Ok ladies what would you do???

jugen

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Not to count the men out you can reply if you want but I am freaking out because I just found out that my exboyfriend (the one I lost my virginity to) lives right across the street from us! Now mind you I have no feelings for this guy, but when he comes to my work place, he talks to me but I try to not say much back because he was always a little "off" when I was dating him years ago. (Yeah I dated some winners in my time!)
My problem is, do I tell Brad and risk him getting freaked out everytime he's gone (he's exteremly jealous.) Or do I NOT tell him and hope this guy never approaches me in front of the house??
I've seen him around here before and just assumed that he had friends in the area but I found out today that he actually lives across the street from us.
I'm tripping! What would you do??? It's creepy to me.
 

squirtle

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I think it's best to be honest.... If Brad finds out later that you knew all this time the guy lives across the street he might be even more upset and feel you must have had something to hide.

At the same time though, I know exactly what you mean about him worrying thinking something was going to happen between the 2 of you..... But in reality those are his insecurities he has to work through. All you can do is be honest with him.

Oh, and I would definately consider moving
 

phenomsmom

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I would have to say be honest. But also tell Brad that he need not worry about anything because he is the one you want. Then try not to talk to the ex or talk to Brad aobut the ex at all.
 

kittylover4ever

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Tough one Barb......honestly is always the best policy like Squirt said, but you have to think both ways.........will your honey be that jealous if you tell him the truth??? Sometimes acting dumb doesn't hurt if you ask me. But if I had to pick one way or another, I'd probably tell Brad and make him understand that he means nothing to you now and for him not to worry...
 

ryn

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I'd tell him too. Not telling could imply there really is something to worry about.
 

krazy kat2

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If I were In your position, I would definitely tell him that you dated briefly years ago, and you have absolutely no interest in even being friends with him now.
My SO's best friend is a guy I was friends with, and dated briefly in high school. We are still very close friends as well, and often joke about our "puppy love" relationship.
 

zissou'smom

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My strategy: Tell Brad that this guy moved in across the street, but make sure to word it so that he knows you are slightly creeped out by it and that you want him to keep an eye out for you. This way he feels like he's helping to protect you, and at the same time knows that you don't have any intentions. I don't mean the "Oh, I need a big strong man to protect me because I can't possibly do it myself" way, just make him feel like you need him.
There's no reason for him to be jealous.
 

fwan

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bwaha, i would laugh if my first partner moved accross the street from me
let brad know that he moved there and that you have no intention what so ever to sleep with him again and that brad is your only one!
 

ilovesiamese

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Yea,

I would most definately tell him the truth and then reassure him of your relationship. At least this way, you don't have to worry about him finding out another way and that you knew before, because that would make me worry.
 

staciej

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I'd tell him since hiding it from him only makes it seem like there's something to hide.

And from the way you talked about it, there's nothing to hide.


I do agree on telling him because you're slightly creeped out by it and dont want to even talk to him.
 

jlutgendorf

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I agree with telling him in a way that let's him know you're not pleased with the discovery. "oh my god, you won't believe who moved in across the street from us! My crazy exboyfriend! Now i'm gonna have to make sure to avoid him when go out front, he creeps me out . . . blah blah blah"
I think if you phrase it that way (which is also truthful) then your boyfriend should have no reason to be jealous. He should be concerned FOR you, not concerned about what you may do!

~Julia
 

kaleetha

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I agree with jlutgendorf... however (this is something I wish I'd learned way earlier) your private past is your private past, no one and nothing should make you uncomfortable talking to your partner. If you choose to leave, er, certain things out, I think that is absolutely your choice.

Good luck with this situation!
 

cheeseface

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Originally Posted by jugen

Not to count the men out you can reply if you want but I am freaking out because I just found out that my exboyfriend (the one I lost my virginity to) lives right across the street from us! Now mind you I have no feelings for this guy, but when he comes to my work place, he talks to me but I try to not say much back because he was always a little "off" when I was dating him years ago. (Yeah I dated some winners in my time!)
My problem is, do I tell Brad and risk him getting freaked out everytime he's gone (he's exteremly jealous.) Or do I NOT tell him and hope this guy never approaches me in front of the house??
I've seen him around here before and just assumed that he had friends in the area but I found out today that he actually lives across the street from us.
I'm tripping! What would you do??? It's creepy to me.
I've read some interesting points about honesty in the past. I don't think being "openly honest" means you should open up every event ahead of time that might make your significant other uncomfortable and that seems to be the gist of what I've learned from what I read. It's not really your husband's business whether that old boyfriend was your first since it happened in the past and it is guaranteed to make hubby uncomfortable.

That this guy was your first isn't really relative to your husband's daily life, unless of course the guy starts a conversation about it. I think your husband should be on a need-to-know basis. If I was your husband, I wouldn't want to know about this guy either unless it came up. Then, I would only want to know what was relevant to what came up. You not liking this guy for being a little "off" does not have to include that you were intimate with him in my opinion, unless it's absolutely necessary info.
 

lunasmom

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I agree with the 2 posts above me.

Just stick to say you dated him in the past, but you don't need to tell Brad he was your "first". Unless you ever picture it coming up in a conversation....
 

pandybear

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Originally Posted by jlutgendorf

I agree with telling him in a way that let's him know you're not pleased with the discovery. "oh my god, you won't believe who moved in across the street from us! My crazy exboyfriend! Now i'm gonna have to make sure to avoid him when go out front, he creeps me out . . . blah blah blah"
I think if you phrase it that way (which is also truthful) then your boyfriend should have no reason to be jealous. He should be concerned FOR you, not concerned about what you may do!

~Julia
good idea, i think if your husband knows this guy is a bit 'odd' then he will want to look out for you not be suspicious about what might happen betweent the two of you.

but if you don't tell him and he finds out later, which he probably will, it will look a lot worse.

goodluck.
 

rockcat

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Well, you better tell him now in case he ever logs onto TCS.
Seriously, you really have to. You know that he will eventually find out and then he will be angry/hurt that you didn't tell him.
 

fwan

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Originally Posted by Hydroaxe

I've read some interesting points about honesty in the past. I don't think being "openly honest" means you should open up every event ahead of time that might make your significant other uncomfortable and that seems to be the gist of what I've learned from what I read. It's not really your husband's business whether that old boyfriend was your first since it happened in the past and it is guaranteed to make hubby uncomfortable.

That this guy was your first isn't really relative to your husband's daily life, unless of course the guy starts a conversation about it. I think your husband should be on a need-to-know basis. If I was your husband, I wouldn't want to know about this guy either unless it came up. Then, I would only want to know what was relevant to what came up. You not liking this guy for being a little "off" does not have to include that you were intimate with him in my opinion, unless it's absolutely necessary info.
Sorry to butt in, Wyan you sound so much wiser than the guys around my age, i wish they were like you
 
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