TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › So upset...
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

So upset...

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
I am so upset about this and I don't really know what to do. My ex and I share an IRS debt from his back taxes. We made an agreement with the IRS when we were still married to each other to pay them a set amount every month. If one of us cannot/does not pay, the other owes it ALL. He writes me a check every month; I deposit it, add my half and send the payment.

He has been drinking more and more. The last 2 times I have seen him he has been totally wasted. He doesn't have the payment for FEBRUARY and I can't afford his half. He is 4 months behind in his mortgage payment. He is in danger of being homeless.

I feel sorry for him, although he is responsible for this. He can't afford his house all by himself and has roommates, but his house is in such poor condition that he only attracts bums who end up not paying him. I care about him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him and feel selfish for thinking this, but he is dragging me down with him and I'm mot even married to him anymore!

If he defaults with the IRS and can't afford to catch up on his mortgage, who will take his house? The mortgage company or the IRS? If anyone really knows the answer, please let me know. If the mortgage company takes it he will have nothing worth any value and the IRS will likely write him off and come after me (even though the original debt was caused by him). I have a few sentimental collectibles, a 2004 car, and my engagement ring. I gave up so much when I started over 4 years ago. I bought my car brand new for the first time in my life because I figured I could keep up with regular payments easier than major repairs.

I have seen a print out from the IRS that says if your property is levied, you are only allowed to keep approx.$6000 worth of property. I've done everything I can to avoid this. I cannot afford more. I will probably have to quit going to the chiropractor, now that he's actually making me feel better. I'm getting married in 2 months. I really don't need this.

Prayers and advice will be greatly appreciated.
post #2 of 18
Sweetheart, I wish I had something useful to say, but I really needed to tell you I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this and I sincerely hope there is someone here who CAN help you where I know I can't. God bless you hun, BIG VIBES for you.
post #3 of 18
You need to contact the IRS and let them know that the two of you are no longer married and find out if you are even still responsible for the debt he incurred befroe your marriage. You may not even be liable for any of it anymore. If you are, you need to talk to a lawyer.

I am sorry you have to deal with this! Good luck!
post #4 of 18
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
I used to work in a bank and saw this kind of thing everyday. I obviously don't know your ex but I think he is being pretty selfish if he's not paying you because of a drinking habit and as a result causing you all this stress. It was good enough of you to agree to keep paying for his debt, he should be big enough to count his blessings that he's not paying the whole lot on his own.
I know I sound harsh but I know what its like to worry about money and I really feel for you just now
post #5 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
You need to contact the IRS and let them know that the two of you are no longer married and find out if you are even still responsible for the debt he incurred befroe your marriage. You may not even be liable for any of it anymore. If you are, you need to talk to a lawyer.

I am sorry you have to deal with this! Good luck!


I'm not a lawyer, but I would think that unless there was a document that says you would help pay, then you're not liable. The document may even say half, so if there is one, you would only incur 1/2 the payments.
Definitely talk with the IRS to find out more before consulting a lawyer. Since you are divorced, you may not be defaulted.
post #6 of 18
Renee, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this!

I have no advice to offer, but I can send many and strength and sorting }}}VIBES{{{ your way!

I hope things are sorted for you very soon!
post #7 of 18
Thread Starter 
Thank you ALL for your responses. Even if you don't have the answers, helping me vent is a stress reliever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phenomsmom
You need to contact the IRS and let them know that the two of you are no longer married and find out if you are even still responsible for the debt he incurred befroe your marriage. You may not even be liable for any of it anymore. If you are, you need to talk to a lawyer.

I am sorry you have to deal with this! Good luck!
The debt was incurred during our marriage. I asked them last year if we could have our debt separated and they said NO.

He had his own business and wasn't paying taxes. I worked for him for very a short time, but mostly had a job with taxes being deducted. My taxes actually offset the amount he owed because I claimed zero. By law, I could not file separately because I would have to itemize so he would be allowed to itemize. I didn't have anything to itemize. I nagged him, but he never even filed. I am still claiming zero so that the most will be taken out of my check, which the IRS applies to our debt. I do this so that if anything ever happens the IRS will know I am trying. They keep about $800.00 a year that I would have gotten back for 3 years now. Unfortunately, I have probably shot myself in the foot by doing this. They will see me as being the easiest to collect from.

I think you're right about a lawyer, but even if I can find a way to pay one, they will likely make it worse for my ex. I feel like I'm kicking the man when he's down. Since we already have an agreement with the IRS, I don't know if a lawyer will be able to change anything.
post #8 of 18
THe lawyer will make sure he is paying his half. Since the deficit occured during your marriage you are responisble for paying atleast half (IMO but i am not lawyer or tax consultant). The man is down becuase he is drinking and not paying his bills. There is a difference in getting behind becasue you are trying to pay things off and something comes up so you can't pay on time and not paying because your booze is costing to much. He needs help, maybe AA or something. They will put him in jail for tax evasion. I woiuld for sure be making a trip to the lawyers office ASAP!!
post #9 of 18
Would you happen to know if there is a federal tax lein against him on his credit bureau?? As for being behind on the mrtge he is in trouble with that- I would say within a couple of months it could be foreclosed on. What usually happens is the property would be sold and the amount received would be applied to the mrtge balance due. However if there is a federal tax lein against the house I think that overrides the mrtge provider. I would agree with the others to contact the IRS to see of the debt can be re-negoitated.
Was your agreement with the IRS in writing???
post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC
Would you happen to know if there is a federal tax lein against him on his credit bureau?? As for being behind on the mrtge he is in trouble with that- I would say within a couple of months it could be foreclosed on. What usually happens is the property would be sold and the amount received would be applied to the mrtge balance due. However if there is a federal tax lein against the house I think that overrides the mrtge provider. I would agree with the others to contact the IRS to see of the debt can be re-negoitated.
Was your agreement with the IRS in writing???
I don't know if there is a tax lein. I think it has been avoided because we have been paying the back taxes. I think you are right about contacting the IRS, I just don't know if I have the heart to do it. I have this vision of my ex sleeping under a bridge - which probably will end up happening no matter what.

Yes, the agreement was in writing.

Oliver still loves him. He has visitation. I know I need to do whats necessary to keep my household's head above water. You guys are all so right and if I do it I'll feel so bad.
post #11 of 18
I understand that you feel sorry and in a way responsible for him, but your first duty now is to your current life and dependants and then if there is anything left, to your former husband, that is, above and beyond what you know is right and owed to the IRS and anyone else by you yourself. So do everything you can to protect your assets. I would also talk to the IRS again and log it in writing. It can do no harm and if things ever get to court, would be in your favour.
post #12 of 18
OMG, I just found this thread! Renee, I don't have any advice but I'll sure be sending lots and lots of positive vibes!
post #13 of 18
I'm so sorry that things are so rough for you right now...talk about being between a rock and a hard place. You shouldn't feel selfish though for feeling the way you do...he is a grown man and it's his responsibilty to take care of himself...sounds like a terrible burden on you..and as you said you aren't even married anymore!!. I don' have any advice..but I want to extend lots of hugs to you for better days ahead.
post #14 of 18
Thread Starter 
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate all of you caring about me. It really does cheer me up. Last night I looked for this thread when I got home, but I couldn't respond then because I am always logged in at work, but wasn't at home and forgot my log in info. Anyway, I read your kind responses and good advice. Then I hugged my fiancee and petted the kitties. I felt a whole lot better. My cats are well, my fiancee is wonderful, and you guys are all so sweet. THANKS!

I still haven't done anything to help my situation, but I am thinking a little more clearly. I think I'll check in with the ex next week and attempt to collect. If not I'll probably have a heart-to-heart with him. If I go to the IRS, I still want to give him a heads up.
post #15 of 18
I think you should call the lawyer who helped you with the divorce. Often lawyers do a free consultation to discuss issues and whether you will hire them, see if you can do a 15-20 minute freebie so they can at least let you know if they can help. IMO it is their fault for negotiating it this way. In a divorce, everything should be divided so you are no longer financially entangled.

Of course you care for him, but be sure you are not being co-dependent and helping him slide down a hole by covering for him. And do not let him pull you down, too. That won't help him at all. Any chance of him going to outpt treatment for his substance abuse?
post #16 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
I think you should call the lawyer who helped you with the divorce. Often lawyers do a free consultation to discuss issues and whether you will hire them, see if you can do a 15-20 minute freebie so they can at least let you know if they can help. IMO it is their fault for negotiating it this way. In a divorce, everything should be divided so you are no longer financially entangled.

Of course you care for him, but be sure you are not being co-dependent and helping him slide down a hole by covering for him. And do not let him pull you down, too. That won't help him at all. Any chance of him going to outpt treatment for his substance abuse?
We didn't use a lawyer. The paralegal I used drew up the papers to read that he would give me the money by the 1st of each month, but warned me that it would be hard to enforce. The IRS would still hold BOTH of us responsible anyway. We made an agreement with them and both signed it. THANK GOD that he refinanced. The mortgage was in my name. Otherwise, if he lost the house to the IRS, I would still owe that too! Now I only have to be concerned if he loses it to the mortgage company.

When he left me I was so depressed by being in the house. There were too many memories and the house had a lot of things wrong with it. He was in the construction business and could fix things. I would have needed a lot of help. Our agreement was that he give me some cash (not a lot) and any contents I wanted. He got to keep the house. I knew when I did it that it was not a good deal for me, but it was the best we could do at the time.

I can't say that this IRS thing came as a shock to me. I just don't know how I could have avoided it.

I'm not sure what you mean by covering for him. My fiancee and I would have asked him to stay for dinner the other night, but he was drunk and neither of us wanted to be around him. As far as treatment...that would be great. He definately needs it, but thats something only he can decide to do. He didn't listen to me when we were married. I doubt he'd listen now.

I do appreciate your help. Thanks.
post #17 of 18
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this. You're being much, much kinder about all this than I think I might be.

Sometimes, when people have problems like your ex, it takes something drastic to make them realize that they need help. Maybe this is it for him. It seems like the best thing you can do for him at this point is hold him accountable for his end of this debt. Also, that is certainly the best thing for you, as you begin this new chapter in your life.

I hope that things can be worked out so that no one involved is drowning in debt. Keep us posted.
post #18 of 18
Oh, that explains a lot. I don't know your whole situation, and certainly don't feel you need to explain yourself to me. Sounds like you have done much better in extricating yourself yet maintaining shared custody of the kitty than I did with my ex.

I just know alcoholics and substance abusers are good at getting people to take care of them. And sometimes they are very charming, and their friends and family are co-dependent, and over do for the person. Like a wife supporting an alcoholic husband, allowing him to freeload and keep drinking. (Major major simplification, my apologies to anyone in a bad situation!) But you know him, and yourself, and your situation. Just take a look at it and see if you are setting firm limits and boundaries, or letting him take unnecessary advantage.

Sounds like financially you just got stuck with what should have been his obligation. You have made it so far already...surely things will work out?!?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › So upset...