How Guilty Are You of

...immediately assuming things that are not written? I've noticed that on a lot of forums, if someone does not post every tiny detail of a situation, some people will flame them over assumed things that were not mentioned.

For example, on some of the other pet boards, if someone says they have a pregnant cat (or other animal) in their care, people will immediately call them every form of irresponsible and idiotic that they can get away with, and upon being told that it's a foster or a stray that showed up pregnant, will justify it by saying "get it spayed, mkay?" (even if they say it already has an appointment through rescue or their vet) or "it's still causing overpopulation" instead of apologizing.

I understand getting worked up about overpopulation. I do not, however, understand immediately assuming that any horrible-sounding omitted part of the scenario must be what's going on (it's NEVER been an optomistic assumption either). Especially when the person is asking something important and it gets passed over in favor or "bash them over possible irresponsibility".

This is only one example of scenarios that I've seen replayed over and over, and I am not saying that it is this way every time.

Do you tend to assume the omitted as reality?

Oh, I'm sure I've done that, as it is in my nature to not trust and assume the worst. Not an attractive quality, I know. BUT, I try to ask questions first or read other people's posts and see what adds up to what, and THEN speak my mind.

I said never. Though it's human nature to do that, I've learned to take the situation as it is and try to help or understand, and I ask questions to clarify.

i usually try to wait before i say anything

I think I used to when I first was a member of forums. Now, though, I always try to be nice and mediate especially, if people are getting heated up. That hasn't happened on this forum, but on others I'm on, yes. I got a pm once from a member of another forum thanking me for always trying to be understanding, which I thought was nice, but a shame that it had to happen at all - I mean, everyone should be nice, IMO!

A wonderful aspect of tcs is that we strive to see the best in each other, and we all know that any flaming remarks are not tolerated.

I answered yes, but I will wait for clarification or ask.

I think the problem for a site like this is that it's not a matter just our opinions. Lives can be in the balance, and it's difficult to draw the line sometimes between what is flaming as opposed to what is trying to educate by sometimes having to be very graphic and strong about what irresponsibility, or lack of knowledge, can cause.

I am a staunch believer in spaying/neutering. Yet I did get a stray cat who was already pregnant and gave birth only a week later.

But because I take the topic of spay/neuter so seriously, whenever I posted anything anywhere, and because I knew the people I wanted advice from would be people who were responsible animal owners and activists, the first thing I said was I had just taken in the stray and she was already 8 weeks pregnant.

That told people who were responsible that I was not only responsible myself, but that I respected the seriousness of the issue enough to know it would concern them.

Does that make sense? LOL

Stuff happens. I think it's the attitudes that get me more than the situations. Because people who don't take issues that like seriously are much more likely to have things "happen" again.

And I think the lines are vague and touchy at times.

If I fail to understand something someone has posted, I will ask for clarification, and I would hope for the same respect from others. Flaming and popping off is exactly I quit posting on other forums soon after I found TCS. I was grateful to have found a board where people can behave like adults regardless of their age, and I am very happy to share with all of you, without fear of being chastised and judged for no good reason. I just love it here, don't you?

I chose the "Yes, but I ask about..." only because I understand what we type in here is only black and white text. We can type how we feel, but the readers never truely know how we feel.

Plus no one is the perfect writer, I admit to being guilty of either posting something that sounds confusing or misreading a post. Plus sometimes we skim the post and stop reading it at the point that flames us up (even if they explain it the next paragraph).
It's more or less posting is NOT the same as human contact. With human contact we get the witness feelings, emotions, and non-verbal gestures. With forums we just type what we want and have our 5-15 seconds of the soapbox to ourselves. There isn't anything wrong with this concept, just an alternate concept.

I voted sometimes because I know that some days I jump to conclusions without thinking about all the options .I try hard not to and I think that I give the poster the benefit of the doubt. Some days I am having a bad day and little things make me go off and they get the brunt of it. I usually apologize for being harsh afterwards though!! (Not that it makes it right but I try to make it better)

If you see that i havent posted on a thread that hasnt gone a few pages very quickly you know i am thinking hard on the answer

No, I really make it a point not to. Or at least, I may think it, but without clarification I won't say anything, and even then I try to keep it polite and respectful, attempting to put myself in the other person's shoes and not assuming that my opinion is the only right one. Most people who flame others, in my experience, care more about spouting off and being "right" than they do about changing or challenging the other person's way of thinking.

The Internet is anonymous, basically, and so it's easy to say things that you would never say IRL, but that doesn't make it okay. There is another person at the other end of your keyboard.

That's what great about TCS. Internet forums are a dime a dozen, and 95% of them are rubbishy places which people use more as a means of sounding off and venting their own frustrations than for meaningful communication. It's just so easy I guess.
Posting on TCS requires restraint - just like in real life, which is why I have such respect for this forum. You still have to behave like decent human beings if you want to participate, even if someone p's you off.