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Postpartum Depression?!?!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
This is lengthy, but now that you all are my friends, I have to vent.
For starters, I am a supervisor on my job. I am short-staffed as it is, but one of my team leaders (who has been with me for 10 years) was expecting her first grandbaby, so I gave her 2 weeks off to help (stay w/them the entire 2 weeks) her D-I-L and son.
Her D.I.L. has post partum depression. V, my team leader, returned to work y'day for the first time. She showed up today, an hour late, right in the middle of the busiest part of the day. She was bawling and said she wouldn't be here today, B (D.I.L) was going to the doctor--she is sooooo depressed. She also said she didn't know when she'd be back--she's gonna try to take FMLA leave.
I am pissed!!!!!!!!!!!! I really need her and was kind enough to grant her the time off--even tho I didn't have to b/c we're so short-staffed--and now she is freaking out and doesn't want to work.
I don't have children so I don't know if I'm wrong in how I feel. I think B is a grown woman, a parent and needs to deal w/it on her own. In fact, she has gotten up w/the baby only 1 time!!
I'm thinking V is kinda taking over the situation and won't let B have the alone time w/the baby she needs. B was soooooooo excited to become a mother and had tried for a while to get pregnant.
Anyway, I have it off my chest and actually do feel better. Atleast until tomorrow.
post #2 of 16
I dunno, I had postpartum depression and the last darn person I wanted to see was my MIL! It's not her place anyways. The best thing she can do (and what I wanted and needed) is to volunteer to take the baby off DIL's hands sometimes to give her a break. DIL and her son need to go to counselling to get her head straightened out, and possibly get on some meds depending on how bad it is. But just giving her a break (on her day off work!) will help immensely. When you have postpartum, you just get sick of having to do everything all the time, and you're just dying for a break.

Amber
post #3 of 16
Post Partum Depression can be devastating. Women have been hospitalized, children killed, lives destroyed. ANd many women feel too ashamed or overwhelmed to get help. It's not a trivial temporary case of the blues. iI can become a profoundly black thought disorder that can go on for a long time if untreated. I am saying this as a Licensed Mental Health Professional.
post #4 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by fatkitties
I dunno, I had postpartum depression and the last darn person I wanted to see was my MIL!
Could be too that she's just watching the child while the husband spends time with his wife too.

I'm sorry to hear about your team leader, but realise too that family is just as important. It doesn't help you work and get through the day, but that's the fun of being a supervisor: you fill in when people can't be there. I'd rather see her take a leave than quit all together.
post #5 of 16
I don't know much about it but I hear it's a real disease and pretty tough. I hope you all get it figured out soon!
post #6 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the response. Please don't think I'm uncaring or an a**; I have a real close relationship with both of them--was actually in the DIL's wedding. I just feel that V is going overboard--by sense that she thinks she can cure B. She is always there--good or bad--I'm thinking B hasn't even really had the opportunity to "bond" with the baby on her own. V is the type to be all in their business and I'm afraid B is too afraid to tell her to "back off".

I don't know--I'll deal with it and hope its all better for both of them.
post #7 of 16
I understand the frustration of being short staffed at work too. When someone calls in with a sick baby or something like that, we all suffer for it, but what I try really hard to remember is that they're suffering too, even though it's at home and not at work. I know you'll find a way to make it all better... Good luck!
post #8 of 16
I can understand her wanting to support her DIL and sone, but sometimes they need to work these issues out together. Her being their may be a crutch - they need to start dealing with their new family themselves. Depending on how severe the post partum is (is it just baby blues, or does she need to be medicated) then they may very well need the support. I would hope my family would be there for me if I go through this in a few months time!
post #9 of 16
I agree that post pardem is very real but MIL needs her job. She needs to be there. The new mom and dad need to take care of this problem thenselves!
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abigail
Post Partum Depression can be devastating. Women have been hospitalized, children killed, lives destroyed. ANd many women feel too ashamed or overwhelmed to get help. It's not a trivial temporary case of the blues. iI can become a profoundly black thought disorder that can go on for a long time if untreated. I am saying this as a Licensed Mental Health Professional.
It's scary to think how an imbalance of hormones can really mess a person up. Do you think things like Wellbutrin and Zoloft help??
post #11 of 16
I would worry that MIL is smoothering the new mom. That would drive me nuts. I think it's great that she is helping her DIL so much, but I can't help but wonder if it is too much.
post #12 of 16
When I had Kevin, my MIL was great - she would drop by 2-3 times a week - I would pass her the baby and escape for an hour to have a shower, go on the computer. Unfortunately due to her health she couldn't really do it when Kevin got older (can't change diapers etc), but at least she comes over and distracts him for a while. Hopefully she will be able to do the same when the new baby arrives. What a difference it makes if you can just get a couple minutes to yourself!
post #13 of 16
Mother-in-laws don't cause post partum depression. Massive hormonal changes do, she needs professional help and maybe short term medication. the research on depression in new moms and the effects it has on their children is staggering. Help the woman get help from a doctor. Depression is not a social disease. It is real, becomes physical and alters brain chemicals and the ability to think lucidly. Please.
post #14 of 16
I think a visit to the new mother is called for in this problem. Then you can decide for yourself just exactly what is going on. Then decide to give MIL more time off or tell her that she is desperatly needed at work. If you decide to give more time off maybe you can suggest that she work half a day maybe during the busiest part of the day. That way you still get your help that is needed in work and the new family gets a chance to *bond* and everybody can be happy Just call the visit a chance to see the little one for yourself maybe with a welcome baby gift.
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taurus77
Thanks for the response. Please don't think I'm uncaring or an a**; I have a real close relationship with both of them--was actually in the DIL's wedding. I just feel that V is going overboard--by sense that she thinks she can cure B. She is always there--good or bad--I'm thinking B hasn't even really had the opportunity to "bond" with the baby on her own. V is the type to be all in their business and I'm afraid B is too afraid to tell her to "back off".

I don't know--I'll deal with it and hope its all better for both of them.
I don't think you are uncaring or an a** as you put it and being a manager in the past I can understand your frustration being short staffed, but please try to understand that even though this is only a MIL - depending on the person - this may be very very difficult for her. Post partum depression is a valid scientific disease requiring treatment and as others have said, children have been neglected and even harmed as a result of this disease.
While I feel for you and the tough situation you are in, please try to remember one thing (something I always placed securely in the back of my mind when it came to my crew) - jobs can be replaced - family can not. I know it's tough - but try to be patient.
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
I have visited the DIL in the hospital w/ the baby. As I said before, we all have a pretty close relationship. I agree that family is THE most important thing.
The DIL is on meds now, as well as the MIL. (Ironically, the same ones).
I was very angry the day I wrote this, but now I'm over it.
The MIL is a hypochondriac (seriously--she has a drs appt every week for something different but I love her to death!!) and I assumed at first that possibly she was "overreacting" but now I really feel bad for the DIL and want the MIL to be there for her.
Thanks for all the feedback.
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