Crossing the line....trust issues....

charlie has cheated on me a couple of times over the past 11 years and we always ended up breaking up because of it. when we got back together this last time (4 years ago) i was very jealous (i have a huge green monster hidden inside me) and constantly looked through everything after about a year or so he caught me lol we sat down and talked about it for hours he wasn't gonna stop talking till he felt that he had gotten it through my thick skull that he was serious about being together and that he wasn't going to mess things up this time. I still feel like sometimes he is hiding stuff from me ( i guess cause even though we got married in november last year) we havent lived together in over a year (due to taking care of ill parents) but when i start feeling like somethings wrong i try to talk to him about it and again we will talk till the monster has been put to rest. now that not saying that when i see him talking to some chick that i dont go over ans snuggle up to him and call him all kinds of mushy names and hug and kiss on him lol ( i cant express to you how well this works to run off girls lol) he thinks its funny now and we make a joke out of it when it happens lol. i don't care if he goes through my purse and cell phone theres never any thing in my purse except junk anyways and my cell is mostly family lol not to mention the fact that i talk to him on the phone like 40 times a day lol. he still kinda cringes if i grab his wallet but i am usually handing it to him cause he dropped it or something not going through it.

If I was seriously bothered about something then I probably would check his phone. You then have the dilema whether you say anything about what you saw or if you choose to leave it.
I trust Mark so I'm not bothered about his phone, e-mails etc. He has told me his password before but it's a complicated one and it just goes straight out of my head. If we are sitting in together, he'll happily check his e-mails in front of me so I know I have nothing to worry about. I don't think twice about asking Mark who it is if his phone beeps mainly because I'm so nosy!
I leave my phone around all the time, he knows my e-mail password and we are signed up to a few things where my address is the contact e-mail so I really wouldn't care if he went into my e-mails.
He goes in my bag to get stuff all the time aswell, no problem to me because I have nothing to hide. I also go in his wallet to get money etc and there's no problem with that.
If he were to start carrying his phone around and never leave it out of his sight I'd get slightly worried but he's always leaving it, even if he goes out.
I have a friend who checked her boyfriends phone ALL the time, she became a nervous wreck. The problem is that you only get one side of the conversation and it can be misleading. He did actually cheat on her but I don't know if he would have, had she not shown how much she didn't trust him and been so insecure all the time. Its a viscious circle. Once you start to lose your trust in somebody it's very hard to get it back.
As it happens, my friend split up with guy and he is now with my sister and they are head over heels in love with each other! I don't agree that 'once a cheater always a cheater'. You can get over it and it has a lot to do with how happy you are in a relationship.

No way. Not only is it not her right, but that is so nosy and insulting. I would be very reticent to continue on in a relationship with someone like that. Not because I would have anything to hide, but someone that nosy, rude, untrusting and untrustworthy wouldn't deserve to be in a relationship with me!

If i was suspicous yes, but otherwise no.

It wouldn't bother me if partner went into my phone or e-mails because i havent got anything to hide.

Originally Posted by rosiemac

If i was suspicous yes, but otherwise no.

It wouldn't bother me if partner went into my phone or e-mails because i havent got anything to hide.

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Oh good, so you've been deleting our steamy exchanged messages like I asked? Thanks Snoozin'!

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

Oh good, so you've been deleting our steamy exchanged messages like I asked? Thanks Snoozin'!

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I always knew there was chemistry there you pair

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

Oh good, so you've been deleting our steamy exchanged messages like I asked? Thanks Snoozin'!

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Well done Ryan!, now all the members know!!!

Originally Posted by pandybear

hmm, sounds like she wanted the best of both worlds

she does sound a little odd though, not many people would want that.

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I know some guys who want that My ex haha.. since i have healed i clearly see how sick he was and how he made me sick!

I will admit i have done it to Ben plenty of times going through his sms's but i had a reason to because well.. he cheated on me several times. and i wanted to see if he said anything about me.
I went through his emails, Hard drive anything to find out

On tuesday night on my date, i asked Kevin if he had any games on his phone, and he said "ah you just wanna look at my sms's huh?"

I replied "nope i have no reason to go through your privacy"

He actually looked at me puzzled


hmm....

the one guy I'm seeing used to do it to my phone all the time, and I'm friends with a few guys so when he saw their name on there he would get very accusatory- I'm not giving up my guy friends just cause you have a jealous streak! he hardly does it all now (it's been a year) but he has some very deep-seated trust issues.... but the thing I don't really understand is we're not "official" boyfriend/girlfriend, just, like the term menagerie mama used, bed buddies, so technically I can't cheat is he's not my BF, right?

I did check up on my ex when he started "forgetting" we had a date or "oversleeping" or whatever. He was not good with computers so I set up his e-mail for him so I had the password. So of course I checked it and of course I found out that that stupid scum bag was cheating on me. Then I started dating his best friend (Bad I know but I am still with him now )and I don't feel the need to check up on him. I do go through his wallet to get money when I need fuel or whatever but I don't look for notes... I already know what they say because they are all from me! We have nothing to hide from eachother.

My fiancee (9 more days and he will be my husband!) would NEVER look through my stuff. On the rare occasion when I ask him to go into my purse for something, he is very uncomfortable.

I trust him with all my heart. In the 4 years we've been together he has never given me a reason not to. He doesn't have a cell phone and he doesn't use email anyway.

We use eachother's cell phones all the time. It also isn't uncommon for me to go in his wallet to get money out or put money in it. It also isn't uncommon for me to ask him to grab something for me out of my purse. It really isn't a big deal. So I figure if he is up to something, he better be smarter than to leave evidence in his wallet or cell phone

I don't look, but I get jealous if I know about it. Its something i've been having to work on with myself and my boyfriend. He has a couple of ex girlfriends who still contact him. HE thinks they aren't interested in him anymore, but I know better. They try to make him feel bad for them and always want to hang out and send him seductive pictures in his email (unsoliticted). For awhile, one of them was calling every day and he was ignoring the calls. I could go on forever. grrrrrr.

Luckily, I am cuter than both of them and that makes me feel better on a really superficial level

I forgot to mention tooo...my other ex-friend is a sicko when it comes to guys. If she's really interested in a guy (and they're not dating), she will sit at the computer figuring out his password. I flat out told her that I think its wrong and immoral what she's doing. she's even reset the guy's password on him if she couldn't figure it out...all just to see if he was into someone else.

I told her to call me when she stopped or else I would report her to the authorities. I've never heard from her again.

My boyfriend is very flirty with other women, but I trust him to "keep it to himself". We are homebodies, so there is no staying away for days or other such behavior to make me suspicious.

Hubby and I share our email address and we use each other's phones all the time. I actually think we have no individual privacy

But I trust him implicitly, plus he's clueless about other girls!

Today I was walking witha friend behind hubby and the friend ( a guy) noticed that a pretty girl walking towards us had flirted with chris. Hubby SOOOOO did not notice. He's so cute that way.

No need to really. I know most of his friends are girls (his work seems to have a heavier female base, where mine has a heavier male base). So what am I going to say he can't have friends? That would suck and I would suck as a significant other.

Actually I encouraged him to take one of his friends to a celebrity bowling thing with him the other day. I wasn't interested (football) and I knew at least one of his friends would really like to go. No big deal and they had fun.

Thats something i've never done, but ive had people do it to me, and i told them where to go! Though i do think if you really have got reason to be suspicious then i wouldnt say it's wrong to go throught their things

Originally Posted by cazx01

Thats something i've never done, but ive had people do it to me, and i told them where to go! Though i do think if you really have got reason to be suspicious then i wouldnt say it's wrong to go throught their things

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The way I see it, if you had a valid reason to be suspicious and suspicions were confirmed, it's better that you found out sooner. If you have no basis for looking and are just paranoid/maliciously calling and interrogating any females' numbers you find , you need to have a nice, long conversation with a therapist.

No I don't do that but snooping like that is a huge invasion of privacy