Have you ever met someone sooo dumb....

POOR GIRL!!
I am 21 and know how to make tea etc. She should know how to do all that stuff by now! I didn't have to cook or clean or anyitng when i was growing up and I think its mostly common sense. Can she read? Where is she from?

She still sounds extremely sheltered.
But she does also sound like she has a learning disability of some sort, possibly ADD or mild Autism.

My best friend's husband is ADD/ADHD, at 30 he's pretty naive, his mother is an old hippie with paranoia issues, and she filled his head with so much garbage while he was growing up (she still does it at every opportunity), it's not even fuuny.
He's never been able to hold a job or anything.
We did finally find his talent though, he is one of the best fathers I have ever seen.

I love the guy to pieces, but honestly, dealing with him is very much like dealing with an 11 year old.

Originally Posted by lisasha3

Moderators - we NEED spell check.

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Hi! Just popping in to say that we have spellcheck, but to the best of my knowledge, it doesn't work with all browsers. Here is a thread of jcat's that has some of the links for downloading the spellchecker. I use IE spell.

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...ighlight=spell

Oh yeah spell-check!!

My moms friend is a bit like that... Its hard to be around her for extended periods of time. When I was about 12 or 13 I had an argument with her (she was in her 50's I think) about where your heart was located. She was sure it was in the center of your chest down a little bit from where it really is. She was adamant. She also reads National Inquirer and other magazines as truth. Its kind of sad and scary at times .

Originally Posted by LilleKat

I don't want to comment too much on this particular thread because I firmly believe that though a lot of people may appear stupid, they actually are more intelligent than ourselves in different ways... but I've a feeling I'm going to anyway... so if anyone gets offended, I apologise right now! I never mean anything malicious, but sometimes I do just tell it like it is. Yes, I have met people who really ARE stupid! Plenty of them. I think the most dense of them was the girl who asked me why she could never keep her weight down while she was working out so often in the week - while she had four candybars in her hand and one in her mouth... makes you think sometimes, doesn't it?

I agree whole-heartedly with a previous post about how being "retarded" (I hate the use of that term, by the way) doesn't neccessarily mean "stupid". The Downs Syndrome kids my mother used to work with were all socially inept - but intellecually some were very very smart in one way or another. One was fantastic with math, and yet he couldn't string together a coherant sentence. One was similar, only instead of math, his memory was second to none....

I hate to point this out though, because it's something that came to my attention as I first read your post. Your typed English is dire - I don't mean to offend, because I know I can be guilty of the same thing - but that doesn't neccessarily make you stupid, even though that's the way it appears on screen. Perhaps English isn't your first language... but I don't know. If it isn't, then even though it looks bad on screen, you have a second language - and as far as I'm concerned, to be able to hold more than one language in your head at any given time is pretty darn smart. I can tell that you're a very smart person, also with a heart of gold - and God bless you for taking her "under your wing" and giving her a little social connection in a totally unfamiliar place... just don't judge your neighbour too harshly.

"Love thy neighbour" and "Judge not, lest ye be judged" and all that jazz

God bless

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Is it possible that her family never drank tea and she just never had reason to think about it? I mean, she is taking college classes, right?

Originally Posted by clixpix

She may not have good people skills, or is not a talker. Some people are just wired differently. Maybe she has a form of social anxiety, or feels inferior. Who knows? Maybe she senses you think she's "dumb", poor girl. She's probably naive about some things in this world, but that does not equal stupidity.

If she irritates you that much, don't hang out with her. Hopefully she will go on to meet others who are more in synch with her personality.

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I have to agree here. I am sorry, but I feel you are being extremely hard on her. To be completely honest with you she sounds just like a young version of my mother. My mother does not have social skills, she doesn't drive, and has never had a job. There are many common things that I do in my every day life that my Mom doesn't understand a thing about. I have tried to teach her a few things before and I have received the blank stare, or more suprisingly, she has started a conversation with me about something completely different than what we were doing. She just doesn't have the skills to communicate well. She lived a very sheltered life as a child and really wasn't exposed to much. Quite honestly, I think there is so much going on the world now that is scares her to extend beyond her "comfort zone". The only true worry it brings me is that she is 100% dependant upon my Dad. Thank goodness my Dad is a good guy and takes very good care of her. This is a terrible thing to imagine, but I don't know how my mom would make it if my Dad were not around. Good thing I have a spare room

Like I said, this girl seems like a very young version of my mother. Her being in school is a very big plus and I give her a lot of credit for that. It sounds like she wants to make a good life for herself. I think your doing a great job by inviting her over and taking time to teach her how to cook. I do think it's possible that she is able to sense you feelings of frustration and it could make her feel uncomfortable.... also, you mentioned that you invite her over but does she ever initiate the invitation or invite you to do things with her?

Maybe she's on meds or something - and maybe it's the wrong dose.

You know, it may be surprising that she is "that old" and still can't boil water or what-not. But it is amazing how disabled you can become if you haven't been raised right, for one thing. Who knows what all she has gone through in life. If she doesn't know the basics of living and taking care of herself, then please don't judge her or think badly of her, but instead take great care in helping her to learn these things. Maybe you will make all the difference in her life for helping her learn to help herself.

And I agree with another post, that she could very well be sensing your thoughts about her, so please watch your attitude and body language. Don't raise your eyebrows "You don't know how to make TEA???!!!" "Shock!" This is very hurtful and doesn't help one to come out of their shell. You may need to take a look at yourself a little bit, realizing how blessed you are who obviously had parents who cared to teach you these simple things in life. I can't help but to think there is more to this lady than we realize. Background for one thing, and she may be very bright but in a not-so-obvious way.

My MIL came from a home where her mother was an extreme perfectionist, and would not even allow her to come into the kitchen to watch her mother cook. Only one time before my MIL got married, did she attempt cooking. She went to the kitchen, telling her mother that because she was getting married, she needed to learn how to cook. She started trying to boil an egg. Her mother stood there, shocked and paralyzed, until she "came to herself" and stopped her daughter, telling her she could cook when she had her own kitchen. So she never allowed her to do a single, simple thing in the kitchen and my MIL was totally blank when starting out as a newly wed. Everything in the kitchen was new to her, including making tea etc. It was a long and hard road for her, learning to cook for what was to become a family of 7.

I agree she does sound like she grew up sheltered...and in a way, she sort of clings to it.

No offense though, could the "deer in headlights" look you get when you explain something say while cooking, be from how you explain things?

For example, I'm an IT Manager. I started off in IT support. One thing I realised is that not everyone knows computers and that sometimes over-explaining something can confuse people more then just saying something simplistic. That's one of the hardest things to do is to teach someone something that they don't know, but you know already.

For example if teaching her how to make tea, just say:
1) Fill a tea kettle with water.
2) Place the tea kettle on the stove and turn the burner to a high setting.
3) Wait until the tea kettle whistles for you.
4) place tea bag in a coffee mug.
5) Once the tea kettle whistles that the water is ready simply pour some of the water into the coffee mug.
6) wait a couple of minutes until the water turns a golden brown color.
7) Drink!

Also find out things that she likes and relate what you're teaching her to that. I find that people can identify better when they're able to relate two things together.

She sounds like an old friend of mine. He had no idea how to do laundry. Someone actually had to show him, telling him wasn't good enough. He asked me how to melt chocolate and unfortunately I didn't supervise, because he just stuck a bar in the microwave for like five minutes! He wasn't even sure how to boil water or turn an oven on. Basically he had to be shown exactly how to do things. I don't think he's really "stupid" he just lacks common sense. He was able to get through college and would pick up on domestic things if you showed him step by step. Maybe you should get her a copy of the Betty Crocker cookbook and just give her lessons on things. She's going to have to learn how to defrost food, make a hardboiled egg, maybe even clean properly (if she's anything like my former friend). It amazes me the disservice parents do to their children. His mom just wouldn't let him do anything and he never had any reason to learn. Some of us may take for granted the simple tasks our parents show us when we're five, but others aren't given that opportunity, and why should they if no one ever makes them!

SO an update, we invited her boyfriend down to play darts today while she was t school. We asked him if there was anything we should know and pouinted out what we have noticed. He said her teachers thought the same thing hen she started college and had her tested. It turned out hat she has an average IQ and absolutly NO disabilities of any kind. He says she is just lazy and doesn't think its important to use your brain. He told us that she still hasn't even bought her books.
This I have a hard time with, I know I have learning disabilities, which is obvious in the way I write. I found out in high school that reading and comprehension wher hard for me. Before I was tested I was a d-f student. My therapist and teachers thought maybe verbal was better. Well once I started to take all my test verbally and had someone proffread papers numerous times befor handing them in I became an a-b student. I still strugle with it. My husband and I have started our own book club and he makes me do small book reports so I can practice my writting, spelling and grammer skills. I also have a mild case of OCD.
Now thats what makes it hard for me. I struggle everyday when I read even the simplest of news stories and have to ask my husband to explain it to me because I don't get it. I do ask because I want to imporve my brain. So now I am dealing with someone who has no problems and just flat out wants to be dumb. Not a day goes by when I don't look like a fool by asking stupid questions. I read all I can and try to learn as much as I can.
So my question now is how do you deal with someone who WANTS to be dumb and doesn't care? He told us that she figures she doesn't need to be smart because she is cute and that counts more. Well he also folowed up with "she isn't cute enough for that to work". He told us we were not the first to ask about it and to just accept that she is dumb and wants to stay that way. I still will hang out with her because like I said she is a really sweet and caring person. DO I just stop triing to help her or just move on and be her friend, which is hard because it feels one sided. She gives me nothing.

Okaaaaaaya now I understand. I'm not sure, to be honest... I guess the only answer to that is to go with your heart and listen to that. You might find that in getting to know her better, you share something in common, something you both know well and can have those in-depth conversations about. maybe in getting to know her you'll discover that you can't stand one another! You never know until you try. I can understand why you want to help her, but in the end, she is who she is and you ahve to like her for that and not try to change her. If she wants to change, she'll come to that decision on her own

I apologise if anything I said in my previous post has offended you - now that I understand your position better - I have to say I'm very impressed. See, this is what makes it difficult: there are so many things that can lead people to make a snap judgement or opinion without them actually knowing the background information. If you have difficulties and you are working to get past them, then I really have to say this: I admire the strength you are showing in working past those difficulties. You're a lucky lady to have a husband so supportive of you as well

You've got a real big ol' heart there sweetie - I've got to hand it to you. I this girl really is simply lazy, then that's a very sad way for her to live her life. The unfortunate thing is that it's entirely her own choice. NO-one else is going to suffer her fate but her. If she can't work for something now.... well... what can I say?

God bless you for caring about her though.

Originally Posted by Arlyn

Sounds like she's been sheltered a bit too much.

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Exactly........thanks for trying to take her under your wing and help her learn things..........even if it's frustrating at times.

Originally Posted by KarmasMom

Now thats what makes it hard for me. I struggle everyday when I read even the simplest of news stories and have to ask my husband to explain it to me because I don't get it.

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She must be something cause sounds like she's never been made fun of about it. I'm an A/B student and my boyfriend will tease from time to time on dumb comments I make.
I hate to say it, but I do envy those people...mainly because half the time I get so frustrated with how dumb they're being I just do it for them. I know its not something ethical, but to be able to get through life with the idea that you really don't need to use your brain.

Maybe she'll develope early alzheimers...OK I know that was mean.

LilleKat - Don't worry you did not offend me. Its comments like that that only make me work harder. Yes I am very lucky to have such a supportive husband. He never makes fun of me or anything. What makes us special is his weak points are my strong points and vice versa so we balance eachother out.

lunasmom - I was made fun of a lot growing up thats why I work so hard. Kids can be mean, adluts are far more understanding. Talk to me in oerson and you would never know I had poor comprehension skills. I can talk about vertually any subject.

The funny thing is she now seems to be avoiding us. In fact when she and her boyfrind were here a few nights ago she was flat out rude. We have never made fun of her or talked down to her. My husband thinks shes hiding something from her boyfriend and we may let something slip. For example I was making my stuffed mushrooms that night and her boyfriend loved them and asked her to have me teach her how to make them. I then said that I already did a few weeks ago when he was out to sea. He looked right at her and was like what you never even told me you had dinner with them much less learned how to make these. I sad about it though because she was really sweet and I liked having another girl in the building to hang out with, even if she did hurt my brain.

For example I was making my stuffed mushrooms that night and her boyfriend loved them and asked her to have me teach her how to make them. I then said that I already did a few weeks ago when he was out to sea. He looked right at her and was like what you never even told me you had dinner with them much less learned how to make these.

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could she be having problems with him? maybe he's very controlling, if she seems nervous that might me true.

she also could have some form of socail anxiety although i doubt it, i wouldn't even go visit my neighboors by myself unless i knew them very well, i'm too shy and i would need Jeff to be with me.

she sounds a little preocupied to me although not dumb, iv'e been called dumb before...dumb blonde actually but i'm pretty sure that's just jelousy

give her a chance before jumping to conclusions, you don't know her well enough to be passing judgement just yet