It has begun...But ended too.

I am leaving this house, and the boyfriend is staying. We have a child together, and have been together for 4 years. It's kind of like a divorce I suppose. Without the signing of papers.

It was very hard to do this. I sat him down yesterday, and let him know everything. That I dont love him like I should, and I dont feel that we should be together anymore. So, now, I am in the process of moving. This is so hard, but I know this has to be done. It really does suck, but I have got to stay strong.

There's really nothing good that I feel now, but I just pretend. Like I always do. I am not a mean person, at all. That's why it took me so long to tell him how I feel. But I had the balls, and it was a now or never type of thing.

I will be losing my Kipper, My black & white fat fluff in the process as well. Kipper is his cat, and Mushi is mine...So they will also be losing each other. I have pictures posted of them in the fur pictures. How are they going to re-act to that? Will they both be depressed?

I suppose I am just looking for some "be strong" vibes. Because it's so hard to do. Moving sucks too, everything does. He's being very civil about it though, which surprised me.

Also, just letting you all know, while this whole thing is happening, I wont be on here so much. I'm just hoping this all turns out ok.

Ooo!! strong vibes coming your way! But way to be strong. My theory has always been if you're not happy don't stay. You'll only make yourself miserable.
There probably will be some separation anxiety from Mush, but he'll adjust. Heck, you never know, he might actually like going back to being the only cat.

I am sorry to hear that. I am very proud that you had the nerve to end what was once so comfortable to you. If you ever need a hug or support at all, we are all here for you!!

Aaw Leah hunni Im so sorry. I feel you have done the right thing in being honest though. Have you told your daughter yet? Im sure you will get lots of advice about how to cope with the kitties being apart and I'm sure eventually they will be fine, as will you.
This is the beginning of a whole new life for you. Im sending you every kind of vibe there is and I hope so much it goes ok for you

I've been where you are only without the child and without a cat, but i know how hard it is because i was married for 18 years when i left.

I've had friends who said they wish they had the courage to do what i did, but instead would rather stay in a loveless marriage because they had the security

If the love isn't there anymore your doing both of you a favour so you can both move on with your lives.

Lots of luck

I'm sorry, I know this is very hard. I went through the same thing, after an eleven year marriage to a man who was emotionally abusive, until I just felt absolutely nothing for him anymore. We have two children, and that was the most difficult part of the whole thing. I gave my ex everything, in order to make the divorce as easy as possible on the children. It wasn't easy.
Sending you good, strong vibes. You are a strong person to have been honest with him now, rather than living a lie and eventually resenting him, causing more pain in the long run.
*hugs* Good luck, hon.

What a horrible and difficult thing for you to be going through!

Sending many strength and calming }}}VIBES{{{ your way!

Know that we will all the thinking of you throughout your transition!

I'm sending you many stay strong vibes through this very difficult time. I'm sure that both of the kitties will go through a bit of a period where they are depressed, but with lots of hugs and kisses I'm sure it will help both of you heal.

I really just love all you guys. I have just returned from bringing things to my new place...just stuff I dont really need at the moment. Like Christmas decor, and shoes (lots of em, some I forgot I had), and old things, and some pots and pans..Just to get me started.

It really felt good to be able to do that. He's working right now, he's not doing so great. It really really sucks that I had to do this, But i know I had to. There just wasnt any love here. When he left for work this morning, he kissed me on the head, I was still half-sleeping, but that confused me. I suppose maybe he's just hurting, and that helped him feel a little bit better.

I just wish there was an "easy" button for this. I have told my daughter...She's 2 though, so she just kinda looked at me like "alright mom, whatever you say is ok" I have no idea how to explain to a child about this stuff. I mean when she's a little bit older, I know she'll ask...and I just cant think of the right thing to say.

Thank you so much guys for all of this support. It really means alot. You guys are just helpful, and great, and kind people.

But hey, I have a tiny bit of alright news...I get the cat tree. Mushi fits in the hole, Kipper does not..So I get that. Well guys, I better get to moving again. Thanks again.

Originally Posted by rosiemac

I've been where you are only without the child and without a cat, but i know how hard it is because i was married for 18 years when i left.

I've had friends who said they wish they had the courage to do what i did, but instead would rather stay in a loveless marriage because they had the security

If the love isn't there anymore your doing both of you a favour so you can both move on with your lives.

Lots of luck

Click to expand...

Oh yea, I wanted to add, that yes...There was alot of security here. Mostly just comfortable security. And that's why this took me so long to decide. Because I was so comfortable. But I dont love him, and it hurt me to see him know that. He's not a bad guy, I just cant love him. I am so comfortable here, and I know that moving is going to be as UN-comfortable as uncomfortable can get. So that scares me. Lots. One day I might be able to comfortable again. I hope.

Oh Leah!

Sending you lots of 'be strong' vibes! You'll get through this and we are all here for you.

Sending you best wishes, be strong vibes and lots of cyber hugs. Its hard but you did the right thing and I am hoping someday you find someone to love and make you happy. Hang in there.

*sending you lots of stay strong vibes*

You will be confortable again, you have to let your self heal, even if you didnt love him, you love him in a different way because he is the father of your daughter and you shared 4 years with him and the fact that its even hurting you a little bit from what i read in your posts.

WHen i broke up with ben it felt like getting divorced, but it was different because he was the one who called it quits.
The cats were involved! Can you believe he wanted custody over teufel??? He even said that he would take me to court for it! so instead of him taking teufel i let him have the vaccum cleaner and coffee machine!

Sending good vibes to you.{}}}}}}}
Have you made arrangements for him to see his daughter once the dust settles a bit??
Good luck.

Originally Posted by lilleah878

Oh yea, I wanted to add, that yes...There was alot of security here. Mostly just comfortable security. And that's why this took me so long to decide. Because I was so comfortable. But I dont love him, and it hurt me to see him know that. He's not a bad guy, I just cant love him. I am so comfortable here, and I know that moving is going to be as UN-comfortable as uncomfortable can get. So that scares me. Lots. One day I might be able to comfortable again. I hope.

Click to expand...

Again that was me. I left a large 3 bedroomed house where we changed the car every 2 years, i had an open cheque book, and my husband was the sweetest man you could meet, he never argued with me or anyone else for that matter, but for me the love that i should have felt just wasn't there.

We sold our house and split the proceeds and i bought my own 2 bedroomed house, so it can be done

7 years later i'm still married to him all because he had a breakdown right after i left so i couldn't hit him for a divorce and kick him back down further

I'm with someone else now and although marriage is the furthest from my mind, i am thinking of starting divorce proceedings if only to put closure on it.

Thinking of you and your daughter.

Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when children are involved. Although it doesn't look like it now - things will be easier down the line. Never doubt your decision.

I'm sure I speak for everyone, if you ever need anyone to speak too , we are all here.

Sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about this! Lots of hugs and good vibes coming to you

I've decided Im done moving for today, and Im staying here tonight. I have to work in a little bit, and then go to sleep, and tomarrow starts another day. My counselor appt. Isnt untill March 6th...That is horrible. He's the only one who could tell me how to deal. But I suppose TCS is my temporary counselor untill then. Thanks guys....you know I love ya.

I wish you ALL the best, and wish you strength, in the months to come, to make the right decisions along the way. You are VERY vulnerable right now, in your fear of the unknown. So be careful of what decisions you do make, in the months to come. Sometimes, what looks, at the time, like an inconsequential thing, is very far-reaching into our futures... --So, just a "word to the wise!"
--You can do this! Just know, a lot of people, over the years, have gone through similar situations, and did get through it, and you will too, sweetie!