Gosh, you guys are like counselors in a thread...I wanted to say box, but it didnt fit well.
Today is different. Im still here because he came home from work early, because he was upset, and I had planned on moving more things, but he put the cabosh on that. So, he's sleeping now, so I am going to secretly move some more things from the kitchen. I just want this over with. I want out of here. I am so much more happier when he's not here.
I feel terrible about how he feels. But there's really nothing I can tell him to make it any better. He tried to make me talk last night about it, and I explained to him again, that I have nothing else to say, and he kept bugging me about it, and I broke and told him I wasnt attracted to him anymore.
It's what he didnt want to hear, but it's also what he was pushing me to say. So he got it. And he cried again. This really really sucks. But honestly, ONLY when he's around. When he's gone, I crank the music, dance with my kid, and I pack. It's all great...but only when he's not here. When he's here, it's all like sad, and depressing, and he's always wanting to talk about it.
I just have nothing else to talk about to him. I told him what I needed to say when I told him I was done. And he still wants more...He wants explanations, and theorys, and why why why, and please stay, and what's gonna happen to this, and that...
All this time I've tried to talk to him for 4 years, I wanted explanations, and all of the above, but I never got it. I got a "hold on" I have to press "SAVE" if you want to talk. So today is a useless day, I've got nothing done, and I have to work in an hour. Anybody got a U-haul, and some hotties to lift all my stuff for me? lol...just tryin to keep a smile goin.
Once again, I need to thank you all so so much for all of this help. It means so much. I really and honestly believe this would be harder, if I didnt get my daily "TCS helpers fix". You all say so much, that reminds me of why I did this, and that no matter what, I have got to stay strong. And it's always at the right times that I see these. I have never felt so helped. I just dont know why, but all of this support is beyond my expectations, and I thank you for it. I really do need it.
Oh and you guys make total sense about the whole thing about how he's already threatening my next boyfriends. He's just hurting, and I suppose that's his way of thinking everythings gonna turn out ok.