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Things you wish you could say at work

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
End of the week...ahhh. Thought this would be good for all of us after a long week of work.

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK (and still might).

1. I see your point, but I still think you're full of :censor::censor::censor::censor:.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
post #2 of 17
:laughing2 :LOL: :laughing2
post #3 of 17
Really funny, and yes, I do wish I could say a few of these at work! Waaaaahahahaha!
post #4 of 17
I have to save some of those for when I'm about to quit.
post #5 of 17
Those are good ones!
post #6 of 17
Another one: Did your parents have any children that lived?
post #7 of 17
You know, I often think this way: "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
Our store seems to get the bottom end of the crowds...I just hate it when I'm working, and although I'm decked out in the store uniform, they still HAVE to ask, "oh, do you work here??" UGH.
post #8 of 17
HAHAHAHAHA I used to get asked that too when I worked in retail. I'd tell the customers no. I hated that!!
post #9 of 17
When I used to waitress, I often thought I had "Goofballs annoy me" tattooed on my forehead:tounge2:

Sometimes people would ask the most ridiculous questions like: Do you have coffee? I always wanted to say no, we don't. I mean, is there a sit-down restaurant that doesn't have coffee?
I am so glad to be out of that business.

I always had good one-liners, but I never had the chance to use them, at least not to the guest in question, who desperately needed to hear it.
post #10 of 17
:LOL: :LOL: Numbers 6,9,27 and 28 say it the best for me!!! :LOL:
post #11 of 17
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Well this day was a total waste of make-up.

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.

YOU!!... off my planet!!!

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose.

Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.

I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.

Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Ambivalent? Well yes and no.

Earth is full. Go home.

Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
post #12 of 17
:LOL: Ady!!! You just cracked me up!!! :LOL: :LOL:

Love : "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?" Toooo funny!!! :laughing: :laughing2
post #13 of 17
When I was single, I used that ego line on jerks in bars. I, also had a good one, when I got flashed: Aw - the poor little thing. Has it been sick? Freaked that pervert out!
post #14 of 17
Thread Starter 
OMG Cindy! That is great! I never think of good comebacks until about 10 minutes later. Bet that flasher thought twice about doing it again! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
post #15 of 17
LOL! Those were great. :LOL: Good one Cindy! I could never think of something that good.
post #16 of 17
I'll say! He was in his car and I got his license number and blew him in to the cops! Turns out I wasn't the only one he did this to - he'd been flashing little girls. He was in the Air Force and got a general discharge, for his trouble. THAT looks good on a resume.
post #17 of 17
Here's one:

I think management knows less than their telling us.
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