sobbed; he so wanted counseling, but it was too late. She had had it--up to her eyeballs. I told him not to see her without a third party present because he was making matters worse. He would say, "I know, I know.", but do it again. My daughter was also tempted to get a restraining order, but didn't. He was a police officer, and she knew it would ruin his career. All is well now. He's remarried, but he certainly learned a hard lesson.
And---she was lucky! Police officers have guns.

Hello, Jim.

I know you've been trolling here again. I know because of what you said when you showed up unexpectedly at lunch today. I'm not a complete idiot. This is exactly the kind of behavior that feels like harassment. You have no business on this site, you don't own a cat any more. And you know, eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves.

Hey, I am a newly divorced too. Why don't we divorcees have a party together? Where do you want to go? I'll bring the beer and I will order pizza?

I have to put up with my ex because of the kids too. One thing that I can say about it is that after 8 years, I never felt I made the wrong decision. His current girlfriend can have him with my blessings.

Well, he doesn't have keys any more so unless he breaks in, that's not a worry. And changing locks wouldn't prevent that if that was his goal, but he's not violent (it's all emotional) so I don't see him doing that. Hopefully I'll be moving by the end of the summer anyway. This place is too expensive.

I have considered blocking his calls, but he sees our daughter several times a week and might need to be able to reach me about her. That isn't a good solution. He actually called me tonight, and among other things says he won't call repeatedly like he used to, so we'll see how that goes.

The only thing that I think about is, if I could figure out a way to do it, I would keep my daughter away from his girlfriend.

And Jim, because I know you are still trolling around checking to see what I post after calling me tonight to chew me out for not having the emotions you approve, and for feeling different things over time, and for not telling everyone that you are such a terrific guy for breaking my heart and hurting me as badly as you did - You know, because I have told you, that I think the appropriate amount of time for Lauren to spend with Andrea is none.

I am so sorry you are going through this hard time. I hope if he does read these posts, that he will realize he is not doing himself, you, or particularly your child any good. If you really need to vent, You can pm me if you would like. I have been in a similar situation and I know it helps to have someone to talk to. Thoughts and prayers to you.

Allison - my thoughts are with you. I am happy for you that some closure has taken place, and all the emotions: happiness, sorrrow, anger and relief are normal. You hang in there and take things day by day.......

Jim: If you are trolling - BE A MAN and leave her alone. You have gotten what you wanted, and that is a 'divorce' and a 'new girlfriend'. I think that Allison has handled this whole MESS very well considering. Respect her wishes about your daughter. It is the least you can do and you owe her at least that much!

Hey Jim,

Be a man and get lost. In theory you had a chance to make things right while you were still married. Too late. Now leave your ex alone except for the contact you have to have for the sake of your daughter.

Allison, My thoughts and prayers are with you during this rough time, and I hope Jim heeds the advice he has gotten here, and leaves you alone!!!