TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › **RANT** Another shower to attend
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

**RANT** Another shower to attend

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
I think I posted about this a year or so ago. One of my SIL's son is getting married the last weekend in May so I received an invitation to the bridal shower for April 1st. As this SIL usually does on the line where is says "given by" it says
AUNTS!!!!
Hello...........thanks for telling me!!!
This is her last son (she had 5) and she does this for all bridal and baby showers. These showers are hugh affairs with 30-40 people in attendance not counting the bridesmaids and the bride. She always wants us to bring a dish to pass and the first time I attended one at the end ofthe shower she told us how much we "owed" her!!! Even though I have no input on the food served, guests invited, location etc....
And I haven't ever been formally introduced to the bride to be-she wouldn't just come up and start talking to me as I'm sure she knows I'm some time of relative to her fiancee.
As it is the locations are usually a good hour from my house.
If you cannot afford to have a shower with so many people cut down the number of people who are invited!!!
This drives me nuts!!! I'll bring a bag of M&M's as my dish to pass.
Anyone else have shower horror stories??
post #2 of 29
OH MY GOSH

Don't even get me started on showers!!! LOL I can top that.

Last year we had 3 nieces getting married (from my husbands side). They were throwing a 3 in 1 shower. Each bride was going to have one table for gifts, and I was asked to decorate each table. Fine, I can handle that. I had fancy signs made with each name, bought decorations and "the very morning of the shower" drove about 35 min one way to a party store to get helium ballons matching their colors. I get to the shower only to find the tables already decorated I was FUMING! Hello!

Now, one of those brides is pregnant, she is having a shower (4 months early). She and her mom planned the whole thing, but it is also "thrown" by the "aunties" although we had no part in the planning. It's going to be a 'family shower' with about 50 people attending and they want to have a meal. I just got an email saying that me and the other 3 aunties are in charge of the meal (for 50 people)! GET REAL! I emailed back and said I have to work that day.

The way I always thought it was.... someone decided to throw another person a shower and "they" were the ones that got to decide how it was going to be and the people who planned the shower did the work. I just get a call or email saying "we signed you up to do this". The person having the baby didn't plan their own shower then divvy (sp) up the chores.

I can totally sympathize with your situation.
post #3 of 29
Aw, I don't have anything to compare to that, but I feel your pain. Showers are supposed to be fun for everyone and not a big chore. That sucks for you! My only horror is the fact that the showers are never for me... *feels sorry for self*
post #4 of 29
The last two weddings I went to I was a little miffed as I didn't know the bride as well, but the grooms (friends from college/high school). Yet I get invited to the shower. I refuse to go to a shower unless I'm kind of friends with the Bride. I.e. the one I went to last month...good female friend of mine. Although I was kind of embarrassed as I've always been taught that the gift for the bride at the shower is always "about the bride", then the wedding gift is something that comes from the registry. So since they're honeymooning in the caribbean I went out and got her a pedicure set. My gift turned into the ONLY gift for the bride...everyone else went off the list. So I guess this means that times have changed????
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 
I know I'm not even checking at what stuff she is "registered" for. To me that is for the wedding present. Also since I don't have kids I'm not going to have to have bridal/baby showers!! I told my one SIL that I was going to have a new kitty shower next time I have a new arrival in my household!! Take that!!!
post #6 of 29
I think its a bit much when you already have to buy a wedding present, without having to buy presents for all the showers and teas they have!!

Originally presents would have been hand made like tea towels and hankies etc!! Not huge bloomin presents!!
post #7 of 29
The thing that really burns me is when you get invited to all the showers but no wedding invitation ever shows up!
post #8 of 29
I didn't even have a bridal shower. My mother had passed away, and my matron of honor (my sister) couldn't even be bothered to take off work the day of my wedding and showed up late. So no way was she going to plan a shower. I thought it would be tacky to throw a shower for myself, so no one did it.

I understand baby showers, especially for first time mothers. There's a lot of stuff that babies need that isn't lying around the house. And 15+ years ago when it was more likely that the couple was moving from their parents' homes to on their own, I understand the need for showers for the bride and wedding presents to get them set up in the house (weren't bridal showers traditionally more about the kitchen and "wife" type stuff?). But now it feels like some brides are just selfish, selfish, selfish and are getting married as much for the presents as the husband.
post #9 of 29
I didn't have a bridal shower because my ex and I had already been living together for two years and I really didn't need anything and I also subscribe to the belief that I'm already sorta "asking" for a present by inviting them to the wedding so to ask for two presents is waaaay tacky. My Mom, Aunt, and sister plus my future sister-in-law and a friend just went out to eat and they got me some gag gifts and then we went out dancing- it was like a combined bachelorette party/bridal shower. I went low-key through the whole thing really, only 2 bridesmaids, our guest list was about 150, out door reception complete with kegs LOL
post #10 of 29
Holy cow. You guys know some people with nerve. Seriously. Wow.

I think the "worst" thing that's happened to me, shower-related, is that my little sister asked me if I would mind hosting her shower for her second baby. (She didn't get one for her first.) I didn't mind at all and was actually quite honored. If she had planned it and then told me I was going to "throw it" by writing her a check, though—not that she would have done that—I would have had to tell her where she could stick it.
post #11 of 29
I was invited to my boyfriend's brother's fiancee's bridal shower.
For some unexplainable reason, she's having it 4 hours away from where everyone lives. And the boys are not allowed, so it will be just ME.
His mother would find it very rude if I did not attend, but I only know two people who are going to be there and gas is very expensive.

I guess I'm just going to have to be rude then. I'm not driving 4 hours to see an acquaintance.
post #12 of 29
I didn't have one either. I worried that it would appear as though I was trolling for gifts. The idea of having one never really appealed to me. I had a lot of fun at my bestfriend's shower, but it wasn't really an average shower. I find most showers boring and I think everyone gets this gut feeling that they are only there to buy stuff and not really to celebrate.
post #13 of 29
When I was younger, the in thing to do was have langerie showers for the bride. All the bride's sizes were on the invitation and it was fun to see her open up all these teeny tiny nighties, bras and panties.

But today, it is just a greedy grabfest
post #14 of 29
I agree that nowadays its a greed fest. A good friend of ours was about to get married and didn't want a bachelor party, he wanted a tool party since they were going to build a house in the next few months. he asked Lee to throw it at his brothers house and in return he would throw our house warming party. Well we threw the tool party/bachelor party and footed the bill but our house warming never got thrown. IMO if he didn't want to do our housewarming don't offer. We would have done his party anyways.

His fiance whom I don't much care for anyways since she is ALWAYS touching or flirting with Lee, had 2 showers in one day!! One wasa brunch in the morning then the lingerie shower was that evening at a restaurant. I didn't go to the brunch and only got her a gift certificate to VS. Did I mention that I was a "backup" bridesmaid? I was called a week before the money for the dresses were supposed to be paid for because her "friend" backed out. I bought the dress that was 3 sizes to big and paid to get it altered. By the time it was all done with my dress hardly looked like the other girls'.
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 
Well I married into a large family where there are 17 nieces and nephews!!
2 boys and 3 girls are yet unmarried!!
Some of course I see and like more than others so I would rather do more for those people. Whats sad is one of my neices who struggles with bipolar disorder had 2 children by two different fathers and there wasn't a baby shower for her.
I went out and bought her some clothes for both kids when they were born.
I felt bad for her because she could have used a shower.
I'll have to ponder this gift because the other thing that happens is that one person is "selected" to buy gifts, card wrapping etc and others chip in. Thats a pain also-just because I'm not working now and even though I like shopping is doesn't mean I want to do this-then collecting the $$$.
Or did I mention the stupid games and crummy prizes for "winning" the games???
post #16 of 29
I've got a couple of stories:
One is a Bridal shower I was roped into planning for My husbands best friends fiance. I didn't know her from a hole in the wall, yet I was told I was in charge along with her two friends. Well - I found out the hard way that it may as well have just been me. They did NOTHING!! My husband and I planned the entire thing - from the place, the food, the decorations, EVERYTHING! Just the two of us. And you know what she did - she got up at the end of her shower and over the microphone did a speech thanking her two friends for all the hard work they put into planning this for her (I wasn't even mentioned!!!) And the friends just sat there and took the compliment.
Now the other story is just odd - someone I know just had a baby shower 2 months "after" the baby was born. . The baby was not early, she purposely planned it this way. Is this a new tradition? Or is this person just odd?
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisasha3
Now the other story is just odd - someone I know just had a baby shower 2 months "after" the baby was born. . The baby was not early, she purposely planned it this way. Is this a new tradition? Or is this person just odd?
A lot of women are supersticious about having a baby shower before the baby arrives. There are a lot of old wives tales about if you have a shower before the birth (or decorate the nursery) you'll lose the baby. Don't ask me why.
post #18 of 29
when I get married, I think I'm just going to go out with a few close friends instead of having a bridal shower.
this thread makes me nervous.. I don't want anyone to think I'm just trying to hit them up for stuff!
post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisasha3
she got up at the end of her shower and over the microphone did a speech thanking her two friends for all the hard work they put into planning this for her (I wasn't even mentioned!!!)
ARGH! That is so inconsiderate and thoughtless. You had every right to be mad.

on your other note, I think a lot of people are waiting until after the baby is born. That way people can buy specifically for boy or girl etc.

I do think with both wedding and baby showers... they are beyond the point of years ago people "needed" showers because they didn't have anything. Like someone mentioned when people got married, they were moving out of their parents houses etc. I think baby showers are good for first time moms.

Not to even mention gift registries (sp). I can't believe some of the things people put on there. One of my nieces registered at Target and she had 11 pages.
post #20 of 29
I'm not sure I will end up having one. Most of my family doesn't live here and I do have a couple friends I'm sure that would love to throw it...but gosh who woudl I invite? I certainly wouldn't want to invite someone I didn't know very well...what about age, aren't they suppose to be around your age or does it matter? If I have one it will probably be small with some close friends. Most people I know are older and I'm in a male dominated industry.
post #21 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanor
ARGH! That is so inconsiderate and thoughtless. You had every right to be mad.

on your other note, I think a lot of people are waiting until after the baby is born. That way people can buy specifically for boy or girl etc.

I do think with both wedding and baby showers... they are beyond the point of years ago people "needed" showers because they didn't have anything. Like someone mentioned when people got married, they were moving out of their parents houses etc. I think baby showers are good for first time moms.

Not to even mention gift registries (sp). I can't believe some of the things people put on there. One of my nieces registered at Target and she had 11 pages.
I guess times have changed or I just didn't know about it till now, but having the shower after the baby does make sense especially since even if you're not supersticious(sp?), you at least know for sure sex, size, etc.
I think baby showers are still a necessity - nobody is prepared for a baby - clothes, furniture, etc. but alot of people are right about the wedding shower - it's not needed anymore. The vast majority of people getting married these days are typically older and have lived on their own and their biggest problem is deciding what to get "rid" of when they get married - not what they need. I think it's all about greed these days unfortunately - I know people who have a bridal shower, bachelor party, and jack & jill.
Although in the same breath - (just to play devils advocate) it may not be all greed - things are very expensive these days.
Think of it this way - years ago you'd pay about $15,000 for a new home and you would also most likely be making around $15,000 salary. i.e. new home=one year salary.
These days a new home (at least here) is about $300-$500K - are there many people making that for salary? ummmm - not me.
post #22 of 29
I just got married 8 months ago and I had a shower.... mine was more for the company than gifts for sure. As a young couple, the gifts we did get, were helpful, even thought my husband and I had been living together for some time.
My son's baby shower was really nice, but there was this lady who came, who was not invited, didn't bring a gift, said she would give one later and never did. Same thing happened at the wedding with one of my husbands uncles. He said he would get us a gift later, because he forgot it in his home town and same with my aunty. Its not that I am expecting a gift and I said that, I just find it tacky to say your going to give something and then never do. I never had stagette, that is something I wish I had had.
post #23 of 29
One of my cousins had an engagement party (gifts expected), bridal shower (gifts!), bacholette party (more gifts!) and a wedding (gifts again!). Her excuse was that since so many people wanted to throw her a party why not?

Of course it turns out that her mom told relatives to throw her the parties aside from the bacholette party (a braidsmaid did that one).

Actually the thing I hate is when people put registry information inside the inviation! No, no and no! You let your close friends/realtives relay information to party-goers when the party goers call them up!

If it was up to me, I would say to forgo all parties thrown for me since I hate parties and my family & friends now this.
post #24 of 29
We got married without any fanfare at all, but if I had it to do over again, I would love to have an overnight "bridal shower" with girlfriends where we do our nails, hair, etc. Sort of a "girls' night in," which is so rare after you get married.

But no presents; I think it's really tacky to request multiple presents for the same occasion, and really, that's what a shower usually is—a request for presents.
post #25 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by evnshawn
I would love to have an overnight "bridal shower" with girlfriends where we do our nails, hair, etc. Sort of a "girls' night in,"
When my best friend got married, she and her husband (BF at the time) were already living together - so in order for them not to see each other on the day of the wedding... she spent the night at my house. We did all of those fun girly things, plus went through all of our stuff from our high school days - we had a blast!

I personally won't go to another bachelorette party. My niece had one once and when the stripper got there, not to sound like a total prude, but I was SO uncomfortable, I had to leave the room (I wasn't the only one). Just not my cup of tea.
post #26 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanor
I personally won't go to another bachelorette party. My niece had one once and when the stripper got there, not to sound like a total prude, but I was SO uncomfortable, I had to leave the room (I wasn't the only one). Just not my cup of tea.
Funny story about that...When a good friend of mine from high school got married, we had a shower/bachelorette party at her parent's house. (More like a sleepover, girl's night in.) Her little sister, the little minx, wanted to surprise (read: embarass the heck out of her sister) with a male stripper. Of course, we were expecting Chippendales but what arrived was a guy that the little sister knew from high school! And let's just say he was more than a little on the scrawny side, especially for a bunch of early 20-somethings.
post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
The thing that really burns me is when you get invited to all the showers but no wedding invitation ever shows up!
Oh thats so wrong! Everyone you invite to the shower should be invited to the wedding, thats reallly messed up...
post #28 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanor
I personally won't go to another bachelorette party. My niece had one once and when the stripper got there, not to sound like a total prude, but I was SO uncomfortable, I had to leave the room (I wasn't the only one). Just not my cup of tea.
I agree - if it's family - that is very very uncomfortable! But, I can kinda see going to one if it was for a friend of mine and it was just us women -
Sitting next to mom watching some guy take it all off just sounds kinda sick
post #29 of 29
I forgot to mention our other married couple, who I really love, they are great people. THeir wedding was this big blowout (which I skipped) But they had an engagement party with gifts, a wedding shower with gifts, bridal shower with gifts....
I have decided that for weddings, if you received somehting from me for your shower you won't be getting a gift from me at the wedding. PLain and simple. I am not made of money!!!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › **RANT** Another shower to attend