Platonic friendship?

Does anyone here have a friend of the opposite sex but is strictly platonic...I have this friend that says he wants to be platonic.. but when we go out (especially if drinking) he seems to want to be more, like tonight, he was holding my hand and stuff but when we said goodbye he just said goodbye, no kiss or anything...but I addressed the issue a year ago and he said no, just friends. The problem is, I am really attracted to him and find it difficult to be platonic without wanting an actual relationship. I don't know if I can continue the friendship charade, I am just too "into" him....What should I do??? By the way, we are totally compatible with everything else we want in life, just that he just wants to be friends but sometimes doesn't act like it....I am confused...

I believe platonic friendships work beautifully if they really are platonic. Yours surely doesn't sound like it is.
Men=Confusing. That is my take on life now, lol. He sounds attracted to you, and as though he probably has some feelings for you, but it royally sucks that he's got this whole 'just friend' bit stuck in his head. Since you are good friends, you kind of have a window into his life. Is he like this with all women? How have his previous relationships fared? Is he just commitment-shy?

I have also had platonic ( like brothers) relationships. Yours's doesn't sound like it's in that category. Be open and tell him and it might blossom into a freind you really love in all ways.

Originally Posted by Sanctie

I believe platonic friendships work beautifully if they really are platonic. Yours surely doesn't sound like it is.
Men=Confusing. That is my take on life now, lol. He sounds attracted to you, and as though he probably has some feelings for you, but it royally sucks that he's got this whole 'just friend' bit stuck in his head. Since you are good friends, you kind of have a window into his life. Is he like this with all women? How have his previous relationships fared? Is he just commitment-shy?

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He's a bit younger than I am and he hasn't had many girlfriends. The last one he had, he got pretty burned by, but that was almost 2 years ago. Last year we started going out, or at least I thought we were but he was the same way then, showing signs but not taking it any further. I addressed it by sending him a letter saying what I thought and felt, and he called me and we talked and he said he just wanted to be friends. It was a good conversation but then we actually didn't talk again for a year. Just about a week ago he called me again and we've been hanging out.

Originally Posted by Abigail

I have also had platonic ( like brothers) relationships. Yours's doesn't sound like it's in that category. Be open and tell him and it might blossom into a freind you really love in all ways.

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When I told him last year how I felt, I think we both got weirded out and then didn't speak for a year. The weirdness wore off and we're talking again. I know he knows how I feel, so I don't want to say anything and risk losing things again.

I've had platonic friendships with guys... And then dated them... and then gone back to being friends. In my experience, the only way to have a platonic relationship is to have failed at a relationship but ended it amicably. I'm sure there are other ways, like if you've known them your whole life, or they're a friend of your boyfriend, etc. I've been friends with lots of guys but its always more a group thing, not just the two of you going out.
I'd say the only friendship I have that is totally platonic is with my brother-in-law, so obviously that probably doesn't count.

If you don't like the situation, you're only going to cause yourself pain by trying to put on the happy face and be "just friends". Then again, you don't want to lose what you do have by saying so.
I would say that you need a little distance. When you guys go out, can you invite a few others along?

I've had plenty of platonic friendships...heck I even lived with a guy strictly on the platonic level.

Your guy almost sounds like a "friends with some benefits" and it does get confusing. I do admit that there were some platonic friends I had that we just knew we were "fill-ins" (if you will) for each other. Those didn't last thought because things got complicated if either of us wanted to take a step further or one of us started to date.

My life long relationship was platonic for nearly 7 years before we became a couple. It was great going in to a relationship with my eyes completely open, and knowing all of each other's quirks, habits, and all. I was the one that wanted to keep it platonic, but was really glad he was still interested when I came to my senses.
We both went on about our regular lives, and one day, I saw him, and it hit me hard that this was the person I was supposed to be with. I hadn't seen him for awhile, and when he pulled up, got off his bike, and pulled his helmet off, my knees went weak. I saw him in a whole different light. I was in process of ending a really bad relationship, and it stayed platonic until that one was over. I have no doubt that if we had gotten together way back then, that we would probably not be together now, so the reward of patience was a wonderful, long term relationship. I know it can be very frustrating, but letting nature take it's course seems like a good plan for your situation. You obviously care for each other, maybe he just does not need a committted relationship right now. My sweetie is nearly 5 years younger than me, also not many girlfriends, and it seemed like a lot at 16 and 21, but now, at 42 and 47, it's nothing. I hope this works out for the best for you. Keep us posted on how it goes.

Yes I do get the sense that he may be waiting to see if I really am the person he thinks I am, which he has said I am just like him with almost all the same things in common, and he does like me as a person. We are about as compatible as two people could be, we even finish each others sentences which is scary, lol, but it leads me to assume, though I shouldn't assume, that he's just not attracted to me, and that does sting.
I have platonic relationships with men, but they are with exes too and they and I have moved on but all the undesirable qualities that made us break up are still the underlying reason I can be friends with them and not for a second think about them romantically. But this guy hasn't shown me the undesirables yet so to me it looks good and it's hard to be just friends with him, but I don't want to lose out on the possibility of someday becoming more. So do I continue to date other people while this is going on? The friends with benefits thing will not be happening, that would be taking it too far, and I don't give myself like that unless I, number one, truly care for the person, and number two, am in a relationship with that person. I did that once with someone years ago, and it became a disaster when I fell in love with him, but not him with me.

I would continue with my life as though he is just what he wants to be, a friend. If someone asks you out and it is some place you want to go, go. Since he probably already knows that you will not be physically active with just anyone, that should not hurt a possible relationship. I don't know how old you are, but you should not spend your youth sitting and waiting for him to wise up. If you do go out on a few casual dates, it might make him see what he is missing, and you could have some fun.

That's what I was thinking. I'm 31, by the way.

He sounds like KEVIN!!!!!! ARGGGGG

IMO he is just silly not to be with a wonderful woman like you!!


Whats with the younger guys anyway??

Originally Posted by fwan

IMO he is just silly not to be with a wonderful woman like you!!
Whats with the younger guys anyway??

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Aw, thanks Fran!
He's actually what people call an old soul. He doesn't have a lot of young friends because all they're interested in is going to bars and getting drunk and that sort of thing, and people his age that know him think he's a little off because he doesn't like to go to clubs, etc...He's 23 and owns his own house, he also owns another house that he rents out, he has 3 vehicles, and has a great job. All his friends still work at Taco Bell and live with mom. Totally different mindset there.

I have a bunch of guy friends..they are great..but this is what I've learned:

I truly beleive that if a guy is friends with a girl, he always wants more. I'm not talking about a relationship..I'm talking about *more*.

That is their nature, they can't help it.

My three best friends are guys, but they are all exes. I agree that 'it' usually rears its head at some point during a friendship and the only way to be real platonic friends is to have got all that over with before becoming friends. Or be friends with gay guys - that is usually a great relationship.

I have alot of guy's that are just frinds, in fact, one of my bestest friends is a guy and it's never been anyting more

I always have better friendships with guys.
Don't take offense to this, but could he be gay?

Give him a kiss if it sparks then he will feel it.. Sorry am not helpping..

Originally Posted by Taurus77

I always have better friendships with guys.
Don't take offense to this, but could he be gay?

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Well, he hangs around with another of my guy friends and they talk about girls so I don't think so, but he could be hiding it I guess. I mean, he'd have to be, not to be interested in me, right?

Originally Posted by momof3rugratz

Give him a kiss if it sparks then he will feel it..

Sorry am not helpping..

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Trust me, I've thought of that about a million times!

Originally Posted by cazx01

I have alot of guy's that are just frinds, in fact, one of my bestest friends is a guy and it's never been anyting more

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He either wants "more", or he is gay.

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Well, he hangs around with another of my guy friends and they talk about girls so I don't think so, but he could be hiding it I guess. I mean, he'd have to be, not to be interested in me, right?

Trust me, I've thought of that about a million times!

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See am no help... I just figured something would happen that way. Did ya like the kiss