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What do you think?

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
Little dilemma here

When I was in college (back in 2002 til 2004-I went to a 2 yr college) and I was then with my ex boyfriend. Anyways... I met this guy, named Ryan. We hit it off right away and become well, close We remained super close and best friends til we graduated in 2004. I have not seen him since then, but we talk regularly on the phone and online. He's my best guy friend and I love him to death. We promised eachother that if we both weren't married by time we were both 30, we'd get married to eachother (He's gorgeous by the way )

Here's the problem. Its been about 3 years since I've seen him last (he lives in SD for college and I live about 5 hours from him) John is a little leary about me talking to him and wanting to see him - because he knows that I cheated on my ex with Ryan and he's afraid that something would happen b/w me and him while we were together since we havent seen eachother for so long.

I've promised him up and down that I love him and that nothing would happen. He should trust me with that.

My bday is coming up in May, and we have a chance to see eachother for the 1st time in so many years on my birthday weekend. We both want to go to dinner and spend a weekend with old college friends (we'll all be in the same area) and I don't know how to tell John that I really want to go, without him feeling jeleous or thinking that I'm doing something that I shouldnt be

I've never cheated on John - EVER - and I feel guilty that I cheated on my ex all those years ago, but I was young and didn't know what I wanted.

What would you do? Would you go see your friend? Or not go because your SO might feel bad?

I'm torn
post #2 of 19
Can you invite John to go with you?
post #3 of 19
all's I can say is that if there's no trust in a relationship, there's no relationship it kinda sucks that it falls on your birthday weekend, which I'm sure you'd rather spend with your BF, but if this is your only opportunity to see your friend Ryan, then I'd say go for it!
post #4 of 19
Try to bring John with you. It would be neat fo him to meet Ryan and for him to know for sure that you didn't cheat or do anyhting wrong. I also agree that he needs to trust you. You haven't done anyhting to him to give him an excuse to not trust you and IMO that is a big problem in the relationship.
post #5 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277
all's I can say is that if there's no trust in a relationship, there's no relationship it kinda sucks that it falls on your birthday weekend, which I'm sure you'd rather spend with your BF, but if this is your only opportunity to see your friend Ryan, then I'd say go for it!
I know he trusts me, but I think he's just leary cuz he knows whats happened in the past -I love John with all my heart, he knows that - but I can understand where hes' coming from tho too, which is why I dont want to hurt him.

But I miss Ryan to pieces, 3 years is a long time to not be able to see one of your best friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by squirtle
Can you invite John to go with you?
Thats the only thing, is that he works nights and has to work weekends
post #6 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
Try to bring John with you. It would be neat fo him to meet Ryan and for him to know for sure that you didn't cheat or do anyhting wrong. I also agree that he needs to trust you. You haven't done anyhting to him to give him an excuse to not trust you and IMO that is a big problem in the relationship.

I'd really like for him to come with me, but with his work schedule, I'm not sure how that would work

He just knows how much I really do love him (as a friend) and knows our past together....*sigh*
post #7 of 19
But he should know that the past is the past for a reason and that you love him and want to be with him not Ryan. Had you wanted to be with Ryan still you would be. I hope you get to go see your friends with John's approval!
post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
But he should know that the past is the past for a reason and that you love him and want to be with him not Ryan. Had you wanted to be with Ryan still you would be. I hope you get to go see your friends with John's approval!
Exactly!

I'd never do anything to hurt him, I just hope that he is okay with me going - I haven't seen him in SO long and I would really love to see him again (as friends of course!)

I'm not sure but I think John gets a little jeleous cuz he's working on being a model for Abercombie and such



Gorgeous - yes, but definately not my type!
post #9 of 19
Well explain to him that you really want to go and want him to go to but if he can't you understand but you really would feel better if you had his approval going. Although I will say I understand where John is coming from not wanting you to go. I mean if Lee wanted to go see someone he had been romantically involved with in the past I would have some major problems and would be sure to go with him so she would know that he is all mine now!
post #10 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
Well explain to him that you really want to go and want him to go to but if he can't you understand but you really would feel better if you had his approval going. Although I will say I understand where John is coming from not wanting you to go. I mean if Lee wanted to go see someone he had been romantically involved with in the past I would have some major problems and would be sure to go with him so she would know that he is all mine now!
Thats where I can totally see him coming from too! Its not that he doesnt TRUST me - its just the past and what not - you know?

I just don't want to hurt him in any way, cuz of course I want to MARRY John - not Ryan!

I'm not sure if he'd come w/ me either - but maybe he'd feel better if I had a friend come with....hmmmm..... :thinking:

I just want him to understand that he's a friend and nothing more than that.
post #11 of 19
Ooo...easy question to answer from me!

B is still friends (good friends) with his ex-fiancee. Not exactly the same situation as you, BUT I strongly encourage you to introduce Ryan and John. I can definitely see the friendship between B and his ex and no essence of the past is presence. Yes they do talk about when they were together or living with each other, but its all in good humor.

Plus John needs to understand that the past is the past. I mean, unless you lick Ryan's cheek right in front of John, he should be able to get beyond the past and realise the present!
post #12 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom
I mean, unless you lick Ryan's cheek right in front of John


Boy that would cause some problems eh?
post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley
I'm not sure if he'd come w/ me either - but maybe he'd feel better if I had a friend come with....hmmmm..... :thinking:
I think that sounds like a great idea. Sort of, "Hey, I'd rather you come because I really would like you two to meet, but since/if you can't, I know this situation makes you a little nervous, so I'll take (insert friend he trusts). That way it's not a one-on-one thing."

Or you could always just say, "I really want you to be okay with me going. What do you need from me to make you feel better about this?"
post #14 of 19
I also agree it would be a lot better if they could meet, and if that isn't possible, you could bring a friend.
post #15 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
I also agree it would be a lot better if they could meet, and if that isn't possible, you could bring a friend.
I think so too, I think I might see if maybe he can meet me at my parents' place if I can't have a friend come home with me, that way at least my parent's would be around!
post #16 of 19
Could you handle it if John had the same situation, with a girl friend that was beautiful and model material and he did similar things like you did with Ryan in the past?
I have to say if it bothers John THAT much, I wouldn't do it, but if there's a a way to comfort him about it, and he's not THAT bothered by it, then it's ok.
post #17 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by menagerie mama
Could you handle it if John had the same situation, with a girl friend that was beautiful and model material and he did similar things like you did with Ryan in the past?
I have to say if it bothers John THAT much, I wouldn't do it, but if there's a a way to comfort him about it, and he's not THAT bothered by it, then it's ok.
See, I totally see where he's coming from! I'd be the same way.

I haven't talked to him about it yet - I just talked to Ryan last night about the weekend - I'm gonna talk to John tomorrow AM when he gets home from work.

If it seriously bothers him, I'm not going to go. Its not worth risking his feelings, thats for sure!

I just needed some others' opinions... I mean, I miss Ryan yes, but if its going to hurt John then I wouldn't do it.

I don't like being in dillema's like this
post #18 of 19
It's not Ryan from TCS is it? Then John SHOULD be jealous! Abercrombie model!!!
post #19 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by menagerie mama
It's not Ryan from TCS is it? Then John SHOULD be jealous! Abercrombie model!!!
Maybe.... haha!

No, but he's just as good looking!
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