TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › IMO: In My Opinion › American women hate site...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

American women hate site... - Page 3

post #61 of 76
Pandybear I really enjoyed your posts. It is all about choice and there is nothing wrong with having a traditional relationship. I admire your courage.
post #62 of 76
Same here! Great posts PandyBear!
post #63 of 76
Well as we say here in Australia what a lot of ******** that site is. I didn't even no that there were sites like it. I have been married for 19 years and been with my husband for just over 20 years, in our marriage we both work out what is best for all of us, but it is usually my hubby that makes the final decision on what ever the problem is. Even if I am not totally happy about the decision I usually go with it and it has almost always worked out right.
I also did not/would not say Obey in our marriage vows even when the minister tried to put them in, said no I will not obey (big gasp from the guests.) I believe that I can do anything that I want, and I am blessed enough to have a hubby that loves me and is happy to help me do just that. Having said that, I work with him, because I like and want him to be happy as well. It is all about give and take for us, and it works.
post #64 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Pandybear I really enjoyed your posts. It is all about choice and there is nothing wrong with having a traditional relationship. I admire your courage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeilaLuv
Same here! Great posts PandyBear!

Thankyou both, it does concern me that so many women freak out about another women choosing submission but i can understand that for many it's a hard concept to grasp, i know the first thing they feel is anger that a woman is obeying a man and then they automaticly assume she must be abused too.

The thing i failed to mention in my previous posts was that a submissive woman must also be with a loving man, i would never submit to a man who treated me or my fubabies badly, my husband adores me and that's putting it lightly he loves the furbabies and spoils them too. He is kind, considerate, loving, supportive and i trust him completely....if you don't have that with someone then i suggest you do not submit to them, some men will take advantage of a submissive women and that is a sad situation, when a man abuses his position in a D/s relationship it ceases to be a D/s relationship and becomes abuse.

There is a huge difference between the two and i could go on forever about it. The biggest difference is that a loving dominant will cherish your submission to him, he will want you to be the best you can and will support and love you, he will love you more because of your submission and will treat it as a precious gift to him, he won't take advantage of you and even though he is in control he won't abuse his position.

An abusive man cares about no-one but himself, he see's submission as something that should be given to him and he doesn't care how the other person is feeling at all, as long as he's getting what he wants.

An abusive man is one who comes home drunk and beats his wife, who makes her look bad in front of others, who degrades her and puts her down verbally, it is a man who has no respect for his partner or her feelings and men like this do not deserve a submissive woman because they have no clue how to treat her.

there is a fine line between the two but not all men who want to dominate are abusive...that's just like saying all femminists hate men, it's not true and very unfair.


felicia
post #65 of 76
I am curious, Felicia. From what I have heard of your husband, he sounds like a great, stand-up guy who loves you and treats you well.

Just how are you submissive then? In the bedroom? Or just wiith all family decisions? Do you not speak unless spoken to and wait on him hand and foot? (seriously, I am just curious and don't understand)...
What is the attraction? And why is there a need for a movement? For general support?

I guess I just want to know if there is such a big community, is there a general definition of a "submissive" wife?
post #66 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
I am curious, Felicia. From what I have heard of your husband, he sounds like a great, stand-up guy who loves you and treats you well.

Just how are you submissive then? In the bedroom? Or just wiith all family decisions? Do you not speak unless spoken to and wait on him hand and foot? (seriously, I am just curious and don't understand)...
What is the attraction? And why is there a need for a movement? For general support?

I guess I just want to know if there is such a big community, is there a general definition of a "submissive" wife?
he is a great guy who treats me well, very well infact

i am submissive in everyday life, i guess that's the best way to explain it, i'm not submissive some of the time or at certain times.

as for the other stuff...well that's personal

i never said there was need for a movement, there are already some great groups for women like me, places we can get support and make friends.

as for the attraction, i really don't know, i guess iv'e just always been this way, it's just how it am. Jeff's parents also have a very traditional relationship, to the point that his mum never wears trousers, you will only ever see her in a dress, i'm not like that but it works for them and i guess it rubbed off on Jeff because i knew that he wanted a traditional relationship when i met him, it was one of the things that attracted me to him.

he doesn't treat me a less of a person at all and if i want something 99.9%of the time i get it, i do make decisions too but in the end, if we can't decide then it's up to him.

i also do what he tells me to, for example, he likes dinner to be on the table some nights so i make sure it is, some nights we cook together...although sometimes that can be a disaster if he's experimenting with food

i have a fantastic relationship and we do pretty much everything together, just like any other couple, we go fishing, camping, shopping, snorkelling and tonnes of other stuff...the only difference is that we have chosen that he will be the head of the house.


there is no definition for a submissive wife, everyone is different.


if you look at the start of this thread you will see that i never started it to talk about how i live my life but someone made a comment that hurt me and i had to say something, i don't usually like to go into too much detail about it here because i know most of the members will never understand it.


felicia
post #67 of 76
Thread Starter 
There are a lot of traditional style relationships that i don't like either, especially if the man wants his wife to have a tonne of kids, stay at home while he goes drinking and doesn't treat his wife respectfully.....i would find that really boring and not very loving but Jeff is a fun guy who wants me to go out with him, we go dancing and he never wants me to stay at home by myself.

he is romantic and takes me to really nice hotels, he also buys me gifts and tells me he loves me a few times every day.

he might be traditional but he still loves me a lot and we have a great life together.

i am very lucky
post #68 of 76
Pandybear is right....there is no definition. I guess it's just more traditional than anything. And it's tradition for a reason. In my family, this is how my grandmothers are and my aunts.........My mom tried to do the modern thing, and now my parents are divorced. But everyone else is still married.

My DH doesn't drink or do anything bad. He just works and goes to school. I love the way our marriage is because I get so much out of it. Many women hear "submissive" and gasp (what! no right? no say so?) well thats wrong. I get EVERYTHING i want. WHY?? because my husband appreciates me and is always wanting to show his appreciation. Yes we have our moments.......but if you stop to think.......SOMEONE has to hush up or matters will get worse, depending on the situation. I much rather let it go, and 5 minutes later we are having a great time then go on and on and mouth off and desrespect my husband just to prove a dumb point. that doesnt mean I will never tell my side....I just wait till everything is ok and calm, then a couple of days later I mention it and (tada!) get MY way.

There's no way to describe the joy of seeing ur love smile when you do something for them. When the come home exausted and you rub their feet, bring them some hot tea. Home cooked dinners and all the 9 yards is what I love to do because it makes HIM happy and I end up happy as well. My husband is as happy as can be with me. He has everything he needs and wants here.

My husband isnt the flower type, but he takes me out anywhere I wanna go, showers me with jewelry does everything to make ME happy. Now tell me that isnt a good reward for makeing him happy? You know.......his freinds at work always tell him how their wives always talk back, nag and dont get much done except nagging. They see my hubby go to work with lunch, sometimes I drop by with some goodies for everyone at work and keep him company when things are slow at work. Everyone is always complementing my cooking, and to me that is such a big reward and it makes me happy to know my husband is proud. Yes he does help me in the kitchen too when he's in the mood, and I love it!

To me, its just so much simpler to just take it easy, keep the peace in the house and enjoy the fruits of doing so. By the way , I also work. I work from home just so I can help him go through school for a few more years, and yes I still get everything done around here all by myself.
post #69 of 76
I try to see your point of view and can appreciate the fact that is how you want to live your lives.

I personally just don't like the use of the word "traditional". I mean if your talking in the sense of only in your family I think its fine, but it just seems like stereotyping to me.

But since we are talking about traditional themes, I sense that although men appeared to have the "final say", I think women controlled a lot more then the men liked to let on. I think women had a HUGE influence on their husbands and the decisions they made. I also think that "traditional" submission (in my understanding) may have had a lot to do with religion, but correct me if I am off on that mark.

I just have a hard time imagining a true marriage if you have to silence yourself for the sake of your partner in the case of disagreement and why does the husband seem to know whats better for the family than the wife? Does it have something to do with education?....(anyone watch Oprah a couple days ago on losing yourself in marriage???)
post #70 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeilaLuv
Pandybear is right....there is no definition. I guess it's just more traditional than anything. And it's tradition for a reason. In my family, this is how my grandmothers are and my aunts.........My mom tried to do the modern thing, and now my parents are divorced. But everyone else is still married.

My DH doesn't drink or do anything bad. He just works and goes to school. I love the way our marriage is because I get so much out of it. Many women hear "submissive" and gasp (what! no right? no say so?) well thats wrong. I get EVERYTHING i want. WHY?? because my husband appreciates me and is always wanting to show his appreciation. Yes we have our moments.......but if you stop to think.......SOMEONE has to hush up or matters will get worse, depending on the situation. I much rather let it go, and 5 minutes later we are having a great time then go on and on and mouth off and desrespect my husband just to prove a dumb point. that doesnt mean I will never tell my side....I just wait till everything is ok and calm, then a couple of days later I mention it and (tada!) get MY way.

There's no way to describe the joy of seeing ur love smile when you do something for them. When the come home exausted and you rub their feet, bring them some hot tea. Home cooked dinners and all the 9 yards is what I love to do because it makes HIM happy and I end up happy as well. My husband is as happy as can be with me. He has everything he needs and wants here.

My husband isnt the flower type, but he takes me out anywhere I wanna go, showers me with jewelry does everything to make ME happy. Now tell me that isnt a good reward for makeing him happy? You know.......his freinds at work always tell him how their wives always talk back, nag and dont get much done except nagging. They see my hubby go to work with lunch, sometimes I drop by with some goodies for everyone at work and keep him company when things are slow at work. Everyone is always complementing my cooking, and to me that is such a big reward and it makes me happy to know my husband is proud. Yes he does help me in the kitchen too when he's in the mood, and I love it!

To me, its just so much simpler to just take it easy, keep the peace in the house and enjoy the fruits of doing so. By the way , I also work. I work from home just so I can help him go through school for a few more years, and yes I still get everything done around here all by myself.
good post and i know exactly what you mean about nagging wives, Jeff and i personally know a few men who are embaressed to be seen out with theirs...and honestly, i can't blame them.

people compliment me on my cooking too and that always makes me feel good, they also compliment me on lots of other things, one of them being how great my relationship with my husband is....people are always asking how ours runs so smoothly

as for women making decisions in the past, it depends on how far back you go, there was an era where lady's called their husband 'husband and lord' because the husband lorded over the wife, i think it was beautiful and romatic..a far cry from people these days, these days a lot of women (not all) have hardly any respect for their husband and many men have no respect for their wives either, i don't ever have that problem in my relationship, we love each other unconditionally and i can tell him anything without worrying what he might say.

i also work from home, i like it that way so i can keep the house looking good too.

it does originate from religion but the man having the final say has nothing to do with intelligence, i know a submissive woman who is a soliciter, her husband is at uni still but they have decided that he will make the decisions and she will submit to him...i'm sure there are realtionships where it's the woman who makes the final decision but that's just not for me.

being submissive in no way means i can't make decisions for myself nor does it mean i'm not intelligent, i can hold an intelligent conversation with the best of them....i just choose to be submissive...it's as simple as that.

just because i don't make the final decision, that doesn't mean that i mean less to my husband, infact, he loves me more for it because it shows that i trust him enough to take control, that i trust him to make the right decision, not everyone can put that type of trust in their partner but i can.


maybe i should write a book 'submission 101'
post #71 of 76
Quote:
But since we are talking about traditional themes, I sense that although men appeared to have the "final say", I think women controlled a lot more then the men liked to let on. I think women had a HUGE influence on their husbands and the decisions they made.
Thats exactly it. You notice how I said I ALWAYS get my way??I think you fail to realize the power of a woman, and thats exactly why Im so comfortable letting my marriage be this way. A woman DOES control alot, but you have to do it a certain way, be smart to where you are both happy. My husband consults me for any dicision in the house, he takes my input and makes a decision, and in most cases is what I want, why? because he trusts me. I dont argue, I dont desrespect or anything like that. He knows I wont be selfish either. In other words, by being submissive you have more control. I know it doesnt make much sense to you. You have to know what to say at the right time. For instance, My husband didnt want me to keep cheeto. I could have argued about it, but I said ok and let it go. a couple of days before it was time to take cheeto to the spca I decided to bring it up again while we were relaxing in our bedroom. I was giving him a massage and I just calmly said, you know........ I think cheeto would be a great addition to our family, look how him and chiclet get along, and just look how cheeto loves YOU so much. My DH was like "you really wanna keep him? alright, lets keep him" If I had argued that day, cheeto would most likely be elsewhere right now. I know thatw isnt the BEST exapmle, but Im just trying to let ya know that in no way does being submissive make you inferior. It actually gives a woman alot more value.

Tell me ,if a man found a woman who was always smiling, greeted him at the door everyday, cooked for him. Massaged him every day. Didn't nag or yell. A woman who was always on her toes for him...........do you think he would ever leave??
If the woman he had at home nagged, never let there be peace, rarely offered him a glass of water much less rub his feet, where do you think he would stay? Even if the other woman wasnt so beautiful, I am sure he would appreciate her alot more and cherish her.

I get my foot rubs too, any time I ask.



Pandybear is right, this doesnt not by any means mean we cannot make a decision on our own. It's a choice one makes to have a happy lasting marriage.
post #72 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilaluv
Tell me ,if a man found a woman who was always smiling, greeted him at the door everyday, cooked for him. Massaged him every day. Didn't nag or yell. A woman who was always on her toes for him...........do you think he would ever leave??
If the woman he had at home nagged, never let there be peace, rarely offered him a glass of water much less rub his feet, where do you think he would stay? Even if the other woman wasnt so beautiful, I am sure he would appreciate her alot more and cherish her

I disagree with this. I'm sure it helps somwhat, but being submissive should not make or break a marriage, IMO.

I just don't believe that it should be necessary for a woman to be submissive 100% of the time. Like if you wanted that cat, why should he have the final say. I mean if you had argued, why should that have made any difference. If he really cared all that much, he would have agreed to let you have the cat reguardless.

I kinda of see submission as this: Girls married really young to men who like to have the control in a relationship, but the women don't mind because it is easier for them. It just seems like the women never have to really grow up and be independent. It's like going from having the father make all the decisions to another father figure, the husband make all the decisions.

I'm not saying this is your relationships, but where I live this is often the case.
post #73 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
I disagree with this. I'm sure it helps somwhat, but being submissive should not make or break a marriage, IMO.
I mostly agree with this. See, I can't understand the whole "submissive" thing because I've never experienced it. My grandparents and parents all have/had equal respectful relatioships. The only reason "had" is in there at all is because my mother and grandmother have passed on. My maternal grandparents are still quite happily married - over 60 years now. I guarantee that NONE of these women submitted or were subservient to their husbands. Being submissive would drive some men crazy (not in the good way) as they don't WANT someone like that. For other men it would be a fantasy come true. For others they insist on it, but that's when it becomes abuse.

Don't paint strong, independent women with the same brush, nor with impending divorce. It's not true. Sure, there would be impending divorce if a strong, independent woman was in a relationship with a man who expected her to be submissive but I think they would find that out pretty early in their relationships.

Like I've said before here - whatever makes you happy. As long as the relationship is truly a mutually agreed upon situation, it really doesn't matter what people outside the relationship think. I've known people who are swingers who had a wonderful marriage. It wasn't a lifestyle I would choose, but it worked for them and was a mutual thing, so more power to them.
post #74 of 76
I just now read this thread.

I personaly dont understand being submissive. But if it works for you thats great.

I am a very very strong, opionated woman. And sometimes could even be called domineering. I was upfront with that when I first met steve. And he doesnt mind it at all. Infact he has even told me several times "I am not domineering just strong minded on some things"

That being said. I love to cook for him (although he cooks alot to). I like to keep the house clean. not because i am obeying him telling me to or some standard that a woman HAS to do it. But because I want too. and I get fussy when he does somethings. cause If you want something done right do it yourself, LOL.

We talk things out, we make choices and such together as a unit. sometimes we agree to disagree and go with the more sensible choice and leave it at that.

But like i said what works for you works for you and thats GREAT. A Good happy relationship is what really matters at the end of the day.
post #75 of 76
Honestly, after reading this entire thread, I am still a bit in the dark as to what the term 'submissive' actually means here in practical terms.

I have known a couple who were involved in what they described as a dominant/submissive relationship. Knowing some specifics in that particular case, I felt their arrangement was extreme.
post #76 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deb25
Honestly, after reading this entire thread, I am still a bit in the dark as to what the term 'submissive' actually means here in practical terms.

I have known a couple who were involved in what they described as a dominant/submissive relationship. Knowing some specifics in that particular case, I felt their arrangement was extreme.
submissive means something different to everyone, depending on whether it's a lifestyle for you or just a submissive type of person in general.

some people are submissive in general life, the workplace and with most people, meaning they will never command of others nor will they ever try to take control, people like this will take the back seat but it doesn't nessescarily mean that they are submissive to their partner, it's just a personality trait...some people like this will go further and want or need to be the submissive in their relationship...a bit like me except i'm mostly submissive with my Husband...i have never liked to take control of situations or lead and that's just me.

Then there are people in the 'lifestyle' which means they are in a full D/s or BDSM relationship.....what they do is fine if that makes them happy and some of it is not that bad but those type of people are pretty extreme, going to munches and other stuff, i don't go that far not only because most of it's too extreme for me but it isn't a lifestyle to me, it's just how i am. these type of submissives may not have always been submissive although i bet most of them were, some would have been just average people who decided they liked how it felt to let go of all control, that they wanted to give someone else the reins and that being submissive made them happy.

for me submissive means trust, love and giving up control, i could go on all day but it really is hard to explain, maybe one day i will try lol

my relationship is a D/s style i suppose because my husband is dominant and i'm submissive but we aren't involved in any lifestyle things at all, we were this way when we first met and it's always just been how we are...there are a few things we do that are a bit different but that is private mostly we are just like any other couple, we do the same sort of things and we have a lot of fun...we love each other very much and that is the most important thing.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: IMO: In My Opinion
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › IMO: In My Opinion › American women hate site...