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May/December Romances

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Ok, I am looking for a few opinions on this.

One of my very good friends has just become engaged to a man almost 30 years older than her. Don't get me wrong, he is very nice, but there is such a huge generation gap when having a conversation with him. She is 37, so it's not like she is real young and doesn't know what she is doing. His son is older than us, and his grandchildren are older than her children. I am happy that she found someone, but there have already been a few awkward situations because of this. Her sister refers to him as the "Dirty Old Man" Can't wait for the wedding.

How do you feel about May/December romances?
post #2 of 23
Has she always went for the "older" man Karen?.

Hmm, i know age doesn't matter if you love someone, BUT 30 years is a big age gap so i don't know if i could do a romance like that to be honest.
post #3 of 23
Awkward situations will always come up. I've done some few slipups myself. I remember greeting this couple (I barely knew the guy) "Your granddaughter is very lovely". She was his new wife. But she was very nice and replied "Thank you very much! Would you like to join gramps and me for a drink?"
We are good friends today.
I think in any relationship, what people feel for each other is more important than what others say or think.
BTW, congratulations to your friend!Wishing her all the best!
post #4 of 23
Wow I really don't know about that. I guess if she were 20 I'd say that I doubt very much it would work, but then I'm not one to say either. I guess it really depends on the people. I could never do it. The person would be older than my parents!!! The thought of that is just kinda icky!
post #5 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Has she always went for the "older" man Karen?.
Yes, her first husband was 20 years older than her. Apparently it wasn't enough!
post #6 of 23
I've known couples with a large age gap. In one case it was all of 30 years, maybe more -- H was over 80 when he died, leaving C a widow in her early 50s. Other friends of ours, L and R, have close to 20 years, if not more, between them -- not sure of R's age, but L is my about age.

It takes a special couple, I think. Those two couples are success stories, but it's definitely not for everyone -- or even for most people, I think. For myself, I think I would prefer that my partner was close enough in age to have similar cultural/chronological experience -- easier to have an understanding of where the other is coming from. All of which is not to say that I would write off a "December" if I were in a position to be making that decision. Pray God, I won't be -- I'm rather attached to my sweetie.
post #7 of 23
Thread Starter 
I probably should comment that my husband and I were born one day apart!
post #8 of 23
30 years is a pretty big age gap. But I guess at the age she is, she is old enough to know what she's doing. If she was one of my friends or family members though, I would admit that the situation would make me uncomfortable.
post #9 of 23
there's a ten-yer age gap in my relationship (unfortunately, a lot of people think I look 12 of 14 :S (i'm 22). Luckily, only a few people think I look that young. Every one else has guessed senior in high school, at the youngest.

Oddly, none of the people who thought that have never had an issue with my 32-year-old boyfriend dating what they thought to be a 14-year-old girl.(pukes) My poor bf is even more disturbed by it than I am ("what kind of man do they think I am?!")

I like older men, and it would not bother me to date someone 20 years older than me.
post #10 of 23
I attempted to date a man that was 15 years older then me. I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was dating my father (which in some living situations around this area, that could be possible). Really the basis of it not working out though is that we were just WAY too different.

B is 8 years older then me and that's my max on age difference.

I think overall though if you and that other person have that connection and can make things work, then its there.
post #11 of 23
Two months before my 28th birthday, I married a 55-year-old man. It worked wonderfully. He was smart, well-educated, had a fantastic sense of humor, loved my kids and cats. We both liked the same music and to dance.

Two of his kids were older than I and he was 6 years older than my mother. If he hadn't died, three years later, I'd STILL be married to him. Russ would have turned 76, this coming June and I'm 48.
post #12 of 23
I think I would be uncomfortable around such a big age difference, but as long as she's happy that's all that matters.

I've never known anyone in a relationship with a big age difference though.
post #13 of 23
30 years would give me pause, but fwiw, I am 13+ years older than my husband. It's worked well the first 10 years but I do worry about it sometimes, wanting to be sure I age well
post #14 of 23
Thread Starter 
I think I would have more of a problem with it if she were in her younger 20's as opposed to her late 30's. I think in your early twenties, differences in age are quite apparent and will cause more problems because of "gender gap".
post #15 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
I think I would have more of a problem with it if she were in her younger 20's as opposed to her late 30's. I think in your early twenties, differences in age are quite apparent and will cause more problems because of "gender gap".
Yep! There's a bigger difference between 16 and 26 than there is between 26 and 36, in my experience. I always have to think of my former boss in this connection. She was very happily married to her second husband, who was 20 years older than her. He died when she was in her fifties, and she's had an extremely long widowhood.
I got involved with a guy who was nine years older than me when still in my teens, and the age gap was, at times, insurmountable. If we'd met five or ten years later, we'd probably still be together.
post #16 of 23
In our case, many would think the gap was insurmountable, but he was an older 26 and I was a younger 40 when we married (as I said I'm 13+ years, I had a birthday a couple of months before we married, he had one 2 months after we married )
post #17 of 23
I honestly couldnt date/marry someone who is more than 10 years older than me... :S

Only people like wyan would be an exception!
post #18 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
I honestly couldnt date/marry someone who is more than 10 years older than me... :S

Only people like wyan would be an exception!
Fwan! The biggest age gap for me was a woman about 12 years older than me, but I was 28 at the time.
post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
I honestly couldnt date/marry someone who is more than 10 years older than me... :S

Only people like wyan would be an exception!
You could if it was the "one", trust me!
post #20 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
I honestly couldnt date/marry someone who is more than 10 years older than me... :S

Only people like wyan would be an exception!
But in three or four years you might view that differently!
post #21 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
But in three or four years you might view that differently!
True.... but right now a guy who is 10 years + i have visions of them being wrinkley!!!!
post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
True.... but right now a guy who is 10 years + i have visions of them being wrinkley!!!!
DH is only 2 years older than me and that has been plenty!
post #23 of 23
I haven't had a man under 40, since I was 27. Now that I am back in the dating pool, I've come to realize that I am the same age, as the men I've always been attracted to. At the moment, I'm dating a 50 y/o and there is a LOT to be said for age and experience
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