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I really need advice making this decision....

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Let me start by saying, I LOVE ashes with all of my heart.

Ashes doesnt get along with Cheeto or Chiclet. At first I thought it was "play fighting" but its constant, especially since cheeto came to our home. I find her hiding everywhere, and I can tell as much as she tries, she's just not comfy as she can be here. We give her only the best of everything. Its gotten to a point where even my hubby doesnt like to be around her too much because she gets mad easily, and she just looks unhappy. She's a very healthy cat, has all her shots perfect weight. She just cant socialize too well I've been thinking of giving her to a better home, but I love her too much.......... I dunno WHAT To do. I've tried the Comfort zone, extra attention. She has come around to me, she comes for petting every now and then, and she always sleeps at my feet. But other than that you never see her, and when you do she's hissing and growling at cheeto or chiclet. I feel terrible cuz it was all fine till cheeto came along...... I would give away cheeto, but thats also unfair! Cheeto is an exeptional cat. He is SO sweet, he gives US extra attention all the time, always purring and nudging. So much that my husband warmed up to him alot.

I don't know what step to take............I can sit here and be selfish and keep ashes, but I feel she's not happy here. I want her to go somewhere where she will get the same or more than she has here. Cat trees, cat toys, cat nip, treats free feeding, water fountain, LOVE. I dunno what to do. Chiclet and Cheeto are best friends, they dont even groom Ashes anymore like they used to. CHiclet and cheeto love it when we bring kittens here, and ashes just hisses and gets P.O'd

Any advice will be gladly taken.
post #2 of 13
Can you separate them? Set aside one room for Ashes, and let Cheeto and Chiclet have the rest of the house? Sometimes, when you get multiple pets, you will have one who resents the others.

My foster Sugartoes preferred to be alone to being with my kitties. Even if she didn't stay shut away alone all the time, I tried to shut her away from the rest of them sometimes. It was easier for her and for them.

It is a little challenging, because the separated kitty needs lots of attention. But if you make her zone your bedroom, and mostly keep them out of it, she will have you all night, and sometimes throughout the day. Maybe they won't annoy her so much if she doesn't have to deal with them all the time.

Otherwise, finding one of the kitties a new home may be the only option. Just remember it is easier to find a new home for a love-bug than for a tempermental kitty.
post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 
SInce Im in a townhome, My bedroom has no doors, its all open unless I confine her to a closet.

She's not a meanie, She would do wonderful in a home with just her and a person or a couple of people. She wont bite or scratch, but she gets annoyed very fast. I dunno where to start lookin or if I want to look

Me and hubby have really been trying to work with her, and she is sweet as sugar, but dont let cheeto come around, chiclet she can handle sometimes. Hubby doesnt wanna let go of cheeto at all, they are very attached (cheeto and hubby)

I guess you can say she likes attention all to herself....
post #4 of 13
Maybe try closing her in the bathroom for a few hours a day? Make a nice nest for her...so it is comfy...and keep the boys out of that room. It will be Ashes special space. Sometimes, if they don't have to deal with each other all the time, it helps.

Or honestly, even getting a large dog crate, and shutting her away in there for a few hours a day...eventually she may make it her spot, and keep them out. Almost like a kid having their own bedroom, a place where she can get away. It is worth a try if you don't want to give your kitty up!
post #5 of 13
I can empathize with your situation.

My Monique is rather antisocial and had me thinking more than once early on about how I may have made a mistake getting her. However, she seemed more than able to handle herself and let the others, (cats), know she didn't want anything to do with them. BTW... Monique is declawed, but that seems to make no difference in her ruling of the house.

She is a really odd cat in that she hates to be picked up and held, but when it's bedtime she waits for me to lay down and jumps on my chest for her lovin' and pets and we sleep like that for a while before she claims a spot on the bed to sleep for the night. Once in a while if I watch TV in the living room she will curl up on a pillow in my arm for cuddles.

Over time I noticed that she and Nugent will play hide and seek or tag with each other a little bit and she seems perfectly comfortable with her slot as the Queen "B" in the house.

She has been with us not quite a year now and seems to fit just fine in my odd collection of strays and ferals. Now I'm waiting for Little Bit to settle in to being one of the gang.
post #6 of 13
Have you tried getting a baby gate (or gates stacked on top of each other) in your doorway to keep her confined to your bedroom? That way she could stay in your room and also see out the door.

post #7 of 13
You can post a note at your vet's about looking for a new home - check their board (they all have them) to see what other people say about their cats looking for new homes.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
Im still confused about what to do. Thank you guys so much for ur advice. I cant possibly stack baby gates that high. My bedroom is all open with an overview to the bottom floor.

She seems to be calming down a bit, which makes me hopefull, but she's done that to me several times. She looks like it'll all be okay then suddenly she'll get in her "mood" for a whole month..............

Right now she's sleeping peacefully in my clean sheets, she looks so cute

:: sighs :: I guess we will just have to see......... I am gonna post her on petfinder I think, IM not sure yet. I wanna make sure she has everything so even if it takes me months, as long as She can go somwhere better than here.
post #9 of 13
Luna's a very antisocial cat. In fact for some reason Beauty and Whitey will come to me for love and Luna will have a jealous streak.

It's been almost 2 months with her, but she's starting to adjust to Whitey. He will seek her out some days, but she can just be a witch right back.

If you decide to keep her, find her favorite places, windowsills, etc, and each time she gets witchy around the other cats put her up on that favorite spot. It's kind of like a lovey blanket for her.
And be sure to discipline whenever she goes after another cat. Whether its scolding (but not yelling) at her or if it's simply ignoring her....

Could be too that she needs more space. Just a random thought.
post #10 of 13
I can't think of too much to add, except to ask if she's spayed? It just seems like she's acting sorta "witchy". Does she like to play? Have you tried playing with and tiring her out some? Maybe separate play times with her, and then the two boys?
post #11 of 13
How about the good old standby to put vanilla extract on their necks and the base of their tails. This will make them all have the same scent and hopefully they will be more accepting of each other.

You can also invest in a Feliway Plugin Comfortzone diffuser and see if that helps calm thing down ...

All the best!!!
post #12 of 13
I have also had much success reducing stress in cats by providing their own room or safe place where they can go to be alone- that really might be all your girl needs.

My cat-aggressive Himalayan I rescued has finally been able to be integrated with most of my other cats, but has her own bedroom she goes into to eat, use her litter box or just take a nap. She lets us know when she wants in or out by knocking on the door when she is ready, and may stay in there for a few days straight if she chooses. This allows her the best of both worlds- to have her space and still get plenty of time with us when she wants it. I’ll admit I like to sit in her room with her to take a little break from the rest of the pets too at times!

Though I kept her in a separate part of the house the first few years we had her because of several of her more severe issues, letting her have her own bedroom retreat has allowed her to slowly adjust to other cats and learn how to interact at her own pace.

I hope you find an option that works for you and your girl.
post #13 of 13
Only question I have is whether or not she is spayed? That can make a world of difference.
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