Could use moral support and ideas on what/how to tell rescue group....

Tomorrow morning the woman from the rescue group is planning to come by to take pictures of (temporarily named) Igor. I have decided to keep him, and know this will cause some problems. The director (not the woman coming by) is an odd sort, and very difficult at times, I am lead to understand, and I know will not be a happy camper. Which means the woman who I have to tell won' be happy, because she will have to deal with the director.

I do plan to pay her back for the vet bill, but I only have half right now, will have the other half in a week.

I'm one of those people who prefers dealing with animals because I'm so bad at dealing with people, so I'm not only terrified (even though I know I shouldn't be) I don't know how to handle it.

Basically I was going to tell her that because this cat seems to be an "ambassador" and would help me socialize other ferals, which would help them took and because for some reason we just seemed to bond, that I feel it was fate that brought him here to me I decided to keep him. I was giong to tell her I gave it a lot of thought, talked to many people, and although I realize there are arguments against it, I think that this was meant to be, and the pros outweight the cons for me.

I was then going to tell her I fully intend to pay her for the emergency vet bill, that I have half of it ready for her, and will give her the other half as soon as I get paid next week.

But, should I do it tonight on the phone? Or would I be better off waiting until she shows up tomorrow and tell her, when I can hand her the money right off (but that wastes her time). I don't know what to do.

I wish I could just talk to animals all the time. lol I am what is known as a wimp.

So I could use advice (maybe a better "speech" or some suggestions on it, or better reasons to give her?) and when do you think is the best time to tell her?

Or some simple moral support!

Thanks!

First off I want you to know, you're not alone with having a hard time dealing with people. I have trouble with it too.

I personally think you should wait to tell her in person so that you can give her the money. It would have more of an effect and you'd look more honest (I know you are honest - maybe she doesn't). I think you have very good reason for keeping Igor. I don't see why she would not let you though? What's the problem with it exactly?

Anyways I want to wish you good luck with that

I'm assuming that you were fostering Igor?
If so, I don't see why you wanting to keep him is a huge problem, since then they have one less adoption to do. I would also offer to pay the adoption fee and just ask to be given first dibs on adopting this cat, and then fill out the paperwork, pay the fee, etc.
The only problem I can see is that you're supposed to be a foster parent, and you are asking to break that arrangement. They don't want foster parents who are just going to want to keep all the foster cats, since then they aren't foster parents anymore. I would make it clear that you still want to foster, and give back, future cats.

My apologies. I had posted more about this elsewhere, and didn't reailze the situation was unclear.

I just recently started fostering for this group, and have a cat I am fostering and trying to socialize for them, plus I have 2 of my ownj. Igor was a stray 5 1/2 month old kitten that had been hiding on my porch and talking to this foster until for what I think is about 2 days, until I discovered he was there, which was only a few minutes before the rescue person showed up to bring me some things for the feral. I answered the door with him in my arms.

She didn't know if the rescue had room, so she paid for me to take him to the vet and make sure he was FIV FELV negative and didn't have anything else he could pass on to the other cats, and he got a clean bill of health. I (and everyone who's met him) began to realize this was a very extraordinary cat; beautiful, an amazing temperament and is part abyssinian. He also seems to be a cat that will help me not only socialize this feral, but others as well.

Before I could decide what to do they called, and the woman who had paid for the vet was coming tomorrow am to take pictures and bring me an intake form. She had told the director about him, who wanted to bring him into the group pronto beause he seemed to be so special, and therefore very adoptable.

The first woman will not be happy because she will have to bring the bad news to the director, who can be very difficult, especially if she does not get her way.

I wish I had all the money to give her right off, but I don't. I have half, and will have the other half (as well as money for shots, etc) next week.

This group does not like their fosters keeping their foster cats, and I accepted that when I agreed to work with them. If it had been theirs, it would be a non-issue. I think they feel it will be too much an they lose foster families that way. But he showed up at my door, this was meant to be I think. But they may not see it that way.

They don't want you to adopt your foster cats because if you did this all the time, your house can get full, you would quit fostering and they loose a foster parent down the road.

I actually adopted 2 of the 3 cats that showed up at my door after I put them in the program here. Once they are part of the rescue group, they do have the right to adopt them to whomever they deem fit. In my case, I simply paid the adoption fee and we were done. When I found them originally, I paid for the testing and deworming because I didn't know that I would put them in a program at the time. So the rescue paid for the neuters, and I paid for the adoption (they made out on that one).

It sounds like you have a very good reason for keeping this cat. If he is an ambassador (and not all cats can do that), and he can be used to help socialize ferals, then it is best for THEM to let you keep him. They can let you foster some of the tough cases in the future and they win.

I have to call her in about an hour and a half, so I hope you all don't mind me bumping this up.

Any support or ideas would be greatly appreciated!

(he's sleeping here right next to me in the fiunniest twisted up position -- looks like his head isn't even attached to his body. I will do my best to get pictures this week).

I'd tewll her by phone as that way she wont show up expecting a different situation

Well, she's still not home, and I don't like to call her after 9:30, so it will have to wait until tomorrow morning. He just gave me a nudge on my hand to remind my why I'm doing this

Which also means I'll be up all night worrying and agonizing, I'm such a wimp. Probably why the kitties like me. They know they have me wrapped around their little paws.

I think I'm going to begin the conversation with, "I'm going to give you back the money you paid for the vet, but I know I need to keep this cat. I've had too many signs." Then see where it goes from there.

How odd! I guess I am spoiled, because the agency I foster for kind of encourages me to keep as many as I want. Not that they aren't glad to adopt them out, but they always ask...are you sure you don't want to keep "whoever". LOL!

I first got affiliated with them when I found a preggers girl, who was Festus' Mom. They paid all the bills for her, and Festie's litter. I planned to keep one kitten, Mattie...but they paid her vet bills too, until I signed the papers to keep her...at NO COST! Then when she died of FIP, I kept Festus and Garfield (he was from another litter!) Again, no charge for either cat. A good thing, too, because dh was asking...is it going to cost me $300 to keep a few stray cats?!

And they paid all Jasmine's fees including her spay, after which I filled out the papers saying she was mine. I have also found 2 kittens in my garage which they fully vetted and adopted out.

I understand your foster agency is different...OH WELL!! The director sounds like she is bad for the agency...the main priority needs to be keeping cats safe and happy, and you do that by keeping foster parents happy. And guess what...sometimes when you foster YOU FALL IN LOVE! Welcome to reality!

In my (bossy) opinion, you are doing them a great favor in taking on difficult animals. You found a gorgeous cat...too bad. You planned to foster and adopt it out...oh well. Tell them welcome to the real world...I'm keeping my cat. DO NOT OFFER TO PAY FOR HIS VET BILL. Act as if you foster for my agency, and pretend everyone will be thrilled to have you keep your little ambassador. Its a shame he is beautiful and adoptable...if he bit and sprayed they would be glad to let you keep him...wouldn't they? It's not your fault you fell in love with a wonderful cat.

And if they push for you to pay them back for his bills, just hem and haw a little, then pay them the half you have. Tell them you never dreamed they would ask for the money, but you will pay the rest later.

Whether you have good people skills is irrelevant in this matter. Don't let them know you are sweating. Worst case scenario is you keep the kitty and pay the vet bill. Best case scenario is you keep the kitty and don't pay the bill. Either way, you have no need to feel guilty for finding the perfect home for your stray, right?!?

And it is none of their business why you want the kitty. One strategy for dealing with difficult people is the broken record. They say, "Why do you want this cat?" You say, "I have decided to keep him. I think he will help train the other ferals." They say, "But he is so adoptable, lets adopt him out." You say, "I have decided to keep him." They say, "You can't keep this one, we spent too much on vet care." You, "I have decided to keep him." They say, "But whatsername will have a fit." You, "I have decided to keep him." They say, "She's gonna kill me!" You, "I have decided...." You get the idea. It really works wonders. The less details you give, the less they have to throw back at you and twist to say don't keep him.

Get a good nights sleep, and be strong tomorrow! You can do it!

Thank you Beckiboo! I needed to hear those things. And, btw, that's how I got involved in fostering too, when I found Deja Vu who was very pregnant. I kept her and one baby, and they took over getting homes for the others. They did not pay the bills for the cats I kept, but I will say they did get Deja Vu tested and fixed, and got her all her shots, and Rocky his shots, for their cost, so the whole thing cost me $45. And they took them and brought them back (I am not always able to do that myself). They are doing the same when I have Rocky fixed, and probably, when they get over it, shots and eventually fixing for the new guy.

By the way, where are you? LOL I'm in PA.

I think the reason they don't like their foster parents keeping cats is because they've had too many expeirences where after keeping the cats, they couldn't handle, or didn't have room for new fosters, and they lost foster homes, which are hard to find in this area. One of the first concerns they had when I took in this kitten was if I had more than I could handle.

And I understand what you're saying about the cost. The reason I feel so responsible for paying it back is because that day the rescue group didn't pay for it, the woman from there paid for it out of her pocket, because at the time she didn't think the group had room for another stray right now. They already have a 5-6 week waiting list. She didn't think the director (who yes, is an idiot lol) would be so interested. So as far as I know, it still came out of her pocket, and actually was a favor to me, because I wanted so badly to bring him in, but couldn't in case he could make my guys (and the foster I had) sick.

I am hoping that if the group took over the cost she will be honest with me, and let me pay it out over a longer time, but I feel obligated to at least offer and be prepared to reimburse her. It was all on the spur of the moment when it happened.

And this woman has been really nice to me, and has helped me above and beyond at times, bringing me things I needed for my own guys when I couldn't get to the stores myself, etc. The probem is the director, and this woman is going to bear the brunt.

And I'm probably worried about nothing. LOL (Making chicken noises here).

I will let you all know what happens as soon as I talk to her tomorrow.

PS: and you are right, I am probably one of their best foster homes. I will help the ones that need it the most, and I will accept a lot that most others won't. When Snowflake pooped all over hte stove, they really thought I was going to give up. But there isn't much a littie bleach won't kill, and to me, what's important is getting him adoptable. So you're right, I need to have more confidence.

I'm in Illinios, NW of Chicago. Still don't offer to pay the vet bill up front...I understand you feel obligated...but that gives you something to give in on. I'm not saying refuse to pay...just don't offer right off the bat. Let her ask for it.

Some people are just difficult to deal with, and while they may not mean to imtimidate, they do. Trust me, as a psych nurse, I deal with a lot of difficult people. My bottom line is I try to treat everyone the same, whether they are nice, whiny, mean, whatever. Being nasty to me doesn't get you extra points or quicker attention. (But it doesn't make me nasty back...because sometimes people are just taking a bad day out on me!) And usually, people respond well to an even temper.

Don't be mean or nasty, but DO NOT BE A WIMP! All you want is to keep your cat. It is not their job to keep your cat numbers down...or to keep you fostering. That is irrelevant right now. All that matters is that they understand you changed your mind, and are keeping the cat. End of discussion...right?!? (Oh, that reminds me...never end a sentence with a question, like ....right?!? It makes you sound weak!)

Best of luck...I'm sure you will do fine. Just like washing poo off the stove...its an ugly job telling them you are keeping an adoptable cat...but you can do it!!!

Beckiboo,

You are right, I can. And you are also right, if I can wipe poop off my stove and clean it out, I can do anything! LOL

Plus, all I have to do is look at this little guy and get all the strength I need. He is amazing. I can't wait to borrow my friend's camera and get pictures. I don't know if you saw the other posts, but he's part abyssinian, and gorgeous. And so loving and, and, and.

And if they give me a hard time, i'll sic my other kitten, Rocky, after them.

I just had to run into the kitchen because I heard banging. In the middle of the blankets pulled out of the ferals "place" which pulled along all the bowls, bed, toys etc., and a whole bunch of other stuff they knocked off the tables and chairs, including water and food, lay Rocky and Igor (temporary name) looking as angelic as could be. Good thing they're so cute. lol

It's 4 minutes after midnight, and temporary Igor is chasing Rocky from the kitchen through the hall to the living room, then rocky chases him back to the kitchen. This has been going on for almost 10 minutes now, back and forth.

Do you think someone should tell temporary igor that he should wait until AFTER I tell them I'm keeping him before driving me nuts and waking up the downstairs neighbors? LOL

As soon as I just wrote this he came over and rubbed against my hand while I was typing then gave me a kiss. Eerie how smart he is.

Possession is 9/10 of the law, as they say!

But seriously, as others have said, you've got good reason to keep this cat. And who are they to confiscate your cat? Right, she's paid for his vet costs so far, but you'll pay half tomorrow and half next week.

From her point of view, at least if she's reasonable, she should be thinking "well, she should keep Igor because we want to keep her as a foster mom." Foster homes are hard to come by! You've got that going for you. Remember that you're offering them and the cats at large a valuable service. Igor is a means to that end.

If you never had to talk to this woman again, I'd say just don't let her in and what could she do -- break in and steal your cat? Alas, you need to work with these people in the future... Hopefully she'll see that retaining you as a foster home is more valuable than them taking in another homeless cat.

How'd it go? <is anxious, does something suspiciously resembling the pee dance>

Thank you to all who helped and gave me the push and support I needed to not be a wimp.

AND IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!! HE'S PART OF THE FAMILY!

I just got off the phone with the woman from the rescue group (will call her E from now on...much easier and shorter).

As soon as I told her she started to laugh, and said she thought that was going to happen. She was quite nice aout it, and when I said I felt badly that because I knew the director would not be too happy, and she would have to deal with that. She said not to worry about it, she'd deal with her, and the fact that he could help with future ferals would probably pacify her.

I did offer her the money, and she was really nice about that too. She said not to rush, or worry about it, and we'd work something out because now that I have 3 of my own, and have to get Rocky shots, and fixed, and will need shots for this guy, plus having him fixed in a few months, I'd probably need it. In fact, I had the feeling she was hinting that the money I had ready for her would probably go to Rocky since she'd be making an appt for his neuter in a week or two.

I don't know for sure, but I think the fact I did offer her the money up front made her more willing to not just take it.

Whether it did or not, it turned out very well.

Thanks again to all of you who helped me with this.

And since he can't be Temporarily Igor forever, there is a poll under Caring for Ferals and Strays for naming him, so if you'd care to vote, please do!

Congrats on the new family member. It sounds like he is going to fit right in!

I'm so pleased for you!! Well done!

YAY!!!!!!!
Here comes the Welcome Wagon!

If you aren't sure what to call "Igor", how about Bullwinkle? I think it would be great to have a Rocky and a Bullwinkle chasing each other through the house. If you aren't old enough to remember...Bullwinkle was a giant moose and Rocky was his flying squirrel sidekick!