As a fellow cat magnet, I understand where you're coming from. I feel your anxiety! My husband just said the other night, we lose one, we gain one. He said we never catch up, meaning the numbers never go down, only up, up, up.
Do like I do, get her spayed, give her a name and don't think about it. I used to feel really anxious when another one would cross my path or show up at the door because in my heart I knew the numbers were growing at a faster and faster rate. Now I don't even think about it, I just do what I have to do, and pray for the Lord's help. I guess that's all we can do until you and I win the $150million lottery!
How many new cats come into your life a year? A while back I'd acquire 1, maybe 2. For the last 2 years it's been 6 a year. Hopefully this year will only be 3 or 4. My problem is that I go into the worst neighborhoods in my city every night to feed strays, most of whom are pets people have just thrown out. Most of these animals are in a dangerous situation. Example, this year I rescued a female, who I had previously TNR'd and saved one of her babies after the other 2 were killed by dogs. This mama cat had been doused in some type of chemical that burned all her fur off and burned her skin. When I first discovered her with the hair burned off I didn't realize it was the same cat I had previously TNR'd. It took me a few nights before I realized it was her. The skin infections were so severe and wouldn't stay healed so I had to eventually euthanize her. On the corner where I acquired her were 2 other pets. I surely couldn't leave them there to possibly become the sicko's next target. So here they are at my house and because they aren't the cuddly cats most people want, adopting them out is not an option. I'm pretty sure it's kids who burned the female.
I never realized when I first started feeding cats in these neighborhoods how horendous the problem was. Now it's too late, I can't stop going because the babies are depending on me.
I tell myself I'm not bringing anymore home, but when I see one about to get hurt or die in the mouth of a dog, under a wheel of a car or by the hand of a person, I have to rescue them. If I don't I have trouble sleeping. There are many ferals I can't rescue, but when I see an abandoned pet struggling to survive I can't leave it because I know it won't make it.
Have you ever thought about writing a book? I think I may just start documenting all my rescues. It would make for some interesting reading.