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divorce question

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
Ok,this is kind of stupid.But this has been really bothering me

In the small town I am from,all "public records" are printed in the paper.All marriages,divorces,births,and deaths.
Now my husband and I got our marriage license from the courthouse in this town.
So if/when we get divorced-they would print this in the paper.

If we filed for divorce somewhere else,would it still be reported back to this county and courthouse and printed in the paper?

See the reason why I want to avoid this is because,as I said,it is a very small town,and if this was printed people would be surprised,and they would definitely continuously ask me about it,and I just dont want to have to deal with that or be reminded.KWIM?

So does anyone know?
post #2 of 17
In a small town, regardless of what's printed in the paper,people are going to know.
post #3 of 17
Actually, you should be able to opt against it being printed in the paper. That sort of action is a breech of your privacy. But I do second what Katl8e has said. My mum and dad divorced while living in a small town.... it was out and hot news within the week. But that's just how life goes - it's probably easier to print it in the paper and then it's over and done with and tomorrow is a new day.
post #4 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilleKat
Actually, you should be able to opt against it being printed in the paper. That sort of action is a breech of your privacy. But I do second what Katl8e has said. My mum and dad divorced while living in a small town.... it was out and hot news within the week. But that's just how life goes - it's probably easier to print it in the paper and then it's over and done with and tomorrow is a new day.
I know what you guys mean.I guess they "towns people" would eventually figure out,but I just really don't like the idea of it being printed in the paper.I can see if you want your baby's birth or wedding announced.
I don't think anyone would exactly know out right since my friends have moved away etc.I would be moving back after not being around there for a while,so they wouldnt know my current situation.

Anyways,does anyone know about filing in a different courthouse?would it be reported back?
post #5 of 17
Here, you can opt that it not be printed in the paper. You'd have to check there.

Small towns seem to find out everything, though. After my divorce, it was very hard. Good luck to you.
post #6 of 17
my parents recently got some property transferred and that is ALWAYS in the paper here, but they specifically requested that theres not be, and their wishes were honored and the property transfers were not publicized. As far as births/weddings, although I live in a tiny town, we have to request that they be listed, and I probably wouldn't list them anyway as it's nobody's business. I can't believe that they would list divorces due to the delicate nature of it all..
post #7 of 17
I have never heard about them listing divorces in the paper. I think that is ridiculous! In any case, if you are in a small town it is going to get out eventually and you are bound to be approached by "interested" people. I would come up with some short and sweet answer that you can answer to everyone, and then move on to something else. It is nobody's business but yours and whoever you decide to open up to about it.
At the same time, don't waste your time worrying about what other people think. This is a decision you and your husband have reached together and you are the only ones who will actually be living with the decision (that is not meant to sound negative in any way). If your anything like me, the feeling of being worried about how others are going to react will become an influence your decision. I tell you from experience, don't allow that to be an influence. Make the decision based on what is best for yourself.
post #8 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaos theory
Ok,this is kind of stupid.But this has been really bothering me

In the small town I am from,all "public records" are printed in the paper.All marriages,divorces,births,and deaths.
Now my husband and I got our marriage license from the courthouse in this town.
So if/when we get divorced-they would print this in the paper.

If we filed for divorce somewhere else,would it still be reported back to this county and courthouse and printed in the paper?
As far as I know, the county where the divorce occurred has no obligation to report to the county where the parties live. So if you and your husband divorced in another county, theoretically your newspaper would not know.

However, it would be easier and cheaper to just divorce in your home county and have your lawyers request that the record not be released to the newspaper.

Also, this is usually not done except in small-town newspapers and has to do with the legal requirement of publishing the record. In big cities, the record will be printed in the local law journal, which is usually read only by lawyers.
post #9 of 17
I cannot believe that in a small town it won't be public knowledge in less than 48 hours anyway so don't understand the need for secrecy.
post #10 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
I cannot believe that in a small town it won't be public knowledge in less than 48 hours anyway so don't understand the need for secrecy.
If not wanting a divorce printed in the paper so every Tom,Dick,and Harry can know right off the bat is secrecy then so be it.
I wouldnt imagine that people wouldn't eventually put two and two together,but I dont exactly want to shout it from the roof tops.

They print everything here.

Too bad we didnt get married in Vegas.
post #11 of 17
The local papers in the Boston area haven't printed divorce announcements in 15 or 20 years, at least in the main portion of the paper (like a police log). I don't think they have the room, and also it's obviously not a joyous occasion you want to scream out (like a wedding or birth). I'm suprised any newspaper prints them in this day and age, even if they are public court records. I personally would hesitate to print that info if I were an editor in case a divorce was really contentious and one party is contesting or abuse is involved. No one needs to intensfy that situation.
post #12 of 17
If you file in a different town I don't think it will print in yours. We decided to get married in a the county we were moving from so as to avoid people asking us why we eloped. It was printed in the town we eloped in, not the town we moved to. You might want to check on that in your state.
post #13 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaos theory
Too bad we didnt get married in Vegas.

WE DID.......What Happens In Vegas..........
Stays in Vegas!!

doesn't apply in our case, we are staying married.

Back to the subject,
Do either of you have an attorney?
Ask them how to keep it out of the papers, or if you can file in another county.
post #14 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaos theory
Ok,this is kind of stupid.But this has been really bothering me

In the small town I am from,all "public records" are printed in the paper.All marriages,divorces,births,and deaths.
Now my husband and I got our marriage license from the courthouse in this town.
So if/when we get divorced-they would print this in the paper.

If we filed for divorce somewhere else,would it still be reported back to this county and courthouse and printed in the paper?

See the reason why I want to avoid this is because,as I said,it is a very small town,and if this was printed people would be surprised,and they would definitely continuously ask me about it,and I just dont want to have to deal with that or be reminded.KWIM?

So does anyone know?
I've seen it a few times here, but what does KWIM mean?
post #15 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanStar
I've seen it a few times here, but what does KWIM mean?

I think it is
Know what I mean?
post #16 of 17
I also think that you should be able to just tell them that you dont want that printed in the paper. I wouldnt want that printed in the paper either. Especially in a small town area. We also live in a small town, everybody knows everybody, and no matter what you do, they will all find out.

But I totally agree with you not wanting that to be put in the paper...At least it will lessen the blow of the other people finding out..and other people finding out will go slower than it would if it was printed in a paper.
post #17 of 17
Here, the public records are published in our daily about once a week, usually buried somewhere in the back, and among so much other crap that only a very tiny mind with absolutely nothing better to do would wade thru it to find that sort of info.

Not saying there aren't some small minds in your small town just bored enough to do it, but think of it this way:
How many of the townsfolk subscribe to the paper?
How many of them actually read it cover-to-cover?
How many of THEM would care if they happened to see your name(s) in there?
If any of them did, would they tell anyone?
Would the opinion of said individual really matter all that much to you?

If you really think about it, in small towns people are going to talk (BOY do I know this!!!). Whether or not the PUBLIC record (which indeed it is a matter of public record) is shown in the newspaper will do little if anything to stop the chatter, so why let it get you down? If YOU know you're doing what's right for YOU, their gossip and commentary won't matter.
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