or Connect
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › I am feeling very lonely and sad.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I am feeling very lonely and sad.

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 
Well as everyone knows hubby is gone. This is the first Easter without him. He always did the baskets and hide the eggs. I have felt to off today and am afraid it will be a mess tomorrow. My middle son just turned 8 and said mom do you believe in the Easter bunny I said YES. He said will you be mad if I don't. I said no, but at the same time I felt alone. I always imagined we would go through this stuff together as a team. I have no clue how to explain this sort of stuff to him. At the funeral I could not even explain to them why there dad was in the casket and they could not see him. I am feeling very stupid right now at parenting.
post #2 of 46
I'm so sorry you have to go through everything feeling alone. But you're not alone, you have 3 wonderful boys who love you with all their heart, and as long as they know you love them too, everything will be fine in time. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job!
post #3 of 46
Thread Starter 
I am OK with them and going on just those ? I have no clue how to answer. Do I tell them the truth or let them still believe. I just don't want Dakoda to think I lied to him.
post #4 of 46

I'm so very sorry. You are such a strong woman and I know you can pull through for yourself and your children. Start a new tradition. Have them hide the baskets for each other or something, or go out to eat, or anything. Have a good Easter, even though it will be painful. That's okay. It's okay for it to hurt. Don't feel lonely, we're all here for you and I'm sure there are many people who love you.

We posted at the same time. Sorry. You are not a stupid parent. At all. I speak more as a child than as a parent, and you are doing your best. And your best, from what I know, is pretty da*n good. Tell them the truth as you know it. My dad told me when I asked about Santa that Santa, the guy who comes down the chimney and delivers presents, was not real, but that the spirit of giving that Santa represents is real and is part of all of us. As for death, well, there's really no good way to explain it. Not even to adults. It's just something we all come to terms with at some point in our lives. Why not go visit your husband for Easter? The point of Easter is the new beginning for mankind, so why not make it a new beginning for your family? It doesn't mean being in denial or even leaving him behind or forgetting him. It means, hey, things are different now, so let's acknowledge that and make it work.
post #5 of 46
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. My Mom told me exactly what Zissou'sMom's dad told her, about the spirit being real although the reality is there isn't a bunny hopping around or a chubby guy jumping down chimneys.

I hope you feel better soon and your easter is wonderful. By the way, your son's name is almost the same as mine... except I spell mine with a t instead of a d.
post #6 of 46
I'm so sorry... it must be hard. I'd take Zissou's advice and talk to your kids about what Easter is supposed to mean and how there isn't really any Easter bunnies, but I have no idea how to go about explaining their father's passing.

Stay strong and enjoy the holiday!
post #7 of 46
Thread Starter 
We got the father passing thing already. His uncle explained it at the funerl. I was just saying I felt dumb then because I could not do it. He did it with my ok to. Just Easter Bunny now.
post #8 of 46
sending lots of /// You are doing the best u can and remember your husband is watching and guiding ( at least that is what I believe)
post #9 of 46
Thread Starter 
Thank you ......
post #10 of 46
I'm sorry you are going through this Seems like such a shame to tell them easter bunny isn't real on top of dealing with the first easter without their daddy.
post #11 of 46
Thread Starter 
They finally went to sleep. Lets hope I do not get asked again.
post #12 of 46
Parenting (well doing it properly anyway as you seem to be doing) is a hard job. It's hard enough when there are two parents around to share the load, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you trying to cope with sadness and parenting alone.

But, it's also rewarding, one of the most rewarding things I can imagine. My two children have grown through the difficult questions stage, they are now 27 and 19. But I always found (and this may be just our approach) that answering them as honestly and openly as we could was the best approach - they always appreciated that and it meant that we were able to communicate.

We too always explained that Santa was a spirit that lives in us all rather than an actual guy that came down the chimney and was a spirit of loving and giving.

This has been long and rambling but as said before, your boys will appreciate that you are loving them with all your might and offering them love and protection. Those difficult questions are great, it means that your boys are willing to open up to you about those things that they are puzzled or worried about. That is such a precious part of the relationship that you have

As an afterthought, you could ask the boys what they would like to do about Easter from now on. Would they like to carry on as they did before or would they like to keep that for their time with their Dad and celebrate the day slightly differently instead.

Good luck and big hugs to you
post #13 of 46
Jenny I am so sorry this is so hard for you. **hugs**
You are such a strong person and you will get through this with your boys. All the 'firsts' are going to be painful but, as a family, you will get through them.
Do you visit your husbands grave? If you need a bit of support, why don't you take the kids there today? Then you are spending a little bit of it with their Daddy.
I don't have advice on the easter bunny thing as I think as a kid I just figured it out for myself.
I'm sending you calming and strength vibes today.
post #14 of 46
I'm sorry that you have had to go through all you've had to go through, and special times of year don't make it any better. From the way it sounds to me you are being so incredibly strong!, I don't know if I would have your strength, just from reading your posts, I can tell you are a very caring and loving mom. I'm sending you lots of prayers and hugs to help you get through the weekend
post #15 of 46
This just brought a tear to my eye.
I am so sorry for your loss and i know it must be terribly hard to raise 3 kids alone

post #16 of 46
When my son was around 8 too, he asked if there was really a Father Christmas, as he was being teased at school, I told him, in the form of a man with a beard, no, but as the spirit of Christmas, then yes. He actually cried, but kids don't see it as being lied to, they embrace it as part of their childhood, (he's a 30 yr old man now, and is none he worse ).

I did ask him to play along with it for his younger sisters sake, as it wouldn't be fair for her to loose the magic too soon.

My heart is with you in the loss of your husband, I'm sure your children will help to heal you.
post #17 of 46
My heart is with you today Jenny. I am hoping for a strikingly beautiful day and many oppurtunities to genuinely smile come your way. I know you have a deep well of strength that comes with being a mom, you just have to draw on that everynow and then. We love you! Have fun with the Easter bunny thing!
post #18 of 46
well momof 3rugrats i know what u are goin thought cause this is my first easter with out my other half and he has had my 2 children over the weekend
post #19 of 46
Thread Starter 
We made it and things are going well. Everyone is doing great. The weird thing is my middle son the 8 yr old is the one who knows about the bunny LOL and the other 2 don't. Also I hid the baskets really high like 8 ft in the air. 1 cause of our pets and 2 to make them feel like dad did it again. He was 6'7 am 5'2 he always did it
post #20 of 46
I don't have anything to add other than to say that my thoughts are with you and I'm glad to hear that you and your children are doing well.
post #21 of 46
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone.
post #22 of 46
I am sending hugs to you and your boys. I pray that you will feel some happiness today in some way. It will all be ok. Bobbie
post #23 of 46
Everyone else said it so beautifully, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today and for a long time to come. X 1000.
You'll fall into a new routine and the holidays will get easier, though thoughts of the man you all loved will always be around. I am sure that one day you will find much comfort in that .
post #24 of 46
I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. What a horrible thing for you and your kids to deal with!

In my family, we handle Santa and the Easter Bunny indirectly. I put out easter baskets, and say the easter bunny put them out, but the older kids (10 and 17) know its me. I don't try to "lie" to them, or make them believe after they figure it out, but I don't try to end the magic too soon, either. The 6 year old is starting to question Santa.

When he does, I turn it back to him and ask if he believes in Santa. Basically, I neither confirm or deny it! LOL! I think you should have a talk with your 8 y/o, and let him know you have been thinking about when he asked you if the Easter Bunny was real. Let him know that you love him, and want him to always feel he can talk to you. Ask if he believes in the Easter Bunny. If his answer shows he is ready to stop believing, let him know that although a real bunny isn't bringing easter gifts, it is a spirit that adults use to show their love for kids.

Also let him know that each kid in the family has to figure it out themselves. Let him know that he does not need to lie about the easter bunny, but just to play along with the secret.

It is also ok for you to tell him that you still think of him as a little boy, and to see him growing up and maturing so quickly can be unsettling for you, but that you are proud of him.
post #25 of 46
So sorry you are going through this, but I have to say, I know what you feel. (well kinda) After losing my dad, it is hard to get through every first holiday without him, and well....all of them actually(even today was hard for us) My brother had his wedding planned for the week my dad passed away and he still ended up going thru with it, because dad would of wanted us to, he was with us~we know he was. Just remember that hes with you guys every day, in spirit. And if you ever wanna talk,. please feel free to PM me~I will be here.
post #26 of 46
Thread Starter 
Thank you for the kind words. I made it through today.....
post #27 of 46
So very sorry to read your sad news.
post #28 of 46
Jenny I've just started reading this thread and I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. Not only do you have to cope with your own personal grief at losing your partner, and your love, but you have to deal with the confusion and grief of your children, too.

I cannot fathom the pain and difficulties you must be going through. I truly believe that anyone who has children at all faces some life-changing challenges and obstacles, but that someone who has additional hardship to endure must have a very, very tough time.

I don't really have any advice that I feel would be useful to you, as I don't have the slightest idea what it must feel like to be you at the moment, but I can say that the fact that you are searching for answers, and help, and advice, must mean that you are a very committed, loving and dedicated parent. Your children and you will band together, and become such a strong unit, because of your open and loving attitude.

I can't say I don't think there will be many more lonely, sad and difficult times for you as your children grow, and you feel more keenly the loss of your husband, but I CAN say for sure that you will just grow stronger, and more understanding, and more compassionate, and more experienced, and that you will overcome the hurdles that seem insurmountable when they arrive, just as you will overcome this one.

My heart goes out to you, and my thoughts and best wishes, and I hope that you and your children find comfort in one another, to help you through your grief and sadness, and that each day the loving memory of your husband and their father will bring you a smile.

post #29 of 46
I don't know what to say. I am so very sorry you have to go through this. I pray that God gives you comfort, strength, and when you are ready happiness.
post #30 of 46
Thread Starter 
Thank you hugs are very comforting.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › I am feeling very lonely and sad.