Forced to give my cat to the shelter

I guess I'm posting because I am very, very upset. I wrote this letter to go with him to the shelter. Its a no kill. I'm really at wits end. This has been going on for three years. The last time my husband was really upset with the cats, one of them died (of a heart condition at age 6 - I think it was of a broken heart.) I don't want anything bad to happen to Penguin. Do you think it will be okay? He's the best kitty I've ever had.

Penguinâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s Story:

Dear new home,

I wanted to write this letter to let you know how Penguin came to be at the Lawrence Humane Society.

He is a very lovely, sweet boy who started life as a hand raised orphan. He loves to ride on shoulders as a scarf and give lots of hugs. He is very smart and likes to open closets and cabinets and climb inside to sleep. He also likes to sleep under blankets and duvets. He has a large, fluffy bed all his own made of a large cardboard box, two big pillows, velvet fabric, and a fleece blanket. He sleeps there every night next to our bed because heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not allowed on it. He spends his days asleep in the window or on the futon. He likes to spend supervised time outside chasing bugs and exploring. His favorite things to play with are the plastic rings from the tops of orange juice gallon jugs.

He needs a good home that will give him lots of cuddles, love, and cozy places to hang out. He seems good with children, since he once gave a hug to a three year old that was visiting me. He doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t mind dogs and is not afraid of them. He tolerates other cats and doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t even seem concerned about the strays that frequent our back yard.

His birthday is Sept. 22, 2001. He was brought into where I worked in a check box where he was no bigger than a mouse. The woman who dropped him off said he had been outside for two days and the mother had not come back for them. The other kitten had died and she wanted this one to live, but didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know how to take care of it. So I took him home. My coworkers believed he wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t make it through the night, but he thrived. He was named for a stuffed animal he curled up to sleep with while he was being bottle fed. Since I have ferrets, he was basically raised by them. They taught him to open doors and things. While he was a small kitten, he would climb up through the back of the dresser as they did and fall asleep in the bottom drawer with them. As he got bigger, he was no longer able to do that and took to sleeping under the dresser, eventually he could only sleep next to the dresser, and didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t seem to understand why he could fit inside with them anymore. He still likes to sleep in their hammock or on top of their cage.

He is a very well loved cat. His human mommy loves him very much, but since I got married three years ago, he hasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t ever liked my husband. He hisses and growls at him. This really hasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t been a problem to me, but recently my husband has told me that if I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t find him a home that I would find him dead or gone (dumped somewhere.) So I felt in order to protect him, I had no choice but to bring him to the shelter. I really want him to find a good, loving home where he can be spoiled.

He is pretty stubborn. He likes to get on cabinet tops and even into cabinets. He sleeps on couches and beds. He is a white cat and definitely needs a good brushing every few days. He's not the best about keeping him bum clean, but he will tolerate baby wipes okay. He's not declawed, but he will allow you to cuddle him and trim him nails with fingernail clippers. He's a good boy and quite well behaved.

I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want anything bad to happen to him. I would love to know that heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s okay, because I will be worried about it. I know that LHS has a good screening system and they take good care of their animals until they find homes. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a really unfair, tough choice to make between your husband and your cat. Penguin deserves better because his mommy canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t protect him anymore. He's the best kitty I've ever had. He was everything I ever wanted in cat. Please let him find the best home ever.

Oh my, this is so sad. Did you know how he felt about the cat before he married you? We need to pray that his heart will soften toward cats because it is so evident how much you love them. In the meantime, we all hope that your cat will find a perfect forever home where he will be loved and pampered.
I know your heart is aching and I pray you will find peace in your heart with what has happened.

If your husband is making open statements about abusing or killing your cat, my suggestion to you is to seek therapy IMMEDIATELY. Statistically, people that are willing to harm animals are also willing to harm humans. It sounds as though he has some issues with rage or anger management that need to be addressed before you are in danger. I'm only saying this because I work with cats who have come to us because of abusive or threatening relationships. If the spouse or partner isn't being abused then, it's usually not soon after that either verbal or physical abuse begins. GOOD LUCK and STAY SAFE, ok? Thank you though for at least thinking of your cat's safety.

(Had this been me, the cat would be with me and the husband would have a restraining order and would be dealing with my divorce lawyer.)

My personal opinion is you should seek a good divorce attorney. People who abuse animals are sick and there is very little chance of curing them I know that if I had a wife and she either abused my children or pets I woulld divorce her right away.

I have to agree with the other responses too. We've heard stories like this on here before, never with happy endings. My thought to add is this: he knew you had a cat before you got married, chances are if after 3 years the cat still hates your husband then your husband probably hasn't even tried to befriend the cat (even the guys my cats hated the most managed to win them over in weeks or days!). There is also the possibility that your husband has already been abusing your cat while you've been away. If it's that easy to abuse your cat....what about you...or future kids?

I wish you the best of luck and give some thought to what you are seeing around you.

Your letter sounds like you love Penguin very much. I think it's got a lot of good & usfull information about him. I truly hope he finds a warm loving home where he is accepted by everyone. I know that what people are saying may sound harsh, but I had to walk away before I responded because I had the same reacation. I had this reaction because I live my life by two very important rules #1 love me, love my cats. We are a family & if I had human children I would never be involved with a man who did not accept them. #2 Trust my cat's instincts. Animals have a very good sense of people. My guess is your kitty can sense your husband's hostility and is reacting out of self protection to the vibe your husband is giving off. I don't know you or your life so I can't tell you what to do, but ask yourself how you will feel 5 or 10 years down the line. Don't get me wrong it sounds to me like you are doing what is best for your cat given your current situation, but please also consider your emotional safety and any decisions that might lead to a safe life for you & your kitty together. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for everyone's support.

I have no human children. I do have two other cats. He treats both of them like kings, one is brushed daily (Sam), the other is even allowed to drink from the tea kettle and sleep on the bed (Charlie). We also have a few strays that frequent our backyard, especially one we call Bagpuss (i have another post about him - he's named after the UK tv show.) He puts food out for Bagpuss every day and the others when he sees them waiting for food. I also have five ferrets which have their own bedroom. He hates them, but since they have their own playroom he tolerates them.

But Penguin he doesn't like and has never liked. Penguin didn't adjust well when he moved in and would hiss, swat, and even attack when my husband got near him. Now he just ignores him, but he will crawl into my husbands lap for cuddles if he's hungry. My husband claims its because of cat hair and that Penguin isn't brushed. Really it comes down to the fact he hates Penguin.

If I were the person adopting your sweet boy, I would be strongly moved by your letter. It contains a lot of useful information about Penquin and it is very obviously written with a lot of emotion. I share your pain at having to make this unfortunate decision. You must be so heartbroken.

My dear ... I beg you to ask yourself this question:

If he has forced you to give up your cat today and you have done so, what will he force you to give up tomorrow?

Never allow ANYONE to force you to give up anything ever again. If you establish this pattern now, early in your marriage, you will find yourself being chipped away - piece by tiny piece - until there is nothing of YOU left.

I can only imagine the turmoil you must be in at the moment and my heart goes out to you. Try to find some peace somehow and remember to always treat yourself with kindness.

You will remain very close in my thoughts,

~gf~

Marriage does mean compromise, but it should never mean being afraid for the safety of someone (be it a cat or not) you obviously love very much.
Your husband's weak excuses for why he doesn't like the one cat make me even more suspicious. Is he using Penguin to control you? It sounds like it. Abusive men make you give up things that you love so you will feel even more dependent on them. I know this from firsthand experience. The terrifying part of your post is this: "The last time my husband was really upset with the cats, one of them died (of a heart condition at age 6 - I think it was of a broken heart.)" It sounds like you know your husband killed the other cat and just don't want to admit it.

Penguin may hate your husband but he doesn't attack him or do anything that sounds like it justifies the way he feels at all aside from just not like him. Threatening to kill your cat is abusive. To you. I hope you realize this. An explicit threat of violence against your pet is violence against you. It seems to me like your husband "hates" everything that is yours. Are the other two cats "his"? Giving cats food, brushing them, and letting them sleep on the bed are good, but thats not special treatment. Thats part of having a cat!

Only you know what is best for you, and you've already realized that you are not in a good environment or you would not be giving up your cat so it has a chance at a safer life. No matter how trapped you feel, there is always a way out and you will be amazed at the willingness of people to help you.

People I barely knew helped me get out. Your story breaks my heart.

My heart goes out to you and Penguin, too.

Let me contrast your situation with mine...not to brag, but just to show how many families handle personality situations with pets. We have 3 cats, two of which are very tame. My female, Festus, is a very sweet girl. But my husband does not "like" her. She has a whiney meow, she tries to sharpen her claws on the kitchen cabinets, and when she jumps up on our dresser, she always knocks things off. She also loves to burrow in the clean laundry, and ends up covering it with hair. My boy, Garfield, is a love bug. He crawled his way into dh's heart as a kitten, rolling around on his lap and cuddling. He really likes Garfield.

My husband makes occasional comments about Festus being odd...or why does she sneak into our bedroom, then cry to get out? But he is never mean or rude to her. She is as much a part of the family as Garfield. Likewise our last dog was as dumb as a rock, literally. But he got the same care and attention as our beloved Misty, who is a great (and intelligent) dog. Everyone is a dependent here, and gets decent care. No one gets special priviledges that will make the others feel left out.

And for Penguin to be your bottle baby...how painful to give him up! I do believe a husband is more important than a pet...but a loving spouse does not ask you to give up someone you love. Like the others who have posted, I am very concerned about his lack of concern for your and Penguin's needs.

I agree with alot of what has been said.... and I would like to add that if my BF/husband ever said to me what yours said to you about your cat, my response would have been- "Anything happens to my cat and you may find yourself dead or gone" My heart goes out to both you and Penguin

My heart goes out to you and Penguin. I'm glad your beloved cat is in a safe place and hope he finds a loving home.

It seems like your husband's attitude and actions demonstrate a lack of respect for what's important to you. His threats against the cat are indicative of someone with real anger and control issues. Even if he wasn't serious about harming the cat, it was cruel and insensitive to make those remarks. I'm not married but, if I was, my husband would be looking for a new home, not the cat.

I agree with the others. Personally if anyone ever tried to make me give up someone I love, I'd say "Goodbye". I really think you should seek therapy. Sometimes a threat is not just empty words. I can tell you love Penguin very much and it is horrible that you are being forced to give him up. Anyone who threatens to harm an innocent animal should seek help. It may be the cats today, tomorrow it could be you.

Originally Posted by gayef

If I were the person adopting your sweet boy, I would be strongly moved by your letter. It contains a lot of useful information about Penquin and it is very obviously written with a lot of emotion. I share your pain at having to make this unfortunate decision. You must be so heartbroken.

My dear ... I beg you to ask yourself this question:

If he has forced you to give up your cat today and you have done so, what will he force you to give up tomorrow?

Never allow ANYONE to force you to give up anything ever again. If you establish this pattern now, early in your marriage, you will find yourself being chipped away - piece by tiny piece - until there is nothing of YOU left.

I can only imagine the turmoil you must be in at the moment and my heart goes out to you. Try to find some peace somehow and remember to always treat yourself with kindness.

You will remain very close in my thoughts,

~gf~

Click to expand...

Very true words. This is so sad.
Trinity, he knows how much you love this cat and threatened to harm him so that you gave him up. I just don't get how someone who loves YOU could hurt you like that.

I had many emotions reading your letter and the posts that followed.

I agree with those who are concerned about you in the future, because you have not been married that long, and negative sides of relationships always get worse unless they are somehow stopped.

Yet I can also see how the idea of divorce or making a choice can be frightening.

Is there any way you could find a friend or family member who could take in Penguin for a while (or even perhaps a rescue could find him a temporary foster home for say, 6 months), and you could talk to your husband aboiut going for counseling together?

I think the fact that you are not part of this decision, are being blackmailed into it with physical threats to the cat, and the total lack of any understanding of how this situation hurts you by your husband is very indicative of some severe problems, both with his own issues, and with your relationship.

Perhaps 6 months of some good marriage counseling could bring you together to a more compromising situation, at which time you could bring Penguin back into a more loving atmosphere, or make any other decision you need to. In the meantime, at least for that time period, you have not lost your baby and given in to a decision you might later regret and cannot change back.

This idea would at least give you some options.

Originally Posted by gayef

Never allow ANYONE to force you to give up anything ever again. If you establish this pattern now, early in your marriage, you will find yourself being chipped away - piece by tiny piece - until there is nothing of YOU left.

Click to expand...

That is SO true!!

I am crying so hard right now. I am sorry I cannot offer my opinion because I should keep it to myself...

Trinity,

From a Male perspective. You are being manipulated and controlled.

We at TCS do not know you or your husband other than what you wrote, so we can be unbias about our thoughts.
You are not being forced to get rid of your cat, you are choosing to lose your cat or your husband will kill it. that is no choice at all.

Take the responces from people here to heart. They have lived through it previously. There are many women here that will testify to you if your husband will harm an animal just to spite you, you are next when the animal is gone.



There are many facts to support all that is mentioned about abuse people and animals.
It is not a matter of your cat over your husband.
It is a matter of your emotional and physical welbeing.

having said all that,
IF you have or will surrender penquin, Sending that letter along with penguin is a great idea.
The more history with a surrendered animal the better.

Originally Posted by Middletown

Trinity,

From a Male perspective. You are being manipulated and controlled.

We at TCS do not know you or your husband other than what you wrote, so we can be unbias about our thoughts.
You are not being forced to get rid of your cat, you are choosing to lose your cat or your husband will kill it. that is no choice at all.

Take the responces from people here to heart. They have lived through it previously. There are many women here that will testify to you if your husband will harm an animal just to spite you, you are next when the animal is gone.



There are many facts to support all that is mentioned about abuse people and animals.
It is not a matter of your cat over your husband.
It is a matter of your emotional and physical welbeing.

having said all that,
IF you have or will surrender penquin, Sending that letter along with penguin is a great idea.
The more history with a surrendered animal the better.

Click to expand...

I don't understand why if he loves you, he would make you give up something that you love..(unless of course it was dangerous to your wellbeing). I'm sorry, but I must agree with everyone here. I sincerely think that you need to really thin about this before making a decision. How can you give up sweet Penguin when you love him so much? How could your husband stand to see the pain you will go through to lose Penguin?

I don't get it.