I can see why it's a sore subject!!
I just can't agree with it from a purely moral point of view. I don't think that anyone should be `in charge' in a relationship, but that it should be a balance of two equals, who equally respect each other's right to make decisions.
Having said that, I can see how it would work in a situation like yours, Felicia, where it's a mutual decision, and you are as happy as you can be, and your husband doesn't use your attitude as an opportunity to control you.
Certainly removing the power struggle from relationships (and there often is one) paves the road for a smoother relationship. I have no problem with one party being more `submissive' (I guess it's that word which irks me, too) than the other - woman OR man. If it's a mutual decision and there is NO oppression. I just don't see why it always has to be the woman.
Also, in my marriage, my ex-husband was very domineering, very overbearing, constantly putting me down and making me feel small and miserable. And it had nothing to do with me wanting things my own way, he was just a pig. His new wife, I'm sure, lets him do whatever he wants - is `submissive' in fact. He gets his own way, gets to act how he wants, and that's why they're happy. She just puts up with his crap. I wouldn't call that the same thing as you at all, Felicia.
Max, however, treats me like an equal, respects my opinions and we discuss everything together, before WE make a decision. Sometimes I get my way, sometimes he gets his. A final decision always has to be made, but it's just that sometimes I make it, and sometimes he does. Works beautifully for us, just the same as I'm sure yours works beautifully for you.
At the end of the day, if you are happy, fulfilled, in love, being treated well, and you are thriving, then GOOD FOR YOU. Each of us has to find our own way to achieve that. Looks like you have