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Is this mean? Or am I overreacting? - Page 2

post #31 of 48
Maybe he doesn't know how to play with the cat. Some people don't know. But what he is doing now, I wouldn't tolerate. And if you've told him it bothers you and he continues to do it....then maybe you should have him read this post and what everyone has said about it.

It may upset him, but if he has feelings for you, he will regard yours and your concern for your cat.


Good luck with that.

And P.S. It's not a guy thing....my guy treats my cats very well.
And if you have to "sternly tell" your boyfriend something...than it is an immaturity thing. You aren't his mom.
post #32 of 48
I'm not going to get into is he a good guy or not and what are his issues, cause I don't know. My opinion is this:

Waking a cat up when it is just peacefully sleeping is not cool, esp if it just for laughs. If the cat happens to be sleeping somewhere he wants to sit, I would think it would be okay to gently pick the cat up and put it down somewhere else comfy.
As for "tossing the cat" it would really depend if the cat is in any danger of hurting itself, and if the cat seems stressed. Sometimes I will be holding one of mine, and it gives me indications that it wants to get down, I will sort of drop it on the couch and possibly in doing so will aim it where I want it to go- not exactly tossing but a gentle drop. I would obviously wouldn't drop a cat that was very young or very ill or frail.
Hubby has put our cats in the bathroom for a few minutes when they have been behaving very aggresively towards us or the other cats- ie, the other cat is not enjoying the play fight and trying to get away, or the cat is grabbing at our legs in an aggresive manner. Usually the cat calms down and doesn't do it again for awhile. Of course if you don't agree with this, it's your call as it is your cat.
post #33 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat
Yup, definately mean IMO... and immature. Sorry.
Yes, sorry but I gotta agree with rockcat, thats mean and childish. I get very upset with DH when he trys to pick on my cats, and he will quit as soon as I say something.
post #34 of 48
Push him off the back of a chair & see how he likes it!

My little sister does things like that...by little I mean 15. I don't understand why. To me, it makes no sense why people would want to hurt a cat.

If he's isn't hurting her, then it's different. My little sister will hold Twitch until she growls, then thrashes around to get away, then until she gums her. She still won't let her go. That is harmful to Twitch's mental state. That's hurting her. When I yell at her, I get yelled at by my mom. So, I just leave kitty turds in her bed. They learn quicker that way(actually, she has tormented Twitch since we got her...I am finally getting the point across, one way or another).
post #35 of 48
Waking her up for no reason, or shoving her off of things simply isn't cool.

As for the other stuff, it really depends on the cat.
When Spaz was a kitten, she was absolutely obnoxious when anyone was trying to cook.
My boyfriend at the time, not wanting to get hurt, or hurt or possibly kill the cat, would bend down, and gently send her sliding across the vinyl floor.

What we didn't realize was that to her, it was a game, she enjoyed it.
So much so that when I moved back in with my parents, who didn't understand what she wanted, she learned to slide herself across the floor.
She also enjoyed being tossed onto the bed.
She would climb up into our arms repeatedly for this.
If we didn't toss her, she would climb onto our shoulders and launch herself repeatedly onto the bed.

However, if his behavior towards your cat bothers you, you should really just sit down and talk with (not to) him about it.
I would think that if he has any respect for you at all, he will take your words to heart.
post #36 of 48
I think that yelling at an animal is horrible PERIOD, nevermind yelling at it to startle it while sleeping. After awhile that cat will have some bad nerves! I agree that if you feel uncomfortable with his actions and he laughs off your concerns that is disrespectful and immature...and the comment that he made about the cat waking him up so he can do it back....is that an admission to having the same level of intelligence as your pet?? I think a serious chat is in order.
post #37 of 48
since i havent seen any of this first hand its hard to say. But i will say Steve does things with the kiddies that labels him as "Daddy" and that are "Daddy only things" like, he will rub there tummies really fast and they will start wrestling with him. When i rub their bellies, its slow and such they dont wrestle with me. when he wears his leather coat they jump on and off him. when i wear mine they dont.

The cat may enjoy..the tossing at least i dont think yelling at them to wake up is very nice.

I do sometimes gently push or pick up one of my kitties if they are on my one and only chair. everything else in the house is theres..even my spot on the bed.
post #38 of 48
Do not under any circumstances threaten retribution. Don't treat him the way you percieve him treatin the cat, do not threaten to damage his car every time he does something you disagree with to the cat. The latter is illegal... I fit is really bothering you, you need to make it clear to him and explain rationally how he can change what he's doing. He may have good points concerning his side of the story. I don't think, from what you've said, that you've actually said anything to him that clearly lets him know it is bothering you this much.

It is, in some sense of the word, his cat too, as I'm assuming you live together. I am in a very similar situation with my (ex(complicatedly)) boyfriend. He does things on occasion that I don't like with Zissou. But as long as she doesn't mind and she is in no danger of being hurt, I don't usually say anything. Because all three of you are sharing a space, and while the cat comes first, in some cases it may just be selfish to assume that he should act exactly how you want him to.
post #39 of 48
I don't believe in yelling or throwing a cat no matter how short the distance is.

He needs to be told, end of!!!.
post #40 of 48
If that was me, I'd get rid of the boyfriend. If Mike had acted like that towards my cats before we were married, he'd have been out that door faster than his feet could touch the ground! (Then, I've always put my pets before other people).
post #41 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arlyn
Waking her up for no reason, or shoving her off of things simply isn't cool.

As for the other stuff, it really depends on the cat.
When Spaz was a kitten, she was absolutely obnoxious when anyone was trying to cook.
My boyfriend at the time, not wanting to get hurt, or hurt or possibly kill the cat, would bend down, and gently send her sliding across the vinyl floor.

What we didn't realize was that to her, it was a game, she enjoyed it.
So much so that when I moved back in with my parents, who didn't understand what she wanted, she learned to slide herself across the floor.
She also enjoyed being tossed onto the bed.
She would climb up into our arms repeatedly for this.
If we didn't toss her, she would climb onto our shoulders and launch herself repeatedly onto the bed.

However, if his behavior towards your cat bothers you, you should really just sit down and talk with (not to) him about it.
I would think that if he has any respect for you at all, he will take your words to heart.

Not meaning to thread-jack, but Spaz sounds like a sweet little character.
post #42 of 48
She's a real spaz
post #43 of 48
Thread Starter 
Okay, just so everyone knows..I now realize that certain things Ken does are acceptable and some are not acceptable.

I will no longer allow him to yell at her (not that he does this often).
I will make it perfectly clear for him to NOT disturb her sleep unless to move her gently.
I will not let him "toss" her.

I think he's getting better anyway..last night he wanted to sit on the couch where Trout was and he just pretended to sit on her and hovered his butt over her for a couple of seconds..Trout got the point and moved. This is better than him just pushing her off the couch.

I'm not going to just break up with my live in boyfriend of 3 years. I'm sure this issue can be worked on.

I'm confident that Trout is safe and as I said before her daddy loves her and doesn't mean to cause her any discomfort. When she was sick, Ken was crying just as hard as I was at the thought of losing her.

Thanks for all the opinions you guys..I'm glad you're here to help me out.
post #44 of 48
thats mean. maybe he doesnt realize how rough he is being with her. i would talk to him nicely about it.
post #45 of 48
Where you able to talk to him....
post #46 of 48
Thread Starter 
Yep, everything is fine now..he said he didn't really know it bothered me that much..but now that he knows he has stopped bugging Trout, and he plays less rough with her

Everything is good now!! Thanks guys!
post #47 of 48
Very welcome but you did the work you talked to him
post #48 of 48
I bug my cats sometimes but not to that extent. I knew your boyfriend would have no trouble in stopping. I didn't think he knew it was bugging you. I often wake my cats up when they're sleeping or carry them in funny ways but I'd never hurt them and I don't believe your bf would either
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