Crossing the line....trust issues....

I have been married well OK I was with Chris 15 years married 13, and I never once checked his cell or wallet.

Ewww, well, doing something like tells me she doesn't trust him and when you have no trust, you really have no relationship.

I'd have no problem with Jeremy going through my personal things (not that he would), as long as he asked, as I have nothing to hide.
He's the same way, we trust each other, and respect each other's privacy.

I did that with my ex boyfriend - he was a VERY flirty guy and I had huge trust issues with him. I had a right to - he would always lie to me about being with certain girls, and when I saw his phone, he would have a lot of very flirty messages to and from girls. When I broke up with him a year ago, I learned that he WAS in fact cheating on me with all those girls, several times throughout a 3 year span

I don't do that with John tho - I trust him 100%!

I don't do that and my boyfriend doesn't go through my stuff either. I wouldn't care if he did though and he wouldn't care if I did. I really don't care if he is flirty with girls and stuff like that. We are pretty open about that kind of stuff. There have never been any problems and we have been together 5 1/2 years. I trust him and I trust him to tell me if anything ever did happen.

Originally Posted by babyharley

I did that with my ex boyfriend - he was a VERY flirty guy and I had huge trust issues with him. I had a right to - he would always lie to me about being with certain girls, and when I saw his phone, he would have a lot of very flirty messages to and from girls. When I broke up with him a year ago, I learned that he WAS in fact cheating on me with all those girls, several times throughout a 3 year span

I don't do that with John tho - I trust him 100%!

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Oh geez... you must secretly think I'm scum! I'm onto you now though!

As for the opening post, I never really had any trust problems like that with girlfriends, nor did they with me. I manage to limit the flirting to my girlfriend when I'm not single.

Actually... I did have one girlfriend who wanted to go back to her ex and still date me. ::censor::censor::censor:: There was no way I could trust her after she said that. She was really messed up though. Who would agree to that?

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

Oh geez... you must secretly think I'm scum! I'm onto you now though!

As for the opening post, I never really had any trust problems like that with girlfriends, nor did they with me. I manage to limit the flirting to my girlfriend when I'm not single.

Actually... I did have one girlfriend who wanted to go back to her ex and still date me. ::censor::censor::censor:: There was no way I could trust her after she said that. She was really messed up though. Who would agree to that?

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I would agree she is a nut

Originally Posted by momof3rugratz

I would agree she is a nut

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I guess I shouldn't say I had my most successful relationship with her then should I? Good thing she's long gone.

Are you seriouse. o hunny I think you need help j/k.

Originally Posted by momof3rugratz

Are you seriouse. o hunny I think you need help j/k.

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That was before she brought in the crap with her ex. Besides, I'm beyond help!

Yeah, I'm joking.

LOL I love your humor.

I would really hate it if someone did that to me. I know that a lot of people say that some jealousy is normal, but I don't believe that. At least for me, I would never be able to be in a relationship if there wasn't mutual trust. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would spend time with me or pay attention to me (rather than some other girl) because he feels forced to.

I've actually "lost" my last boyfriend that way... he gradually fell in love with someone else. However, since he knew I wasn't jealous, he never lied to me about it and I never forced him away from her. I let him free to choose and he chose her. Yep, it hurt like hell, but I didn't feel right doing anything else. At least we all stayed friends.

I admit I did that with B once...but it wasn't to see which girls emailed him (he's friends with all girls! ), just to see what he said about me (I was a little down a while back). It was all Good stuff!

I do know what you're talking about. This girl I was friends with, she met her husband at a bar during her college years. Even AFTER they were married she said she would still follow him when she knew he was at that bar just to make sure he wasn't cheating on her. My only thought was "why did you marry him if you thought he was going to cheat on you?!"

Needless to say that's part of the reason WHY I don't speak to her anymore!

Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

Oh geez... you must secretly think I'm scum! I'm onto you now though!

As for the opening post, I never really had any trust problems like that with girlfriends, nor did they with me. I manage to limit the flirting to my girlfriend when I'm not single.

Actually... I did have one girlfriend who wanted to go back to her ex and still date me. ::censor::censor::censor:: There was no way I could trust her after she said that. She was really messed up though. Who would agree to that?

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hmm, sounds like she wanted the best of both worlds she does sound a little odd though, not many people would want that.

with Jeff and i, i don't care if he goes through my stuff and visa versa, i go into his wallet all the time (to get stuff for him, honest ) and he does the same with my handbag, i don't expect him to ask. we trust each other completely and share the same phone, we also have the passwords to each others hotmail accounts, sometimes he likes me to clean out the junk mail for him or check it and sometimes i need him to check mine for me.

if i thought i couldn't trust him, i wouldn't have married him, i think trust after love is the most important thing in any relationship.

that said, if your suspicious and you think your being cheated on then i think you have every right to have a look because they are not being trustworthy to you and that's not fair.

I think the day you feel like going through your spouses belongings with suspicions is the same day it's over for you. I couldn't be with someone that I thought I couldn't trust. I'm lucky to have a good trusting, honest relationship and I KNOW that I don't have to worry about my boyfriend..and vice versa.

I grab JosÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]'s wallet and pretend to look through it if he's left it out, and he freaks out because he has reciepts in there. I'm so so bad about being surprised, I ask a million questions, etc.

I could look through his e-mails (as he has his outlook profile on my computer) but then I'd know I'd find electronic reicepts, e-mails from friends which he tells them about me and about how school is going, and spam.

I dont even like looking through all my e-mail in a day (spam... ).

I think we trust each other not to look through things but if we did, no biggie. Although I'd really rather him not see what I recently bought on amazon.com for him.

Here's a twist...she actually DID find text messages about someone being his bed buddy, this girl was asking him if he wanted more than a bed buddy and if not she wouldn't expect anything. So, she DID find something bad in there, was she still wrong for doing it? I mean if he has a bed buddy on the side, and didn't tell her, what's wrong with her sneaking into his stuff if she has a suspicion? Now she knows and she can move on, whereas if she didn't do it, she might never find out, and possibly sleep with him and get a disease....
My purse was sitting open and my phone was on top. My boyfriend grabbed it out and started looking through it without asking. My other friend was like "are you just gonna let him go through your stuff like that?" I said I didn't have a problem with it, nothing to hide. Turns out he was putting a date in my calendar for an event next month to go with him to.

I don't go through Ian's stuff and he doesn't go through mine, but I don't think it would be the end of the world for me if he went through my purse or whatnot. I have nothing to hide from him, and he from me. For me, I'm going to not invade every little crevice and corner of his life. His wallet and his Blackberry and his desk and computer are his.

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Here's a twist...she actually DID find text messages about someone being his bed buddy, this girl was asking him if he wanted more than a bed buddy and if not she wouldn't expect anything. So, she DID find something bad in there, was she still wrong for doing it?

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I would say no, she wasn't. If you have a valid reason for suspicion, then you need to find out. If you don't find anything and you keep doing it obsessively, then it's a problem. That's what I think.

I trust him now, but there was a time when he was not trustworthy, wouild stay gone for several days at the time, and cheated on me several times. I would go through his pockets and say I was cleaning them out to do laundry, and I would check his wallet for numbers. (This was pre cell phones.) It was a terrible time, and we almost broke up over it. I decided I would either have to trust him or leave him. I stayed, and as far as I know, it has never happened again. I still get a little twinge now and then, but have stuck with my decision to trust him and do not go through his things.
As far as him looking through my things, he won't find anything because there is nothing for him to find. He can't ever find anything in my purse, anyway, so if he needs something out of it, he just brings it to me and asks me for whatever it is.
I think I would be offended if he just went snooping through my stuff, though.
I really believe anyone that leaves incriminating evidence on computers or cell phones is either amazingly stupid, or wants to get caught.