Childless on purpose......is that what you always wanted?

Originally Posted by Tari

(Incidentally, since I started having "female problems" about a year ago, I have a great way to deal with those rude people. When they make those kinds of statements I just get a stricken look on my face and rush out of the room as if I'm about to cry. They assume that I want kids and can't have them and they've stuck their foot in their mouth. That oughtta help teach them.)

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Too funny!

I had the childless choice conversation with my good friend the other night who is also 40+ and childless (or should say only have the 4-legged kinds). We both get frustrated when people start to pry on why we don't have kids. I tell people that we can't have children and they usually get so squirmy about the topic that it shuts them right up. Of course we can't have kids because hubby is neutered but we don't share that point. Once in a while these nosey people will suggest adoption but frankly, I stop the conversation there - it's just none of their business. She tells them that she has 4 boys but doesn't bother to tell them they are Mojo, Voodoo, Jake and Elwood (her 4-leggeds).

I have changed my mind over the years on whether or not to have kids. Mostly on the side of kids during those years of hormone surge that women go thru. Now that I'm 46 and it's simply to late to start, I look back and am glad I made the choice. There are simply too many people in the world and frankly I am too impatient with kids to be a good 2-legged mom.

Originally Posted by esrgirl

Now for the past several months I have really wanted to have at least one. I'm not really sure why the change of heart. I'm 26- so I went pretty decent amount of time with really not wanting kids.

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My guess is that's hormonal - went thru the same urge at that age.

Originally Posted by VampireCat

We have never really wanted kids either.

I cant deny that now i am in my 40's i do think about it, but hey...if a woman of 63 can have a child through IVF then there is still a chance

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Oh yes... I read about her... and the others who've come before... I take issue with them, but I'll try not to get too pissy...

Personally, I think those women are being selfish to bear a child past the natural age. I also believe that past the age of 40 is still too old. My mother was 43, but only because I was an 'accident.' (BTW, never, ever tell a 9 year old that he/she is an 'accident.' You'll leave scars) If you can have a child and want that child, then do it... but the women who're doing this in their 50's and 60's are very selfish. This latest one says her and her husband have everything taken care of in case of any problems. This presumably means financially. But will she be able to get down on the floor and crawl after a hyper baby? What if, because of her advancing age, the child is special needs? Like Down's Syndrome? What if she dies in childbirth?

I had a hard enough time growing up in the 70's and 80's because my mom already had gray hair (and no, it wasn't my fault). I got teased incessantly because kids thought I lived with my grandparents. Yes, it's becoming more commonplace now... but that won't make it any easier on the child when he's 12 and daddy or mommy has a heart attack and never comes home. I was 15 when my dad went in for heart surgery. They told us he may not make it through the first night. We (in the general sense) don't know the future. We don't know if we'll make it to our child's graduation. See our grandchildren. This is why I'd rather not have a baby past 36. If I want a child then, and can afford it, I'll do as my cousin did and adopt a child from overseas. She's not rich. She's a college professor. And single.

As for fostering or adopting in the States, hopefully the idiots in Washington will come around and allow 'non-traditional' families to adopt. It's the only way many of these kids will get loving homes. I'd do it. If I was financially set better than now. I think I'd be a great mom. But I see no need to 'spread my genes.'

Sorry if this got too pissy... it's just a huge issue with me.

Amanda
~I'm the one with the bumper sticker.

This thread has been really interesting, I am so glad to know that I am not the only one - like Trouts Mum. I am 24 and have been saying for years (about 10 actually) that I dont want kids. One of my friends (who is a mum) thinks that I will have one, and that I would be a good mum I am good with her kid - kids do sometimes like me, but wouldn't want one full time. My mum thinks that me having cats will stop me having kids, and she is really happy about that!!
I do love the idea of that bumper sticker!!

I don't want kids, hubby agrees the cats are enough for us. I'm 27 so there's still time to change my mind but I don't think it will happen.

Originally Posted by RubSluts'Mommy

Oh yes... I read about her... and the others who've come before... I take issue with them, but I'll try not to get too pissy...

Personally, I think those women are being selfish to bear a child past the natural age. I also believe that past the age of 40 is still too old. My mother was 43, but only because I was an 'accident.' (BTW, never, ever tell a 9 year old that he/she is an 'accident.' You'll leave scars) If you can have a child and want that child, then do it... but the women who're doing this in their 50's and 60's are very selfish. This latest one says her and her husband have everything taken care of in case of any problems. This presumably means financially. But will she be able to get down on the floor and crawl after a hyper baby? What if, because of her advancing age, the child is special needs? Like Down's Syndrome? What if she dies in childbirth?

I had a hard enough time growing up in the 70's and 80's because my mom already had gray hair (and no, it wasn't my fault). I got teased incessantly because kids thought I lived with my grandparents. Yes, it's becoming more commonplace now... but that won't make it any easier on the child when he's 12 and daddy or mommy has a heart attack and never comes home. I was 15 when my dad went in for heart surgery. They told us he may not make it through the first night. We (in the general sense) don't know the future. We don't know if we'll make it to our child's graduation. See our grandchildren.

Amanda
~I'm the one with the bumper sticker.

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I agree with you!

I do think your Mom should have been more honest with you, and let you know what a blessing you were to her. I was 37 when I had my last baby, and he is a delight to me. (He was NOT an oops...but I had planned to have him sooner...) My Mom had my baby sister as an oops baby in her late 30's. Amy was in many ways Mom's favorite. Just a special, sweet little girl (who is now a Mom herself!) Your Mom may have had issues with having an oops, but I'm sure you have been a source of great joy to her!

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

Your Mom may have had issues with having an oops, but I'm sure you have been a source of great joy to her!

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...and a few heartaches and headaches...

I've resisted over the years to becoming like her. I did learn to cook and bake from scratch like her. I can sew, but not nearly as good as her. When it came to each summer, she'd try to sit me down in front of an ancient portable Singer machine (which I'll probably inherit eventually... that thing is an heirloom... of sorts) and get me to learn... I got fed up with the machine, as it jammed every time I hit the peddle! I do have a newer Singer now... one she gave me years ago. I do sew, but mostly pillows and curtains and that stuff... I do want to make SOME clothes, but need a dress form first. And those suckers aren't cheap.

My mom and I don't get along, becasue we have the two strongest personalities in the family. The only two people that ever had fights in my quiet family were the two of us.

Part of my reason for not wanting to wait so late is because she wasn't a very active mom. I look to her as my example of what later motherhood is like. She cooked and baked and all, but never really played with us... especially me. This was good and bad. Good because it taught me to rely on myself for staying active. Bad because well... that's for a therapist. I doubt that if I had a baby that late, I'd be on the floor getting silly with him/her. I just don't think I'd have that much energy. That's my thing. I'd want to get active with the baby and be more involved.

of course, then there's the whole labor thing... I've had enough physical pain in my life... I don't think I could handle labor...

but enough about me... back to the conversation...

I knew a girl in high school who swore she'd never marry or have kids. By 20, she was married with a child.

i learned a long time ago to not plan too far ahead in life. God has a warped sense of humor (at least with me) and likes to pull the rug out from under my plans... I am a Christian, but just not a very traditional one.

I should go get ready... I'm hanging out with friends all day...

Amanda

I have a disease called neurofibromatosis. It causes me to have little (and some big) tumors all over my body. I am fortunate in that I do not suffer from the other mental and physical handicaps that often come with this, but I would NEVER have had children. There is a 50% chance that any child would have developed this disease. NO WAY would I ever put a child through this.

I am 38 and never had the urge to have any children. I just don't have the mothering instinct. I am not good with babies, I think that they are cute and all but if they cry, I'm done. Can't do diapers either. (YUCK!) People say it's different with your own, but I highly doubt it, and besides, I don't have time for one. I work to much and enjoy my freedom to go whereever I want, whenever I want and not have to worry about a babysitter.

Wow! I also did not know there were so many on here without kids.

Anyways...

The doctors told me at age 16 that I couldn't get Pregnant. But it would be wise to take birth control to help my "female problems" (got them too Tari).
I would only get the "menstrual cycle" 2 times a year otherwise. So I took Birth control for a while, and realized I LIKED IT WAAAY better the way it was before. Only in February and August. And yes, It's still like that. Love it love it love it!!

So one day in February of 2003, I was feeling kind of sick, I was 19, and felt yucky. Found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. I stood in the bathroom for 3 hours staring at the wall when I found out. Was NOT ready.
And then called to doctor that told me I couldnt ever have kids, and reamed him a new one.

But I wouldnt have it any other way. Having my daughter was the BEST thing ever, it is SOOO amazing the bond you can have with one person. It's like a crazy feeling. But it's the best.
Im not saying to go ahead and have kids, Im just stating that I think it is the best thing ever.

Oh, I have no doubt had I ever gotten pregnant, I would have loved that child like no other. It just was a choice I had not to have them...and it's so nice to know that people respect that and think any less of me.

Originally Posted by kittylover4ever

Oh, I have no doubt had I ever gotten pregnant, I would have loved that child like no other. It just was a choice I had not to have them...and it's so nice to know that people respect that and think any less of me.

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Oh yes my dear, I think it's great you chose this. I WOULD have chose that way actually. I guess things happen for a reason.

(plus now your kitties get awesome attention. )

My kitties get lots of 2 year old fun! She LOVES our cats like crazy. Everytime we walk in the door she's like "where's tipper (he's actually Kipper), and Munshi?)
So cute, she plays with them like crazy.

But a big thumbs up on that decision. It's not bad at all. There Should be more people like you all. Especially in the teenage population these days. It's just horrible. You cant even walk down a highschool hall without seeing a pregnant girl. Some of them just arent ready yet.

Me too,I never felt the need to have kids and I never wanted any,I am quite happy living my life for myself.
The only babies I will ever have are furry

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I don't really want to have kids either, I've said that for years (I'm 24). But lately I have been wondering if it will be lonely when I'm old without any kids or grandkids around to visit me? What if my husband dies before me and I'm all alone...That kind of makes me sad to think of having no family around when I get old.

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I do admit, that has been running through my head lately too. Granted there's no guarantee that I won't raise a serial killer who will be in jail when I'm older (just kidding, don't plan to if I do decide to have kids). However with B, if we do get married, I'm sure he'll die young. He has diabetes, smokes regularly, drinks occassionaly (but drnks heavily when he does), and doesn't take care of his carb intake really well. Plus the male history in the family is "dead by 60"...and I'm 8 years younger and will still be in my prime!

I don't ever remember making the decision that I didn't want kids. I feel more like never made the decision to have kids. I have no regrets at 40.

I think about this all the time, and i'm only 22.
I have no idea if I want kids or not. It honestly doesn't appeal to me very much at this point, but it seems like all my friends in my age group just love babies.

I'll probably regret it if I don't have any though. And my mom would probably kill me

I like kids and all, but I just think that at this point in my life so much as THINKING about children is out of the question. There's so much I want to do that would be impossible with children.

But, I'm not opposed to having my first at like 35, either. My mom had me when she was about 30 (I'm the oldest of 3) and she STILL says that 30 was too young. If Ian and I do decide to have kids (and we both like children and would be excellent parents if we do go down that road), it won't be for at least another decade or so.

Originally Posted by batgirl2good

I have a disease called neurofibromatosis. It causes me to have little (and some big) tumors all over my body. I am fortunate in that I do not suffer from the other mental and physical handicaps that often come with this, but I would NEVER have had children. There is a 50% chance that any child would have developed this disease. NO WAY would I ever put a child through this.

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I have NF also. This is an additional reason not to have children. Not only for the genetic reasons, but also the hormonal changes associtated with pregnancy can increase the severity of the disease. While I know I could adopt, I still have no interest in doing so.
Catfriend

Originally Posted by Catfriend

I have NF also. This is an additional reason not to have children. Not only for the genetic reasons, but also the hormonal changes associtated with pregnancy can increase the severity of the disease. While I know I could adopt, I still have no interest in doing so.
Catfriend

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I wuld not want more tumors. No fun!
I would like to talk more to you, ok? I will send a PM.
It is so nice to meet you.