I think it's time and I don't know if I can do it.

Hi Kim. I still haven't gotten to what I felt at that moment. I don't know if it was peace or just this overwhelming grief. I am glad I was with him instead of Jamie who has always had to stay with the dogs because I just couldn't. I knew I was going to hold Hemi through it all. I even held him to my chest driving to pick Jamie up at work. I think he really knew where he was going.
the funny thing is the other cats. They're all still looking for him to sit on his pillow. Maggie the 5 year old, she was his gaurdian angel. She sat with him everywhere but mostly at the seat of the chair while he was on the pillow at the top of the chair. No one will sit on his pillow and she's sitting now loking at the pillow. I still hug that damn pillow because I can smell Hemi on it.

I know it's just the second day and I'm so glad I have you all to talk to because Jamie just tells me I have to get over this. I haven't eaten so now I finally do and I feel sick. 21 years is how old our oldest child is. 21 years is half my life. I can't just move on. I need to mourne him. Thanks for understanding that.

You don't know how much having you all has meant to me.
I think I've made some life long friends here.
Laurie

If we havent been in your position already Laurie (like me) we will be some day, and Lord knows i'll need everyone here to help get me through losing Rosie and Sophie

When you feel ready we'd love to see your other cats as well as more of Hemi in fur pages, because as long as you still think of Hemi and how you say you can still smell him he hasn't died

I am so sorry to hear that, RIP Hemi, you were a gorgeous boy. I have had to make that decision a few times now, and it doesn't get easier, but when they are old and ill, I like to think that I am ending their suffering and letting them go to a better place. Hemi will be looking down on you, and keeping an eye on you for your surgery.
And you don't just have to get over this, I have never had a cat that long (I am only 24), so can't truly imagine it. It will take time, like any grief does.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You must have taken extraordinarily good care of Hemi for him to reach such a ripe old age. I hope that your many, many years of sweet memories will comfort you now. It's sad that our bodies break down even when our spirits are strong and willing to do on. Hemi is now free of that body and his spirit is running free chasing birds and butterflies and perhaps a pesky dog or two.

I haven't had to make such a sorrowful decision yet. My Blackjack was taken from me suddenly and without warning and I wish I'd have been there to comfort him. I commend your courage and your love for Hemi and I'm glad his last memories are of you holding him close.

I know what you're going through exaclly...My cat Spectre was the same age as I was when I had to make the decision to let her go...And then when I could finally tell them I was so upset, I couldn't stop crying...I really wanted to stay with her but they wouldn't let me, I still feel bad about that, like I let her down the one time she needed it most...I'm glad you really got a chance to say goodbye...Don't ever feel bad or sorry for grieving..They are members of the family, and you get attached to them so quickly and then when they are gone you're just so lost...We're all here for you though..My thoughts are with you...And my condolances

I just came along this thread. I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. It's never easy no matter how sick they are because you see them as the young healthy cat you've always known. Sounds to me like you made a very difficult, but good decision, which I know doesn't make it any easier. Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself time to grieve. Grief is a normal part of losing a pet and 21 years is a long time. I have a poem at home in a frame with my Smokey's photo. It's been over 2 years since I helped her out of her pain & I still cry every time I read the poem. I'm at work now, but if you like I can post it tonight. It helps me when I read it remember my love for her & the good memories. He was a handsome boy and you gave him the dignity he deserved.
R.I.P. Hemi, Run young & free over the bridge.

Originally Posted by Rang_27

I have a poem at home in a frame with my Smokey's photo. It's been over 2 years since I helped her out of her pain & I still cry every time I read the poem. I'm at work now, but if you like I can post it tonight. It helps me when I read it remember my love for her & the good memories. He was a handsome boy and you gave him the dignity he deserved.
R.I.P. Hemi, Run young & free over the bridge.

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Sure I'd like that. The vet called to say his paw print is ready. I don't know if I can go get it.I've stopped crying all the time and the other cats have stopped looking for him so much. Maggie still looks up from her chair as if to say" you ok up there old man?" We all called him "old Man".
I hope he's ok. I know that sounds weird to people but I'm a firm believer in angels and like you all say he's playing over the rainbow. I believe that. I hope he forgives me.

Again I'd like to thank all of you for your support and encouragement through one of the hardest times in my life. I think the other hardest was the same thing only with the dog. I'm sure he's the one that took Hemi on over the rainbow. It's really strange for me to say I think it was harder losing them then losing a family member, or at least as hard. The difference is the memories. The only way it can be similar is if it's a child and God please dont' ever allow that to happen for anyone. The memories are constant. He was here with me everyday of his life. Every moment of the past 4 years I spent looking after him, making sure he didn't go somewhere he shouldn't have. Getting lost, keeping him clean.

Anyway, I don't want to cry for him anymore. I just want to remember him not remember losing him. I don't want to forget, it's like giving birth. It's a pain that you never want to forget because it's so meaningful. I just don't want to cry anymore. Now I have to pull myself together to get through my operation.

Thanks so much and I hope I can be as helpful to any of you.

Originally Posted by Alessandra

I haven't had to make such a sorrowful decision yet. My Blackjack was taken from me suddenly and without warning and I wish I'd have been there to comfort him. I commend your courage and your love for Hemi and I'm glad his last memories are of you holding him close.

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Alessandra, losing a pet like you did was harder. I kept Hemi in the house for 2 or 3 years because I was afraid of him going off and dying somewhere and not being able to find him. That haunted me. Every night, morning, whenever we left the house. The first thing I did when coming home was seeing where hemi was. Letting him go was a long and I mean years long decision. His health failed dramatically the last month of his life but he probably should have gone last year. I miss his cuddles. He was the one who cuddled and I miss that.

Just as you must miss Blackjack. I hope you can find peace with how he passed and know he's in a good place. I got so much comfort here in this place. I know there will be moments when it just overcomes you, as it does me. It's still too soon. take one step at a time and one day at a time. Get comfort from the other babies and your family. We'll get through this together.

with all my love
Laurie

Sorry I didn't get back yesterday, but here's the poem I've got in a frame with Smokey's photo;

Letting Go

The angels gathered near your bed
So very close to you
For they knew the pain & suffering
That you were going through

I thought about so many things
As I held tightly to your hand
Oh, how I wished that you were strong
And happy once again

But your eyes were looking homeward
To that place beyond the sky
Where Jesus held his outstreched arms
It was time to say good-bye

I struggled with my selfish thoughts
For I wanted you to stay
So we could walk & talk again
Like we did - just yesterday

But Jesus knew the answer
And I knew he loved you so
So I gave to you life's greatest gift
The gift of letting go

Now my heart will carry memories
Of the love you gave to me
Unitl we meet again in Heaven
Where the best is yet to be

written by C. Johnson & J. Morse

Originally Posted by Nagichan

I couldn't stop crying...I really wanted to stay with her but they wouldn't let me, I still feel bad about that, like I let her down the one time she needed it most...

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I am appauled (sp?} that they wouldn't let you stay with her. Everytime I go to the vet I'm a wreck because I'm scared. They usually let you go in a side or back door and leave the samw way. They usually want you together, it makes it easier for both of you. What they did was took away the closeness you had and made it clinical. I'm so sorry., You should have been there stroking her cheek and holding her hand.
I hope you don't have to go through it again but if you do get another vet.
I'm so sorry this happened in such a cold way, to happen at all is bad enough you have a right to cry and be upset and be with her. My hugs all go to yoright now, you need them.
all my love
Laurie

That is beautiful. Strange coincidence. I have that on a picture beside my mom-in-law who died of cancer 2 years ago in January. I still haven't picked up his paw print, I don't know if that's going to open it all up again or not, We have to go this week though.
thanks for sharing though it is beautiful.

Laurie

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I know
this has to be so difficult for you right now, especially since he is eating and purring all the time! He is your baby too and sounds like
such a wonderful guy. I understand your pain. I
think a decision like this is one of the hardest that a person
could ever go through.
When it comes to this I have learned the hard
way that the animal's quality of life, comfort, happiness is the most important. I would never say yes, you should do it, to anyone, but you have to really, really look at your pet
and see if he is in alot of pain and what the quality of his life is. If things
are really bad and your pet is in alot of pain and there is nothing
that will help, I believe that the humane thing to do is to put the pet to rest. I am not saying that in your case specifically.
I do not know how much pain your hemi is in or how he seems
as far as how is life is and if he seems to be happy. Some pets
seem to want to keep going strong no matter what condition
they are in. It is such a hard
decision. My mom had to make those decisions when we were little
and I don't see how she ever did it. Have you talked
to your vet about it? I know some vets are so great about
things like this and they will honestly tell you about the amount of pain
your pet is dealing with and what they really think
would be best.
You have to be sure on what you want to do though
and to prepare yourself for it if you have time.
In any case, if things are really, really
bad for a pet, you have to think about the animal's comfort and happiness
first no matter how bad you want to keep the pet with you.
I have been selfish in the past
when our family dog's quality of life was just not good anymore.
She could not run around and chase rabbits like she used to.
She was having other problems, she could not see etc. and was running
into things. She was still at home
with my dad as all of us kids had already moved out. I could not bear the thought of having her put to rest. I love animals so much and
even the thought of it would make me so upset. I raised a big scene unintentionally
and was crying because I just did not want him to do it. He ended up not
doing it and she did pass away but it was not right away.
I feel so guilty now and worry about whether she was in alot of pain
and suffered and how depressed she might have been. When my
dad would go to work she had to stay in her area in the laundry room
all day and that had to be so lonely. I could barely stand it.
That was her home there though were she used to run.
I hope this might have helped you in some way. I know
your situation is different and I am in no way
encouraging you do put your hemi to rest. Each animal's
situation is different.
I hope that whatever you decide to do that
you take comfort in knowing that you gave him so much love
and a wonderful home and he will always be with you no matter
what.

Hi,

I am having the same feelings with my 17 year old cat, mort. She has CRF and the last time we went to the vet he felt bumps on her kidneys. I chose not to put her through alot of testing because it would put her through more stress. She is pretty frail, and she no longer uses her litterbox. We have newspapers outside of the boxes that she uses. We have been keeping her going with sub-q's and she still fights the needle. I won't take her to the vet to put her to rest if she is still fighting the needle on her sub-q's. I would never forgive myself if she fought the vet for her life, and I took it away. It hurts me so bad to see her the way she is. She still greets me at the door, and always comes to me in bed at night to be loved.

I know she will tell me when she is ready. The time is coming and I know it. When she is ready I have to let her go. She has been through good times and very hard times with me. She has been my soul cat, my familiar, my everything.

You go through so many mixed emotions when they get sick like this. It is very hard..

I had posted a reply to this and did not realize your hemi
had already passed. I am so sorry. I think you did the right
thing for him. I saw the photo of him...he was beautiful.
He knew you loved him so much and that will always be
in your heart with all the love that you have for him...
My blessings go out to you both...

I feel so guilty now and worry about whether she was in alot of pain
and suffered and how depressed she might have been. When my
dad would go to work she had to stay in her area in the laundry room
all day and that had to be so lonely. I could barely stand it.
That was her home there though were she used to run.
[/quote]

What a great story. I don't mean great in the way it sounds. I mean that everytime one of us shares a story like this it makes it easier for someone else to make a decision or even start the thought process. I started the thought process a few years ago. It wasn't a rash decision, I'd thought about it for a long time. I was afraid of him going outside and wandering off and dying and I'd never find him. If we weren't home I always left big notes for the kids "MAKE SURE HEMI IS IN". It was his time, 21 years is a long time. He gave us a great life. I'm finding pictures and they are such great memories. I miss him so much. I have him on my desktop so I say goodmorning to him and goodnight every day.

That's not why I wanted to reply though. You shouldn't feel guilty over anything. It's not an easy decision for anyone,especially children. My daughter who we got Hemi for always said Mom I'm going to lose it if anything happens to Hemi. When he went she just said it was for the best. She doesn't feel guilty for not crying she is almost 21 now herself and she said that it's for the best because she was afraid of hurting him when she picked him up, stuff like that. I have friends who had to leave their dog in the bathroom at night because he had accidents. You're right, what kind of life is that. On the other hand he was comfortable, warm, he had food and he was still her bestfriend all day. She finally put him down and got another dog right away. I know I can't replace Hemi. I have 4 other cats and none of them are like Hemi. I miss him so much.

I'm rambling.
thanks for the story. It meant a lot to me, it means a lot to me that so many people care. I think pet owners or pet parents as I like to call us are the most compassionate people. We feel things deeper. I'm not saying if you don't have a pet you're a cold person.I'm just saying look at the responses I've gotten and I was never here before that time. It was wonderful to have so many wonderful people to help me through that.

anyway. I've gotta run.
thanks again.
laurie

I cant tell you enough how sorry I am for you Laurie.
Hemi was a v. lucky boy to have you.

I lost my 21/22 y/o cat Tess three years ago tomorrow.
I think that loss was worse for me because of all the years I had with her, and she was such a sweet, loving kitty.

When she passed, someone sent this poem to me:
(I dont know the author or title)
I found it quite fitting and comforting:


And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever

That's a beautiful poem. We're getting better. We went and picked up his paw print. It took me awhile to open the box but i did. His spirit left his chair about 10 days later. That's when he must have felt that I was going to be ok. Now I think his spirit is in my laptop.. not really I just have him on my desktop so I say goodmorning to him and rub his nose every morning and say goodnight at night.
I miss him so much, but it was the right thing.
You are all such great people. I'm so glad I found you before I had to do this. You helped me so much, all of you. You'll never know what it's meant.
thanks so much
Laurie

Oh good grief i knew i shouldn't have read that poem while here at work That was so lovely

Laurie i'm pleased your feeling a little better. I'd imagine you'll have your good days and bad days which is only natural, but by reading that poem again will remind you that little Hemi is ok

Though while reading the poem, it is a comfort to know that those who we've had to let go of are truly in a better place and are spiritually still with us. I remember the vet saying "no more hurties" as I put Gateway down about a month ago. Though painful for us, it is the last kind act we can do for our beloved felines. You will always miss them, but with time the pain eases and you'll fine yourself recalling only the fond and happy memories of them. Have plastered my mantle with pictures of Gateway when he was healthy and his big loveable self. Also decided not to bury his ashes - they came back in a pretty cedar chest - just to keep him near.

All of you are wonderful people. Those of us who love animals this much are the best people in the world. I pray for all of you who have lost angels recently. The last time I lost a pet was in 1988, when we had to put our little silver poodle to sleep.
I love and cherish my babies every day: MY Shenandoah and Humble are my children and my family.