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Cat got your. . .? ouch

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
Cat got your....?

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."

"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I'm scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
"C'mon, it'll only take a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.

It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known.
post #2 of 17
Oh my goodness! I am so sorry that I laughed the whole time I read this!! It must have been agonizing, but oh, so funny!! If I were Roman Catholic I would have to go to confession for enjoying this so much! I trust that all parts of you, from top to botto---- errrr- that you are fine now,
post #3 of 17
Good story!! I won't say anything more!!
post #4 of 17
Too funny!

Next time you'll remember the tightie whities when you leave the bathroom!

:laughing: :LOL:
post #5 of 17
That was hilarious!!!!!! :LOL: You know what they say, the truth is stranger than fiction... :laughing:
post #6 of 17
That is one of the funniest things I've heard. I can relate though. I never explained when I had to call in for the garbage incident. My garbage can knocked me out!

I put the empty recycling bins on top of the open yard waste container, and pushed this while pulling the trash can behind me, down the driveway. Well, it is a well sloped driveway (down) and I hit a crack, and somehow, the recycling bins came at my face, nearly breaking my nose and giving me a bloody mouth. I didn't know this yet though because I was sprawled all out with all of this on me blacked out. All in all, it was really the yard waste's fault.

Needless to say, I do not deal with the yard waste any longer.
post #7 of 17
Thank you! I'm new to the forum, and haven't had such a good laugh in years. Hope you recovered quickly.
post #8 of 17
OMG, that is THE funniest thing I have heard in ages!!!!

Thanks so much for sharing that
post #9 of 17
I'm sorry...but I couldn't help from laughing. :LOL: I was just picturing my husband in the same predicament. I hope you made a full recovery.
post #10 of 17
OMG!! That is TOOOO funny!!! Sheesh though, I dread to think what my hubby would've done to the kitty!!! But it IS sooo funny....:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 
I guess I should have made it clearer that I got this on my email (being female, I lack the necessary "toys" )I was laughing the whole time I read it, too. Poor guy, try explaining that one to the doctor.
post #12 of 17
Bren1, I thought your husband might have written it. I knew you were a woman. I was telling my husband about it yesterday and I couldn't get the words out for laughing! Talk about images!! That kitten hanging on for dear life with his needle sharp claws! OH!!!!!!
post #13 of 17
Thread Starter 
Jeanie, Luckily, my S/O would think about at least wearing a robe before doing anything like that. I know what you mean about images. Just thinking about it gives me fits of giggles. Poor man, here we all are, laughing at his expense.
post #14 of 17
Oooooo... oops then! Sorry bren!

That probably means that the story is fake though (as so many other spam emails). Too bad but oh well, it was still funny.
post #15 of 17
:o I'm walking around with my legs crossed. You'll find that cats like to play with little pieces of fluff

Only thing that can match this was when I was doing a rehearsal at the local church some years back. I crouched down to pick up my lines and my pants split right down the crotch line exposing me to all the females of the cast. I've not been able to show my face, or anything else for that matter, in church since.

I'm going to hell for traumatising them all :o
post #16 of 17
I've seen that before, and I was actually looking for it to post here cuz it is so funny! I don't know if it is real or not, but regardless it is too funny not to share.
post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 
Valanhb (Heidi?) I agree! I don't care if it's true or not, it makes me laugh just thinking about it. Plus I remember when I brought Molly home, she was only 10 weeks old. One day my S/O said he had to protect himself from her when they were taking a nap, she has really sharp claws.
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