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Help Tina to cope with the loss of her sibling Tigger

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Once more I would like to extend my thanks for all of you who have taken part in Tiggers final days:
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...&postcount=135
It is now time for us to focus our attention on Tina, Tiggers Sibling. She has had an especially hard time, since we kept her locked up all the time. Now she notices that Tigger is gone and she is actually crying.
Yesterday night I left the bedroom door open and Tina hid under the sheets snuggled up to me. Usually she is not that quiet. I think she may have sensed that Tigger is ready to leave us.
I have sprayed the room where Tigger stayed last night with deodorant and opened the windows. I got her a new litter box and new feeders, but we still keep the door to the room closed.
She defenitely knows and I was wondering what we can do to make it easier on her. Tigger and Tina loved each other very much, were Siblings and best Buddies. Now Tina is behaving very strange.
Please I need some good advice.
She is between apathic and hyperactive. Hiding and jumping around chasing ghosts.
post #2 of 24
I am actually crying because I feel for her. The poor thing. Give her a big kiss and hug from me and my crew. God Bless.
post #3 of 24
I'm awfully sorry about Tigger... I'd been keeping up with the thread since I first saw it. I'm glad he got to say good-bye to you... it probably gave him the peace he needed to tell you it was time. That's such a horrid decision to have to make, too; I don't know if I'd have the courage.

Tina is likely to be going through grief just like a human... when that happens, really the only thing to heal it is time. What you're already doing is probably helping her--just being with her and loving her. Your physical presence and contact will likely help... But you know Tina best, and are most likely to be able to read her signals of any human.

If she doesn't seem to be getting better, your vet can probably prescribe anti-depressants for her (they make those for cats, too)... It's odd how much cats are like people, isn't it?

Give Tina some extra loving for me.
post #4 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hm. She is not happy, thats for sure. Anything I can do to help her out?
When should I let her in that room again? I only have a two bedroom apartment and she usually roams freely.
Dani and I are getting very nervous and anxious when Tina starts licking herself or she hears a noise outside and jerks around. Thats not unusual for her, she has always been doing that but now with Tiggers recent behavior we are over sensitive I guess. It freaks us out.
Recently, even before Tigger got sick she started chasing ghosts around the apartment, running up and down the stairs. Should we be worried about this?
Now that I have learned that cats hide their sickness I am getting worried about her too.
I am afraid of taking her to the vet though. I want to let her have some time before sticking her into a cage as we used to do with poor Tiggs.
post #5 of 24
Andre,

Put her on your lap, look into her eyes and tell her what happened. Belive it or not, it will help get her through the grief process easier. Do not wipe out all traces of Tigger's scent- his bed, his toys, his bowls, let her have everything that he had, so she can let go easier.

Wait awhile before getting another cat (if indeed this is your thinking). She will look at the newcomer as the one who took Tigger from her and you will have battles.

Give her time to grieve, just like you and yours need time to grieve. Make sure you spend time with her, quality time with her, quiet time, playtime. Watch her to be sure that she eats, grieving cats often stop eating and that is a real danger.

I am again sorry about Tigger. Did you order a necropsy to get some answers as to what happened?
post #6 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hissy
Andre,

Put her on your lap, look into her eyes and tell her what happened. Belive it or not, it will help get her through the grief process easier. Do not wipe out all traces of Tigger's scent- his bed, his toys, his bowls, let her have everything that he had, so she can let go easier.

Wait awhile before getting another cat (if indeed this is your thinking). She will look at the newcomer as the one who took Tigger from her and you will have battles.

Give her time to grieve, just like you and yours need time to grieve. Make sure you spend time with her, quality time with her, quiet time, playtime. Watch her to be sure that she eats, grieving cats often stop eating and that is a real danger.

I am again sorry about Tigger. Did you order a necropsy to get some answers as to what happened?

Thank you Mary Anne, you have been a wonderful help to get me through this and to help me make tough decisions. I really appreciate your help and your concern.
I have only erased all scents in the room where Tigger was kept during his sickness. I have destroyed the litter box and the food stuff since we still don't know what was causing this and we did not want to take any chances with Tina.
It is hard on us seing Tina like this. I hadn't even considered it until now, but for her it must be much worse as Tigger was her companion during times when we are not here. They never were separated before. Now she is running around looking for him.
We have taken some steps to find out what the cause was, yes. But wether or not we will know the answer is unclear.

We have booked a trip to Mexico (5 days) starting in two weeks. The flights and hotel are already paid for and at least the flights are non refundable. But with Tina like this we will have a really hard time leaving, especially since this would be the first time ever for her to be completely alone. I guess we will have to see how she does during the next week.

What would you suggest about letting here into the other room? I was planning to do it in two days (Good Friday), when I will be home and able to comfort her and when the scent of Tiggers meds and bad pheromones will have dissipated somewhat? Do you think this is too early?

Andre
post #7 of 24
Can you take her with you? This trip will really throw her in a loop if you vanish as well. Perhaps you can pay someone to stay at your home 24/7 while you are gone so she won't feel completely abandoned. If you were close to me, I would take her for you and keep her with my crew till you get back. Sometimes, timing sucks.
post #8 of 24
Hi,
I am really sorry to read of Tiggers death. When our Daisy's life long companion had to be PTS she got very depressed. Some-one told us to give her Rescue Remedy and it really did seem to help.

http://www.bachcentre.com/


Anne
post #9 of 24
I would agree with Mary Anne in getting someone to stay with her, because she's still grieving to start with and i'm sure you wouldn't want her to be anymore upset

Bless her little heart, i hope she comes to terms with losing her playmate soon and finds happiness again

RIP Tigger, play happily over the bridge and look down on Tina
post #10 of 24
First of all I'm very sorry to hear of Tiggers passing...and I'm sending many good vibes and prayers to help Tina and your family through this difficult time.

I agree with Mary Anne and Susan about the full time pet sitter...poor Tina may think she has lost everyone if she is left alone at this critical time. Do you have any family members that would stay at your home while you are gone?
post #11 of 24
ohno Andre, I am so very sorry. My thoughts & love are with you, Dani & Tina

I agree with MaryAnne's words. Talk to Tina, explain everything to her. You will be amazed how it can help. I would let Tina into the room. I dont think Friday is too early, but be with her while you do it, spend time with her in there telling her whats happened. Hold her, scritch her or whatever she likes. She really is grieving and needs some love as she just doesnt understand.

please know our thoughts are with you at this time. You gave Tiggs the ultimate sign of love when you helped him cross to a place where he is no longer in pain.

RIP sweet Tiggs, fly high little angel
post #12 of 24
Oh, I am thinking of you and praying for you and your Tina!
post #13 of 24
i was fortunate enough to acquire Cable in october of 2004. that way, when Mouse passed in december, Pixel was not alone. if Tina & Tigger were close [Pixel & Mouse were littermates] then you might consider looking for a new companion for her - it might ease her loneliness.
post #14 of 24
I am so sorry about Tigger's passing. I was following your thread. I agree that you should let your other cat into the room tigger was in, so she can take in his scent. My prayers go out to you and your family. Tigger is with you in spirit now.

Sending your family, and Tina cyber hugs..
post #15 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the tips. I was afraid of opening up the room as it will become even more obvious to Tina that Tigger is gone. I used to lock them out of the bedroom at night, as they were always jumping around and we couldn't sleep. During the last days I had the bedroom door open for Tina. During Tiggers last night she wasnt even jumping around anymore, she simply crawled under the sheets, snuggled up to me and stayed there all night. Last night I woke up when I heard her running up and down the stairs hysterically. I called her and again she hid under my sheets. Poor baby Tina is in a lot of pain and I realized that we are too. Signing the forms for Tiggers release was relatively easy because he was in pain but now as it sinks in more and more we get more and more upset.
We really miss you buddy.
I did this collection a while ago but it shows how he really was. He was a gentle loving and strong guy.
post #16 of 24
what a beautiful photo montage! i totally get where you're coming from. Mouse got ill & then ended up passing within a 10 day span - very unexpected. it took well over a year before i didn't tear up just writing about her. it will get easier with time for both you & Tina.
post #17 of 24
what a beautiful group of photos. Thankyou for sharing them with us.

Allow your heart time to heal, its going to take some time. Dont rush things, just take each day as it comes and take comfort from each other.

Please give Tina lots of scritches from all her new friends at TCS
post #18 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by huggles
what a beautiful group of photos. Thankyou for sharing them with us.

Allow your heart time to heal, its going to take some time. Dont rush things, just take each day as it comes and take comfort from each other.

Please give Tina lots of scritches from all her new friends at TCS
Thanks Huggles,

I just wish I had a fast forward button right now. I never thought it would be THIS hard. Somehow time passes incredibly slow right now for us. Tomorrow we will get some easter suprises for Tina at the Pet store, open up the room and try to distract her as much as possible.
I am sure once she has access to the whole apartment she will fully come to realize that Sir Tiggs is gone.
I wish I could do more for her. The poor baby is completely devastated, very restless and sad, as we are all.
The last days have left very deep scars in all of us. If I just knew what to do with Tina. We often go travelling for a week or two or we go away over the weekend.
We had our babies in a overnight place once, but we swore we would never do that again after we saw the state they were in afterwards and how scared they were. This is all so confusing.

I am sure that all the wishes and prayers from the wonderful people I have met here at TCS during this time have lifted little Tiggers spirit and eased his transition into a better state of being. He has loved us so much. It was so visible during his last days on earth. Hard to imagine my buddy was capable of so much love. He was a Giver not a Taker. Goodbye Friend. We will meet again.
post #19 of 24
I am so sorry that Tigger is gone! I knew from your posts how ill he was, yet still hoped he would recover! I read about his passing at work, and could not post as I would have been crying!

There is a good book called Tear Soup, about grief, and the need to give yourself the time you need to grieve. Some people make a quick bowl of tear soup, but many brew a nice big pot, and let it simmer for a long time. The good memories and the bad go into the soup. Some people will share a bowl of your tear soup with you, others just cannot understand. Here is a link to the "recipe". http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/recipe.htm

Tina is grieving just like you are. When we lost Festus' sister Mattie, I could see her grieving. Then when we adopted out a foster kitten (Blue) who Festus helped tame, she obviously went through the process again. Letting Tina see the whole apartment, so she knows Tigger is gone will help.

Here is a pic of Festie just after Blue went to her new forever home.


That was a very painful time for me, because I chose to bring Blue into my home as a feral kitten, and I also chose to allow her to be adopted out to a new forever home, knowing that Festus loved her like her own child.

Fest sat in that chair, looking towards my bedroom, thinking Blue was in there. What helped a lot was me taking her into my bedroom, and talking to her. I apologized for giving up Blue, but explained it all to her. How she helped save Blue's life by taming her so she could move on. How her new family loved her, and she was ok. (As Tigger is now safe and whole in heaven). And I did cry, and spent hours petting her. Somehow, she understood. I'm sure she still misses Blue, but she no longer lays with her head down, mourning for hours.

Tina will begin to understand, and as you heal, she will also. This does not mean Tigger will ever be forgotten, but the time will come when his memory brings a smile, rather than tears.
post #20 of 24
RIP Tigger

i hope Tina wil get through this rough time soon aswel as yourselves

lots or hugs for all of you
post #21 of 24
Oh, wow... Tiggs sure was a beautiful cat. That long nose and slanted eyes... I wonder if he had Siamese somewhere in his bloodline?

Here's hoping Tina's grief subsides, leaving only the happy memories...
post #22 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Callista
Oh, wow... Tiggs sure was a beautiful cat. That long nose and slanted eyes... I wonder if he had Siamese somewhere in his bloodline?

Here's hoping Tina's grief subsides, leaving only the happy memories...
Thanks guys. Yes Tigger was the pretty boy, tina is a cute devil.
He had this special pose where he was sitting on his hind legs, his forelegs really close together and his tail sloping around him and his head up. He was sitting exactly like one of those egyptian gods. Fortunately I have some pictures that I will post later.
He had very intense eyes as you can see and he was the most sensitive and gentle cat you can imagine. Even during his going away he was caring for us and trying to make us comfortable with him leaving.
He was much more cuddly and dependent on us, especially during the evenings. Thats when we miss him most.

Tina is starting to adjust, but you can really see that she is traumatized. She follows us everywhere. When we leave the room, she will jump up and follow us, even when she was just sleeping.
We opened up the room where Tigger spent his final days. Tina was o.k. with that, although she still doesn't like being there.
Sometimes she is looking for Tigger and sometimes she meows at me with this heartbraking tone as if she wants me to tell her where I hid him.
We got her lots of new toys and I started feeling guilty, that we hadn't bought them much sooner so that Tiggs could have had a good time with them.

Tigger was a quirky little guy. He used to lay down, get up turn halfway and lay down again. He used to do this until everything was perfect. He used to stand on his hind legs and stretch himself up to us so we could pet him on the head without having to get down and he really loved any kind of food that was not the ordinary (dry food). Wet Food, Tuna, Chicken, Cheese he loved everything and he knew how to make us give him something.
Othewise he was a very calm and quiet guy. Tina is rather feisty but Tigger never did get up on the Table or Stove. He knew what he was allowed (almost everything ) and what not.

Thanks to TCS and all you guys for reading and posting. It really helped. Now we have to try to get past this traumatic experience.
post #23 of 24
Thread Starter 
Unfortunately no cause could be found. Even the labs investigating the lungs and kidneys came up empty. Both organs were affected by some sort of inflamatory disease, but no agent has been found.
Instead of continuing to pay for research I decided to stop here, as the vet said the danger to Tina is minimal.
Tiggers ashes will be spread in this garden:
http://www.bubbling-well.com/phototour.shtml
I did not decide to have his ashes returned to me, neither did I want a place to go to. In my mind, Tigger has left and his remains are now just an empty tortured shell.
Tigger has joined the ranks of others who are gone. He will be a good friend to many and will bring lots of joy to others, maybe to one of your friends as well.
post #24 of 24
what a beautiful place for Tiggers final resting place... its so beautiful and such a wonderful choice

I am sorry that they couldnt find a reason for his passing but you know you did everything in your power for him. He knows that and he knows how much he was loved.

Sweet Tina... how you must miss him. Stay strong little girl for Tiggs is watching over you and will keep you save

Thankyou for the updates Andre. I wish the circumstances had of been different but your posts paint such a beautiful picture of your two.

Tigger
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