I think I had a panic attack last night (long - sorry)

I honestly think I had a panic attack last night. I started crying so hard I began to hyperventilate! It was scary.

I have been very tired lately and haven't been sleeping much. Kevin is not very good at night and I am currently trying to get him from co-sleeping with me to being in his own bed. I am also still doing some breastfeeding with him. Last night he was so tired, but he just wouldn't settle in his own bed and my hubby has been pushing me to get him settled in his own room. I feel like a failure that I haven't been able to do it. Sometimes I can get him in his crib for part of the night, but he always ends up with me.

I have also had a lot of pain with this pregnancy (pelvic girdle pain and Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction). I have been given Tylonel 2's but don't like taking them - I have been in so much pain for the last few days I had to take 1 last night. So I felt guilty for taking one. I am in just as much, if not more pain today - I can barely walk and I have pain just shooting down my left leg.

When he wouldn't settle I just started crying. When I started crying I started thinking. The plan was not to have the babies this close together. Kevin was a fertility baby and the new one a suprise - a joyous suprise - but still one I was unprepared for. I began thinking that I couldn't handle having 2 babies so close together, that I was going to need more help then I know I am going to get. Then I started thinking that I am not prepared - the baby will be here in 6 weeks and I have nothing prepared adn Kevin is still way too clingy! That is when I started panicking!

I don't think my hubby realizes how much pain and stress I am feeling right now. I tried to tell him last night and all I got was a "I'm tired too" and a "it's not that bad" which was no help whatsoever! I am sure he was trying to be empathetic, but he just wasn't helping. Plus all of his comments lately about "when is the dusting going to get down, when is the laundry going to be put away". I am so tired - I work all day, I walk to and from the bus stop, I am in pain constantly and exhausted. When I get home, Kevin does not like to let me out of his sight (he cries and screams). When does he expect me to do all of this and still take care of myself and Kevin. Basically I came home last night and John ran out about 45 minutes later to run errands - I could barely walk when I got home, how was I supposed to take care of Kevin.

I don't know what to do. John doesn't seem to understand. I can't talk to my mother. My MIL is too sick to help. I am trying to keep everything inside, but I am getting more and more stressed everyday - I am constantly on the verge of tears (which irritates John as he just doesn't get it). If I am like this know how am I going to be when the baby is here. I feel that I am going t be a prime candidate for post partum depression.

Sorry for the long rant, but I honestly don't feel I have anyone to talk to!

Ady, you're certainly not doing anything wrong! Your hormones are all over the place which will definitely amplify all emotions that you are feeling right now!

If you continue to feel so overwhelmed and suffer from panic attacks, I would recommend that you see your GP - they should be able to help you or at least find a way to ease the stress (help, someone to talk to....)

Remember though that you always have us!

Have you thought of trying a camomile and lavender essential oil to help get Kevin to sleep? I know you can buy little toys with the spray from the Body Shop. It might be worth a try!

I hope that things ease for you soon and John will begin to listen and truely understand how you're feeling right now!

Sending many strength and calming }}}VIBES{{{ your way and adding lots of to go with them!

Thanks for the support - If I am still so stressed when I see my OB next I will mention it to her.

I have tried giving him a bath before bed with a lavender baby bath. The problem is he is as good as gold as long as I take him to bed with me - it is the getting him into his own crib!

I am soo sorry Ady!! I know it is tough for you right now. I hope you find someone to help you out soon!!

Been where you are right now. And it was not easy. I thought I'd never live through it. I was so sleep deprived that I felt like a walking zombie for about three years. I had the worlds crankiest screaming none sleeping baby In the world! He didn't sleep for more then 45 minutes at a time then he cried and cried. I had him to docs and nothing was wrong with him he was just a cranky baby. This went on until he was around 3. I had to let him sleep with me , Or I would not of got any sleep. Then along came baby no#2. I worked and had health problems. Hubby is a lobsterman and was gone early to night. 7 days a week. So I can really relate as to what you are going through.
Take a deep breath and try to relax. It will get better. It will be a rough year or two and as they get older things will get better. Looking back I wished I had of taken the older child to part time day care after the 2nd son arrived. If you can do that it would give you sometime to rest and take care of baby 2. You will get through this it might seem very overwhelming to you right now. But things will get easier and once you get a routine down and your oldest sleeping better then it will help alot.
As to housework not being done on time don't stress about it it won't go anyplace. And tell hubby he needs to help out with it! Sit him down and tell him what you just told us. yes I'm sure hes tired. But hes surely not pregnant to boot! So he needs to understand how you feel.
Hugs and understanding going your way

Ady, this may sound harsh, but if I were due in 6 weeks and my husband asked when the dusting, laundry, etc. was going to get done I would look him square in the eyes and tell him "It will get done whenever YOU decide to do it!" I know John works hard, but so do you AND you're pregnant AND you're taking care of Kevin. Guess what? No one has ever died because the laundry wasn't put away. (Not from the laundry itself, anyway. ) Something has got to give here, and the important things are being taken care of - YOU, KEVIN and the BABY!

Aww Ady if i were there id help you out!

Have you though about that maybe kevin should just sleep in your room untill he is about 2 r 3?
I used to sleep in my parents bed untill they went to bed and then they would put me in my bed when i was asleep and that worked, but i couldnt sleep in my own room untill i turned 6.
Personally i think that its too early to put a one year old into their own room.

Have you thought about having a close friend coming around to help you out??
I have to agree with Heidi about the cleaning, How can a man expect such a pregnant woman to do the dusting and cleaning when she can barely bend over with that huge belly??

Originally Posted by valanhb

Ady, this may sound harsh, but if I were due in 6 weeks and my husband asked when the dusting, laundry, etc. was going to get done I would look him square in the eyes and tell him "It will get done whenever YOU decide to do it!" I know John works hard, but so do you AND you're pregnant AND you're taking care of Kevin. Guess what? No one has ever died because the laundry wasn't put away.

(Not from the laundry itself, anyway.

) Something has got to give here, and the important things are being taken care of - YOU, KEVIN and the BABY!

Click to expand...

Thanks - John is taking care of most things household wise, and I guess he is feeling overwelmed also. He cooks and does all of the vaccuuming, picks Kevin up from daycare etc, but just doesn't seem to understand my emotions! Problem is he is a bit (ok alot) obsessive about cleanliness!

Oh, I'm so sorry! I've been there too. I'm not sure how old Kevin is, but my 2 are born 12 months apart. My son (first child) didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, and I was breastfeeding him, and working full-time. I thought the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy were never going to end, and that after I had the baby it would be even worse. But I actually felt much better after I had the second baby, physically and emotionally. My DH didn't feel much like there was anything he could do to help, so he didn't, and I was pretty frustrated with him too. Does your DH have a good relationship with his mom? Even if your MIL can't help, can she talk to him and tell him that you need help?

Also, do you have a young girl - 12 or so - that could help you in the evenings - either a relative or neighbor that could do it for a bit of pocket money? She could either help with the laundry, dusting, or just keeping Kevin company.

Hugs to you, and I'm certain you will feel a lot better after you have the baby! - Kim.

Ady, you're not alone. My 2 are 13 months apart, and the younger had colic as an infant. There were nights when I would just sit there and cry right along with her. Ask your husband for some help with the bedtime routine. After all, it will all fall in his lap when you are in the hospital. I'm sure he'd like to see Kevin's nighttime routine resolved before then.

I don't have any good advice, but I'm sorry you're going through this and hope it gets better soon.

I wonder if part of this is the issues with your Mom. No matter what you said or did, she helped your sister, and not you. Your husband is NOT your Mom. Tell him, and tell him, and tell him again. He loves you dearly, and just isn't getting it right now.

Just talk it through with him, and let him know everything you are telling us. Even have him read this thread if you have trouble saying it to him. Right now I think you are too tired to think straight.

You need to figure out some compromises...whether it is letting Kevin sleep with you a little longer, or having a teen come in to play with Kevin after you get home from work so you can get a nap.

As for stress and anxiety now leading to post partum depression...I'm not sure it is related. I was nutty when pregnant with my 3rd baby. I had this feeling that my husband was fooling around on me, and also had many thoughts of him being killed before the baby was born. I've never been like that before or after. Once she was born, within about 2 weeks the hormones settled, and I was sane again. Hopefully the same happens for you, once you get a few nights of sleep!

If I lived nearer, I would take Kevin overnight and give you a chance to spend some time alone with your hubby, so he could give you a good back and foot massage...the best thing for a pregnant lady to get a good nights rest!

I am so sorry you are having sucha rough time right now. It cannot imagine having a young child and another so soon to be arriving.
I wish I was close to you, I would come give you a pre-natal massage.

Thanks for the support everyone. It does probably have some to do with my feealing towards my mom. I relaxed a little this weekend and Kevin actually slept 1 whole night through in his crib - it was a miracle!

I am doing better now, but of course hubby is concerned that the closer it gets to the delivery the closer I'll get to going nuts. He thinks I need to deal with my issues with my mother before everything explodes. I agree - it will be dealt with by this weekend and either I will feel a lot better or much more miserable. I think it will be better because at least it will be off my chest.

I don't know what I would do without you guys - thanks!

Ady,
When my husband and I first lived together and got married, I was the one that wanted the clean house. He had other things on his mind. We had our first son 8 months after we got married and our second child was born less than 2 years later. Suddenly my husband became a neat freak! Once you have kids, you really can't sweat the small stuff! Fortunately I didn't have to work...although it made it worse being home all day and not getting things done (and I gained a lot of weight!) and the financial strain added to things immensely. We have no family close by.

So throughout the years we have come to an understanding...he doesn't care about the dust (which is great right now because we are having our floors done and there is a growing thicker coat of dust on everything) that as long as things are "picked up" when he gets home he won't complain. For me this meant that when he left work at 6, I would pick everything up and toss it where I had to so he wouldn't see it and the other thing was that if he came home early without calling then he got what was there.

My boys are now 10 and 8 and we STILL go through this. As my husband as grown with his career finances have loosened up enough and I work part-time at Old Navy when the kids are in school. (I also do Mary Kay ) In January I was FINALLY able to get someone into CLEAN every 2 weeks. I still have to pick up the rest of thime though!

So hang in there! It gets better and the babies grow so fast that you will actually miss Kevin sleeping with you. It seems as if the kids never sleep in their own rooms all night and sometimes I go crawl in bed with them!

Next time Kevin is fussy or sleeping with you, take a moment and look into his little face and think about how you have so little time left with just him. His whole world is about to change and I think he probably knows it!

Sorry this was so long but I feel your pain and all I can say is to hang in there! (I was also diagnosed with depression when my second one wa born so talk to your dr.)

Good luck!

Oh Ady I missed this thread. I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. I don't have many words, as I don't have children and I'm sure these feelings are something I've never experienced.
I think you are right to get him to sleep in his own room without a doubt. The sooner the better otherwise he will be with you for years (this happened with my cousin).
My little brother and sister (3 and 5) both went into their own rooms after a few months. I think it was pretty pain free but then when they were both 1ish they decided they were not sleeping in there anymore and kept coming back out. My sister would throw herself over the side of her crib so they had to take the sides off.
I know how difficult it was for my Dad and Step Mum at this time. They had to persevere and help each other out.
A few times my Dad ended up sleeping on the bedroom floor, he did this with both of them. Just to make sure they were in their own bedrooms.
I know you can't do that because you are heavily pregnany but maybe this is something your husband could do? Set up camp in there, just so that Kevin knows Daddy is near.
As someone has already mentioned, he will be in charge when you are in hospital so whats he going to do then?
Hugs for you

Oh, yes, I was going to mention camping out on the floor as well. I used to read my DS books to get him to sleep. After a while I could just quote the whole book, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish! Also - sometimes it just doesn't work. My daughter would scream bloody murder, and then throw up EVERY NIGHT. Milk is pretty gross when it's thrown back up, so we would let her fall asleep with us downstairs in the living room and we carried her to bed.