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Erf. I can't believe I am posting this.

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Okay. In January I started going to Fanshaw College to get my GED. Anyway. The later part of that month a new guy started coming in three or four days a week as well. Now, I'm 18 and have never gone out with anyone. Ever.
Well.. when he came in he smiled at me.. I smiled back and went back to my work. Now its weeks later and I just can't get him out of my mind. We ahve barely even tlaked to ech other.. mostly just Hellos and smiles and thats about it.. other than the odd thing here or there. But every time I see him my stomach goes.. and ... I don't know. -sigh-
I don't even know why I am posting this now. o__o;
I just don't know how to comunicate with people.. I was homeschooled all my life till I was thrown into public schools.. but that didn't work out and I dropped out. I'm antisocial with most people until I get to know them.. I just don't know what to do. >___> I'm also terrified of rejection.. very badly. it's like a phobia.. I'm pretty sure there's one.. but I cna't remember what it's called.
Grah. Still don't know why I am posting this. Getting it off my chest I guess since I haven't told anyone because my friends would just laugh. >___<
post #2 of 16
Oh dear you poor thing!

That's mean of your friends to just laugh.

You know, I'm actually very shy. I was worse when I was your age. However I finally came to grips that I was missing out on a lot. So now I live by a rule of thumb: if I think I'm going to regret it, go for it.

This has helped me a lot and helped set my mind to doing stuff that my shy personality would prevent me from doing.

Try sitting by him. Since you're both taking the same class, at least you'll have something to talk about. Something innocent like "So what did you think of the test" if you just took a test.
Worse case? he ignores you and you stick out your tongue at him when he's not looking.
post #3 of 16
I don't know if this helps or not, but maybe think about the scenarios. If you ask him, say, if he'd like to grab a bite to eat after class, the worst thing that could happen is he says no. Even if that did happen, you would be okay, and you would have experienced asking a guy out, which a lot of women never do! Or—he might say yes.

Now, if you don't ask him, you'll probably never know what he would have said. And as lunasmom pointed out, you should ask yourself if you would regret not knowing.

SIDE NOTE: I think your communication skills are just fine; everyone who reads your post is going to understand just how you feel, and that's communication. Maybe you should give yourself a little more credit.
post #4 of 16
BTW, are you seeing a therapist or someone to help you with your fears of rejection? I would think seeing someone, even every other week would help you feel comfortable around people. The best things about them is, they won't reject you! They're there to listen to you. :bigthumbs:
post #5 of 16
Oooh I love the feeling you get when you like someone. You've been given good advice, just bring him into conversation about something really normal and then you've taken the first step.
Also why don't you try finding out where he hangs out? Then you and your friends could go on a night out and you could go up to him and say 'oh hi you're from my school arn't you...?' and if you think your friends will laugh at you wanting to go after him like that just don't tell them! Just make them think you want a night out!
post #6 of 16
I agree with coming up with some conversation starters!! I am one of those people that can talk to anyone-in the grocery store checkout line-anywhere!!
Just go up to him and say hi my name is ...... what do you think of this class (or this assignment) Something that would cause a conversation other than yes or no. Comment on hair, clothes, weather a fairly innocent topic. Good luck!!
post #7 of 16
no im not laughing at you, my stomac goes eek when i think of kevin..
i think you should just start talking to him normally about the stuuf in class, then ask if he wants to get something to eat with you..

It might end up that he takes you out to the zoo one day, or to the cinemas
post #8 of 16
aw, i have a friend that reminds me a lot like you. He was 22 before he kissed anyone, or even went on a date. He's just shy. Sounds like they gave you some good advice. Perhaps you could ask him for his notes, because you missed a part, or something like that. And if your friends are going to laugh at you, explain it to just one, and tell them that you are really nervous and would appericate if they didn't laugh. If they cant respect that, i say it's time for some new friends, because thats just mean. Good luck!!!
post #9 of 16
don't underestimate the power of sustained eye contact too- next time you see him keep eyecontact for just a heartbeat longer (and smile of course)- if he doesn't get the hint he's daft LOL but good advice about the conversation starters too- I'm very shy as well, but I've every time I've stuck my neck out I have been rewarded- "what does not kill you makes you stronger!" good luck
post #10 of 16
There's a bunch of things you could do...

Like the eye contact thing..That works very well. Especially if you know what kind of eyes you're giving him..Give him those nice eyes.

Other things like (these are subtle, but yet VERY EFFECTIVE on guys, you wouldnt think so, but it is..I've read it.)...

Get his eye attention, and then just slowly look away, and go back to your work. It'll make him crave for more eyes attention. It'll leave him wanting more. When you DO look away, make sure you flaunt a little eye raise, or eyebrow raise(i cant do an eyebrow raise, but if you can GREAT!), just to keep him hooked.

When you know he's looking at you, pretend you have a slight cramp in your neck, and rub your neck a little bit..Guys are infatuated with a girl touching her neck, and then maybe look at him like "yea, my neck hurts..wanna rub it?" lol..you obviously DONT say that, but looks can tell everything you need to say.

Do you have a cellphone? Maybe sometime you should pull that and send a text message to someone, a friend, anyone...and make sure he sees...He'll think you're sending something about him, and that'll make him want to talk to you, because he could also be thinking that you've got a man, he's truly confused now, and will want to talk.

Well, those are just a few things I can think of. lol..Good luck with this guy...Keep us posted.
post #11 of 16
I think the only people who don't fear rejection are those who don't put themselves in a position to be rejected. When I was 18 I never would have asked a guy out.

I think differently now. I'm not saying that you do anything bold (like I did), but you might want to start a conversation. You can ask him if he understood something the teacher said, ask him a question about cars, or ask him if he's a cat person or dog person.

I'll tell you the bold thing I did that changed my life:
I had been friendly with a guy for years. I knew approximately where he lived, but not exactly. Several times I drove through his neighborhood looking for clues. One Saturday morning I saw his shoulder in the window! Yes, I recognized him by his shoulder! Now, what to do? I didn't know my way around his apartment building, so I didn't want to go in and just start knocking on doors. I parked around the corner for 10 minutes getting the nerve up. finally, I walked into his front yard and yelled his name!

He was amazed and came running downstairs to meet me. That was almost 4 years ago. We are getting married April 22!

Yes, you may be rejected, but wouldn't it be far worse if he was as shy as you and never got to know you because he was afraid of rejection?
post #12 of 16
i have never had a fear of rejection with guys. I don't know why. But I do with girls, like as friends that is. I always think everyone is judging me and I always say/do the wrong thing. I know how to work guys, but female friendships are just a mystery to me

But those butterflies come to everyone! It's part of the excitment (ever watch little nicky?? Do it for the butterflies!!). Just be cool and let things happen. Study w/him!
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone.. I'll try to find the courage to talk to him.


And yeah.. I try to look into his eyes more.. but the moment he looks into mine.. it's like automatic that I look away...
post #14 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leto86
And yeah.. I try to look into his eyes more.. but the moment he looks into mine.. it's like automatic that I look away...

Ooo....oo..Then look back and smile...That'll get his attention as its a non-verbal flirt
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leto86
And yeah.. I try to look into his eyes more.. but the moment he looks into mine.. it's like automatic that I look away...
yeah that's the tough part, but you kinda have to force yourself, remember, just a heartbeat otherwise he'll think you're staring and that's creepy LOL and also remember to keep smiling!
post #16 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leto86
But every time I see him my stomach goes.. and ... I don't know. -sigh-

I'm also terrified of rejection.. very badly. it's like a phobia.. I'm pretty sure there's one.. but I cna't remember what it's called.
The flip flop of the stomach is because you are interested. And the fear of rejection is called...are you ready?...being human. Everyone fears rejection. I don't even like it when my posts at TCS don't get a response, and it is even more true when you meet someone face to face!

It sounds like you are shy...and haven't had as much social interaction as other kids your age, but its never too late. If it is too hard to practice the eye contact with this guy, because you ARE interested in him...try it on someone else. I'm not saying lead someone on...but just practice making eye contact with other people in the hall, and then smile if they look at you.

My 10 y/o dd was extremely shy when she was little, and by recognizing that she has been able to practice trying to be more assertive. She is very good at noticing other people who are very shy, and smiling at them, or saying hi.

Good luck...18 is a difficult time...everyone feels awkward at that age, whether or not it shows!
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