or Connect
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › One hundred ways for a cat to train it's human
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

One hundred ways for a cat to train it's human

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
My Mum gave me this book today by a lady called Celia Haddon. It is so funny, I thought I'd share a few of them with you.

*Remember. Humans have the mental age of a one-week-old blind kitten. They cannot express themselves in body language because they have no tail and no whiskers; their hair can't stand up and their ears are completely inflexible. They can learn only a few words from the huge body-language feline vocabulary.

*Sounds that are worth responding to include the noise of a tin opening, the cutting noise of a knife on a board, or the rustle of a package. Position yourself fast in the kitchen.

*Take control of your human and never let it initiate an action. If your human walks towards you, walk away. If it tries to pet you, turn your back. All petting and games should be at your timing, not its choice.

*Knead their lap with your front paws. Huams appreciate this kitten-like gesture but find it extremely painful. Have fun seeing their mixture of pleasure and pain.

*jump on the mantelpiece or dressing-table and swipe off anything standing there. This is useful for waking up any sleeping humans.

*Dive-bomb your human from the bedhead or nearby furniture to wake it up. Aim at groin, breast or head.

*Walk over to the computer keyboard, being careful to press down the keys. Use your body to sheild the interesting additions to the screen. Stand on one key so that a character repeats itself endlessly.

*Encourage your human to share its meals. Sit on the table very close to its plate and watch each mouthful. Intercept food between plate and human mouth with a paw.

*Anything not nailed down is a cat toy, except a new cat toy.

*Keep human intruders out of your home by climbing on the lap of guests who dislike cats. Follow them into the bathroom and sneer. Lick the butter on the table in front of them. Investigate and clean your private parts during conversation.

Theres so many of them, if you see the book you it's a funny read. My cats have most definately seen this book before now.
post #2 of 8
Funny that you mention that - I've just made up some siggies with Celia Haddon quotes. I've got that book (given to me by a British student), plus "ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO A HAPPY CAT" and "ONE HUNDRED WAYS FOR A CAT TO FIND ITS INNER KITTEN".

post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 
How funny! I love the 'dogs come when they are called' one. I was going to quote that as it stuck in my mind but I couldn't find it again. I'll need to look for more of her books.
Your sigs are great.
post #4 of 8
Her books are really funny, and I like the fact that a proportion of the royalties goes to The Feline Advisory Bureau. When Jamie first developed a "rodent ulcer", I was desperate for information, and got a lot of tips from them.
post #5 of 8
I like this feline saying "Dogs have masters, cats have servants." lol! xD
post #6 of 8
Oh the kneeding one is sooo true! I have a good bruise on my leg from Mooch kneeding me earlier this week!
post #7 of 8
I liked those I might have to go get the book now.
post #8 of 8
Amazon has quite a few of her books: http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=...Go.x=12&Go.y=8
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › One hundred ways for a cat to train it's human