That has alot to do with it as well. On occasion when I ask him to clean up the kitchen it takes me a few minutes to decide if he is "capable" of cleaning up the mess. Certainly he is and does a good job, but I just don't feel right unless I do it. Maybe I need counselingOriginally Posted by sunnicat
Oh, Squirtle, you have not set the women's movement back light years...LOL
If it works out for you and you enjoy it, more power to you! I'm a neat freak like you, so actually, even if Joe does help....the chances are good that I will eventually come along and re-do it. Bad, huh?
Maybe we both do, then!Originally Posted by squirtle
That has alot to do with it as well. On occasion when I ask him to clean up the kitchen it takes me a few minutes to decide if he is "capable" of cleaning up the mess. Certainly he is and does a good job, but I just don't feel right unless I do it. Maybe I need counseling
Tanya this is how I feel too. I feel like it's my womanly duty to have a nice house for him. I didn't want to say that but since someone else has too then I will! What does get my goat is if this is taken advantage of. I don't like mess so when clothes are just thrown on the floor and there are bits of car in the bedroom I am going to complain.Originally Posted by squirtle
Ok, I am definately going to be in the minority on this one and I actually wasn't even going to post.
A small amount of background info that I think is pertinant to my way of thinking. My mother has never had a job outside of the house and has always done 100% of the housework while my Dad works. Her mother, my grandmother, was the same way. Neither of them ever drove a car or held a job their entire lives (err, Mom is still alive but she definately won't be getting a job).
I have lived with my fiance for 7 years and we have been engaged for almost a year. I do all of the work around the house and have no complaints about it. When I say all, I mean all. The laundry, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the animals, taking the garbage to the outside cans, doing all of the shopping, taking care of the animals, everything. I am a neat freak and I spend about 4-5 hours on the weekend doing a deep clean which includes dusting, scrubbing bathrooms, the wood floors, etc. Each evening when I get home from work I spend about 20 minutes vacuuming and straightening up. I like the house to be spotless. I enjoy doing all of the domestic responsibilities and actually feel like it is my responsibility to take care of him. That comes from my mother I am sure. The problem is that when my mother raised me that way she didn't take into account that I would be working full time and going to school as well. So, my day starts at 4:30am and ends at 10:00 or so in the evenings. Thank goodness we don't have any full time kids (he has a son who comes to stay with us often though).
My fiance knows he is spoiled and all of his friends tell him he is as well.I like taking care of him and doing all of these things on my own. There are a few things that make it worth it to me. When I am sick or need a break, he will help me with anything I ask him to help with. He has no expectations of how clean the house should be, so he has never once complained about it being messy. On some occasions I get a little backed up and laundry gets piled up or something. We never argue about the housework like MOST of the other people I know do. This just really works out for us.
Ok, I am waiting for everyone to tell me that I have set the women's movement back lightyears
I think like what sunnicat says, if it makes you happy, then it doesn't set back the women's movement. If he EXPECTS you to and you do it and are not thrilled about it, that's what will set the movement back.Originally Posted by squirtle
Ok, I am waiting for everyone to tell me that I have set the women's movement back lightyears
I totally agree! Over the last 20 years what I've decided works best for us is just to be direct. I have accepted the fact that I'm going to be the one doing it all, but when things get behind to the point where I'm feeling overwhelmed, I just say "I'm going to need your help getting the house cleaned" and he usually complies. I don't think anything else works.
Just stop doing it. Stop dead. See how he likes living in his own filth! I know it's hard, but tell him you're going to do it - if he doesn't help out more, then you're not going to do a thing. If you give him fair warning, then he shouldn't be able to complain about it!! Explain that you're happy to do more than him, because he works and pays the bills, but that you're NOT prepared to pick up after him as though he is a four-year-old (most of whom can and will pick up after themselves anyway!)
