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Childless on purpose......is that what you always wanted? - Page 3

post #61 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by batgirl2good
I have a disease called neurofibromatosis. It causes me to have little (and some big) tumors all over my body. I am fortunate in that I do not suffer from the other mental and physical handicaps that often come with this, but I would NEVER have had children. There is a 50% chance that any child would have developed this disease. NO WAY would I ever put a child through this.
This is interesting. I also have been adamant about not wanting children. But every now and then I do think about it (my fiance' would be a great dad!).

However, we're currently in the preliminary stages of determining if he has Lupus or a similar disease, and we have talked about the chance of passing this on to any children we do decide to have. (as these are primarily geneticly passed on, especially if we had a girl as it seems that whatever he may have seems to be much more prominent in women than men).

I used to coach a swim team for several summers and there was a 6 year old girl and two 11 year old boys that I just adored. They were amazing children, funny and squirrley and sweet, but they would listen to you and honestly tried to do their best in every event. If they could be my kids, well, I'd have them right now!
But alas, the universe doesn't give out guarantees like that...

~Julia
post #62 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catfriend
I have NF also. This is an additional reason not to have children. Not only for the genetic reasons, but also the hormonal changes associtated with pregnancy can increase the severity of the disease. While I know I could adopt, I still have no interest in doing so.
Catfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by batgirl2good
I have a disease called neurofibromatosis. It causes me to have little (and some big) tumors all over my body. I am fortunate in that I do not suffer from the other mental and physical handicaps that often come with this, but I would NEVER have had children. There is a 50% chance that any child would have developed this disease. NO WAY would I ever put a child through this.
I am so sorry you both have this. It must be pretty awful and it is such a selfless decision to say you would never put a child through it if there is a risk they could inherit it.

I don't have kids just now (only 22 at the minute) but I cannot imagine my later life without children. I feel like there is something missing in my life. I'm not ready for them yet because we are not that financially stable etc and I would like everything to be ready so that I can give my child the best start in life.
Mark feels the same, we will be having kids for sure.
I feel like you guys who have decided not to have them should be applauded for standing up to 'the norm' and saying, well actually I'm pretty happy without them.
It's is absolutely a personal choice and nobody has the right to push you either way.
post #63 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pombina
I cannot imagine my later life without children. I feel like there is something missing in my life.
I feel the exact same way.
post #64 of 84
I never wanted children, and I never intend on having any either. I know for a fact that I'm not cut out to give birth. God forbid, and if I ever was so unfortunate to become pregnant, I'd better have enough money for a full time Nanny as well as a part time Nanny, because I don't have the patience for children.
post #65 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by HopeHacker
I never wanted children, and I never intend on having any either. I know for a fact that I'm not cut out to give birth. God forbid, and if I ever was so unfortunate to become pregnant, I'd better have enough money for a full time Nanny as well as a part time Nanny, because I don't have the patience for children.
Tell it like it is Hope I work with a woman who I think you would get on with very well
post #66 of 84
Hi, just reading about people who have chosen not to have kids,and really do believe if that is their decision,then nobody else should judge them
I have four kids,they are gorgeous and i love them deeply but they are a full time job,and would not have had them if it truly did not feel like the right thing to do.
My sister does not have children, and I have heard people ask her why not etc,as if something is wrong with her! I think it is a personal decision and nothing to do with other people.
Lilicat
post #67 of 84
It's definitely a personal decision and I respect it either way. I've always loved children and figured I'd have my own some day. Of course, because of the path I've chosen, that's really not an option anymore. I've heard of a couple of cases where nuns or priests have adopted children, but don't see myself doing that. I have a very full, happy, busy life as it is! Plus, I get my kid fix by spending time with my adorable nieces and nephews (two of each) and my friends' children. I LOVE being an aunt! I get to spend time with them, love them, spoil them, then send them home with their parents! No regrets here.
post #68 of 84
I have heard a lot of people say,it is lovely to have kids around and then return them at the end of the day,must admit have four kids and no proper sleep for two years!! so I can understand that!!
post #69 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pombina
I don't have kids just now (only 22 at the minute) but I cannot imagine my later life without children. I feel like there is something missing in my life. I'm not ready for them yet because we are not that financially stable etc and I would like everything to be ready so that I can give my child the best start in life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by menagerie mama
I feel the exact same way.

I used to feel that way for a long time..... but it has since changed, and we are OK with not having kids of our own. We have plenty of nephews and a niece that we can spoil whenever we want! Going out to eat we realize that we would be spending a lot more if we had a child or two to feed as well, or going to the movies, or bowling or anything. We'd want to give our children a nice and fun life, but I don't think we could afford it! But when we have the extra cash we can pick up the boys (our nephews) and go do something nice!
post #70 of 84
I've never wanted children and have no regrets either. Will wouldn't have minded having a child but he knew I didn't want them, so were happy the way we are now. I could never see myself raising a child, I have no patience and like to come and go as I please and not have anyone to answer to and l love my alone time it's very important to me. It's just not the lifestyle I would want.

Sash is my child and I love him as much as any woman could love her own flesh and blood. I see there are quite a few of us on here without children, it's nice to know I'm not alone since I feel that way a lot in this world being childless.
post #71 of 84
I never wanted to have children, but now with a nephew and two more neices/nephews on the way and my BF's neices and nephew, I have to admit the idea doesn't repulse me as much as when I was younger, but to be honest it wouldn't bother me if I didn't.

I want a career in politics and the hours do not suit having a family (and I can borrow neices or newphews whenever I want), I would rather not have children and have them grow up in daycares etc than have a kid for the sake of having one, but then I am still only 24 and change my mind about stuff all the time
post #72 of 84
I to, am surprised that their is so many women/couples deciding not to have children. I think that it is a wonderful thing to be able to know your own mind and make choices that are right for you.
I was one of those little girls, that always thought of having children, 2 boys and 2 girls, don't think that I ever thought of having a husband.
I have 3 children and if my health would have permitted I would have had another one. I didn't have my children to look after me when Iam old, I had them because of love. I look forward to them growing up and having lives of their own and hopefully sharing it with me. If they marry, our have partners then that is a whole new family to be a part of. I guess belonging to them is what I have always wanted. I know that they could move away and never see me again but I hope that the love that we have now is forever.

I to have a bumper sticker it reads " Be kind to your children, they pick your nursing home".
post #73 of 84
Right now John & I don't have any children (Except for Harley!)

He just turned 24, and I'll be 22 on Friday - but right now its just not the right time for us. We DO want children, but not for a few more years... until we are married and have steady income and such.

I can't imagine my life without children - I have a big family, and thats what I want for my children. So until I can properly take care and provide for a little one, we'll be holding off on that for awhile
post #74 of 84
I've never had the urge to have children. Since I was young, I have been told that when I meet the 'right' guy I would settle down and want a family. Well, I have been with Rob over 10 years now and nothing has changed (and he is the right guy!).

What has surprised me to no end is how people will get into your personal business about this subject. First of all, it's a very personal decision to have or not have children. But when I have brought up the subject with various people before (my hairdresser, friend's mother, neighbours etc.) I have some people get physically upset with me. Since I do not plan to have children I have been called selfish, unnatural, greedy, stupid, unworthy and a host of other titles. I couldn't believe because of my decision (and it is my decision) some people would actually look down on me. Wow, it was an eye opener. So now I keep my decision to myself and if they enquire further on why I don't plan to have children I tell them it's a personal decision and I would request them to leave it at that.

It's amazing that these people would 'respect' me if I gave birth, but thought I was an alien because I won't. We already live in an age of overpopulation, our natural resources are radically being reduced, a large amount of kids are needing adoption but I'm the evil one because I won't reproduce to further burden the earth with my need to continue my gene pool.

I went to university for Environmental Resource Management, I recycle and compost as much as I can and I live simply. I try to buy things that are not disposable to add to landfills, I give my used items to charities and try not to make my footprint on this earth bigger than I need to.....but I am a reject in some eyes because I won't add to the earth's population. Who's the one thinking straight here?

Of course, having said the above, I do not in any way oppose someone else's decision to have children. I'm actually very happy for my friends and family and celebrate the new arrival like everyone else. I just ask for the same amount of respect on my decision not to have children. It's all about the freedom to choose to live one's life the way they see fit....but not by someone else's standards.
post #75 of 84
I wanted kids when I was younger, but as I've gone through life, (I'm 37 now) I've decided that I don't want kids of my own. I'm so set in my ways that kids will disrupt that. However, I have started classes to become an elem. school teacher. I really do love kids but I just don't want any of my own. If I meet someone who has kids, I just hope they are older. I also love visiting my 3 nephews.
post #76 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubSluts'Mommy
It reads: "If I wanted to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cats."
I have a magnet that says that very same thing on my fridge!
post #77 of 84
Russian Blue, I know exactly what you mean! It's amazing how emphatic people can get about something that's really none of their business...and it's amazing how even people who are only casual acquaintances feel that they need to put in their two cents worth. It's as if deciding not to have children of your own is somehow offensive...like you're saying you don't like children.

That couldn't be more untrue in my case. I love children. My house is a very child-friendly environment, and there are bunches of my friends' kids who are counting down the days until our pool opens and they can come swimming. My nieces and I are good friends, and I just LOVE being the "cool aunt".

I guess it's just hard for some people to see a perspective different that their own. Many people here have remarked that they were surprised there were so many who were childless by choice...I'm surprised that there are so many people here with kids who are open-minded and supportive of someone else's personal choice (but, on the whole, the members here do tend to be remarkably open-minded and supportive, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised).
post #78 of 84
As for me... well I have a son, but he doesn't live with me any more. And it works much better for both of us like that. I can't picture me ever having more children. There is a difference between doing what is right for your child because it's common sense, and doing what is right through instinct. I have the common sense, but the mothering feeling just isn't there.

I ain't doing it again!!
post #79 of 84
My husband and I do not have children. We were medically not able to have kids. Now that I am older, I can't believe the rude comments that I get from people questioning our reasons and why we didn't adopt. We couldn't afford to adopt. We like our life as it is and it is no one's business WHY we don't have kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by batgirl2good
I have a disease called neurofibromatosis. It causes me to have little (and some big) tumors all over my body. I am fortunate in that I do not suffer from the other mental and physical handicaps that often come with this, but I would NEVER have had children. There is a 50% chance that any child would have developed this disease. NO WAY would I ever put a child through this.
batgirl, I also have this disorder. I inherited it from my mom and my brother also has it. My husband has a disorder also and if he had been able to father a child, there would have been only a 25% chance of having a normal child which is too low, and a 25% chance of the child having BOTH which was way too high!

I consider my kitties my kids.
post #80 of 84
I always wanted children. I even purposely got pregnant at 17 but ended up having a miscarriage. So I married my boyfriend(the same one I got pregnant with) and got pregnant again at 19. But I had complications and learned I had a rare disease called vascular ehlers danlos syndrome. The doctors strongly advised me not to have any more children since I have a high risk of dying during delivery. My daughter is now 8 years old and when she was younger I used to cry because I couldnt have any more children but over the years I have learned what a blessing it is to only have one.
post #81 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tari
Russian Blue, I know exactly what you mean! It's amazing how emphatic people can get about something that's really none of their business...and it's amazing how even people who are only casual acquaintances feel that they need to put in their two cents worth. It's as if deciding not to have children of your own is somehow offensive...like you're saying you don't like children.

That couldn't be more untrue in my case. I love children. My house is a very child-friendly environment, and there are bunches of my friends' kids who are counting down the days until our pool opens and they can come swimming. My nieces and I are good friends, and I just LOVE being the "cool aunt".

I guess it's just hard for some people to see a perspective different that their own. Many people here have remarked that they were surprised there were so many who were childless by choice...I'm surprised that there are so many people here with kids who are open-minded and supportive of someone else's personal choice (but, on the whole, the members here do tend to be remarkably open-minded and supportive, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised).

My thought on why a lot (not all) of these people to talk down about us not wanting to have children, is because they wish they could go back. To have back the freedom they don't have anymore because of having children. To be able to go and do what they want when they want! They're jealous!
post #82 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by SillyJilly
My thought on why a lot (not all) of these people to talk down about us not wanting to have children, is because they wish they could go back. To have back the freedom they don't have anymore because of having children. To be able to go and do what they want when they want! They're jealous!
now that is an interesting theory! I would bet probably very true too
post #83 of 84
I have 2 boys, 4 and 8. They are the love of my life, but yes, it's VERY hard! There hasn't been a time in 8 years that I have been able to take an uninterupted shower, eat dinner in peace or watch a movie without having to pause it. I had my oldest 9 days before my 19th birthday which was 11 months after I got married to my ex-husband. He was planned but, not thought through. It was very hard on both of us. 4 years later just as he was starting pre-school, out of diapers and I was going back to work full-time and going through a nasty divorce, getting things back on track, I ended up pregnant with my now 4 yr old. It's been a long road for my now husband and I. We do get aggrevated sometimes that we can't just pick up and go to the movies or out to a quiet dinner by ourselves. I was very much like alot of you when I was younger. I didn't want kids. Babysitting was fine because I could send them home when they were spoiled rotten. I am not the motherly type at all. Probably won't ever be. I teach my boys to burp, fart, play with bugs and get dirty and ride 4 wheelers and dirt bikes. I'm more like a big sister to them in some ways. I know it sounds bad but I was raised a tom-boy and when people see me they automatically think I should not have ever had children, and they might be right in thier minds but they are my boys and I love them to death. If one of them were ever hurt or sick, I would give my last breath for them. Being a parent is the hardest job ANYONE could ever have.
post #84 of 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Russian Blue
What has surprised me to no end is how people will get into your personal business about this subject. First of all, it's a very personal decision to have or not have children.
I can relate to what your saying Russian Blue...only in the opposite way. We have been trying for 2 years. I had cervical cancer @ 19 and was told it would be harder to get pregnant. And I was so responsible in my younger days (28 now, married almost 4 yrs) with birth control and all...not wanting to bring a child up b4 I'm ready or out of wedlock.

But this is a very hurtful, sore, touchy, difficult subject for me. I have longed for children forever. Everyone I know has them...all my "little" sisters, all my friends...everyone. And everyone I know says "you'll be such a great mom!" As if they are helping. And I did it right, I waited, got married, travelled, then we decided after 2 yrs of marriage to get off birth control & nothing...all my sisters got pg young...1 had the shot-gun wedding, 1 got pg in college, 1 got pg @ 18 by a real jerk...

It's hurtful & freightening enough to not know whether you will ever have 1....the pressure from trying for 2 years...let alone people I barely know saying "when are you gonna have 1?" I feel like crying... not as a practical joke either! People don't realize that is not something you ask other people! I feel like screaming "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!" I mean it is my uterus right???


And then there's family..they mean well, but my dad wants a namesake...my sisters can't wait to give me their baby stuff. Everytime I see a baby it makes my heart ache.... and then to hear at every family function the curious...."well?" I'm like "well what?"

I believe that it is eveyones own decision to have or not to have kids...and some people should have that right taken away (abusers, neglecters, etc). But I hope that if I can't conceive I am ok with the way most of you are. It is inspiring that so many women are at peace with NOT having kids... And I hope that I can be at peace with whatever my fate is too...

PS...for anyone who has read my other threads, I do have a step-daughter, Jasmine (8yrs), I've been in her life since she was 2, and it's great, but not like having a baby grow inside you...experiencing the "miracle" of birth....being able to give my husband a son...feeling that connection...the flutters of someone kicking inside you...I want all that so badly...
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