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How to give a cat a pill...

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Hey guys!!!! I got this at work the other day and laughed till I cried! Hope you appreciate it too!

How to give your cat a pill...

1) Pick up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Have spouse ready to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visable from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetnus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw sweaty, bloodied T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into the fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from $40.00 foil-wrapped packet.

13) Tie the little :censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor::censor:'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give your dog a pill...

1) Wrap it in cheese.
post #2 of 11
I always love that one!! I posted it here a few weeks ago, too!
post #3 of 11
Forgive me, but someone was nice enough to send me instructions on how to post pictures to this cat site forum and I lost them. Please, someone, send them to me again so I can give them to my husband to take care of. HA! 2many@cox.net

Thanks so much.

post #4 of 11
I've seen that one pop up, here and there, for several years. It is STILL funny. I'll have to show it to Bill. He loved the one about washing the cat and I know that he'll like this one.
post #5 of 11
That was great!
post #6 of 11
That is priceless....

Hope I never have to give my cats any pills!!!
post #7 of 11
I'd never read that one. I must admit it got me laughing out loud (no small feat)
Cindy: you mentioned something about a similar skit about washing cats? I enjoyed the pill one so much, I'd like to read the washing one too! Can you let me know where to find it?
post #8 of 11
Its an earlier post: "Cat Bathing As A Martial Art". It was posted, sometime within the past month or so.
post #9 of 11
hey well , that was a good one !!
I've never read this before , and it made me cry with laughter ..!!
Ha ha ha , thanks ; I needed this !!
post #10 of 11
post #11 of 11
That's hysterical. I was imagining something like that when I had to give Cleo pain medication after getting her spayed. I put the pill on a spoon and was about to disguise it with something. She ate the pill while I was trying to decide what to cover it with! She's never been big on canned cat food either--she seriously prefers the dry. So then I decided to get her to eat canned food by feeding her a couple of bites off a fork. She loves eating off silverware and doesn't seem to care what the food is. I have gotten her now to where she gets the first bite off the fork, then will eat a few more bites out of her bowl. We do this a couple of times a week, and it takes her a while to go through a whole can.
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